Chapter 13 - Close, but unreachable

Evenings have a way to evoke a sense of gloom, a sense of reflection in people’s hearts. Something about seeing the sun sinking on the horizon, birds returning to their homes, daylight fading, and the sky slowly deepening into darkness, they stir melancholy. Especially for those who have danced with love and loss, felt the highs and lows of the heart’s fragile tides.

That was their state as 4 tangled hearts who had gone through all these oscillations in past many years, having loved, lost, found what they wished for and yet felt the distance.

The day had gone in a blur honestly. Khushi was taken away by Payal and Nani ji to help sort through the wedding gifts and jewelry planned for everyone. Lavanya had gone for her spa appointment and Arnav was busy attending some work calls from his room.

Dhruv, meanwhile, strolled through the vast, empty corridor, not knowing what to keep himself occupied with. This was the house he had lived in since he was a teenager. Still, he had never really felt it as his own. There was always a sense in his mind of living in someone else’s house.

The other house that was his own, by law and by Arvind Malik’s will, Sheesh Mahal, he never felt like claiming. Because 5 years ago, when he left for Lucknow with Khushi, he had made her and her parents believe that he was penniless and homeless. And it was all done for her. That had been a crucial factor (or a lie) to get their sympathy, make them feel how good he was and how he had sacrificed a lot to stand by her. And if not Khushi, then her parents, mostly her amma, had surely given that a lot of weightage and let him stay with them in the Gupta house. They thought when he left Raizada mansion and their business, he had no financial backing, started from scratch. If only they knew, he had always had a crores-worth of property in his name and always had a backup plan.

Anyway. So, Sheesh Mahal was still not a house.

But the one he really felt like owning was the house he built with Khushi. It wasn’t as big as Shantivan or Sheesh Mahal. But it was still the one he had with her, and that was the only place he felt like himself.

He had nearly reached the end of the corridor, where Anjali and Shyam’s bedroom was, and as he was contemplating whether he should check if they had anything for him, he saw Anjali step out, carrying a file and a purse.

“Di, aap kahi ja rahe ho (are you going somewhere)?” He asked.

Anjali smiled, “Yes, my gynac appointment. Shyam ji had some other work so he couldn’t go with me today.”

Dhruv nodded. One cursory look at the file, the bold letters “Fertility center” told him more than she did. Shyam and Anjali were married for close to a decade now and had no baby. While he was still living here, he was aware of the treatment they both were getting. On the surface, nothing was wrong with either of them but still they had problems conceiving.

He felt sad looking at her and asked, “Di, if you don’t mind, can I come with you?”

Anjali’s face immediately lit up, “You will? That would be so good, Dhruv. Why will I mind? Actually, I feel so scared going to hospitals alone. You remember right?”

Smiling, he nodded.

“And I can’t even ask Nani or mami as everyone is busy with wedding preparations.”

“It’s ok, di. You have me now. And hereon, please just tell me to go and I will be with you, ok?” Dhruv asked, making her smile in appreciation.

Dhruv was good at these things, extending a helping hand, that is, while Arnav had mostly stayed in his own world.

Well, that was a thought for another day and time, she thought, and they both walked towards the parking to take one of the cars from Raizadas’ fleet.

--*--

Arnav stepped out onto the terrace with a cup of black coffee. The day had been draining, to say the least, and he had a feeling it was setting the tone for the week that was coming. His marriage. To Lavanya.

And yet, his thoughts kept circling back to the woman who had left him years ago and had now reappeared, married to someone else. Khushi.

He had loved her immensely once. Had imagined building an entire life with her. Then he had resented her, even hated her, for playing with his feelings. But after spending those months working on himself and then since returning from the US 4 years ago, he had neither truly loved nor hated her. There was just this dull ache in his heart whenever her name was taken or whenever she appeared in front of him. For all those unanswered questions that he never got closure for.

And perhaps never would.

He smiled faintly and walked towards the corner where a swing had been placed. He often sat there to think in silence.

But just as he reached closer, his steps halted.

Someone was already sitting there, lost in her own thoughts.

Khushi.

She sensed him around her and looked up. Her eyes held his for a moment and in that moment, they both relived all those beautiful memories of their past, from the first time their eyes had met to the one when they had fallen in love.

And that somehow had a spell around them which made them forget all the baggage for a moment and without meaning to, a faint, restrained softness touched both their faces.

“Black coffee?” she asked, glancing at the mug in his hand.

He smiled slightly, remembering how she used to tease him about his “tar” drinking habit. “It’s good for health.” he replied.

If someone unaware of their past saw them at that moment, it would look like nothing more than a casual conversation between a sister-in-law and her husband’s brother.

Or maybe that was exactly what it had become.

After all, he had chosen to move ahead with Lavanya, to build a life and family with her. And she had been trying, in her own way, to give her marriage with Dhruv everything she could. Perhaps this distance was for the best.

He took a sip of his drink and asked, “How’s Kahani doing after the fashion week? I’m sure the prize helped a lot.”

A proud smile appeared on her face at once. She leaned back slightly on the swing and spoke with genuine excitement, “It did. We’ve been getting so many new orders now. Sarees, lehengas, even a few from Bollywood families.”

His eyebrows shot up in interest, and he gestured her to scoot a little so he too could sit. The swing was big enough to be comfortable enough for both of them.

