Silent Whispers
-CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN-
Forgiveness
Khushi watched the cheering crowd in
numbing silence, feeling the minutes slide past her without notice. Despite the
young hour, the sangeet ceremony of
her brother was quickly approaching its end, and Khushi, standing in a secluded
corner, couldn't wait to get home and bury herself in the comfort of her bed.
So much had happened in so few short
minutes.
You don't need time Khushi, you need an excuse... to defend your belief that
you really are flawed and undeserving of a happy ending.
He had said it so
confidently, without even the slight hesitance in his voice. Was she really so
paranoid that she was becoming like her parents? Or was she simply dodging his
proposal to avoid crushing her career even before it took off?
The answer easily
came to her lips, but she didn't know what use it was. The damage was done, as
Arnav said it himself:
I am just about done trying to pass your tests. Because up until now, I thought you
just needed time and that if I was patient enough for both of us, you will be
convinced one day or another that we are nothing like your parents. But I was
wrong.
As his biting
words relentlessly echoed through her mind, she couldn't help but recollect her
conversation with Lavanya not too long ago.
How long are you going to make him wait until
you find yourself good enough to get married? I know he is patient, but
that doesn't mean you can be unfair with him.
It was strange
that her best friend had seen this coming and even warned her about it. If only
Khushi paid a bit more attention, if only she realized the gravity of Lavanya's
words, if only she didn't blindly trust Arnav's patience and understanding.
Maybe she really did
take him for granted.
"Ahem," whispered
a familiar voice on her left.
Khushi turned to
see a grinning Lavanya stand next to her. Talk
about telepathy.
"So?" Lavanya
asked. "Made up with Arnav? Is there going to
be a steamy make-out session in the car tonight?"
"Even if we did make up, there wouldn't
be anything steamy happening in the car - Arnav hates that whole concept."
"What's wrong with cars?! And more
importantly, we didn't you make up?"
"Because," Khushi muttered, turning her
eyes back to the stage where the host -the Raizadas' NRI cousin, Nand-Kishore-
announced the last performance of the evening. "Arnav likes the fact that he can kiss me in public. And he does have a
point - why use the car when we have the whole of Shantivaan at our disposal?"
Lavanya groaned in exasperation. "How
about you answer the question I really want to know about?"
She tried to maintain an unfeeling
face. "You know why... I didn't watch for the warning signs even after you told
me to."
"Am I supposed to understand that?"
Khushi sighed. "He is angry because he
thinks the reason I didn't accept this whole marriage thing gracefully is because
I am looking for an excuse to break up with him; that I actually don't want to be with him."
Lavanya kept an even expression. "Okay...
so why didn't you clear up the misunderstanding? You do want to get married to him right?"
"I tried to, but in the process I said
so much crap that he couldn't even look at me anymore."
"So then apologize."
"I did.
Over and over again. But I don't think he is ready to forgive me yet."
A stunned silence followed her
confession. Slightly taken back, for Lavanya always had something to say, Khushi's eyes wavered to her best
friend.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
"I am trying to figure out what it is
that you are not telling me."
A line appeared on Khushi's forehead.
"Why would I hide anything from you?"
"You tell me... Because as far as I know, there will never be a day when
Arnav isn't ready to forgive you."
Even though it was meant to be
comforting, Khushi couldn't help but feel even more miserable after hearing it.
Because Lavanya was right; Arnav always forgave her. The fact that he didn't
right now meant there really was irreparable damage.
Could their fight get any more worse?
Lavanya's phone suddenly flashed with
an incoming call. She silenced it absent-mindedly. "Why don't you go talk to
him again?"
"Who is calling you? Aman?"
"Yes. Please don't change the topic."
"I am not. But since there isn't much
you can advise me about literally in the middle of my brother's sangeet, let's
talk about this later. Go see what Aman wants first."
Lavanya couldn't argue with that.
Pressing her lips, she disappeared into the crowd. Khushi had just resumed
watching the last performance, a romantic dance by the radiant bride and groom,
when she felt a pair of soft hands tug on her blouse.
