#3 ArShi FF:VAS Undefined*Epilogue Thread Link page 1 - Page 37

PART 42

That night! Still makes me hate myself Khushi. I never thought I can deceive 2 innocent sould like that. NEVER! But I did.

I reached Choudary Home at said time. Mr. Choudary was waiting at the home bar. That time Akash was only 20. He always stayed at boarding school and Tara n I were 25, too elder for him to mingle with. So he was never with us. But he loved Tara so much. She was his mother figure as he lost his mother at a very tender age.

I and Mr. Choudary discussed business issues. He had his drinks too along with talks. But as I don't drink, I was given OJ. As I was ready to leave, I started feeling dizzy. I thought it must due to my working schedule. So I dint take it seriously. I just drove the car. But as I crossed the Cafe where we meet regularly, something snapped in me. I started loosing my senses slowly. I could only see you everywhere. Our laughs, our moments where we used to pull each others legs, how I used to drag you for coffee and ice cream from your maths lectures, Every damn thing replayed in front of my eyes. An unknown fire started burning in me. I dragged my feet through my deserted house and reached my room where Tara was sitting on her bed in that study room which was hers. I arranged that for her, so that no one knows about our relation. She was reading something. Suddenly she faded and I saw you, smiling at me wearing my favorite Red chudidar. My rage took over. I pulled her roughly on me. She tried protesting. But I only grew more wild with her protest. At last I threw her on the bed.. And.. I.. I..

Khushi closed her eyes letting her tears fall freely this time. Arnav felt the wetness on his palms and turned his face to hers. Her head was bend down and eyes were shut painfully as more tears rolled down. He immediately held her face in his palms and wiped away the tears with his thumb.

Arnav: Please don't cry. Khushi don't cry for me. I am so sick. I am not worth of anyone's tears and definitely not yours. Please don't cry.

At the end of his words, he choked as his tears too pured down. Khushi wiped his tears holding his face.

Khushi: What have you done to yourself Arnav? You were battling and killing yourself from withing while you turned completely stone to outside. What have I done to you? To Us? I shouldn't have left...

Arnav: Shhh Khushi!! Don't. Bygones are bygones. Lets go through this once. Once and for all and clear everything Khushi. Lets just pour all our 3 years of anguish now.

Khushi just nodded and moved closer to him. She held his hand while his other hand closed their hands.

Next morning I woke up with a throbbing pain in my head. I just sat holding my head while Tara came all dressed, with my black coffee and a pill for headache. I tried reacalling the night but I couldn't. I tried to search in her face which turned into stone with well shielded facade. But there was no need of rocket science here as the room's state, my state and marks on Tara's neck that she tried hiding behind her duppatta shouted the happening clearly. I just moved to washroom and hit my face with water. Gathering myself, I dressed up and left for office. I starting feeling this house suffocating from that moment. As it is Yash and Anjali had to do a lot of convincing to make me and tara stay here as I refused considering the fact that this was not my home anymore. At last I had to accept for their sake again as Maa was also in Shimla. From that night, I saw to that I never stayed home, if I did, I never face her. I mostly stayed at AR itself or I used to travel a lot.

On our third month anniversary, mine Tara's and Yash pinki's everything shattered the remaining. I married Tara in court while registering Yash and Pinki's marriage as I don't want to go through rituals. On 3^rd month anniversary, pinki made me stay home. Still I couldn't face her. how could I when I could not face myself for doing this to her? Suddenly Tara went out at afternoon and came back in few hours. Maa was also there. When they asked her what was it, She informed that she is pregnant. My life turned more miserable. And for all this mishap in my life, I held you responsible. My passion of vengeance for you grew more and I promised to make your life hell for leaving me in such a mess. I set up Aman behind you now as my resolve to find you out got stronger. I dint want to go to detectives as I don't want to get into limelight with this. Aman was the only one who saw me go through hell in your absence. Yet he believed that something was there beyond that letter of yours. Still he searched for you, for my sake. We dropped out lucknow as we thought it was an obvious choice. Midst all these, I still failed to confront Tara as I dint want to hate myself more or see hatred n disgust in her eyes. She respected me so much Khushi. Slowly months rolled. But I was still in my uncomfortable pace.

