Chapter 130

Thank you very much dimshira and MEsw for your wonderful, truthful comments. I would like to shed some light on the worries you have expressed: though the next chapter should be enough explanation as to why I wrote the previous chapters the way I did.

Being starved of the presence of his wife for nearly two weeks, Lord Arnav was torn within and it took all the courage he could muster to not reveal his silent longing. His "action-expressions" of the painting in his desk, the gift of the chocolate liquor bottle, added with her expressions of the breakfast basket, her presence in his room during his absence, all helped him to understand how much he wanted her. He was definitely getting softer towards her, to the extent that he confessed that his rejection of the Village-visit was not to hurt her.

On the night when he could no longer be parted from her and carried her to his room, she reciprocated his missing-ness by admitting in her sleep that she missed him. He was moved by it and promised to never leave her. The love was slowly binding. What you should note is not the vigour or passion with which they fought with swords next day, but the RELIEF with which he engaged in the fight with her. The relief culminates in her avowal that he was not her husband and his determination to prove her otherwise.

As long as he can love her without being asked to explain or express verbally his feelings, he is fine with it. It was that night when she asked him why he had changed that he turned furious and she left to sleep in the living room. But his torment of having lost her again to his anger, tore at his heart and triggered his near-transformation. This night changed it all.

Since he was in a vulnerable state (between his transformation and his recovery), words flowed freely out of him and he confessed that he always "meant" the opposite to what he "said". You see how the equation is gradually changing, where he is slowly becoming warmer and trying to be more expressive though still limiting himself. As long as she didn't question him and make him uncomfortable. The key to this psychology is: at times, he is willing to admit his feelings in indirect or direct ways, depending on how aroused he is. But if he is questioned or confronted to face his feelings, he withdraws. So far, she has not asked him anything after that "near-transformation" night which is why you see a softer Lordy, willing to be loving.

And then enters my favourite character: the General himself. Though at first Lord Arnav begins his show of affection for ascertaining to the General that she is his wife and is not to be messed with, gradually Lord Arnav lets his guard down to show that he is a man who cannot always bottle his desires from his beautiful wife.

In short, having been deprived of Kushi for a long while and having leanrt to trust her again, Lord Arnav is slowly daring to love her without hiding his true feelings.

There is only one way I can help you to understand this: by asking you to read the chapters from their wedding onwards. That way you can be sure of the way the feelings of trust and love are juxtaposed and how it changes with specific incidents.

But here comes an important pointer: along with learning to express his feelings, there is another reason why Lord Arnav advances on Kushi frequently lately. A few hints will be given about it in the forthcoming chapters 206 and 207.

19sayana: Do take good care, dear. Stay happy and healthy. I really pray and hope you get better soon, dear.

Chav: You always make me smile and feel excited to read your comments, dear! I so loved the sweet gift you gave me for my bday. Loved the archaic script on the parchment and the sweet words you worded still resonate in my heart. Thankyou!

And to all my other readers too, a lot of love. I am writing this in a hurry and cannot mention all and I know there are many who do not know I updated. Sorry I can't PM. Situation.

The following chapter will also be unPMed. Sorry. Lack of time and matters of health. But loving you all just the same.

Chapter 205: Upsetting Adieus

Lord Arnav woke up the next morning to find his wife not in the bed with him.

He shifted to look over his shoulder and found her behind him, sitting at the edge of the bed, staring at the closed door.

Puzzled by her unexpected morning poise, he sat up.

The sound of sheets ruffling alerted her that he was rousing and she looked over her shoulder at him and smiled, "You are awake!"

Sitting with the pillows propped at his back, Lord Arnav stared at her suspiciously, "Shouldn't I be?"

Kushi had already got on her feet, moved to the bedside table and poured a warm cup of coffee, "It seemed so long waiting for you to get up..."

He was still not sure where all this was heading but when she offered him his coffee, he took the steaming cup, wording no question to his doubt.

As he sipped, he was aware of being openly watched by his wife who was still in her blue night gown, a sight too delicious for eyes to not feast upon.

However, halfway through his coffee, he sensed something strange in her rapt attention to his morning mood.

"Is something the matter, Kushi?" he probed at last.

Kushi seemed relieved to have found the anticipated opening. No sooner had the question been asked than she breathed out, "It is today!"

He paused and studied her, "What is today?"

Kushi's face beamed with hope, "In an hour, Jiji and Lord Akash will be leaving for the Village and-"

"So?" His tone betrayed the freshly-sprouted annoyance but Kushi didn't notice it.

"So if we are going with them, you won't be uncomfortable staying in the Village with your brother for company-"

"What the! Hold it right there," Lord Arnav's voice was stern as he leaned forward and placed the unfinished cup of coffee onto the bedside table.

His expression was unyielding as he continued, "Don't tell me you-"

"It would only be for a week-"

"You are not leaving this castle until I tell you, Kushi!" Lord Arnav frowned at her and got out of bed.

"But I am not leaving alone," Kushi tried to reason, "You are coming with me!"

"I very well am not," mumbled Lord Arnav as he stomped towards the wardrobe.

Kushi moved towards where he was fumbling through his day clothes, "It is a ritual. The reason why we are still bride and groom is because you never permit rituals to be done in their time."

Having found a shirt and a pair of pants, he shut the wardrobe door and frowned at her, "The reason why we are still bride and groom is because I am being too considerate and good to you. Just because I am showing you some kindness, does not mean you take advantage of it, Kushi. Show some gratitude by respecting my demands."

