Arhi FF 'Sandcastle' #2 Reposted all parts - Page 59

Chapter 19

Dear Suriya,

I knew you would reply back. How can you not, when like your admirer? Well, admirer would be a little... underestimating word for who I'm for you. Thank you for writing back to me and thank you for the name... I loved it. Shona. Suriya's Shona. Sounds hell beautiful and sexy, isn't it? ;)

(B/w... is there any woman in your life other than me? If so, you are so dead... I mean, can you not wait for a little longer for me? Men have to come searching for their girls but here, roles reversed. Well, I hope it will be you who kneels down with a ring! I really hope!)

And who is that girl from whose mouth you are drinking your Glenlivet the previous night?

I thought you love me too, owing you responded to my letter and also called me your Shona (okay, I might be exaggerating it a bit. But you did call me Shona, and that makes me yours, isn't it?), but you are exchanging your saliva with God knew whose mouth and that too, on my behind! Unbelievable, Suriya! You are just like any other man.

Well, I'm sorry for sounding bitchy, but I didn't like that... you kissing her. I have seen her the other night with another man. If you love someone, I'll be the first person to support you, but if that someone happened to share herself with every man she met, trust me, I'll be the first one to kill her and to kill you for believing her.

Not, don't misunderstand that I lied to you. I love you. I love you so much that I'm ready to stay away from you my whole life, if that meant you can lead a happy life. I'm very selfish girl.

While we are on the topic, I'll tell you my darkest desire. And also, a deepest secret.

I was 18 when I thought about it. Before that, I might have given a thought, but I don't remember any of that sorts. At least, not the intensity level in which I felt it at that moment. It was a Saturday and my father was on a trip regarding some research of sorts, while my mother was supposed to attend an all-India cultural programs that she was interested in. I was supposed to visit a friend but the plan was canceled at the last minute and when I returned home, I was shocked to see my sister all smiling and blushing. Like really... blushing! I'll keep it short and simple. There was her boyfriend with her, the one our whole family knew and fond of. Never in my dreams had I thought my ever-temper sister would fall in love with a cool dude. They were startled to see me too, even though I would have enjoyed to catch them red handed. Phhh... they just sat beside each other and enjoying a rom-com. I mean, who in his real mind would visit his girlfriend when she was alone and watch a damn movie? Well, that's my to-be brother-in-law. Well, I had my way after that with all my blackmailing that I'll confess it to my father. While the boyfriend offered to help me with my assignments for the next two years, my sister simply shrugged stating that she would be actually glad that the weight on her shoulders would be lessen if I informed my father about her affair. Can you imagine that, Suriya? I say you, this is the real Kaliyug!

After knowing about her affair, it was the first time that I consciously started thinking about it, noticing how happy my pussy cat actually is. I wanted to have such person with whom I can share anything and everything. And well, it kind of, ran wild, my imagination. I planned a whole life with my imaginary boyfriend and dreamt about our first kiss.

We will be by the beach, my boyfriend and me. It will be our first date. Though we love each other, we haven't had a single moment where we can voice it aloud. So, he'd plan this date so that he could, you know, tell me that he loves me. There will be just three dishes, the ones I like, and the two of us. There will be no rose petals around or a live music band. There will be no ring in middle of my cake and no chattered plane with hanging banner that declares his love for me. Just two normal people about to confess their love... that is all. No fancy, yet, no simple. And a bottle of untouched wine to add a special effect. You know, in a complete Kuch Kuch Hota Hai style, he'd ask me for a dance, and I'll enquire him about music. He will play a hit song on his mobile and while dancing, we'll be so lost in each other's eyes that he will lean onto me and brush his lips against mine.

Romantic, isn't it!

What is your favorite song? So that I'll make sure we both have that song in our mobiles ready for us. We never knew that moment might just happen without planning at all. I don't want my perfect first kiss be spoiled just because we are too lazy to play the song as a background score. It sucks, really.

Now, about my deepest secret... promise me that you'll not laugh at me.

There was this subject in our second year, regarding sexual behavior. While my friends and I were having a debate on the subject, we were surprised to see the depth of knowledge guys have in general when compared to us. When asked, one of them slipped that they knew it better because they either see it or experience it. So few of our girls wanted us to know how exactly seeing it enlightens a human. The night, we ended up browsing about it... you know... those sites.

While some girls wanted us to stop watching as they were disgusting, others, including Ramya, argued that how is it disgusting when it is natural thing to happen. I opted to stay in silence as I didn't want to hurt any of them but ended up watching a video alone, trying to understand whether it is natural or disgusting.

That was my first and last time doing such adventurous.

So, by this letter, I hope you understand me a little better than what you had with the previous one. This is me... with a dream and with an embarrassing experience.

I'll meet you again tomorrow, with another letter, and with it, few other things about me.

Love you, Suriya.

Yours

Shona

PS: If you respond to this letter too, I'm hoping to know more about you and not just a single line like your first two. I'm expecting the song you would prefer when you kiss me... oops... ;) and also your desire and secret.

PPS: White suits you. But I prefer coffee color.

"I love you"

The words broke the silence that had been hovering on them from the past few minutes. The sun was bright, and warm in the midday with moderate heat. They had stayed there, with her in his arms, for more than an hour. He had allowed her to cry, providing her as much privacy she needed, not leaving her side even for a second. The tears subdued, and dried in his arms. Tearing his gaze from the space in the front, he looked at her for a second, as a deep rumble reverberated through his body when she spoke something that he barely heard. "Did you say something, Khushi?" He asked, his voice lower than his normal tone, as his thumb caressed the heel of her palm that rested on his lap. He watched her as Khushi straightened herself, her hand closing into a fist on her chain around her neck as she looked at him in the eye.

