Chapter 25

-Archi-

@-Archi-

Hello hello,

Here is the next chapter! I got a lot of comments about Khushi's outburst and I want to thank you so much for all the opinions. I tried my best to reply to as many of them as I can, but alas, I didn't have enough time!

Anyway, hope you guys like this update!

Comments Pg. 57 (above)

Jaane Doh Naa

-CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR-

Bleeding in the Dark

"What happened?" Anjali asked. "Why are you closing the door?!"

Karan smiled. "Don't worry, I am not locking it… Arnav can find you in a moment's notice."

"That's not what I me-"

"Chill… I was just joking!"

Anjali nodded, not finding any humor in his comment.

It was evening time in Shantivaan, and while the much-awaited party of Varun had finally begun, she was far from being finished with her tasks. And it was as she was waiting for the arrival of the caters that Karan requested to speak to her, dragging her upstairs, away from the crowd to her secluded bedroom.

"So," she said, when Karan didn't speak. "Why did you bring me here?"

"I know this is not the right time to say this," he began. "But I have been thinking about it for a long time… and I don't think I can live with myself if I don't say it."

Anjali nodded, the serious tone of the conversation reminding her of things she buried deep inside.

"I know you have been through a lot, and I understand why you might say no, but it's just… it's just…"

"Since when do you hesitate to talk to me?"

"It's just that I have fallen in love with you Anjali."

The words were like a cannon blast in the quiet room, bouncing soundlessly off the walls. Anjali stared blankly, an odd ringing echoing through her ears. They were coming back, the memories… back from the graveyard her heart had turned into.

I don't know if this is right or wrong, but I'm in love with you Rani Saheba…

She closed her eyes, trying to push the voice away, which seemed so close and yet so far; so peaceful and yet so wrong.

"Say something," Karan begged, when the silence became unbearable.

Why are you quiet? I know I have nothing to give you right now… you grew up to be a queen and I don't even have a roof over my head… but what I can give you are dreams, because they cost nothing and are worth more than all the wealth in this world.

Anjali opened her eyes, trying to keep the tremors in her hands from spreading. "What do you want me to say?"

Tell me yes… tell me you will marry me… love me… tell me that I am the prince who awaits you.

"Anything," Karan replied. "Tell me what you feel, what you want… but please just don't stand there as if…"

Anjali stared across the room, seeing the shadows of Shyam Manohar Jha etched on every inch of the walls, sneering at her ill-fated life. She watched helplessly, becoming prisoner to the memories drilling through her head.

Karan trailed off, trying to decipher exactly what was it that was rolling off her silent figure, which despite watching him couldn't see him.

"As if none of this matters to you," he finished, unsettled to finally understand that it was nonchalance.

If there was anything Karan Haskar couldn't do in the world, it was reading the woman who stood in front of him. A part of his success in the entrepreneur world was being able to read people, an art he picked up when was young; it helped him in ways he thought was not possible, especially in the case of women. While most people found it difficult to understand the extreme emotions of the female sex, he had no trouble figuring out their aims and aspirations. They were all centered on one thing called "happiness". The mood swings, the absurd actions and even the unexplainable tears were all just secondary.

And yet, when he met Anjali almost a year ago, he was caught off guard for she was nothing like the others. She was different… she held a certain quiet around her, an aura of sorts that isolated her from the biggest of crowds. Her eyes never spoke and her lips were quite far from a smile. And despite the gloom hanging around her, he couldn't help but be enthralled.

So, he would come back, everyday without a fail, to figure out this mystery that walked around the Raizada house. He was quick to understand, however, that it was a difficult task. She was so protected, that it was almost impossible to have even a conversation without two people looming over them, watching. And though he never planned to speak anything private in such situations, he found it interesting to see an entire family worried for one person. It was almost comical.

But deep down, he knew. He knew that something was seriously wrong in that equation, that something dreadful had happened. And as the months passed by, he began to piece together the puzzle he fell in love with.

One of the first things he found was that she was incredibly strong. Not flinching at trouble, not hiding from the storms… it truly was a sight to behold watching her fight a battle not only with fate, but sometimes with her own family. Never did he think she was heartless, despite the countless other opinions floating around about Arnav's beloved sister. Yes, she treated everyone with indifference, but her son never got any less attention and neither did her brother.

And yet, as she stood there, looking at him without a trace of feeling, he began to wonder if maybe he judged her wrong. Maybe, Anjali Singh Raizada really did not give a damn to others.

"Anjali?"

"Huh?" she replied, the dazed look vanishing from her face. It was then that she seemed to register his rattled face. "What?"

"What should I make of your blank face?"

"I feel fine if you that's what you are asking," she answered simply. "And you can understand my face whichever way you want. It doesn't matter to me."

