Chapter - The silence so suffocating

Chapter - The silence so suffocating

At night, Vardhan returned , Singhaniya's skyscraper. The house was too quiet, a huge contrast against his chaotic mind .

When Ishanvi came to check on him , she felt …something was wrong . Not exhaustion. No anger . Something heavier. Something that pressed a man to shrink beneath his own skin.

Vardhan was sitting on the couch, shoulder slumped, eyes fixed on the wall but his mind was somewhere else. His office bag lay abandoned on the table. His tie loosened. Shirt creased . He looked like someone who was physically present, but .. emotionally far away.

This wasn’t new anymore , however.

Lately, she had been seeing this version of him too often. Lost. Absent-minded. As if he wanted to disappear for a while.

They had been fighting, frequently than usual. Those days sharp words cut deeper than any knife could be , stretching with a heavy silence too long . And yet , it was always Vardhan who came back later , guilty , to apologise. And it is as if Ishanvi could only see the pain behind his anger . She had known him long before they were husband and wife. His anger wasn't his cruelty but the frustration of disapproval, looking for a place to land.

She walked to the kitchen, poured a glass of water, and returned. She handed him the glass and slid beside him on the couch.

Didn’t speak immediately.

Her fingers moved down gently into his hand, warm and familiar. Her head tilted softly against his shoulder, grounding him , like she had done countless times before .

“Kya baat ,” she asked softly , careful not to disturb the fragile silence. “ You seem …off . Is there anything unusual?

Vardhan blinked , before putting the glass on the table a little too forcefully. Ishanvi stared at his movement…but not surprised.

“ Woh kya samjhta hai apne apko!” He snapped suddenly, his voice tight . “Socha tha hai usey sab kuch aata hai …aur aaj toh —…

“ Kisne ?” Ishanvi, straightened , confused, wrote in her face “ Who are you talking about, Vardhan?”

He finally turned towards her , eyes burning..not with rage alone , but humiliation .

“ Aur kaun,"He scoffed bitterly. “wohi!” His chest rose and fell sharply.

Do you know “Isu” his voice trembling as he continued “ what he did today…during the board meeting ?

She listened, her expression constricted .

“He was distracted. Lost . I told him clearly… , if you're not interested , take a leave from the meeting . And this wasn't causal at all .”

His lips twisted into a painful smile , as he added “ And do you know what he did?”

Ishanvi shook her head slowly.

“ He insulated me .” Vardhan's eyes turned bloodshot “ he said he was more capable for the chair ..and his responsibilities”

Ishanvi stared at him stunned . Surprise etched in her face “ Prithvi …. misbehave with you ?”

“ Yes!” Vardhan's voice rose a little then unusually “ And why wouldn't he? He often behaves as if he owns everything …as if he built the entire business alone ”

His jaw tightened. “As if the rest of us were just… background noise. ” his shoulder dropped “ Logo ko insult karna hag bangya hai uska , he doesn't even care to check he was talking to his brother!”

Ishanvi looked at her husband , studied his face , trying to read between the anger “ lekin ... .why would he say so ?” she asked gently. “Did you say something else to him? Apne kya kuch aur bola tha?”

“Yes” His tongue slipped . “I told him …at least Dadaji should have realised—”….

He paused . The words replayed in his mind .

Realised what?

Silence fell.

Ishanvi waited , eyes searching for his eyes, not pushing, not interrupting.

She felt it then …the moment in his anger collapsed inward. “ Vardhan, kya hua , aap itne chup kaise hogaya?”

Her hand moved gently to his shoulder, slow and reassuring.

Vardhan didn't make eye contact. His whisper low , almost broken “ Ishu…he got what's always meant to be mine . ”His voice trembled . “ I thought…I would be in that position one day …but Dadaji had never seen it. Kabhi nahi … ”

Ishanvi's eyes shut instinctively , heavy exhales escaping her mouth.

She had seen him fidgeting over this same wound ever since Prithvi was declared CEO plus Vice Chairman of Singhaniya's Group . She knew how deeply it had scared Vardhan. How it felt like not just a professional loss —but a rejection from his own grandfather.

