Chapter 7

3 months ago

Pearl_Oyster

@Pearl_Oyster

Khushi lay on her bed, her gaze unfocused and she was lost in her thoughts. Even the warm, yellow light emanating from the stars she had hanged in her room did little to distract her mind from the day’s events. It had been hours since she had left the Raizada Mansion, yet the afternoon lingered in her mind. Upon her request, Arnav had taken her to the drawing room, where both the ladies were already sitting and talking. She had bidden them goodbye and had been surprised by another hug from Ratna Raizada. Both Ratna Raizada and Anjali had expressed their wish to meet her again and she had only smiled in return. Arnav had insisted that he wanted to drop her but, she had refused saying she had other places to be. Outside the Raizada Mansion gate, there had been no autorickshaw in sight. So, she had walked to the nearest main road and booked a cab home.

As expected, when she had reached the flat, Payal had grilled her for more information, asking about the family. She had given her most of the details and Payal had seemed satisfied. Had even been excited that Khushi was now re-united with her friend.

Thinking about Arnav, she turned to her side, pressing her cheek against the pillow. She recalled the way he had been the entire day. Eager, insistent, and sharing his world with her without any apparent restraint. She could not help but feel guilty because she knew she was holding back.

She recalled the moment she had snapped at him, her words sharper than she had intended. He had only meant to reassure her, to remind her that she was welcome, that she was known. But something within her had resisted—an old instinct, a deeply ingrained wariness that refused to let her lower her walls.

She sighed, shifting onto her back once more. He had been hurt by her words. She had seen it in his eyes, the flicker of something unspoken before he had steadied himself and moved past it. And that unsettled her more than anything else.

Why did it matter so much? Why did his quiet disappointment sit so heavily in her chest? Because he was Arnav? Because for all the years that had passed, for all the careful distance she had maintained, she still cared for him? Was it right? Was it wrong?

It cannot be wrong, can it? He cared for her too. She was sure of it. He had not forgotten her.

But then why did he not keep his promise? Why did he not come back? She was there at the orphanage. Waiting for him, waiting for the letters he said he would write.

The questions left a bitter taste in her mouth.

It had taken her years to bury those questions deep inside her heart but now that he was back in her life, those questions were stirring inside her again, wanting to be asked.

If she closed her eyes, she could recall the disappointment and the hurt that had clung to her for weeks and months when neither he had come nor any news of him. She was only a child. But, it had still bothered her to have been forgotten so early and so easily. Maybe the warden was right, she had thought. Maybe she was just a burden. Maybe their friendship was born and held out of convenience. Once that convenience had been taken away, the friendship had faded too. She had spent the entire year solemn and quieter.

But once her Buaji had taken her in, Khushi had opened up to her about her friendship with Arnav. It was her Buaji who had explained to her that maybe Arnav could not come because it had not been possible at the time. After all, he too had been merely a child, just as she had been — both thrown into worlds they had not chosen.

And that had made sense to her. Life is indeed unpredictable. So, she had decided to not hold onto any bitterness inside her for his absence. She had even expressed her wish to Buaji that she wanted to meet him again someday.

"You will once the time is right" Her Buaji had said. On several occasions. And she had believed those words.

That was until her Buaji had begun to fall sicker and sicker. The thought of meeting Arnav was pushed back in her mind. Shyam and his family had stepped up, taking charge of not only her Buaji's treatment but also of her.

And by the time she had learned about where to find him, it was already too late. Her life had already begun to fracture. So, she had purposely kept herself away, both ashamed and afraid. Maybe he did not want to see her. And even if he did want to see her, should she let that happen? Should she let him see the vulnerabilities of her life? The doubts had been too strong at the time.

Fate wanted their paths to be separate. She had told herself. But, now? The same fate was acting the complete opposite? Why did it throw her back in Arnav's path? Why did she end up meeting him? Why does he still remember her and want her in his life? Why does she want him back too?

Her fingers tightened around the edge of her duvet as she exhaled slowly, trying to ease the tangle of emotions within her. Is it silly of her to think so much? But, she needs to figure out her thoughts, right?

You barely know me!

She recalled the words she had hurled at him earlier today — unguarded, raw, an accusation born not of logic but of old hurt. And he, ever patient, ever gentle, had been quick to acknowledge it, even to seek to rectify it.