Taking another sip, he asked, “Bollywood too? Wow. Don’t tell me it is for Salman Khan’s marriage.” He teased, remembering how she was a big fan of the actor and his marriage was a touchy point of discussion as for any SK fan!

She shot him an offended glare.

He chuckled.

They continued talking for a long time after that. Her work, his work, the movies these days, changes in Delhi and so on.

It felt like those evenings from years ago, when they had just started spending time together, when neither of them had openly admitted that they liked each other.

“How stupid we were, right?” she asked suddenly, a wistful smile on her lips.

He, who had turned slightly towards her with one arm resting on the back of the swing, frowned lightly. “Excuse me?”

“I mean those days. When we used to roam on the streets of Delhi, talking about all this. Movies, work and so on. Asli zindagi kya hoti hai, hogi, kuch khabar hi nahi thi (We had no idea what real life is, would be).”

His smile faded. She was talking about the very memories he still held close. About their story.

Perhaps she too felt attracted to him that time. And when Dhruv returned, she got closer to him but didn’t know how to break off her engagement with him. That was what Dhruv had told him when he went to search for her, right? But if she loved Dhruv, why did she still talk about the time she spent with him?

She kept talking, lost in past, “How stupid really. We used to think we would always be able to live like that, carefree, happy, with each other. I used to think I will have to compete with your work to get your attention all my life.” She chuckled, “but then, I used to get so annoyed when you distracted me with my work. All the time. And then, that one time when you hugged me in front of the whole office, I-“ she paused talking in between, realizing what she had blurted, what all she had been talking about.

But what could she do. The heart clings to what it never finished living. To what it never got to keep. Unfulfilled dreams, incomplete love story.

She looked at him and saw he too seemed lost somewhere far away.

No. She shouldn’t have done that. She had made her choice years ago. For his sake. And he had made his when he did not return even after she had told him about her pregnancy. Now they belonged to different lives, tied to different people. Maybe in another lifetime things would have been different. In this one, it was too late.

She got up to leave, when his voice stopped her,

“Did you ever love me, Khushi?” he asked, swallowing hard through a tight throat. “Kya tumne kabhi- kabhi bhi woh sab mehsoos kiya tha jo maine kiya tha (did you ever- ever feel all that for me which I felt for you)?”

Say yes. Just once. Please say yes. His mind pleaded.

“It doesn’t matter now.” she replied instead.

“Doesn’t matter?” he stood up too. “Kya itna aasan tha tumhare liye (Was it so easy for you), Khushi?”

“Arnav ji, please.” She requested him to stop. Because reopening those wounds, that were never fully healed was too risky.

“No, Khushi. I need to know. When you agreed to marry me, maybe you were confused. And when Dhruv came back before our engagement, you realized you liked him more. That’s why you were crying in his arms that night, right?”

She shut her eyes as tears rushed forward. How could she deny it without telling the truth. And how could she accept it when it was a lie.

“Just tell me once, Khushi. Did you not think about me, my feelings, my love even once?”

“I only thought about you, Arnav ji.” she broke down at last, covering her face with her hands.

He scoffed bitterly. “Really? How? By cheating on me with Dhruv?”

She looked up at him angrily at that. That accusation had cut her then and it cut just as deep now.

She pushed at his chest. “How dare you. How dare you say that about me, Arnav?”

He let her hit him, but when she grew frantic, he caught her hands and pulled her into his arms, trying to steady her.

But she was too shattered to stop. Her words came broken with hiccups, barely clear, yet relentless. “Wh- whatever it w-was. Wh- whatever I was crying about. It w-was all about you. Always about you. And you… you never cared.”

“Shh. Calm down, Khushi.” he said, alarmed. He had never seen her cry like this.

But she wouldn’t stop, “Even when I was ready to- ready tell you. You didn’t-and be-because of you, I lost my b-baby! I will never fo-forgive for that. *hiccup* Never. *hiccup* Ever.”

He froze.

What did she mean. How could he be responsible for her and Dhruv’s child.

“What do you mean, Khushi?” he asked, stunned.

Khushi looked up, her lips quivering. Why was he asking this? If he had questions for her, she too had. Why he abandoned their baby? Should she ask?

But just as Khushi’s lips parted to say something, they heard Lavanya’s loud voice, “ASR! What are you doing here?”

Khushi quickly got away from him as if scalded. Her frightened eyes looked at his face while he was not ready to let her go. But giving one last teary glance to him, Khushi ran out of the scene, without looking at Lavanya.

Lavanya meanwhile felt her biggest nightmare come true. Not only seeing khushi in Arnav’s arms was scaring her but the conversation she had overheard… If Khushi spoke about that email, Arnav would realize he had never received it. And then everything she had done to get him would fall apart. After all, he had long forgotten that she once had access to his email. And… she had deleted one email when she saw it. Khushi’s email.

Arnav, on the other hand, found himself more frustrated than ever...

--*--

A/N - Brace yourselves, readers, truths start revealing one by one.

Also, there is something important I want to mention beforehand. There may be a subplot involving an extra marital affair in this story. I cannot say right now to what extent or between whom, but I wanted to give a heads up since some readers might not be comfortable with that theme. I have not fully written that track yet, so I do not know how far it will go or whether it will be physical or emotional (in a way it already is) or both, but it is something that exists in my drafts.