Some part of her even agreed with him. And yet…she couldn't forget that Prithvi had given his entire youth to the business, sacrificing everything else .

Ishanvi's voice softened, “ Vardhan .” She said softly “I understood.”

“ No, Ishu,”he snapped suddenly , frustration seeping over “ you don't . Nobody does….”

His hands slipped back through his hair , looking restless.

“Sab ko lagta hai mein kaam nahi karta , bas behees karta hoon . Par koi nahi samjhata …how its feel”

He exhaled a helpless, broken breath.

“ Varu, ” she whispered quietly.

That nickname—only she could take . Only she was allowed to.

“Look at me ” she cupped his face in her palms , forcing him to meet her eyes .

“ You have given so much,” she said firmly yet tenderly. “I see it. And I know… others see it too, even if they don’t say it.”

Vardhan's temple throbbed.

Ishanvi continued “ And if he's in a higher position, that doesn't mean you aren't anything less . You're already a business magnet . Your worth isn't decided by a chair , Vardhan. Your hard work speaks for you —”

She nodded her head , her soft gaze held him intent.

Suddenly his muscles taut, “Just because of my Dad's stupid decision … I'm becoming the victim .”

Vardhan throws her hands away from his face . Ishanvi sat frozen. Her pulse quickened .

He stood from the couch and headed for his room .

*****************

Vardhan hadn't joined for the dinner, nor did Ishanvi had even forced him . She simply made an excuse of his work , she slipped into their bedroom and arranged his meal there .

She had already feeded their child, Dhruvan, their three years old son . Ishanvi nor Vardhan's had ever let Drhuvan watch their domestic conflict. They had promised each other, since his innocent eyes once saw his parents arguing and he became apprehensive on that day . Both realised their mistakes. Ishanvi didn't want his tiny brain to be occupied with fear , misconceptions that provide bad influence at his budding stage .

As the dinner finished off, a worker came to clean the tables.

Vardhan stood near the window of their bedroom. Outside the lights blinked indifferently . Cars moving, lives continued as it was , but he stood still . Unseen . Not heard.

Ishanvi slipped quietly into the room , bagun placing the files into the cupboard. She hadn't spoken since he stepped into the bedroom. However, during the dinner they shared words in monosyllables only .

She gets used to this silence.

Vardhan turned around, frustration crawled up his spine again, stubborn, uninvited.

“ Tum sochti ho , ki mujhe bura nahi lagta ?” He snapped suddenly, voice cutting through the room.

Ishanvi froze, not because of the words, but the way they were conveyed. Just for a second.

She turned slowly., her voice was uneven , tired “Kisi ko kuch nahi lagta , Vardhan…sab tumahari galatfahmi hai ”

She closed the cupboard door . And turned on her legs, heading towards the bed .

“ Galatfahmi ?” He asked “ tum meri bebasi ko galatfahmi keh rahi ho ?” His words came out harsher than he intended, laced with bitterness he hated in himself. “Tumhe lagta hai mujhe roz roz yeh yaad dilane ki zarurat hai ki main…ki jo mera hai usey bhool ke chupchap manlo ?”

The sentence broke midway. He hated that too.

Ishanvi swallowed hard . “ I didn't mean that…Mein srif…

“Sirf kya?” His smirk , almost cruel. “Sirf yeh dikhana chahti ho ki tum sab samajhti ho? Tumhe idea bhi hai har meeting mein khud ko prove karna kaisa lagta hai? Jab sab log Prithvi ke naam se uthte-baithe hain?”

His eyes burned—not with anger now, but humiliation.

“I’m tired, Ishu,” he said, voice dropping but sharp. “Sab kehtey hain he is better than me. And I should accept the truth . Jaise ho waise hai thik ho ….Main thak gaya hoon sabko strong dikhate dekhate .”

His words hung heavy. He was expecting a shout, a mocking reply from Ishanvi. But she didn't speak a word.

She just stood there, absorbing the blow meant for the world… and aimed at her.

And that hurt him more than anything. He remembered how he threw her hands away from his face , left the living room without even bothering to take a glance back at her , as if she wasn't there .

His hand ran through his hair, pacing once before stopping. His shoulders sagged, the fight draining out of him.