A quiet sigh escaped her lips, mingling with the hush of the night. She needs to do better. She owes it to him...and to herself. A tighter leash is required on her erratic emotions, on the words that slip out before she can summon the wisdom to weigh them.

This second opportunity to know each other, to be in each other's lives, she needs to tread this calmly. With that thought, she reached out to the bedside table and turned off the lamp, letting only the glow of the yellow stars remain in the room. Then she shifted onto her side, willing sleep to come.

But just then, her phone beeped. She reached for it and found that it was Arnav’s text message.

"Thank you for today, Khushi. I know it was out of your comfort zone meeting Ma and Anjali but you did it for my sake. I just want you to know... today has been one of the best days I have had in years. I am really happy to have you back in my life."

She stared at the words, the air stilling around her as the ache she had been nursing all evening softened, untangled.

He noticed. He understood.

She blinked rapidly, a small smile pulling at the corners of her mouth, trembling and real. With unsure fingers, she typed back slowly, carefully:

"It has been one of the happiest days of my life in several years too."

She sent the message before her nerves could catch up with her. Almost immediately, his reply came:

"What is your plan for tomorrow?"

Khushi glanced at the time. It was late, but she wanted to keep the texting going, to share her plans with him. Tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear, she typed:

"Shopping with Payal in the morning. Akash will join us for lunch afterward."

The screen remained still for a few seconds before lighting up again.

"That sounds fun! Let me know how it goes. Good night."

A warmth bloomed quietly within her as she read his message. Smiling to herself, she replied:

"Good night, Arnav."

Setting the phone down by her bedside, she lay back against the pillow with open eyes. She felt lighter, happier. And tonight, for the first time in a long while, sleep came easily to her.

~~**~~

Two days later, on Monday morning, she had just entered her cabin when Akash walked in with two mugs of instant coffee. The familiar and comforting aroma of coffee immediately lifted her spirits.

“I really needed this. Thanks!” she said to Akash as she took one of the mugs while Akash settled down opposite her, lounging easily in the visitor’s chair.

“I was so tired last night,” she said, smelling the coffee deeply. “A movie after shopping and lunch... it was far too much outside time for me. I did not get enough time to rejuvenate myself for Monday.”

Akash chuckled lowly, a knowing look flitting across his face.

“At least your day ended with the movie," he said, his tone teasing. "You went back to your flat and slept peacefully. I, on the other hand, had to go on an evening walk to Connaught Place with Payal because someone was not done shopping. And then we had dinner outside too.”

Khushi glanced at him over the rim of her mug, arching an eyebrow with mock sternness.

“Do not make it sound like a chore, Akash,” she said, setting the mug down with a soft clink. “I know very well that you enjoy those sorts of things with Payal. It would not hurt your masculinity to admit it, you know.”

Akash grinned, the easy, self-deprecating smile that so often lit up his mild features.

“You caught me,” he admitted with a small shrug. “What can I say? Shopping and aimless walking around with her is not exactly torture.”

Khushi shook her head fondly.

A brief, comfortable silence settled between them before Akash leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees.

“So... how is Arnav doing? Did you speak to him?” he asked, casual but curious. She had briefly narrated her meeting with Arnav and his family to Akash during their lunch together.

“He must be busy on Sundays too,” she replied, because there had been nothing from him yesterday.

Akash’s eyebrows quirked upwards, amusement glinting in his eyes.

“Looks like you have finally met someone who works longer hours than you do.”

Khushi merely shook her head again, letting his teasing roll off her easily.

“Speaking of work,” she said, setting her mug aside and straightening the stack of papers on her desk, “we need to outline our research goals and deliverables for this week. Rakshit said that we have to reconvene in two weeks, right?”

“That is right! Do you have anything particular in mind?” He asked.

“Don’t I always?” she said a little proudly, reaching for her notepad lying on the desk.

“I got some time to think before bed yesterday. This is how I think we should move forward” she said, showing her notes and scribbles to Akash who began reading them as he finished his coffee.

“Divide our load between manufacturing and sales. Alright! I go with manufacturing for ten years! You are fine with sales?” He said once he was done.

“Works for me! I am planning to do it from old records to new, that way…” she was interrupted by the ringing of her intercom.

“Ms. Kashyap!” she whispered to Akash before receiving the phone.

