PROLOGUE

Dedication - To every reader who stops by to read: "May you find happiness."

And I have finally summoned the courage to start this tale and below is the prologue. This is more like a sneak peek, for this particular incident would not be repeated in the tale and is hence only to give my readers an idea of what could follow. I am very nervous (standard state of mine) and wait with bated breath for you verdict.

As usual, all feedback: Good (), bad () and ugly () is welcome.

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We learn more by looking for an answer to a question and not finding it, than we do from learning the answer itself.

~Lloyd Alexander~

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Flat 2601, Sunrise Apartments, Salt Lake City, Kolkata,

November 18, 2012

The wintery sun rose in all its finery and the warm rays found their way through the thin fog that clung to the city. The fog was partly due to the chill weather and also on account of the numerous fireworks the past few days had witnessed for the occasion of Diwali.The sunbeams, oblivious to the inhabitants of the city, continued on their impartial journey of slowing painting the cityscape in a soft aurous glow. Few people were awake to see the majesty of the rising sun, ironic that on a day set apart to honour the Sun God, most humans paid homage by spending the morning in glorious slumber.

There were exceptions, however,the city workers who did not have a respite even on a Sunday, the tea vendors who were busy setting up the stalls of tea and hot savouries to cater to the early risers and the morning walkers who felt that a vigorous walk was sufficient justification to gorge on the deep fried delicacies accompanied by the hot steaming tea. None of these sights seemed to tempt the beams to linger as they now proceeded to brush the skies in hues of gold and cerulean.

One lone figure stood or rather moved on the roof top terrace garden which was now bathed in an aurelean light and afforded a magnificent view of the Central Park. The golden streaks did not stop and watch the elfin girl either, even though she had been up and awake even before the sun. She was the girl who was always up before sunrise, come rain or shine, summer or winter. As had been her routine for the past few months, she would time her practice sessions in such a way that she completed her regime in time to the sunrise. As she moved with grace and agility from one stance to the other, she appeared to be more of a solid wind or an extremely fluid silhouette of water. She was hardly winded despite having worked out for more than an hour and she slowly landed on her feet as she completed the last of her exercises, a slightly longer and strenuous set than she normally undertook. The past few nights of festivities had not been kind to her, the lights and fireworks had only served to enhance the darkness that inhabited her mind. It was in a bid to silence those shadows that she had doubled the number of sets constituting her routine workout hoping that the physical wearing out might silence those grim voices that haunted her. Apparently, it had not, if anything, the voices were even more persistent and louder.

She gave an inward sigh and then shifted her stance into the standing meditation posture hoping that this would bring her the much needed respite. However, even before she could start,she registered his presence. She was a little surprised but also slightly delighted at his arrival, realising that if he was here so early it must be that he had come in during the previous night itself. She had not expected him to be back on a Sunday morning especially since it was the weekend after Diwali. She recalled that he had informed her that it was a family tradition to have a grand celebration during the weekend immediately following Diwali and wondered how it was that he was in the city, till she remembered the tragedy that had struck his family earlier that year. That served to sober her and she gently pushed those fuzzy  feelings down and started to focus on her breathing and stabilisation posture, her heart already warmed by his mere presence.

The elfin girl stood still,absolutely still; even the breath she took did not appear to cause any rise or fall of her chest. She stood with her hands to her sides, feet slightly apart and firmly planted on the ground, focused on her inner self, distanced from the world around her and yet aware of everything. Ever aware of the man silently watching her, not that he disturbed her, his presence was as constant and as reassuring as the familiar surroundings.

He would never understand,which was not surprising as it was only eight months since he had known her,though he had learnt that when she did her practice meditation she was detached from her consciousness awareness but at the same time all her senses were activated, she was in tune with her surroundings and was aware of even the tiniest flutter of a blade of grass. She just chose not to react to all those distractions. When he took a small step forward, she knew what he would do and allowed herself a tiny ghost of smile while she thought, 'Well, time for the lesson, again.'

She waited, absolutely still,as the man slowly walked towards her. Her eyes were closed and she had her back to him but she knew that he would have a soft smile on his face as he moved with what he thought was a silent tread. And it indeed, was a very silent tread, as soft and sure as that of a tiger moving soundlessly through the dense undergrowth of the Sunderbans, but not silent enough for her. She waited till he would be close enough and then acted; she whirled in a smooth pivot on her left foot and swung her right leg up in an arc, coming to a stop with the heel of her foot an inch away from his nose.

He instinctively leant backwards and complained, "Swara! You almost broke my nose"

She dropped her leg down,reached up on her toes, tweaked the said nose, and replied, "Almost, Sanskaar,almost; I did not break it. But when will you learn that just because my eyes are closed I am not blind to the world around me?"

He sighed; he had never been able to sneak up to her and asked a little sulkily, "Is there any way I would be able to get close without you knowing?"

She looked at him and as a shadow crept into her eyes, said, "Yes Sanskaar, only if I am dead."

He stared at her, unable to fathom this strange child woman who never failed to bewilder him; from the moment she had stepped into his life she had been full of surprises. At any given time, she would arouse conflicting emotions in him, which usually ranged from a rare deep yearning to take her into his arms and hide her from all the sorrows in the world to a persistent violent urge to shake her up and get the answers he desperately wished for. Her presence in his life was a complication he did not need or want.

However, he was well acquainted with the facts, meagre as they were and knew that being patient was the only option available for both of them. And then, his frustrations need not be taken out on her, he thought morosely and in an effort to dispel that sudden darkness which seemed to envelop her, he gently took her hand in his and gave it a tight squeeze.

Swara was not too sure as to why she said what she said. Her life was a mystery, there was so much she did not know and each day brought something new to be learnt. She did not know on what knowledge she based that fact on, but she could state with absolute conviction that there was no person who, at least in the normal course of things, could ever sneak up on her.

The other strange thing was her reluctance to be touched, she could never understand that either but that was just the way she was. In the beginning, it was disconcerting to everyone around, till the doctor had advised that if she was uncomfortable it was better that her wish be acceded to. Even now, she was wary of anyone touching her. The only exception from then to now was Sanskaar. Somehow, his touch did not startle or repel her; it was like a warm caress on her cold heart and dead soul. The only touch that seemed to keep the darkness at bay and silence the threatening omnipresent question - 'Who am I?'

She looked up at Sanskaar, who knew which question plagued her, and she stammered, "I...I am..." She could not continue despite the calm encouragement she saw on his face.

And as always, there was no answer, even though she desperately looked about, as if seeking for clues around her. The sun did not cease its ascent and it continued to turn the skies into shades of a pale gold celeste while the gentle winds persisted in blowing about uncaringly.

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Footnotes and References 

Nynaeve 2016-12-15 17:57:39