He turned toward her, guilt settling deep in his chest.

“I shouldn’t have —” His voice faltered. He couldn’t say sorry. Not yet. The word stuck somewhere between pride and shame.

Ishanvi looked at him then. Her eyes were calm—but tired.

“ Tumhara frustration mujhe samjh aata hai , Varu. “ She said softly. “ Par har baar you lashing them out on me …woh mujhe todh ke rakh deta hai .”

The truth landed quietly.

Vardhan’s jaw tightened. A pang of guilt clogged in his throat. Her words worked like a physical blow on his chest . He looked away, blinking hard. “ Ishu …” he said softly..

“ Vardhan, tomorrow I have to wake up earlier . It's important ” Ishanvi didn't look at him. She didn't want to. She felt suffocated, needing fresh air to pour down her emotions.

Vardhan stood still.

The apology stayed unsaid—but it was heavy in the air between them.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

The bedroom was dark . Only the faint glow of the city seeped in through the narrow gap between the curtains . The glow traced a pale line across the floor.

Prithvi was asleep beside her , or at least pretending to be . His breathing was steady . There weren't any casual jibes, teasing her purposely only to enjoy her cuteness was missing tonight. He chooses silence over words . And the silence was so heavy , threatening to pissed their body off .

Sanyogita lay on her side, facing away from him. However, her eyes were wide open. Betrayed to hold back her emotions. The events of the evening kept replying relentlessly. The sudden hush, the way everyone had looked at her afterwards. No empathy. No concern. Only sarcastic comments behind her back .

Her efforts were framed by her marriage. Singhaniya's wife . Two words engulfed her whole identity.

She slowly sat up, careful not to disturb him , her legs swinging off the bed. The floor was cold beneath her feet , grounding in an uncomfortable way. Her arms hugged around her chest , and she sat steady, staring in the dark.

Her phone lay on the bedside table. She knew she shouldn’t pick it up. She avoided talking to everyone since the evening. Don't even dare to share the dinner together. However, she was barely able to swallow the food .

Sanyogita stared at her mobile for a while. Her hand stretched anyway, and started one scroll. Then two .

Comments blurred together. Pretty face , powerful husband.

Talent or privilege? Hard to tell.

Another industry plant backed by money.

Her vision swam.

She locked the screen abruptly and pressed the phone face-down, as if that could silence the noise inside her head.

Her chest tightened. Too tight, she was struggling to control her groaning.

“would they have noticed me if I was a commoner, not a Goel or Singhaniya?”

If he hadn’t walked in today… would I still be standing there?

Sanyogita paused.

“ What am I thinking? It's not him….he just wants to be my anchor…but I can't let you keep fixing things , Viraj ….I just can't.” She thought to herself.

Her eyes welled up . Threatening to escape . She held her lips tight . No. She wouldn't cry. Not like this .

Not here . When Viraj is around her . Unless ..

She froze instantly . She wiped her eyes with the heel of her hand , trying to steady her breathing ,which sounded like muffling because of crying for too long.

She lay back down slowly, turning her face towards the edge of the bed , curling beneath the blanket . Her shoulders shook despite her effort to stay still. Silent tears slid down her temples into the pillow.

She had wanted freedom. Space. And yet, lying there now, she had never felt more alone.

Prithvi stirred slightly, without letting her know he had been awakening . He had seen her silhouette , sitting on the bed edge. How her shoulders moved up and down . How she hid her vulnerability from him . Shutting him out from her world.

She whispered, barely audible, more to herself than anyone else — “I just wanted to be enough.”

Prithvi’s chest tightened. Struggling to even breathe . Her words stabbed deeper than any knife. He didn't move. Didn't touch her . Every instinct in him screamed to pull her into his arms, to tell that the world would never dare hurt her again. She was more than enough. She didn't need anyone's approval.

But tonight she was hurt because of his power.

Prithvi stayed where he was, fists clenched beneath the sheets . Didn't dare to breach the boundary she had drawn ..even as it tore him apart.

In that space between them lay a fragile distance that neither of them knew how to cross without breaking the other.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Vardhan leaned in the bed , turning away from her . However, sleep came to him in broken fragments . Exhaustion claimed what anger has ruined.