Karan didn't know whether her words were meant to hurt or were just her honest emotions. Whatever it was, he found that it wasn't enough. The Anjali, who he finally began to understand, was starting to seem like the strange person of the rumors he heard. And there was no way he was going to leave it like that.

"Well you are feeling something," he replied. "So tell me what it is!"

"I'm not… I'm not feeling anything."

"I just told you the biggest truth of my life and you are not going to say anything?"

"I am telling you that I don't have anything to say."

"That's not possible – you must have something!"

"Well I don't, okay?"

"Tell me the truth – you don't love me back? Is that it? Is that why you are keeping quiet?"

"I am not afraid to tell you the truth Karan."

"Then tell me exactly what it is that you are thinking!"

"I am not thinking anything."

"Are you confused?"

"No, I-"

"Angry?"

"No, but-"

"Upset?"

"No!"

"Then what is it?!"

"I FEEL NOTHING! OKAY? JUST NOTHING!"

Karan froze upon hearing her roar.

"I DON'T FEEL UPSET OR ANGRY OR WHATEVER ELSE I SHOULD BE FEELING!"

"Anja-"

"Because if I do, if I let myself feel," she yelled, not caring about the startled look she was receiving in response. "I will feel nothing but pain!"

And suddenly he saw the mask fall away as her eyes began to flicker with thousands of caged emotions, ready to tumble out like water in a dam. And finally, after months of curiosity, he found that he could read her like an open book. Only, at that point, he wished he couldn't.

"And you know why?" she continued, looking at him furiously. "Because of me. I was stupid enough to believe that man… stupid enough to think he loved me. But all he saw was my brother's wealth behind me!

For the three years I was with him, not even once did he want to stay with me… it was all a play to get what he wanted. And whoever got hurt in the process wasn't his concern. He wasn't even there when Varun was born... It didn't matter that there was a good chance the woman giving birth to his son would never make it out of the surgery. But he didn't care… of course he didn't care. And I… I, Anjali Singh Raizada, fell in love with him."

Karan didn't answer, hanging on to every word she uttered.

"And it doesn't stop there," she continued. "After falling in love with such a hideous man, I didn't stop at anything but making him a god. I prayed for him, I fought for him, I gave him everything I had… and not even once did I stop to think why I am doing all this. Because if I did, I would have seen it coming… I would have seen that he didn't love me. All those times… all those times he kept taking money… I was such an idiot… I-"

"You couldn't have known," Karan interrupted, watching her struggle to explain. "It was-"

"WELL I SHOULD'VE!" she bellowed. "I SHOULD'VE KNOWN! It's because of meChote jumps at every small thing… because of me Akash doesn't let anyone out his sight… Nani doesn't stop praying and Mami stays up all night because I can't sleep. It's all because of me!"

Anjali looked around her now silent room, the echoes of laughter finally disappearing. And yet, she felt him. The presence of Shyam lingered in every corner, the smell of his perfume heavy in the air… it was as if he was still there, controlling the strings of her life.

"Do you know what was the first thing Chote said when I brought that man home?"

It was rhetorical question, so Karan merely looked on in reply.

"He didn't ask me what his salary was or where he lived or how his parents were. He just looked at me and asked if I was happy. And you know what? He didn't even need to hear my answer to know that I was."

Karan wasn't surprised to hear that. One would have to be blind to not see the adoration Arnav held for his sister.

"That is my brother… he knows what I want more than me and he can go to any lengths to get it. And you know how I paid him back?

I ruined his life. I took away the one girl who could make him happy, because poor Anjali loved her husband more than her life…. because fragile Anjali couldn't tolerate betrayal... because innocent Anjali wanted nothing in life but a good marriage."

A look of disgust crossed her face, as her words echoed through the dead silent room.

"You know what that makes me?" she asked. Once again, she didn't wait for an answer. "Selfish… I am the most selfish sister in this entire world. My brother never asked me a single thing in his life… he always gave and I always took. I kept taking one thing after another without stopping to think. He was only fourteen years old when my mother died. And while I was crying over the loss, he was thinking about how to survive. How to take care of what is left… he grew up in one night, and me…"

She trailed off, the memories of the funeral flooding her eyes. The memories of the dark struggling days, when they were thrown out from their house, uprooted from their lives. A shudder passed through her.

"He was always the older one," she whispered. "The matured one… and despite losing everything he had, he is still suffering and..."

She couldn't finish.

Karan was almost horrified to the see the sight in front of him as reality finally struck hard.

The girl he thought was hurt, was much more than that… She was broken, so much that it really was a miracle she was still standing upright. It was as if her heart was shattered into a million pieces and there was no way they can ever be put back together, even with tape and glue. And despite the trauma shaking her apart, there wasn't a single tear in her eyes. It seemed that her grief was beyond tears.