One fine day, when I came to this room to take a file I saw something that shook my whole self! I saw her sitting on a recliner in this very same balcony, trying hard to breath. She was rubbing her chest with one hand and supporting her grown belly with other and sometimes caressing her back. It was such a painful sight. It was as if she was fighting her life to live, trying hard to draw breath. I rushed to her with water, made her drink and rubbed her back stabling her. She looked at me with gratitude. That was when I saw her pale face. Though I never spared her a look, I know how happy she was here, her face always held that glow. But after so many months I saw her and still I saw her dead eyes and pale face. I realized what I have done to her. Than regretting, that was time to act. So I did. Her eyes clearly said that something was terribly wrong. For the first time, I sat next to her and spoke to her.

Arnav: Which month?

I asked touching her belly lightly. A lone tear made way down her cheek. I wiped that away as she said

Tara: 8^th month started!

Arnav: What is wrong with you?

She snapped her bowed head and looked in my eyes searchingly.

Tara: Why suddenly?

Arnav: See Tara, I am not in talking terms with you doesn't mean I am not concerned. I am here or not, you are my responsibility for life time and I do take care of all your needs. But after that night, I disappeared completely as it was difficult to face you. I know its act of cowardice. But still. Khair.. But you are still my wife and I am concerned about you. I am sorry about that night and my behavior following. I behaved like an animal and sorry for not being through the pregnancy. Its just that I needed time...

I atlast poured out everything to her. She just looked at my face for sometime.

Tara: I know Arnav ji. I know you loved Khushi ji even today. Are you thinking how do I know this when no one knows this? I love you since ages Arnav ji. I knew your each move. But I was not coming face to face as I know I am not worth it. And about that night, don't bother or blame yourself. I am at mistake too. It was something unexpected. We both needed time. But again unexpectedly I got pregnant. You alone are not to be blamed here Arnavji.

Tara was such an understanding wife anyone could wish for Khushi. But I could not accept her as my wife nor let her go. What was her mistake in all these? I was stuck. But at that time, I had much more important thing to deal with. So I again asked about her health. Though that night was a mistake, she was carrying a child in her who was as equally innocent as her.

Arnav: We can discuss that later Tara. For now, tell me about your pregnancy. How is the child growth? Why were you having breathing problem? Get me your gynecologist details and also your reports. This month can you take me with you for the check up?

Tara: My pregnancy is normal Arnav ji. The baby is active. I will show you the ultra sound CD, you can see yourself.

Suddenly her bright eyes dimmed losing the twinkle.

Tara: But Arnav ji, you don't need to come with me to check up.

That was enough for me. I called the best gynecologist in the city Dr. Geet Khurana and fixed appointment. That evening I pulled her with me to the check up with her reports. As soon as the doctor saw the report, she saw me as if she will burn me. And her very first question to me was.

Dr. Geet Khurana: Are you even a human being Mr. Raizada?

I was startled with such a question. Tara dint look at me. She just hung her head and said in a low tone.

Tara: Its not his fault, I dint inform him.

Geet: you are at your 8^th month Mrs. Raizada for god sake. He must have known this at the beginning itself. Your doctor must have informed him during your first week check up.

Tara: I never took him with me for check ups.

Geet: And he dint insist at all?

Arnav: Can you please talk to me. What the hell is wrong with her?

Geet: Now you ask what is wrong with her Mr. Raizada? Everything is wrong with her. She shouldn't have conceived at the first place. As she did, she should have terminated it at the nearest possible as soon as she found out.

Arnav: WHHAAAT!!!

Geet: YES! It is her birth defect as clearly mentioned in her reports. Her uterus is too weak carry a child. This is a very rare complexion in medical field. Her uterus, if carries a child, will start bleeding and may cause other problems to baby and her, like blue baby sundrome and 99% death of either mother, child or both! Her reports say that already her internal bleeding has started, and I also see her pelvic losing its strength. By god's grace baby is still healthy. How come you never found this out? How did you let her carry on with this pregnancy Mr. Raizada?

That was a huge blow for me Khushi. The doctor said that if she is given proper care, that 1% chances she can survive. I thanked the doctor who was ready to thrash me and took Tara back home. I took her to her room, my study here interconnected to this room and threw all the reports. All the while I brought her here, I dint care other people in the house, not even maa. That moment I needed to talk to Tara. I made her sit on the bed and asked urgently.