Ishanvi waited until his breathing even out . It was only then did she move. She slipped out of the bed quietly, careful enough not to wake up nor did he or Dhruvan, their three years old son.

In the bathroom, once the door was shut without a sound, her heart burst out in groaning.

She broke.

Her palms held tightly against the sink , while her shoulders shrouded. Tears streamed down freely , so everything which she had swallowed over a long , came out silently until her heart bled .

She stared at her reflection . Her eyes were swollen and red, while her lips pressed tight.

“ How long ? She wondered silently. “ How long do I carry your anger, frustration with me , Vardhan…?”

She held him secure when he felt invisible. She defended him while others compared him with his younger brother.

She stood like a wall when his hurt from unacceptance crumpled into anger .

But walls crack too.

Another sob escaped her before she could stop it . Her hand flew over her mouth, her head shaking each time .

“Main strong hoon,” she whispered to herself, as if reminding her own heart. “Mujhe strong rehna padega.”

She wiped her tears, threw water over her face , washing away the tear stain from her cheeks.

She was trying to collect her composure. Even out her breathing.

Because tomorrow, she will smile again.

She would stand beside him again.

She would be his calm, again.

Even if no-one ever saw how much strength that cost her .

***************

When Ishanvi slipped back into bed , she lay beside him carefully.

Suddenly she felt…his arm , warm , familiar slide around her waist.

She froze for a heartbeat. Her chest tightened. She turned on her stomach, turning her back to him .

Vardhan however shifted slightly, his hand instinctively reaching out , finding her wrist, holding it loosely, as if afraid she might disappear.

His chest pressed against her back. She shut her eyes tightly, trying to sleep but then something damped brushed the side of her neck.

Her breath caught for a brief moment. She didn't turn. She didn’t need to.

Behind her, Vardhan's face rested against her shoulder, his breathing was uneven . Suddenly , a soft whisper followed so low it barely existed.

“I’m… sorry, Ishu.” His voice trembling

Ishanvi swallowed her emotions, trying not to cry again. She said nothing. Only instinctively pulled back her hand from his grip .

Nevertheless, Vardhan’s arm tightened immediately, pulling her back against him . His grip was firm , yet protective.

“No,” he whispered, voice cracking. “Please…”

She felt his grip shake.

“I shouldn’t have said those things. Those aren't meant for you ,” he murmured, his voice heavy with shame. “Those are the griefs of my inability ..my frustration were means against me only ”

His words soaked into the quiet room.

Slowly, carefully, Ishanvi turned to face him. She lifted a finger to her lips, reminding him gently “ Dhruvan…so raha hai, Dheere” her voice barely over a whisper.

Vardhan nodded gently. His eyes shimmering heavily with unshed emotions .

The room was dark , only the city lights piercing inside from the curtains , steaming inside , in a sweep of rays on the wall .

Vardhan's hand rose hesitantly, fingertips brushing against her cheeks . His thumb paused.

Her moistened cheeks dampened his fingers.

“ I keep losing myself,” he admitted, “ and in my anger …I didn't even realise I was hurting the person I love most in my life.”

Ishanvi’s body stiffened.

“You always say that,” she replied softly, “ You break me first and then ….” Her voice choked, hurt and love tangled together.

He leaned down , resting his forehead against herself . His apology came again, but not in the form of words , but in the way he held her , careful and reverently.

Their lips met , slow at first then gradually became so deep full of things that neither of them could say out loud.

This wasn't a kiss of gratification. But for comfort. A reminder that they were still together. Partner in every thick and thin phase of life .

He whispered “sorry” apologise again, his lips slipped down from jawline to neck . The world seemed to disappear to the quiet rise and fall of their breaths . Beneath the shared warmth of the blanket, their fragile peace stitched together in the dark.

Once everything went still again , he collapsed against her naked frame . His face dug within her hair, damp in sweat . His chest pressed into her curves.

He lay still , holding her tightly as if she were something breakable, precious.

Ishanvi was breathing unevenly . Her lips brush against his forehead, a small gesture…

Loving him meant staying — even if it hurts quietly.