Akash listened as she nodded and said yes.

“Let me guess! A Monday morning meeting to get us all in the work mode” He took as a guess as she put down the phone.

“Right on!” Khushi said as she stood up, taking her notepad and pen.

“I will go get my stuff from my cabin” he said, dragging himself up from the chair as though it was a task.

Once Akash left, she slipped her pen into her notepad, her features settling into the quiet composure she wore at work.

Halfway to Ms. Kashyap’s office, Akash caught up with her, practically sprinting. Once beside her, he slowed down his walk. As they reached Ms. Kashyap’s door, Khushi slowed down too.

She knocked at the open glass door where Ms. Kashyap was sitting behind her desk wearing a stylish cream blouse and navy trousers. She glanced up from her laptop, her expression businesslike but welcoming.

“Good morning!” Ms. Kashyap greeted, her voice brisk. “Come in, both of you. Have a seat.”

Khushi and Akash exchanged a glance and sat down across from her, their notepads ready.

“I will get straight to the point,” Lavanya said, tapping her pen lightly against the table. “I want a preliminary report from the research teams. Since Rakshit chose this crucial time to go on vacation, you two will have to coordinate directly with me for this week. And no need to feel pressured. This report that I am talking about has to be simple. Nothing detailed but enough to give a clear sense of direction so that we have conclusive findings at the end of two weeks. I have already spoken to Akanksha about this. They too will be sending their report from ARA Studio”.

Khushi leaned forward, absorbing the information.

“Alright” she said. Akash nodded too.

“We can use what we discussed this morning, right, Khushi?” he spoke to her.

“Yes,” Khushi said, nodding firmly. Her mind was already ticking through the adjustments she would have to make to their original timeline. “We will have to refine it a bit, but it can be done.”

“Good to hear that you already have a plan,” Ms. Kashyap said, offering a small smile. “Also, ASR is visiting the textiles division on Wednesday. He might drop by the research wing as well. Just a heads-up.”

Khushi told herself to keep scribbling in her notepad as she heard that.

“Anything else we should know?” Akash spoke.

“Yes, one last thing.” Ms. Kashyap’s tone softened a touch. “Make sure whatever you submit is sharp. You both have been doing a good job so far, but for this particular task, we have both time-crunch and higher standards. That is just how ASR works. I have told him my division is fully capable. This is the time we show them that” Ms. Kashyap said.

“We will do our best, Ms. Kashyap,” Khushi said confidently, feeling both challenged and motivated.

“That is what I like to hear. I am expecting the preliminary report on my desk by Friday afternoon” Ms. Kashyap replied.

Khushi and Akash nodded and rose from their seats.

As they walked down the corridor, Akash leaned towards her and whispered conspiratorially, “Guess we are not easing into this Monday after all.”

Khushi snorted quietly. “When have Mondays ever been merciful?”

Akash gave a resigned sigh.

“See you later!” Khushi said and headed back to her cabin.

As she settled into her chair, her mind briefly drifted—to Wednesday, and the sudden mention of Arnav visiting.

She recalled the request she had made to him. That she would prefer it if, at work, he kept their acquaintance to himself. Not because she was ashamed of knowing him, but because here, she wanted—needed—to stand on her own.

She trusted him to abide by her request. But, she too would have to work on her appearance, her composure. Because being around him was different now. It stirred her both with calm and chaos. She tried to recall the days at Vaatsalya where it had been mostly calm that she felt around him. That was until a particular day in the July of 2005.

About three months had gone by since she had first experienced the confusion, distress and the delicate changes that marked her growing up. It had taken her time to adjust to her changing body and the emotions. And Arnav had been there in the background, giving her the space and the time which was demanded less by her and more by the warden at the orphanage. She had become more wary and strict about her friendship with Arnav, telling her to stay away from him and boys in general. Khushi had tried to wrap her head around it, to understand why this was being done. But there were rarely answers. Mostly just orders and warnings! Despite that, one afternoon, she was sitting with Arnav in the common hall of Vaatsalya, surrounded by other children.

She and Arnav were doing their homework and he was helping her when the soft scrape of rubber soles against the stone floor made her stiffen.

She looked up to find the warden standing a few feet away eith narrowed eyes upon finding Khushi seated beside Arnav.