And as he stood there, watching her stare into oblivion, lost in a whirlwind of emotions, a surge of hatred spread, for the man who ruined this innocent girl. For the man who snatched away the smile of the girl who once used to believe in love, in magic, in God… but now was left with nothing but scars of the past.

It was not everyday that Karan vowed justice, but he did that day. He swore to make that man pay.

"I will never forgive myself," Anjali muttered suddenly, shaking her head.

Karan cleared his throat, finding his voice with great difficulty. "Anjali," he called.

"Never…" she repeated, not hearing him. "Just never…"

"Anjali!"

But she was too adrift in her own world to notice him. Karan walked across the room, and grabbed her shoulders.

"Listen to me!" he commanded, forcing her to look at him. "It's not your fault! None of this is your fault… you did what you could. No one is blaming you for what happened, so you have to snap out of it."

When she didn't appear to be registering his voice, he continued. "You are a strong woman… the strongest person I have ever seen in my life. This family needs you… your brothers… Varun… all of them, they breathe because of you. So you can't break down like this!"

Anjali blinked, his words slowly travelling through her despair. She closed her eyes, feeling the sensation return to her limbs. That's when she realized how far her nails were digging into her hands. She slowly unclenched her hands, clearing her mind as each finger unravelled itself.

Karan was relieved to see her somewhat return to normal. "Do you want some water?" he asked slowly.

But it was too late, for the mask of indifference was back. She jerked off his arms and took several steps back, trying to put as much space between them as possible.

"Anjali-"

She held up her hand. "Stop… I don't want to hear your sympathy."

"That's not what I want to say. I-"

"What do you think?" she snapped. "You can just come in here, profess your undeniable love for me and I will be overwhelmed and grateful for your compassion, and in return accept your proposal?"

"I-"

"Well I don't," she continued. "Because I don't need you to feel sorry for me."

"I don't love you because I feel bad for you-"

"Really? Then why do you love me? What is so great about Anjali Singh Raizada that you couldn't help but care?"

Karan stared blankly, not understanding her sarcastic tone.

"Let me guess," she said, answering her own question. "It's the Raizada. Because I am a one way ticket to all this wealth. Right? Isn't that what you're after?!"

"What are you talking about? I would never-"

"That's what they all say," she scoffed. "But in the end, that's the only thing you are after. Because after all what are a person's feelings next to millions? Next to a mansion bigger than dreams? Nothing… just a pieces of trash that should be put in the dustbin."

"You are getting me wro-"

"You can leave," she interrupted coldly. "You have seen and heard enough. This conversation is over."

Karan took a deep breath. "I love you. And-"

"No you don't," she said sternly. "You don't love me. You can't love me!"

"Well I do," he answered calmly. "And I will keep loving you for the rest of my life."

Anjali glared at him.

"What? Are you going to go complain to Arnav about this?" he asked, a slight smile playing on his lips.

Her expression softened a little. "Please don't do this," she begged. "You deserve better… much better than this."

"I don't see what's better than you."

"You don't understand. I will never love you back… And relationships don't work one way. I found that out the hard way, but you don't have to either."

"My love is good enough for the both of us."

Anjali shook her head in exasperation. "You don't know what you are saying!"

"I know perfectly well what I'm saying," he continued. "I have enough love for the both of us. Enough to even hold even the baggage you think you come with."

"Please," she repeated. "Please understand what I am saying… I can never trust someone like that again… be that close to someone… I have lost faith in love Karan."

"Wrong," he said, covering the few steps she put between them. "You just lost faith in yourself. But you will find it again someday… And when you will, I will be there… right beside you, waiting."

And leaning forward, he took her hand and planted a soft kiss, before walking out the door.

Anjali watched him disappear, misery creeping in the pit of her stomach. She long stopped questioning fate about her problems, or begging God for solutions. She learned to find her own away, just like how she found the courage to stand up when she lost her leg all those years ago. Now too, she planned to do the same.

And so, she slowly walked back to the party, oblivious to the frozen figure of Khushi hiding behind the door.

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Any Anjali-haters left?

Honestly speaking, this is my most favourite part of the FF, not because it was both challenging and amazing to write about Anjali's pain, but because it shows exactly how much damage was caused by Shyam, Arnav and Khushi. I know a lot of people felt happy with Khushi's anger in the last chapter, but it doesn't change the truth that she was wrong. She wanted her sister to be happy, and tried to do what she thought was best. And when it was too much, she ran away from the scene without looking back. While she was definitely the least responsible of the three, she is still fault.

I recommend everyone to read asr2kkg's beautiful comment on this point!

And as for Anjali… I tried my best to explain just how much damaged she really is. Let me know what you think!

Archi

P.S. - Uni is starting again in full swing from Monday, so my updates might become irregular. I will try my best to keep writing though!