Chapter 4 : The Reason

Both Khushi and Arnav stood, facing each other.

The conversation was far from being over.

His eyes met hers, dark and conflicted as he spoke out slowly.

“I thought distance would fix it,” he continued. “That if I left, if I stayed away long enough then I would feel normal again.”

Khushi’s voice broke, “And did it?”

Arnav shook his head as his jaw tightened.

“No.”

A pause.

“It only got worse.”

Something inside her shattered quietly as her lips trembled not from cold but from the complexed feelings she was experiencing.

“So you just..you just let me think you didn’t care?” she whispered.

Something in his face softened at her words. He then shook his head and whispered out.

“No..I cared too much.”

That was worse, so much worse for Khushi to listen that from him.

Khushi laughed weakly and didn't even realise when tears started to fall down.

“You don’t even realize how cruel that sounds, do you?”

“I know,” he said again, but this time, his voice cracked slightly with it.

Silence fell between them.

But it was not empty, it never was.

Then she asked the one question she had carried for five years.

“Did you...ever love me?”

But Arnav didn’t answer immediately.

And that hesitation, that single second, it shattered her and destroyed her.

Then he stepped closer, close enough that the world blurred at the edges.

“I still do,” he said which made up head snap up to him.

He didn't wavered a bit while saying this and his voice carried so much certainty that it felt real.

Terrifyingly real.

Khushi stared at him, not with anger anymore but something far worse. Doubt.

“You said you didn’t trust yourself,” she repeated slowly. “And that’s why you left.”

Arnav didn’t respond.

“Say it again,” she whispered.

He frowned slightly.

“Say it again,” she insisted, her voice trembling now. “Because I want to hear how that makes sense after five years.”

A pause.

“Yes I didn’t trust myself,” he said.

“Not enough,” she said immediately.

His brows furrowed.

“I know that’s not the whole truth.”

Silence filled because both of them knew it wasn’t.

Khushi stepped closer, close enough to see every flicker in his expression.

“You’re still hiding something,” she said quietly.

“Because you’re choosing your words too carefully.”

Arnav looked away and that that confirmed her suspicion.

“Look at me,” she said clenching her jaw.

He didn’t.

“Look at me, Arnav.” She hissed.

This time, he did and what she saw in his eyes, wasn’t just fear but there was restraint.

“You left because you were scared of what you might do.”

His jaw tightened and Khushi’s breath hitched.

“I’m right, aren’t I?”

“I would do things and only realize later,” Arnav spoke. “Or feel like I was about to do something and couldn’t stop it.”

Khushi shook her head slowly as a bitter chuckle escaped her lips.

“Are you taking me for a fool? That’s not possible at all.”

“I know,” he said. “But it happened.”

“So you left me without a word,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “Because you thought you might hurt me?”

“I knew I might,” he corrected quietly.

Her breath stilled at his answer that wasn’t filled with fear but with certainty.

Khushi took a step back.

And for the first time, she looked at him like she didn’t recognize him.

“You’re not telling me everything,” she said again.

“I’m telling you what I can.”

Her brows furrowed. “What you can?”

Arnav’s gaze dropped again and that..that was the final confirmation.

Khushi took another step back and this time, it was deliberate.

“Who are you?” she asked.

The question cut through the air cleanly.

Arnav looked up, startled.

“What?”

“Who are you?” she repeated, her voice steadier now, but colder and her eyes were hollow.

“Khush-”

“No,” she shook her head and raised a hand to stop him.

“Don’t say my name like everything is fine.”

Her eyes searched his face desperately and painfully like she was trying to piece something together that refused to fit.

“You stand here and tell me you don’t trust your own thoughts,” she said. “You feel things you don’t understand. You do things you don’t choose then you left for five years and come back with half and confusing answers-”

Her voice cracked, but she didn’t stop.

“And you expect me to believe you’re still the same person I knew?” Her voice raised.

He knew he couldn’t answer that.

“I don’t know who I am anymore,” he said finally.

Khushi stayed silent, letting him continue.

“From what I know, they tried to make me into something,” he added. “Something controlled, predictable and empty and for a while… I think I became that.”

Her chest tightened slightly but she didn’t interrupted him.

Arnav took a slow breath.

“I don’t remember everything they did,” he admitted. “And maybe I never will.”

"But.." He added quietly. "One thing I realised that...that feeling started to disappear slowly the day I got to know you and became friends with you."

“And I remember the moment I started fighting it.”

Khushi’s eyes softened.

“When?” she asked quietly.

Arnav looked at her.

“When I realized that even if everything else felt wrong…you didn’t. And that threatened them." His jaw hardened.

“They tried to convince me you weren’t real,” he said. “That what I felt was just…something they put there.”

Her breath hitched slightly.

“But it never felt like that,” he added.

A pause.

“It felt like the only thing that was mine.”

He was pouring out his feelings.

"When I realised that I could escape their manipulation by being aware of myself...they chose to do something even worse. And that's how I knew."

“Knew what?” Khushi asked, almost afraid of knowing the answer.

“That whatever they turned me into…” he said slowly. “It wasn’t enough to erase who I chose to be.”

"They realised that I am slowly getting out of their control and decided to use the thing which is the most precious to me.." His voice cracked.

Khushi faced him questioningly.

Silence.

"You..." He said out breathlessly. "It's you Khushi...they got to know about my weakness and wanted to make it their strength but I couldn't accept that."

"That's why I choose to escape Khushi, they wanted to use you as a leverage against me."

This was the longest she had ever seen him speaking. Arnav panted as he finished his words which had been suffocating him for long.

His words echoed in Khushi's mind again and again as she stared at him stunned.

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Yayayaya...back with an update. Grateful to those who are reading let me know how was this chapter