“I have told you before,” the warden said, her voice sharp enough to slice through the murmurs in the room, “you are to stay away from him.”

She had blinked, her pencil trembling slightly in her fingers. Shame and confusion rushed up, but before she could say anything, Arnav’s response came.

“We are just doing homework,” his voice was steady and unflinching as his dark eyes met the warden’s without flinching. “She needs help with mathematics.”

The warden’s lips thinned. “She always needs help,” she said, the disdain thick in her voice. “And if you stick around her, you will suffer in your studies. Is that what you want?”

Arnav’s jaw tightened at the provocation and he gave a small shrug, careless yet defiant. “I am fine with that.”

Khushi blinked at him, her heart squeezing painfully at the simple, unthinking loyalty in his words.

The warden, however, was unmoved. “I am not fine with that. So, you better focus on your studies and keep her away from yourself. And if you have too much time on your hands, I can load you with another class of juniors to assist with their homework,” she said smugly but Arnav’s face remained passive and undeterred.

The warden noticed that and shook her head.

“Come with me now. A gentleman is here to meet you” she said.

A strange cocktail of dread and curiosity swirled in Khushi’s heart as she heard the words. Arnav seemed surprised too. He squared his shoulders and looked at her once before looking at the warden.

“Why to meet me?” his voice was both skeptical and guarded.

“That you will find out,” the warden said. “Now come.” Without waiting for further protests, she turned sharply on her heel.

Arnav hesitated just a fraction before gathering his books and putting them next to hers.

“I will be right back” he said to her and followed after the warden.

Khushi had stood there, watching him walk away. A strange heaviness pressed against her chest, unfamiliar and unwelcome. She did not understand it fully then, but it clung to her—a quiet fear that he

might leave.

The hour that followed had stretched unbearably long for her. She had stayed in the hall, pencil poised uselessly over her notebook, pretending to study as the other children trickled out for lunch.

Their laughter and footsteps faded down the corridor, leaving her alone in the hall.

Then the door opened.

Her head jerked up so quickly it made her dizzy, and her heart thudded painfully in her chest. Arnav was slowly walking towards her. His expression was thoughtful, a little distant, but when he spotted her still sitting there, something in his face softened.

"I thought you might have gone for lunch" he said, sitting down next to her.

"I was waiting for you" she replied and he patted her head once.

"Come on! Let us go for lunch" he replied, putting away their books in a corner shelf.

She stood up, looking at him with curious eyes. He noticed and shook his head.

"It was some random man. He said his name is Arvind and he is from Delhi" he began talking at the started walking towards the mess.

"Delhi? The capital city?" Khushi asked with surprise.

"Yes!" Arnav said, kicking a pebble on the way.

"Does he want to adopt you?" She asked, unable to hold the question anymore.

Arnav smiled depreciatingly.

"I think not. He did not say anything of that kind. He just asked me about Vaatsalya! About my studies. What I liked, what I wanted to do when I grew up.”

Her throat felt dry. She pushed the words out anyway. “It does seem like he wants to adopt you".

Arnav gave a short, almost careless shrug. “I doubt it, Khushi. I am too old now. No one wants to adopt boys my age.” His mouth twisted into a small, wry smile, but his eyes were quiet. “He just said he would come back to meet me again.”

Khushi stared at him, her chest tight. She wanted to believe it meant nothing, that nothing would change.

“If you leave…” she began, her voice trembling despite her best efforts, “how will I score well in Maths?”

Arnav gave a slow smile under and reached out to ruffle her hair, gently, the way he always did when she was upset.

“I am not going anywhere. For all we know, he could be a prospective donor. People like to give their extra money to orphanages so that they can feel better about themselves. You know? Like those rich, spoilt children who come here on their birthdays with their parents to celebrate. As if we need a reminder of what we do not have" He spoke, expressing his distaste for the umpteenth time. He always stayed away from such celebrations.

She nodded, regardless. This time, feeling too unsure to tell him that people visit to share their happiness and not to show off.

"Come on! Let us enjoy the Sunday lunch. If we are lucky, there will be kheer" He said and then jogging ahead of her.

She had run after him, unaware that their lunches together were limited.

As the memory dissolved, Khushi found herself whisked back into the present where a huge task waited her. Shaking her head clear of the memories that swirled in her head, she opened her laptop and began going through graphs and numbers.

