Chapter: Where Do I Belong?

Chapter: Where Do I Belong?

Sanyogita gradually became more comfortable with the group, just in mid-conversation, Sujit suddenly turned and asked “ Sandy, you have a voice that's simply melodious . Why don't you join us and sing ? If only if you're comfortable.

The colour drained from Sanyogita's face, leaving behind a subtle uneasiness that didn't go unnoticed by Shauryash's keen gaze. Nevertheless, he stayed quiet, simply observing.

Sanyogita offered a polite smile. " Hm. thanks Sujit. Since I was engrossed in my studies, I never really found time to continue singing.”

“Hota hai yaar." Sujit said generously . "We've all made our own plans , but life often takes us on unexpected paths ; that's just how things are . That's life.”

Sanyogita nodded in agreement.

Aniket whispered, looking curious “ btw , since you're from Mumbai, you've got every chance to pursue singing if you want to .” He smiled warmly, “ Who knows , maybe luck will turn your way, just like that."

Sanyogita nodded again, but suddenly her smile faltered, slightly tense.

Shauryash noticed the subtle shift in her demeanor.

Sujit grinned mischievously "Did you know, Sanyogita, that Yash is also from Mumbai?log jis jagah aapni Qismat banane jate hai…he left that land and settled here with us in Bangalore.”

Shauryash rolled his eyes, but when he looked up , Sanyogita's curious glance regarded him directly.

" Yash, maybe you should give it a try in Mumbai," Sanyogita suggested genuinely. "you sing really well, I mean , you could build a huge fan base there!”

Sujit nudged Shauryash with his elbow.

"Oho... someone's getting compliments today."

Aniket laughed heartily "Looks like our Yash already has his first fan."

Then, another friend added, "Bas bhai, autograph dena mat bhoolna!"

Shauryash rolled his eyes. "Will you all stop?"

No one listened, instead they laughed loudly.

Sanyogita frowned, slightly embarrassed. "I was just appreciating his singing."

Sujit raised both hands dramatically."We're appreciating it too!"

The laughter gradually faded. However, one word remained.

Mumbai.

It echoed somewhere deep within him, stirring memories he had spent years trying to bury.

As the world slept under the cloak of night , memories flooded him, burning his eyes with warm water .

Little Shauryash's curious eyes wandered around as he looked at the grandeur of the Singhaniya haveli . It was the first time he came to Rajasthan. He remembered how Ishita was showing him the palace. His little frame clung to his mother tightly as the first time he met so many strangers together. But there was something in their gaze that made him shrink within his skin ; he didn't belong to them.

How could his younger version be so mature to catch even those resentment bubbling beneath their calm exterior . The haveli was draped in so many vibrant colours of flowers. The atmosphere carried a warmth and pleasantness in the vast living room.

Shauryash remained still behind the pillar near the lounge , watching everyone laughing and talking. He knew about the festival already . His mother took him to his maternal uncle's house where his cousin's sister tied Rakhi around his wrist. But this year, it looked different.

Dozens of silver plates were arranged in the vast temple room , filled with vermillion bowls, rice grains, sweets, and silk threads . The daughters and cousins were excitedly waiting to tie rakhis to the boys.

Shauryash's innocent heart had learned the pattern: Some days the house became everyone’s home. Some days it reminded him it wasn’t his.

As he watched the boys gathering , for a moment his gaze landed on Vardhan at the center where his younger cousins were around him,they were all laughing heartily. Even the servants shared smiles at them.

Nevertheless , Shauryash's small eyes were searching for familiar faces — his mother . His heart raced wildly , scared of if anyone heard what they would do. Vardhan cautioned him to stay away from his little sister, Pragya who sometimes talks to him and then another time ignored him completely as if he was air .

“Why would she tie rakhi to him ?” She wasn't his sister, was she?”

He felt ,when Siddharth showered his affection on him , Pragya's cheeks puffed up , she clung more firmly to her father and started sobbing. Whenever his mother tried to get close to Pragya , Shauryash thought his entire world had been snatched from him. But one day when they were playing together gradually they became friends…and Ishita and Siddharth both made him curl their pinky fingers together: claiming they needed to take care of each other, because they were siblings.

Their curious eyes regarded their parents, they were told “because Pragya was your sister and Shauryash was your brother.”