Arnav: Why? WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THIS? Why dint you tell me. Ok! I was not available. But Maa, pinki.. they were very close to you right? you should at least told them. Why did you proceed with this? Its no less than a suicide Tara! Why? Why dint I know about this defect of yours!

Tara(calmly): Arnav ji, this is my birth defect which only my Maa knew. This was the reason I never wanted to marry anyone. But I sincerely love you. But I cannot put this burden of mine on your head right. So I never intended to marry. But when Dad proposed, I agreed only to save Anji's marriage. Dad was provoking Yash's parents in asking for all that you were not in position to give! I thought of giving you my mom's ancestral property to you. But you refused. So I made a deal with Dad. I asked him to return this home to you and asked him to make his friend, a bank manager to pass your loan application with the surety of this hime. I spoke to Yash about this and he happily signed the papers for loan. He thought of writing this home to your name. but I know that you would refuse. I made him do this. This was just a small pay back from my side for playing with your life and Anji's. I accepted this marriage happily as it is. But that night was an accident. I never thought I could get pregnant. I dint want anyone to know about this complication as I dint want to kill the happiness in their faces seeing that at last we have moved on in our life and giving them a new member in the family. I have already killed your happiness for long time now Arnav ji.

Arnav: so you thought of killing yourself?

Tara: Its better than killing the innocent baby Arnav ji. At least you will find some peace seeing your baby. Our family will be happy after going through such a storm.

Arnav: but you have made me fall in my oen eyes Tara. I can never forgive myself!

Saying I went out. I felt ashamed of my being alive that day and till today I feel the same if not more.

scroll down!

From that day, I took care of her. I used to run behind the doctors to find any possible way to save her. But none! Doctors said that, normal delivery was not possible for her weak pelvis so as soon as she feels the pain they will have to do a C section. When I found no way to save her, I informed the family about her condition not minding her protests. They all prayed to god and stood as a strong support to her. It was shear hell seeing her talking to the baby once and next minute struggling for breath. As I saw her going through this hell, the guilt in me grew more engulfing me completely which turned to a fiery rage beyond limits. I started searching for you like a mad man as my vengeance for you got more stronger.

As her prescriped date came near, she grew restless seeing which my madness too grew, one fine afternoon 3 days before her date she was getting ready for after lunch nap while I was still waiting for some miracle to save her as I was over the phone talking to a gynecologist. As I finished it, I saw her staring at her 9 month baby bump with her fearful eyes which turned to me as I sat next to her. I expected this, but not only this soon. I held her should in my firm grip as she said

Tara: Arnav ji, its time!

Those words!!! I understood. Her first contraction had hit her. I called her doctor and informed her asking her to keep everything ready. Then I informed pinki as I carried Tara to car. They followed in Yash's car.

She was taken to the maternity room where she was tested for false pain and after confirming the labor she was taken to operation theater. After waiting for like hell for nearly 5 hours, we heard the baby's cry! The doctor came out with a straight face and said

Geet: It's a boy. After shifting them to the normal ward, you can meet them. Mr. Raizada, can you come with me?

I followed her to her cabin. She informed that Tara's bleeding was beyond treatment and she has only an hour maximum to survive. I ran to the ward where she was. Our family left to the nearby temple to pray for their so called well being. As I entered her room, I saw her learning to feed the baby, one last time. She fed the baby to the fullest admiring him with a content smile. I slowly went in and took him in my arms.

Tara: Arnav ji! Please don't mistake me. I know that our marriage was anything but marriage. I married you only to save those lives that were at stake. That night I tried stopping you so much Arnav ji. But the more I resisted the more aggressive you turned. I was helpless. I love you Arnav ji. You were not in your senses, but I was. If I had took the effort may be I could have stopped you. After all I am a human too Arnavji. That made me bent to you. Please don't blame yourself and feel guilty. And about the baby it was completely my decision. Out of guilt please don't punish or ignore the baby. Please give him even my share of love. This was my only fear that made me restless. Please don't let the baby away from you like me Arnav ji. He is your ANSH!