"Your hooks are undone," came Arnav's
voice in her ear, while he gently pulled the blouse close. "Have you been
walking around the entire evening like this?"
Khushi gasped, his warm presence
catching her unaware. She waited quietly until he was done -her stomach in
knots- before saying:
"Is that concern or
possessiveness?"
"I don't see how the two are any
different," he responded, stepping forward to stand beside her, his shoulder
slightly grazing hers.
Khushi bit her lip. "I suppose in your
case they would be the same thing."
"They aren't in yours?"
"It's more complicated than a yes or no
answer."
"Isn't it always?"
"Are you answering my questions with
questions to make a point or to avoid having a real conversation?"
Arnav paused, no doubt biting back a
snarky response.
"So I guess it's the latter," she
muttered, crossing her arms.
"I am just trying to rephrase my thoughts,
in case you accuse me of posing another question."
She rolled her eyes. "Fine I won't
accuse you, as long as you tell me where this conversation makes us stand."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean we screamed our lungs out at
each other less than three hours ago, and it wasn't in the cute
bickering-like-an-old-couple way."
He kept his eyes on the stage.
She pushed on. "And now, like very
mature adults, we are giving each other a cold shoulder... so basically, I want
to know how long it will be before things go back to the way they were and I am
once again the clueless and utterly stupid girlfriend?"
"When did I say you stopped being one?"
"Stopped being what? Clueless and
utterly stupid? Or your-"
"I never said a word about breaking up Khushi."
Her retort instantly fell away.
As always he was absolutely correct.
While she was quick to jump on the break-up bandwagon, he, not even in his
murderous rage, said anything about leaving her. He had taken the high road
once again, leaving her to deal with her mistakes all by herself.
"In that case," she said, clearing her throat.
"We should add recklessness to my list of stellar qualities."
He finally caught her eye, wordlessly
urging her to explain.
"I shouldn't
have talked about breaking up... it was both hasty and immature. And I know you won't
believe me, but I want to say it anyway - I am sorry. It was selfish of me to talk the way I did, and I wish I can
take back every word of it."
He was as still as the air around them.
"But that is the only thing I am going
to apologize for," she continued boldly. "I learned the hard way that honesty
is the only thing that will keep two
people together. And up until today, I could always tell you the truth, even if
it wasn't pretty, because I knew you would understand, even if you didn't agree
with it.
So I am not going to change that now and lie to you by saying that I
realize my mistake. Instead I am going to tell you that I don't see why me
needing more time is equivalent to me not wanting this marriage. Because it's
not.
Yes, my definition of trust, hope and
almost everything other thing on this planet, is not the same as yours. And
they probably will not be until another million years. I am not denying it and
neither am I using it as an excuse. All
I am saying is give me time; time to
understand your definitions. That's
it. I don't see the point of rushing through a marriage, just so that we can feel confident that we really do love
each other. You told me yourself that
marriage or not, our feelings will be the same. So why are we doubting
ourselves now?"
Arnav gazed at her, his mouth sealed in
silence.
"I don't expect you to agree with all
this, but I think I can expect you to at least understand it."
He blinked.
"So do you? Understand it?"
At first, there was nothing. Arnav
stood as motionless as ever, his eyes on her, but not really seeing her. And
then ever so slowly, he curtly nodded in agreement.
Khushi let out a sigh of relief. It
wasn't the answer she hoped for, but she knew as clear as day that it was the
best she was going to get. So, she gratefully turned her attention back to the
performance. Within no time, Shyam and Anjali gracefully culminated their dance
and Nand-Kishore wrapped up the event with his repertoire of unfunny jokes.
Khushi spoke first, breaking the static
silence in between them. "So I was thinking... It's kind of a norm for the groom
to have a bachelor's party."
He listened quietly.
"And it's usually thrown by the best
friend or best man. In both cases, that's me. But given my gender, I don't
think it's a good idea if I planned this party."
Arnav turned to face her. Though his expression
betrayed no emotions, an amused glint was slowly overtaking his eyes.
"Since my brother treats Akash as
another version of me," Khushi continued, glad to have his attention. "Maybe you should throw him one?"