As Shauryash was standing upright , keeping his hands folded behind his back so no one would notice he had no rakhi plate. Because he had no sister in the house who was allowed to call him brother.

“Why are you hiding here?”

Shauryash's train of thought stuttered. His heart jumped to his mouth when he saw Prithvi was standing there .

Shauryash straightened instinctively, “ I'm not hiding."

"Then why aren't you there ?” Prithvi pointed towards the group. He said " I noticed, you are standing here alone , from very long. “ Then he laughed lightly “You are very strange!”

Heat clogged in Shauryash's cheeks , his chin lowered instinctively, unable to look at his eyes . He felt Prithvi's gaze sink into his skin.

Suddenly he muttered slowly, " I don't have a rakhi .”

" So?” The answer came immediately, Prithvi's frowned slightly.

Shauryash blinked , looking at him ..he noticed, unlike Varhdan whose gaze carried a venom as if he would slice him alive , Prithvi's gaze carried a warmth. As if Shauryash was not a newcomer in the house but one of his own family.

Shauryash's face reddened, “So… I shouldn’t sit with them.”

It wasn’t sadness in his voice. It was a certainty. His chest grew heavy, what would he do , would he scold him ? “ Thought swarmed Shauryash's mind.

But instead he felt a silence. As he peered through the corner of his eyes, saw Prithvi was standing still , but something had shifted within him.

Before Shauryash could stop him, Prithvi held his wrist. “Come.”

Shauryash instinctively resisted. “No… they’ll get angry.”

Prithvi didn’t argue. He simply said one line: “ Arey mein hona na! I’m your brother. Don't be scared.”

And he pulled him gently into the temple side. The moment they stepped into the center circle, the air shifted. A few groups of people went quiet. Vardhan’s jaw tightened. Pragya looked confused but curious. Aunties whispered to others.

Shauryash's heartbeat grew louder in his ears. He tried to free his hand but Prithvi held it, just firmly enough that he couldn’t retreat. Prithvi sat down cross-legged and made Shauryash sit beside him.Then he picked up a rakhi plate and placed it in front of Pragya.

“First tie to him,” he said casually.

For a fleeting moment Pragya looked toward the elders uncertainly. From the veranda, Siddharth watched. Surprisingly, he didn’t stop, instead a playful laugh danced across his lips. That was the permission.

Ishita was busy at work , looking for her son, seeing the view , she stood frozen . However, her maternal heart melted .

Pragya slowly tied the rakhi on Shauryash’s wrist. He didn’t move at all, instead his curious eyes regarded the thread like it was something fragile… something he might break if he breathed too hard.

When she finished, Prithvi immediately extended his own hand. “Now mine.”

The courtyard laughter resumed awkwardly, but the ritual continued. For everyone else it was a small moment. But for Shauryash's, the little heart felt for the first time the house publicly placed him inside the circle.

Then suddenly, his eyes darted towards Varhdan whose face appeared dark. He carried the silence that felt terrible more than any warning.

Shauryash didn't find Vardhan for the remaining part of the rituals. He always found him tempered, and talking to Pragya and Anshuman, his maternal uncle.

As the ceremony had ended , Shauryash found Prithvi near the staircase later, while inside everyone was busy with arranging the meal.

His chest fluttered as he took tiny steps towards him. He held out a laddo with both hands and offered him “ For you " he whispered.

Prithvi smiled lightly. “Why?”

Shauryash's answer was immediate “Because brothers share sweets.”

Prithvi's eyes sparkled with amusement as he gazed into him low , he ruffled Shauryash's hair.

" Achha!” His gaze softened delightedly. “ Then remember this ; if anyone troubles you , come to me first...”

Shauryash nodded . Suddenly when his eyes drifted ahead he found his mother was standing nearby . A soothing smile lingered at her adorable face.

And from that day onward, Shauryash began following Prithvi unconsciously : during festivals, meals, family photos , always standing just slightly behind his shoulder.Not because he needed protection. Because his tiny mind believed that was the place where he finally felt allowed to exist.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Two years had flown by since Shauryash came into Singhania house , and Shauryash and Rudraksh's friendship only grew stronger. Reyansha, now more passionate about books, visited less often but always watched them with a loving smile.

When he returned from school oftentimes Rudra stayed with him and they shared their meal together with Pranav and Pragya. As his mother was always busy at hospital at work , Shauryash often missed his mother but with his new companion he laughed, painting, adding colour to the rainbow of his innocent world. .

