Chapter 11 - Staying in love is a choice...

Khushi had developed a strange dislike for celebrations. The idea of people coming together, cheering about something, feeling joyous, having a gala time unsettled her in ways she could never quite explain. Not only did she respond coldly to the ones centered around her, like her birthdays, her anniversaries with Dhruv, or festivals, she reacted the same way when others invited her to share in their happiness. It was as if she didn’t like other people gathering together to rejoice over something. And honestly, she did not understand it herself, nor did she truly allow herself to. How could she? The feeling seemed too cruel, too bitter, and she did not see herself as a bitter person. Talking about it with her mother was pointless. Her amma would only remind her how wrong it was to feel that way, instead of helping her understand where it came from or how to free herself from it.

She could have spoken to Dhruv. But the truth was, in the 5 years of their marriage, he had become her partner, her husband, even her lover but he could never become her soulmate, a person with whom she could share the thoughts stuck deep, deep within her mind… the ones she barely dared to face herself.

And so, when his Nani ji, Devyani Singh Raizada, called them and requested, insisted, that they come to Delhi to attend Arnav’s wedding, Khushi found it very hard to accept the invitation. She didn’t like the idea at all. It was another nuance, perhaps more important than her overall averseness to it, was this was about Arnav. And his wedding. No matter how much she told the world, to him, to her amma, to herself that she moved on, a part of her heart belonged to him, perhaps will always do. Through memories, through Prateek, a baby that tied them together.

Her Amma would obviously say they needn’t go. Because first, it was Arnav’s wedding, who was Khushi’s past. And also, because her amma didn’t trust her.

But Khushi knew she had to go. Even if it meant walking into the same house where Arnav’s wedding preparations were in full swing. Even if it meant wrapping her heart in layers of iron, twice-fold, and pretending she felt nothing while watching another woman step into the life she had once dreamed of.

Because Nani ji had pleaded for her to come. Her voice had trembled as she spoke of regrets, of mistakes the Raizada family had made years ago with Dhruv and Khushi. She said she wanted to see them happy under her roof at least once before she died. And Khushi had not been able to refuse that.

Also, somewhere deep down, she felt she owed this to Dhruv, the man who had walked away from his own family’s warmth to build a life beside her without ever asking for anything in return. He needed to reconnect with his family… So, she told him she was willing to accept the invitation.

But she completely missed to notice the way his face hardened for a fraction of a second before he masked it.

.

Dhruv often felt as if he had lived his entire married life walking on eggshells around Khushi. It was as if he was paying a huge price of being with the girl he loved… no, he didn’t regret it, but at times like these he found it difficult to suppress his insecurities. The same insecurities he had felt when Arnav came looking for khushi just a year after his and khushi’s marriage, the same insecurities he had felt when Arnav came to Lucknow a month ago for the fashion show. And both times, he had managed to fight them off, the first time, by lying straight to Arnav’s face, telling him Khushi had always loved Dhruv and had never truly wanted Arnav. The second time, he had relied on distance, on the way Khushi herself had stayed away for most of that week.

So, when he heard about Arnav and Lavanya’s wedding, he had felt something close to relief. As if a long-standing threat had finally dissolved. Maybe now he would not have to compete with a ghost. Maybe now he could win that last closed corner of Khushi’s heart. Maybe finally Khushi can be fully, truly happy with him, like he had dreamt of, worked for.

But then Nani ji called and asked them to come to Delhi.

He had not wanted to go. He had no desire to be part of Arnav’s wedding, and even less to step back into Shantivan. But he respected Nani ji deeply. She had taken him in when he was young and vulnerable, given him education, a home, dignity. He owed much of what he was to her.

Although he already knew why she and others in the house were being generous to him. Because their daughter had taken his mother’s place. Arnav and Anjali Di had taken the life that should have been his.

But still, he also knew, they could have easily wiped their hands off him, sent him to an orphanage, let him be without any family. But they didn’t. And Devyani Singh Raizada was main reason for that. And hence he felt grateful to her. He would have said OK to go anyway but when khushi also insisted they should go, he didn’t like it… the idea of her being in the same house, same roof as Arnav didn’t settle well for him.

At times like these, he wondered if what her amma, Garima, was suggesting them all along was the actual way forward? To solidify their relationship? To ensure she would stay with him forever? i.e. having a baby with her?