He cleared his throat. "And what makes
you think I haven't thought of all of this before?"
She stared blankly. "You already
planned a bachelor's party?"
To her great surprise, Arnav cautiously
looked around before saying in a much lower voice, "This better not reach Anju's ears. Yes, we did plan a bachelor's party.
In fact, it's happening tomorrow night. Akash and I, along with a few other
friends are taking Shyam out of the city to my farmhouse in Agra. Aman is coming too."
Khushi's eyes widened, her face
cracking into a smile. There was no denying it - she was impressed.
Arnav tilted his head, her expression
seemingly throwing him off. "Aren't you even a little worried?"
She snorted. "Of course not! I know my brother. He is too good to do
anything stupid. And even if he has a momentary lapse in judgment, you will
obviously pitch in your voice of reason. It is the matter of Anjali after all."
Her explanation didn't sit well with
him. "Let me rephrase - aren't you worried about what I might do?"
Khushi laughed unabashed. "If my
brother is too good to do anything stupid, then you are practically a saint."
Arnav's lips pursed as he muttered:
"Maybe I should take Aman's advice
and make this a two night event."
That wiped the smile clean off her
face. "I just told you that I can't even think about you being unfaithful to me
and you are telling me you want to be
with a stripper?!"
He smirked. "Where is the confidence
now?"
She gritted her teeth, unable to find a
fitting retort.
Arnav's smirk widened victoriously in
response, leaving her no choice but to beckon a nearby waiter, hoping to drown
her embarrassment with a glass of champagne. Khushi had just picked up the
goblet, when she felt his fingers suddenly close around her free wrist.
"What?" she asked, confused.
He flipped her palm up, his gaze frozen
on her mehendi, in the middle of which
lay an unmistakable "A". Khushi felt her nerves stiffen, suddenly doubting if
her attempt to appease him actually made
him happy.
After what felt like an eternity, Arnav
finally looked away and asked almost inaudibly, "Why?"
"Because I wanted you to start talking
to me again," she replied looking down at the floor. "
"Why?"
"Because it bothers me... I don't like it
when you are angry, or worse, hurt
because of what I said or did."
He stared at her, as if looking through
a murky wall. "But why? Why does my
forgiveness matter so much to you?"
It was such an earnest question that
she had no choice but to give him the most honest answer she could:
"Because if you don't forgive me, I won't be able to forgive myself. And if
I don't forgive myself... then I really will start seeing myself as the living
print of my mother."
She gave him a meaningful look, echoing
what he told her a few hours ago with the hope that he understood what she
meant: She wasn't crippled with paranoia because of her parents' dysfunctional
relationship. And she would never be as long as he was with her.
It felt like an eternity before either
of them spoke. But Khushi didn't dare to tear her eyes away from him. She knew
he expected her too, for she was always the one to take a step back. But today
it was different.
Today, she wanted him to know she
wasn't planning to go anywhere. Not without him.
It was Arnav, who finally looked away
with a shrug.
Quite unsettled with his troubled eyes,
Khushi subtly changed the topic. "So do you like it?"
"Like what?"
"My mehendi! It took the girl almost two
hours to do it."
His face suddenly lightened up in some
unknown realization.
"What?" she asked, when he simply gazed
at her in epiphany.
He jerked his head in direction of the
pool they fought beside. "Is that what you were trying to do back there? Get my
approval of your mehendi with the innocent "how do I look" question?"
Khushi grinned sheepishly.
"Very subtle birthday girl."
She frowned. "What happened to baby?"
"Excuse me?"
"You started calling me baby,
remember?"
He stared at her, failing to understand
what she meant. It was only a few times he had addressed her as "baby", but it
was clear that every time he did, he hadn't
noticed how much she enjoyed it.
"Birthday girl sounds too formal now,"
she explained with a childish grimace. "Baby sounds so much better."
Arnav crossed his arms. "For someone who won't
even let me put a ring on her, you
are way too demanding, no?"
She resisted the urge to stick out her
tongue. "Demanding my foot! You just want to rub it in my face that I actually like it when you say lovey dovey things
to me."