During the lunch, his gaze instinctively drifted towards the vacant seat , in waiting for Bade bhaiya. Although Vardhan was the eldest son still Shauryash treated Prithvi as his big brother ,

Varhdan had never inquired about Shauryash whereabouts nor did Shauryash had curiosity about Vardhan .

Summer had burned the city in its unbearable heat . It was one sunny morning, the marble floors of the house remained always cold enough to soothe. In the backyard of the house crowded with children. A coach who had been hired to teach swimming to all the children of the house.

Shauryash stood terrified. He stood near the changing room door , holding a towel almost as big as himself. He peered often towards the water as tall kids jumped into the water . His eyes shut down with horror as if not looking at them can help to avoid the fear of getting swallowed by the water .

Vardhan and the other boys had already jumped in, splashing and shouting. Prithvi suddenly noticed Shauryash standing far away again. He walked over, barefoot, hair still wet from his first dive. “You’re not coming?”

“ No” Shauryash shook his head quickly. "I'll watch , instead.”

“Why?” Prithvi's brow puckered with confusion.

After a pause, Shauryash admitted in a whisper: “I don’t know how to float… what if I go down?”

Prithvi stared at him for a moment, then began laughing. “ You're still scared of drowning! Do you know why we float? "

Shauryash's shook his head, “ No"

Prithvi leaned in slightly " Our science teacher calls it buoyancy. Water pushes you upward. If you stop panicking, it becomes much easier to float.”

Shauryash blinked looking at Prithvi still . "So... the water is helping me?"

"Exactly." Prithvi bent over , put his one hand over his shoulder and said " Don't be scared, even I used to fear getting drawn. Now trust me and come. ”

Shauryash still hesitated. His eyes instinctively went toward the veranda where elders sometimes watched , as if waiting for someone to say he shouldn’t be in the pool at all. But no one spoke.

The coach called impatiently, “Either come in or move aside, beta.”

Shauryash stepped back instinctively. However, Prithvi didn’t allow it. He gently took the towel from his hands and placed it on the chair. “Listen to me,” he said softly, kneeling so their eyes met. “You won’t drown. I won’t let you.”

It was a simple sentence. But Shauryash felt beyond those assuring words , as if he could trust those words and also the person. “Really?” he asked , still frightened.

Prithvi nodded once. “Really.”

As he walked Shauryash to the shallow end and stepped into the water first. Then he stretched both arms. “Hold my shoulders, first.”

Shauryash entered slowly, every muscle in his body stiffened.His fingers gripped Prithvi tightly. The moment water reached his chest, panic rose within him . He clutched Prithvi harder. “Bhaiya , I’m slipping!” he screamed

You’re not,” Prithvi said calmly. “You’re holding me. I’m holding you. Nothing will happen.”

The coach began instructing them to float. “Relax your body, beta .”

Shauryash's body was unable to follow the instructions . His feet kept searching for the ground. It was then Prithvi did something important; he moved behind him and placed one arm under his back. “Lean.” he said

“I’ll fall.” Shauryash's body trembled from head to toe.

“No” Prithvi said “ You won’t.”

Shauryash shut his eyes as fear crawled him like a second skin.

But then very slowly… he let go of the floor. He realised suddenly, for the first time in his life, he was not standing carefully, not preparing to retreat, not guarding himself. He was floating. When he opened his eyes, he realized the water wasn’t swallowing him.

Prithvi was holding him still . And he smiled slightly,surprised lingered in those smiles.

The coach laughed, “See? You know "See? You know how to float. " Prithvi's eyes chimed delightfully as he continued “ Very soon learn how to swim!"

Shauraysh shook his head seriously. Prithvi joined him too in the laughter .

At that moment , Rudraksh cannonballs into the pool, splashing everyone. He suddenly floated on the water, Shauryash's mouth fell open , as he watched him in awe . “ How did you know about swimming?”

Rudraksh's response in his always cool tone “ I learned it so long ago. Swimming to mere liye baccho ka khel hai !”

Shauryash didn't respond, he simply watched his friend floating seamlessly in the water .