But months had passed since she had shown any openness to physical closeness, and he refused to force what she was not ready to give. Forcing her would only drive her further away.

So, he buried his discomfort, telling himself it was only a week. They would attend the wedding, fulfill Nani ji’s wish, and return to their lives.

However, as he began packing for Delhi, he could not shake the uneasy feeling… as if things were coming to full circle.

--*--

Arnav sat at his desk, a file open in front of him, his phone pressed between his ear and shoulder as he spoke to Aman. He had been working from home until the wedding at Anjali’s insistence, but that did not mean work had slowed down. If anything, he was determined to stay ahead.

In the past month or so, he had done a pretty good job of accepting his life, his future with Lavanya. Yes, he regretted losing Khushi. That regret would probably stay with him until his last breath. But regret was not a life plan. He also desired his own family, his own home. And he felt he could build that with Lavanya. She had been a constant in his life, and she would always be there. What else will he need?

“ASR.”

Lavanya’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts. He looked up and gave her a faint smile, almost amused at the timing, as if she had walked in straight out of his mind.

But she did not smile back.

“What’s wrong, Lavanya?” he asked, ending the call with Aman.

“Are you… going to the airport?” she asked carefully.

It took him a second to understand, before he remembered. Khushi and Dhruv were arriving today, and she was worried if he would try to pick up Khushi. His smile vanished.

“No.” he said evenly. “Mohan usually goes to receive guests in this house.”

She smiled, finally. But this time he didn’t, rather, couldn’t.

“I need to finish some work. If you don’t mind?” he asked, subtly suggesting her to leave.

She looked at him for a moment, searching his face, then nodded and quietly left. She was used to his distance by now.

But she didn’t realize, if she kept up with her mistrust, she will perhaps always get the same from him…

.

.

“Rani saheba, aap ready ho kar kaha ja rahi hai (where are you going)?” Shyam asked, as Anjali stood before the mirror, adjusting her bindi.

“To the airport. Dhruv is coming, did you forget?” she replied with a small smile, meeting his eyes through the mirror.

Shyam stood up at once. “I didn’t forget. I just didn’t know you were going to pick him up yourself.”

“I wanted to.” Anjali said, turning around. “He is coming home after so many years. And last month in Lucknow, everything was so hectic, I never really got the chance to sit and talk to him. So, I do not want to lose this chance.”

Shyam observed her for long moment, seeing the sincerity in both her words and her expression. He knew that even if she had once chosen Arnav over Dhruv in a moment of crisis, she still loved Dhruv deeply as a younger brother.

“Should I come with you?” he asked gently.

Her smile widened. “That would be perfect.”

.

They came downstairs a few minutes later, only to find everyone already gathered in the hall. Nani had called them all there. Mami ji, Mama ji, Akash, Payal, and mainly Arnav, and Lavanya.

A faint confusion passed between them until Devyani spoke.

“I called you all here because I want to say something important.” she began, in a firm voice. “As you know, Dhruv and Khushi bitiya are coming to stay with us from today. They will be here until Chote’s wedding. I want their time in this house to be peaceful. No one will remind them of any bitter memories from the past. No one will bring up old wounds. Especially not the last day Dhruv spent under this roof.”

Silence spread over the hall as her meaning was clear. She was referring to the night of Arnav and Khushi’s broken engagement.

Arnav, who had already prepared himself for this, gave a brief nod. Still, he felt Lavanya’s eyes on him, studying his reaction.

The scrutiny irritated him.

And then Manorama, who never had any strong feelings about Dhruv one way or another, but had always been secretly relieved that a middle-class girl had not married Arnav, spoke up lightly, “Don’t worry, Sasuma. We will not say anything to Dhruv or that almost-wife of our Arnav bitwa.”

“Manorama!” Devyani thundered.

Mami ji bit her tongue and corrected herself, “I meant khushi, khushi bitiya.”

--*--

The entire drive to Shantivan, Khushi’s heart refused to stay still. The thought that she was heading towards the house she had once dreamed of entering as a bride would not stop circling her mind.

And so, she took comfort in the fact that Dhruv was sitting beside her. And when he reached across and gently held her hand as they neared the gates of Shantivan, her fingers tightened around his without thinking.

Grounding herself in the life she had chosen.

--*--

A/N – building up for some major confrontations in next few chapters. Hope it didn’t feel too slow paced, but this setup was important for what’s about to unfold.