He didn't object.
"But for your kind information," she
answered, stepping closer to him. "I like everything
about you, not just the nice things you say to me."
His eyebrows shot up in response: he
did not believe her in the slightest.
Feeling insulted at his lack of
confidence, Khushi gently stretched out her hand and reached for the small spot
behind his ear, where a faded line was hidden.
"You were trying to climb a tree when
you got this scar... Anjali wanted a flower, but the branches weren't strong
enough. You even got stitches for it."
He was bewildered. "How-"
"Not how, but why," she interrupted. "And it's because everything about you is
important to me, even-"
Her hand slid to his clean-shaven jaw,
stopping just where it curved. "-This spot you almost always miss while shaving.
No matter how insignificant, I know every small detail about you."
She caressed his cheek. "This tiny
dimple that you think people don't notice when you laugh too hard," -she softly
pinched his nose- "this nose that flares in the most unflattering way when you
are screaming your head off," -her fingers rested at the sides of his temple-
"this vein that is always on the verge of bursting whenever you are angry. I
notice everything."
Arnav stood frozen, soaking up her
every word with undue attention.
"But do you know what I like the most?"
He patiently waited for her to answer.
With a shy grin, she touched his lips.
"They make the most perfect crooked smile I have ever seen," she murmured,
stepping even closer to him. "Of everything about you, this is my favorite."
It was as if the clock stopped ticking,
as if the people around them stopped moving. It felt like the entire world came
to a standstill as it often did when she looked into his muddy brown eyes.
But the moment ended as quickly as it
came. Arnav took a step back, tearing his eyes away from her. "Your brother is
waiting for you."
Khushi unwillingly let her hand drop,
the feel of his soft lips still lingering on her fingertips. Trying not to let
the space in between them mean much more than it was, she looked over her
shoulder to see her brother and grandfather beckoning her to come; they were
ready to call it a night.
She bit her lip, not knowing what to
do.
"Go," Arnav said, as usual
understanding her predicament. "I am sure your grandfather is itching to tell
you all the faults he found with this hotel."
She sighed. "Maybe... but I know for sure
he hasn't found any faults with the host."
"Really?"
"Really... Nanaji absolutely adores you."
"Define absolute adoration."
Khushi frowned. "Don't be too hard on
him. He literally saw his daughter's life fall apart in front of him and
couldn't do anything to stop it... I think we can forgive him for being a little
skeptical about people."
"Oh I would be worried if he wasn't skeptical. I was merely asking if
you made a mistake and said "adore" instead of "hate"."
"Seriously? When have you ever failed to impress someone? Whether it's
my best friend or my brother, you charm your way to everyone's heart. And
Nanaji is no different."
Arnav snorted. "Well that must have
been another big disappointment for you."
A line appeared on her forehead. "Why
would I be disappointed?"
"Because even the closest patriarchal
figure after your brother couldn't find a fault with our relationship."
It was a jibe that shouldn't have hurt,
but it did. A lot.
"That's harsh," she mumbled. "And below
the belt."
"More so than-"
"Don't," she interrupted, knowing what
he was going to say, but not wanting to hear it.
He didn't argue. "Okay." Then looking past her shoulder, he
added, "You shouldn't keep them waiting. It's late."
It was a dismissal. And she had no
choice but to accept it. Bidding him goodnight, Khushi was about to leave, when
she remembered-
"By the way, the bachelor party is for Bhaiyya. If Akash tells me about even
one stripper within a meter of you, then I swear-"
Arnav defiantly crossed his arms. "Go
on, finish the warning. I am curious to know what you think will be the worst
punishment for me."
She narrowed her eyes. "You know what,
I will leave it up to your wild imagination.
But just remember that whatever you think of will not even come close to what I will actually do if you
come home after a one night stand."
To her utter surprise, Arnav smirked
and took the glass of champagne she forgot she was even holding.
"Cheers to that," he muttered, taking a
sip.
Shaking her head, she walked away to
her awaiting family, for the first time feeling incomplete despite his unwavering
presence.