Meanwhile, Prithvi smirked , he shook in disbelief , “ oh now you become a grown up adult?” Prithvi teased

Rudraksh didn't bother to reply , simply grinned mischievously “ Bhaiya, I've got swimming better than you “ he teased . Then he paused dramatically and added “ Shauryash, watch this—kick water like this! I'm a professional at rescuing people.”

Prithvi bursted into laughter, “Maybe. First learn not to drown yourself.”he muttered

Rudraksh splashed water playfully at Prithvi and erupted into giggles. Prithvi looked at him with mock outrage ,but his trance of bewilderment was shattered by another splash from the other side . He shot an immediate sharp glance towards the commotion.

Pranav, his younger brother, was standing nearby by the pool. He splashed water with his tiny hands , laughing and smiling uncontrollably. Prithvi's heart melted at the joyful smile of his six-years-old brother. He waded into the water and scooped his brother up in a warm embrace.

“ You , naughty boy !” Prithvi grinned while holding him close.

As Shauryash watched Prithvi carrying his little brother over his shoulder, something shifted within him. He felt an inexplicable twist in his chest . His eyes held the joyful scene until another big splash broke the moment .

Rudraksh laughed wickedly “ Mujhe pakad ke dekhao .." he taunted , sticking out his tongue .

Shauryash's cheeks puffed with determination as he started chasing after his friend.

*************

It was another day , as he came out of the school Rudra bid him bye , Rudra had told him he was leaving for a vacation trip with his family in Switzerland . Shauryash had never been to Switzerland; however, he had visited other places with his mother. Suddenly his heart came into his throat, his eyes were sparkling with amusement as he ran towards the figure.

“ Papa!" Shauryash's voice carried enthusiasm.

Saransh picked his son up and held him close to his chest. " How are you beta?

Saransh handed him the pink sugar candy from the nearby stall.

“ I'm fine.” as he bit on the sweets the delicious candy melted in his tongue .

Suddenly his eyes softened instantly. “Why didn't you come to my school function?”

Saransh smiled , but the usual shine was absent from his eyes. “ I wanted to."

Shauryash asked " Then why didn't you ?”

Saransh looked away, as he muttered slowly "Sometimes grown-ups make decisions children cannot understand."

Shauryash's brows puckered as confusion etched in his face .

Then , Saransh's gaze dimmed with despair as expressed " but I promise, I will always love you and even if I have to stay away from you."

"Okay!" Shauryash’s cheeks beaming under the sunlight “ Can you come on Sports Day?"

Saransh appeared a little bit hesitating "If your mother allows."

As Shauryash returned home in the evening since it was his day to his father's house . He showed him his drawing for which the teacher gave him a star . Saransh praised him. And hugged him tightly .

He told him he had called the chief to cook all his favourite foods and dessert.

Shauryash looked a little disappointed when he told his father how his mother went to hospital because of an urgent hospital call when he wanted to show her his drawing.

Saransh said “ Maybe , your Mamma has some important work to attain.”

Shauryash shook his head but remained silent. He remembered how his mother kneels in front of him and smooths his hair.

“ Beta, I know you wanted to spend today with me. But some of my patients are waiting. They're very sick .” Ishita kissed on his cheek “ I'll be back before you know it "

Shauryash stood still, something heavy filled in his throat , the drawing books left untouched in his bag . His little eyes stayed locked on the doorway as if waiting for his mother. That day slipped away slowly; Shauryash's seat on the sofa looking outside through the windows . Birds were flying and the city's hustle and bustle was quiet beneath the calm sky , yet , chaos still roared in his innocent heart. He had no idea when he would drift into sleep only to wake up in the evening.

Meanwhile, Pragya had left for her maternal uncle's house with Vardhan and he didn't know about Siddharth's whereabouts . Some days, he returned late at night, while other times , he was abroad for business meetings.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

The summer vacation had started so school would remain closed for a whole month. Rudraksh and Reyansha would very soon leave for an exotic fun- filled break with their parents.

Shauryash also desired that he might go outside with his mother and father , but since his mother was busy in hospital at work .

When he woke up , no one was there, only a silence sighed back to him. As he stood near by the window the yolk orange setting sun cast a soft pink hue on his face. His tiny eyes stayed beyond the horizon, as though in search of something .

On holidays how he played with his mother in their earlier home . There he sat on her lap and watched cartoons. His mother didn't talk about his father much. However he used to come , he could spend only one day with him but not more than that . He missed his father very much.