Three hours later, she looked up and found that it was lunch time. She deliberated between heading to the canteen or ordering something better to treat herself. She was still thinking when her phone began ringing.

The caller ID brought a tense frown on her forehead. She accepted the call, lifting the phone to her ear.

"Namaste, Tiwariji," she said quietly.

"Namaste, Khushi ji," came the brisk reply, his voice as clipped as ever.

"Calling to inform you—a date for your case has been fixed."

Khushi sat up straighter, the news sending a faint ripple of unease through her.

"Will I need to come to Kanpur for the hearing?"

"It would be better if you did," Tiwariji said, his tone already moving on.

"The last hearing was nearly a year ago. Your presence would make a stronger impression."

Khushi nodded slowly, though he could not see her. Her stomach had tightened the moment she heard the word 'hearing,' a familiar prickle of anxiety creeping into her chest.

"Will Shyamji be there?" she asked, voice low.

"Most likely," Tiwariji answered without pause, as if it were a mere formality and not a thing that cost her breath to even think about.

She pressed her lips together, closing her eyes for a moment. She wished he would understand that this was not just another date on his crowded calendar.

"Please text me the details," she said, after a small pause. "I will confirm with you soon."

"Haan, haan," he replied hurriedly. "I will send it right away. And Khushiji, can you bring my fees for the hearing in cash this time?"

"Ji" she said and the call ended abruptly, leaving behind a hollow silence. She lowered the phone onto the table and sat back, staring blankly ahead.

A year since the last hearing and yet, it felt like no time at all when she had to stand in a room full of people and recount everything.

She leaned back against the chair, her body heavy with the knowledge of what lay ahead again. To return to Kanpur. To walk into that courtroom again. To be subjected to relive all of it. To describe it all. To be a victim again!

She wondered if it was done deliberately. Shyam's appearance in her office last week. And now a court hearing. What was he trying to achieve?

She drew in a breath and released it slowly to compose herself.

The numbers on the laptop screen blurred into insignificance and the hunger was snuffed.

She closed her eyes and tried shutting out the world for a moment so that she could gather herself.

The silence of her cabin was broken by the beeping of her phone. She opened her eyes and saw the message from Tiwariji flashing on the screen.

The details of the hearing! She did not reach for the phone. Instead, she pushed it away, folded her arms on the desk, and lowered her head on it, needing some rest.

~~***~~

Twenty minutes later, she opened her eyes and looked at her phone. Then, she forwarded the message to Payal. As she had expected, her phone began ringing within a minute. She received the call.

“This is so sudden!” Payal started without any preamble.

"Yes" she admitted.

There was a brief, tremulous silence.

"Khushi," Payal said, her voice softer now. "You are going, right?"

Khushi pressed the phone closer to her ear.

"I do not know, Payal. I have to think about it." She said.

"What is there to think about?" Payal’s voice rose, then gentled again, as if afraid to push her too hard. "You have waited so long for this. You have fought so much."

"I know," she replied.

"But going back there, answering all those questions again. And what happens in the end? They just push it to the next hearing. I don't know how long I can do this or how long I should do this" she continued, feeling a little tired just as she said the words. It was exhausting.

Payal said nothing for a moment. Then, spoke again.

"We are here with you, Khushi. No matter how long it takes. And need I remind you that you are not the same girl who left Kanpur? You are stronger and in control. You survived".

Khushi closed her eyes, letting Payal's words register. She did not say that there were dreams where she found herself still trapped and bruised—inside the walls of her own house in Kanpur.

"We will go together. Let us discuss the travel plans when you come home" Payal was still speaking.

"You have your work here, Payal...and there is Akash" she replied.

"Both of them can manage a few days of my absence..more or less" Payal replied, confident and Khushi's lips twitched up a little.

"Alright!" She said, her voice steadier.

"Great! I will see you in the evening" Payal said and disconnected the call. Khushi too put her phone away, feeling a little strengthened though the knot of apprehension in her stomach remained.

~~***~~

Khushi was wrapping up her work for the day when the phone on her desk rang. Her hand paused mid-motion when she caught the name that illuminated the screen.

Arnav!

For a moment, she just stared at the phone, feeling her heart flutter with quiet anticipation. He was calling after two days. She was eager to hear his voice again.