Comments (229)
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Jai Shri Ram @SoniRita
+ 32
6 months ago
The whole teasing convo of arshi was adorable.
Jai Shri Ram @SoniRita
+ 32
6 months ago
Well said indeed forgivness need be earned
Jai Shri Ram @SoniRita
+ 32
6 months ago
Phew arshi patched up again
coderlady @coderlady
+ 8
1 years ago
The apology was delivered, but they have some way to go.
Jai Shri Ram @SoniRita
+ 32
1 years ago
Yay arshi patched up. The whole bachelor party convo was funny.
MorallyGrey @WildestDreams
+ 32
1 years ago
Chapter bookmarked! I will continue later
-Archi- @-Archi-
+ 8
7 years ago
[QUOTE=Faith-N-Hope]Hi Archi welcome back ...an update n comment after a long time. Archi i just read the next part and I am thoroughly confused with your Arnav. Pls bear with me and hear me out. I will start with your comment. So I agree with u on the grandfather bit , what u mentioned didnt cross my mind and I am glad u pointed it out. Not only this but also the fact that Arnav has had enough and that Khushi will not be tamed but she will change. See this is why I started reading Silent Whispers and I dont know if this counts BUT i am very picky with what i read. I belong to a similar industry and anything that is shoddy or doesnt makes sense to me is something I dont pick and read at all. However ur story is not just different n refreshing but its very well etched. Infact i come to IF only n only for 3 stories , urs being one. Umm coming to the new chapter, while i am totally getting that ur redeeming Khushi and getting her to change and also trying to show how after an outburst Arnav is mellowing down but I dont know this update feels a lil incomplete, on Arnav's part. I have stated how u have kept the characters, Arhi in particular, same and that is one thing i admire abt ur writing. However with this new chapter and Arnav I am lost. He was pissed off with Khushi then he gave her an earful. Fine. But now he suddenly comes to her and starts talking as if nothing is wrong. I loved the point on how he said he wont break up with her but i am not sure if this bit of 'apologising or making-up' on account of a bachelor's party is what i liked. He seems to be treating khushi like a child suddenly. Instigating her with the bachelor party bit was cute but not taking her seriously is not what ur Arnav does. I feel this chapter is more like bridging the gap between two main updates or so and I am not disappointed or anything and I will wait patiently for ur update. I dont know if i am being too much of a feminist or has there been a long gap with the update but i really
-Archi- @-Archi-
+ 8
7 years ago
[QUOTE=kushikumari]
This is by far a very well done chapter. Subtle may be, but definitely worth its weight.Yes, kushi had a difficult life, she has issues trusting anyone and all that, but it could definitely come minus the sharp tongue. There is a huge difference between our experiences shaping us to be wiser and better, and letting our experiences make us petty, insecure and arrogant. While i understand that letting go of a caustic tongue can be quite a challenge, may be it should be reserved specifically for those 'asking for it' and not directed towards one and all? Especially not towards someone genuinely caring. Nor, because of something they suggested or asked, as Arnav did here. Yes, forgiveness needs to be earned, and humbly in my opinion. i hope accepting kushi for the way she is doesn't go to her head, making her take arnav for granted. It could kill the love over the years if he has to constantly deal with her issues. if only her issues are issues, her moods and feeling are what matters, her responses flow freely without a second thought, she needs to be forgiven the moment she realises her folly, life can truly be tiring for the other person...[/QUOTE]
Thanks hun! You explained Khushi's problem so well... She does use her difficult childhood as an excuse to cover up her mistakes. The first few times its okay, but eventually, its too much. And that's exactly what Arnav calls her out on... he realizes what she is trying to do and asks her to own up to her fears, instead of blaming them on her parents/troubled past. Welcome to the FF hun! I don't have an official index, since I haven't written many FFs. As sman pointed out, Jaane Doh Naa was my last story. Here is the link:
yoga123 @yoga123
+ 2
7 years ago
Awesome update...thanks for the PM
AsA333 @AsA333
7 years ago
What an amazing story, read it all at one go. Missed a couple nights of sleep, totally worth it.You are an amazing writer. All the characters are amazing. Keep up the great work.