He turned around and decided to step out. As he took tiny steps through the vast corridor looking for familiar faces . In the house, he played with Pranav, Pragya and Prithvi , while Nidhi occasionally joined in , but she was now abroad for college. When he peered through the window, his sparkling eyes clouded with disappointment.

Prithvi wasn't there in the library room . It was a vast room with a collection of books , filled with tall shelves and big furniture designed to hold those thick books. Each shelf occupied endless tales . Other than Prithvi, he had only ever seen his mother reading such thick, mysterious books.

One day , he glanced up at him watching Prithvi dissolved into the pages . Curiosity got the better of him and he asked , “Bhaiya what are you reading?"

Prithvi smiled lightly, " This is a fiction “ he replied.

" Fiction? What's that?" Shauryash's gap at him with puzzle

" When you create something in your mind, something like our real world — like a whole separate world," Prithvi explained “ and puts those imaginations on pages , then it's called fiction."

Shauryash tilted his head as confusion deepened, but he remembered how in movies which often talk about parallel worlds : like Earth , but different , from where aliens might attack us.

" So , by reading fiction can we save our world?” Shauryash blinked looking curious

Prithvi laughed heartily “ No " he shook his head "

“ Then why do you read fiction? Does it make you strong like superheroes?”

Prithvi chuckled “ Maybe.. but not all heroes have superpower. Sometimes, what makes them special is a big heart.”

"A big heart ? Like a large one?"

Prithvi nodded . “ Yes, exactly.”

“ Then, bhajiya, how can my heart be big?" Mamma says the heart lies within the chest.”

Prithvi laughed again. “ No, not literally.” He shook his head, then his hand pointed towards Shauryash’s chest. " When we say a ‘ big heart’ it means you have lots of love inside for everyone.”

" So I have a bigger heart too?”

" Of course!"

That day , Shauryash watched Prithvi talk and he listened quietly, feeling a strange maze of feelings wash course through him.

But Prithvi wasn't at home , he was studying for his board exams. They barely play or talk like before .

********

When Shauryash's grandmother returned from her sister's house , Shauryash eagerly showed her his drawing , his eyes sparkling with amusement as the teacher had rewarded his work with stars . Rukmani’s face lit up with a proud smile and gave a heartfelt hug to her grandson.

However, his joy dimmed when he suddenly said " Grandma , Mamma doesn't love me anymore!”

Rukmani's expression softened with concern “ Why did you feel that way?”

" Yesterday when I returned from school , Mamma left for the hospital, “ Shauryash explained with a sombre voice . “She said there were patients waiting .”

“Shaurya!” Don't say things like that.”Ishita froze at the doorway. Loose strands of hair came out of her hair plaits "How can you say that? I work the whole day at the hospital and return home to take care of you and you still believe I don't care about you !”

Shauryash startled momentarily, he flinched back and clutched his drawing books tightly, then shouted back " No.You didn't even see the stars my teacher gave me! You love your patients more than me."

Overwhelmed by emotions, he threw the notebook on the floor and ran out of the room.

“Shaurya!" Ishita called sharply, her voice filled with frustration.

Rukmani quickly stepped in , trying to calm the situation . “ Ishita , why did you scold him? He's still just a child . "

" Maa, “ Ishita retorted back, "your constant favoritism has spoiled him . Look at how disrespectfully he is talking to me !"

Shauryash didn't know how long he had been running in his sadness . The inside conversation gradually faded away from his ear , tears streaming down his face , his tiny palms wiping away the tears , he took breath sharply as mucus clogged his nostril .

Moments later, his grandmother came with food on a plate . At first, he refused , but after her gentle insistence, he took a small bite .

" Shaurya, good boys don't shout at their Mamma." She said softly . “ She might have urgent work yesterday. ”

“ No.” Shauryash replied stubbornly.“ Mamma promised she would take leaves for me , but she broke her promise . All my friends are going abroad for summer vacation. And I have no one to play . I want to go on vacation with Mamma and Papa.”

Rukmani wiped her grandson's eyes and face tenderly with her pallu “ Thik hai beta , “ she said as she pulled him closer to her chest and started creasing his hair and back “we will go to vacation together. “ She promised gently.

Shauryash's face brightened with innocent joy “ We will take Papa with us. And I’ll ride on horses on the beach , and feed dolphins in the ocean "

Rukmini chuckled softly.