She finished with great difficulty. She caressed the baby's sleeping form and held my hand that was holding the baby and let her last breath. I can never forget the pleading look she gave me seeing the baby as she died. That wrecked me completely. I named him as she called him, ANSH and promised on her to give him all world's happiness and love. I also promised to crush you for this mess, for that innocent life who was now without mother in my arms. My family was devasted though they knew this will happen. Tara's last rituals were performed by the baby as I considered myself unfit to do this after making her go through hell. Every time I see Ansh's face, guilt would overtake me. still I took care of him giving him all world's love. But I couldn't face him easily. Again I tried running. Ony this time not completely. Two years went this way. At last Aman found you in the same place where we thought you wouldn't be but in a different address. And I also got the news of Ankit's proposal to you. That did the job of ghee on fire. I lost my sanity. Here when I was going through all these, there you were happily living that too a marriage? I failed to notice that time that it has been 3 years and you were still single. Not with some NRI nor richie rich as u mentioned in you letter. That mad rage took over me and I caught hold of your chacha ji as I knew about your brother's business plans. So I hooked him like financing for him when there was high political issues in Lucknow. I knew that he wont be able to pay back. I played my moves carefully without lettingyou people know me and threatened your Chachaji not to leak this out. But you were my lioness, you got my number. That few minutes I heard your voice after 3 long years. But I dint want to melt, so I made Aman talk to you. So at last I successfully hooked Aditya and brought you both here. I wanted to torture you for which I used Aditya just like Tara suffered. I wanted to make worse of you. But I failed. Everytime I looked in your eyes, I only saw pain, a question. You know Khushi, Aman used to go against me and support you always as he believed something was there beyond that letter. A man who knew you through me but not in person believed you while I who knew you in and out failed. I am a jerk. I kept pushing you at the edge while you were already standing at the cliff. The worse is I tried forcing myself on you! I don't know what came over me. but I couldn't control after I saw you in that swim suit. And that day after seeing you holding Ankit's hand I became furious. But you my lioness turned strong and my son too supported you. So when I knew that I cannot bring you to your knees with force, I played using my love. I tried to mellow you down to succeed. But I was wrong. All along I was only wrong. You were still the selfless angel who rescued me from my worst.

How could I do this to you khushi? You still forgave me and married me to save me from losing Ansh. You dint even let a word about me to the judge. But how did I turn into an animal to you? I am unfit to live. I am not worth your forgiving. Beat me Khushi, kill me. That day when you said Khushi died, everything ended for me. At last I killed you. Maine tujhe Maar hi daala. Mai jeene ka laayak hi nahi hun. I am not worth to live...

He kept saying this as Khushi pulled him more into her tightening her hold on him. As Arnav went through hell reliving the moments, Khushi went through more worse hell seeing him like this. for her Arnav was a proud man. She got up and pulled him in to the room to their bed and made him sit as she sat next to him. Arnav had his vulnerable look as he held her gaze. She sat with her back on headboard and cupped his face.

Khushi: Let go off Arnav! Its all past. Though you got me here by crook, it served for good. Ansh is happy, your family is happy. It was never your fault. It was meant to happen. If only I stayed in your life than walking out!!

Arnav: Why did you do that Khushi? Please don't give me a new lie. Now I can see how you live these 3 years. The dark circles under your eyes and the loss of life in them tell me a different story. My Khushi who lived to eat doesn't even get hungry these days! Your smile doesn't reach your eyes. I let you go off once and I went through the consequences. Not anymore Khushi! Not when I am getting a second chance!

Arnav asked as he kept his head on her lap and hugging her waist. Khushi dint know how to answer this. she cannot continue her lie nor let the truth out. Already Arnav has suffered a lot to put him through this again. She just ruffled his hair making him comfortable snuggling him in her more.

Khushi: Arnav! Lets not ponder over it. You already went through a lot. And you only said lets go through this once and for all. So be it. Don't get into thi again. Now we are here together. I accept that it was my grave mistake to walk away like that. But for now lets let go of the part n live the present?

Arnav understood that Khushi will never let out the truth. So He thought to work it on his own. So he just closed his eyes enjoying the feeling of her hands on his locks and slept peacefully after many disastrous sleepless restless nights. It was 5 pm in evening. Khushi too slept leaning on the headboard with Arnav on her lap as the events of the day took toll on her.

DM: Uff 3 years.. TOUGH!!

BJ: More hidden truth yet to come!

Meenu: Akash! Yash! Aarthy! Now their stories.. Baki sab romance!

officially the flashback is over.. now only self explanations.. GEt readY!