"Hello" she received the call and spoke in the phone.

"Hey! How are you?" Arnav’s voice floated across the line, carefree and soothing.

“I am fine. How are you? How was your Sunday?” she asked him, pausing her packing.

A low, tired sigh came from the other end. "Exhausted, to be honest. I was in Los Angeles yesterday. An urgent business meeting came up last minute. I flew back this afternoon."

She sat back in her chair. "That must have been very tiring."

"It was! But I am glad to be home" Arnav said, but there was an easy note in his voice now, as though the said exhaustion was on hold at the moment.

There was a brief, comfortable pause before he continued, "How was your day at work?"

"It was..." she searched for the right word, "busy. I am just about to leave, actually! The office cab has arrived."

"You are taking the cab?" Arnav asked quickly, something alert in his tone. "I am nearby. I could drive you home."

Khushi turned her head and looked at the clock. The cab driver must already be waiting downstairs. Her heart hesitated, warmed by Arnav’s offer, but she answered gently, "The cab is already here."

For a heartbeat, neither of them spoke. The silence was not heavy or accusing, but peaceful.

Before she could interrupt the silence, Arnav spoke again, his voice easy and unfazed.

"It is alright. Actually, I called because I have something else to ask you... and you cannot refuse."

A small smile crept up her face at his words.

"I will decide that after listening to your request" She said.

"Hmm, fair enough," Arnav replied.

"So, ARA’s anniversary party is coming up. Three weeks from now. It is an important event for me. It will be the seventh anniversary of ARA's launch" he said.

Khushi blinked. The mention of the anniversary stirred a memory—Akash had mentioned something about a party, before she had met Arnav.

"I want you to come," he said, his voice steady, carrying no expectation, only hope and her heart stilled at the words. Something shifted in the back of her mind—a nudge, a whisper of something she had almost forgotten. She moistened her lips and asked carefully, "When is it?"

"Twenty-fifth," Arnav replied, without hesitation.

Twenty-fifth!

Her heart sank; a hollow ache blooming slowly in her chest.

Of course it was the twenty-fifth—the same day she was meant to stand in the court and rake open wounds that had barely scabbed over. Her breathing became laborious at the bitter coincidence.

Across the line, Arnav said nothing, waiting patiently for her response.

"I..." she began, but her voice faltered. What should she tell him? He just said that it is an important day for him.

"I will think about it" She said but the words sounded brittle to her own ears.

Arnav, however, seemed to hear only her willingness to consider.

"That is all I ask," he said warmly, as if she had already done him a favour simply by not refusing outright.

But her mind was in overdrive again. How will she negotiate this co-incidence? How will she find a way around this?

"By the way, I am visiting AR Textiles the day after tomorrow" Arnav spoke again, drawing her attention back to himself. She closed her thoughts and decided to focus on the conversation.

"Yes, Ms. Kashyap mentioned it during the morning meeting", she replied, easing her voice.

"I am looking forward to seeing you again," Arnav said, his voice low and unguarded and her heart stumbled a few beats. She sat up straighter in her chair.

"Arnav... we have to maintain professionalism," she said carefully.

"I cannot speak to you directly in front of my seniors. It would raise questions... and it would not look proper" She told him and herself.

There was a pause, and when he spoke again, his tone was calmer, more assured.

"Do not worry about it. I will take care of it."

A frown appeared on her face. "What do you mean?"

"You will see," Arnav said, and there was an unmistakable note of resolve hidden beneath the calmness.

"Leave it to me. I will see you on Wednesday. Bye!"

And before she could extract more from him, the call ended, leaving her holding the phone against her ear, bewildered and just a little breathless. But she had no time to sit and think about it because the cab driver was calling her now.

She quickly slipped her phone into her bag and hurried out of the building. Getting off the elevator and outside the gate of the building, she located the cab and slid into the backseat. The door clicked shut beside her and the cab began running. But her thoughts raced faster.

Twenty-fifth. The court hearing in Kanpur. The ARA anniversary party.

She leaned her head back against the seat, closing her eyes briefly. How would she untangle herself from this conundrum? How would she bear to disappoint Arnav when his voice had held so much hope, so much quiet happiness at the thought of her presence?

The cab sped on into the thickening twilight, and Khushi sat there, weighed down by the choices she did not yet know how to make.