"Arnav," she whispered before taking a deep breath and said, "I love you."

The moment stilled at her confession as Arnav stared, confused for a brief moment before they widened, shocked and surprised at the words, and the intensity in her eyes. He shut his eyes, the muscles tightened at his back as queasiness settled down the pit of his stomach. His hands clenched, as he forced himself to open his eyes to look at her. And then, ignoring his need to hear those words from his Shona, he loosened his body and mind, and smiled at his friend.

"I love you too, Khushi." He replied plainly as he straightened himself, rubbing his palm over his face. "As much I would love to stay with you the whole day, I think we need to have lunch." He looked at her as he continued, "you even skipped your breakfast."

Khushi closed her eyes at the way he mistook her words. "I'm serious, Arnav." She said plainly, controlling the urge to hug him, as she ignored the slight pain in her chest. She was weak, too weak to even speak. She knew she needed to have her medicines. She had skipped them that morning. But the way Arnav said what he wanted and wished from his Shona - it was overwhelming. She needed nothing more than to have that one day with him. Opening them, she looked at him. The decision had been made. She would confess her love for him. "I love you," she repeated herself, "the one I said I'm in love with... is you, Arnav. The one with whom I wish to have a forever... is you. The one with whom I want to live for at least one day, if that is all I can be offered, is you."

Arnav stared at her, his mind numb, as the words revealed its meaning. It shook him to the core. He couldn't find his voice as thoughts swirled around him. Things started making sense without his consent. She loved him. The words repeated in his numb mind, a soft whisper on a wounded soul. He stepped away from her, suddenly suffocated to be with her... around her.

Memories of them together flashed across. The way she had always been at ease with him. The way she stayed back that very second night with him, not attending to a family gathering. The way she asked him to take her along with him to his work place. The way she dragged him for a day out to enjoy him without her family's knowledge. The way she looked at him when he demanded Kiran about her love.

The way Kiran cornered him every possible way about her.

"Khushi," he called out for her as he turned around. That was not possible. She couldn't love him. She shouldn't love him. He was in love with his Shona and Khushi deserved to be loved. He could never love her for who she was. And he had nothing to offer Khushi. Not even a single day. "You hardly know me, Khushi." He said softly, hiding efficiently the lump that formed in his throat as he spoke. "You can't name it as love. Infatuated, yes, it might be. But it's not love."

Khushi chuckled darkly as she shook her head. She stepped forward then as she asked. "Says the man who is in love with whom he never met." She looked into his eyes as she continued. "What if I say the same about you, Arnav? That you don't love Shona but you are just intrigued with her personality... infatuated by her? How can you probably love someone you knew nothing about? Love isn't a business to deal with, Arnav. It is an emotion and it happens in the blink of an eye. Yes, I was attracted to you when I first saw you. But I fell in love with you thereafter. I fell in love with the man who loves to speak Tamil with his mother and who doesn't want to miss as simple occasion as his nephew's birthday. I fell in love with the man who respects everyone equally, irrespective of their age. I fell in love with the man who is upfront and transparent. I fell in love with the man who doesn't shy away while confessing to a girl that he had been watching po*n. I fell in love with his honesty. I fell in love with his views. I fell in love with his need to be with his family. I fell in love with his eyes. I fell in love with his smile. I fell in love with you, Arnav. In all these days, slowly with each passing second, I fell in love with you more and more. All over again."

Arnav stared at her, his body numb with cocktail of emotions. All he wanted was to help Khushi to reach the man she loved, but now, it was something beyond his capability. He thought that man would help her have a happy life but Arnav could see her broken heart. Nothing in this world could make him accept her love. He could never give that one day that Khushi was asking for. Not when he was in love with his Shona. Not when he was committed.

"I love her." He whispered the words, hating himself for breaking Khushi's heart. But he could never do such thing as spend time with her. "You can name it whatever you feel comfortable with. Intrigued or infatuated. The fact is, I wish to share my life with her. I wanted to live with her and have babies with her. Any other woman who isn't my Shona... it is just a compromise on my part and I could never ever love her like I do for my Shona." He looked at her as he said, "you and I... can never be together, Khushi."

"I'm not asking that, Arnav." Khushi replied with a small painful smile. "I'm asking you for a single ay with you... where I can build a lifetime of memories with you. I want to have lunch and dinner with you. I want to smile and laugh with you. I want to fulfill my little wishes with you. I want to make love to you. I want to live my life in that single day with you, Arnav. I'm not a girl who shy's away to voice her emotions and regret it few years later. I want you. Plain and simple. If you want to give me that one day of your life, I'll be happy. If you can't offer that day, well, I'm not going to cry that I haven't had a chance to be with you. Here, I said what I want. You are the one to decide it now, Arnav."

He sighed as he shoved a hand through his hair, his eyes watching her leaving him. He wanted to go after her, explain her in a way she could understand that it was not possible. Yet, he was unable to do that. He did not want her to suffer more and alone. He wanted to help her. He truly did. But if her happiness lies with him... he was no surer he could be helpful.

Shutting his eyes as the sunlight became hard for him to bear; he let out a curse as he collapsed on the bench.

I love you, Arnav

Arnav fisted his hands as he let out a laugh. He couldn't believe what was happening to him. He did nothing to encourage Khushi's feelings, for it he was sure. He couldn't help her have a normal life now, he could see that much.

All over again

He stood, shocked as her voice repeated itself at the back of his mind. He didn't paid attention when she was speaking, for he was involved in thinking what was happening between them. But now, as the words came back haunting him, he had no other option than to ponder his mind on them.

"All over again?" He heard himself questioning aloud as he stared the place where Khushi hired a cab not long ago.

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