"Respect your demands?" Kushi glared at him as he walked towards the bath chamber, "How can I respect the demands of a man who never respects the needs and feelings of others?"

He stopped in his tracks and turned to look at her, a cold light in his eyes, "You are right, Kushi. I am a cold, heartless man who pays no heed to how I hurt others. That is the way I am and that is the way I will always be. So when I tell you that you are not to go to the Village, you will obey it without question."

"I am not your slave, you-!" But he had already got into the bath chamber and shut the door.

Kushi stomped her foot. She had thought that the warmth and affection he'd shown to her in the past few days was proof that he had changed, but what a reminder she'd gotten of how he would always be adamant and coldly compelling!

An emptiness pierced Kushi's heart when, an hour later, she saw the baskets and boxes packed in the living room, waiting to be loaded into the carriage waiting at the front lawn of the Castle.

And standing before the wide open central doors was Payal, dressed wonderfully in a green gown, donning a similar green hat and green net gloves.

The Raizada family was crowded before entrance but Payal's searching eyes had spotted Kushi as the younger sister came down the stairs, towards the living room, walking as though the distance weighed upon her heart heavily, knowing she could not have what she longed for.

As Kushi stepped into the middle of the living room, heading for the crowd before the central doors, Payal stepped towards Kushi and held her young sister's hands in hers.

"Kushi...?" Payal eyes enquired the unworded question.

With a despondent look on her face, Kushi shook her head.

Payal embraced Kushi and her gloved hands gently caressed her sister's back, "I am certain he will change his mind."

"No, Jiji," Kushi sniffed sadly against her sister's shoulder, "He's too hardhearted to humble himself enough to counter his own command."

"Nonsense, Kushi!" Payal frowned at her sister after releasing her from the embrace, "Do you forget, little minx, that it was he who broke his vow when you two were at that detachment game' of yours?"

Kushi was still not convinced, "This is not a game, Jiji. This is me wanting to see my family and him wanting to stay in his lordly luxuries."

"I am certain that luxury' is not the reason he keeps back from visiting the Village," Payal defended.

Kushi frowned, "Are you on his side or mine, Jiji?"

Payal grinned, "Yours, my little Arhasian fairy! But tell me, is there something you want me to give Amma and Babuji?"

"A kiss each, please," Kushi pleaded, "And for Buaji as well, though I think Buaji would complain of the conveyed affection, saying she'd prefer to see common sense from me than to get my kisses!"

"That she certainly will!" laughed Payal.

"Oh, Jiji," Kushi sighed, looking at Payal, "I wish I was coming with you...and you look so beautiful, it makes me want to cry with joy, but I am too heartbroken to feel that joy in its right notch."

"Cheer up, Kushi," said Payal, "You are Babuji's little Princess! He wouldn't want to hear from me that I was given woes and tears as farewell from you."

"I miss him sorely," mumbled Kushi.

"And you will see him soon," promised Payal, "You wait and see, Kushi. Besides..." Payal had a nifty twinkle in her eyes, "I think it is best we don't go together or you will get jealous when Buaji favours my husband more than your arrogant one!"

Kushi smiled sadly for her sister.

Sighing, Payal kissed the young girl warmly on her cheek, "But I do hope you prove me wrong!"

"If I ever get him to step into the Village, that is," muttered Kushi, and then the sound of quick boot strides coming down the stairs caught her attention, and without sparing a look in that direction, she muttered, "And behold, here comes the ritual-breaker, my adorably callous husband!"

She didn't spare him a look when he passed by the two sisters, but Payal dipped her head in a slight bow as he passed and he returned back the gesture with a polite nod.

Kushi frowned at the floor, hearing his mumbled farewell to his cousin, who looked dashing his new suit.

Lord Arnav placed a hand on Lord Akash's shoulder, "Akash, are you sure you don't want a servant sent along to afford you aid during your week's stay at the village?"

Lord Akash shook his head, "This is just for us, brother. Just me and my wife."

He looked at his wife when he said this and Payal smiled back at him.

Lady Manorama rolled her eyes but Lord Manohar was full of cheer, "Do give the Guptas regards from your Mother and Father, Akash."

"I certainly will, Father," Lord Akash smiled at his father.

Nani touched the foreheads of Payal and Lord Akash and murmured blessings to safeguard them on their journey and during their stay away from home.

Kushi's heart weighed watching all this and she felt even more torn away from all that she cared for, seeing her sister preparing to leave.

As they stood waiting for the carriage to arrive before the lawn step, Nani and Lady Anjali once again tried to talk Lord Arnav into changing his mind but their use of the phrase completing the ritual' angered him immensely that he ascertained that it should be the last time that they would dare make the Village-visit suggestion at him.

"I will hear no more of it henceforth," he stated sternly and then looked at the butler, "Rahim Chacha, I am going for my Saturday ride. See that everything set for the Village is packed and laden and that Akash and Payal are sent off well."

"Certainly, sire," the aged butler affirmed to the order with a bow, and the family watched as Lord Arnav stormed out of the open central doors and onto the sun-lit lawn, heading for the stable.

Do not think that he is suddenly changed and become cold again in this chapter. He has not. It's just a reaction. Wait for the day to end. And do not think that Kushi is suddenly forgetful of her feelings. She is only hurt that she is denied her home.