Part 5

Trigger warnings - mentions of suicide

--*--

kyun khwaabon pe tere saaye hain, dil kyun hai tanha mera?
(Why are there your shadows on my dreams, why is my heart so lonely?)
kyun khaamoshi hai zubaan meri, ashkon se keh paaoon naa
(why is the silence my tongue, I'm not able to speak with my tears.)

Since Khushi was assigned 'Mukhyamantri niwas'-official residence of a chief minister, it was imperative she will continue to live there, thus making Arnav to move in. Rani Ma and Swara were already living with her and so was her babuji since his accident. It was a pretty big house, as good as a palace with army of housekeeping staff at their service so accommodating 5 people was never an issue. Even when they all had separate bedrooms, there were as many vacant! It worked perfectly for Khushi who wanted to keep distance from Arnav.

Their wedding day set up the tone of their married life and soon, Khushi got busy with her role as the state's CM while Arnav threw himself into the business. Work was the only thing that was left for him while she had already reached that conclusion after Swayam's death, so both got occupied in their individual supremacies. As they say, days pass by quickly when you are busy making your lives, same happened with them. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months and slowly it became a routine.

After that both Arnav and Khushi had thrown themselves at work, running away from the tangled relationship web they were caught in and desperate to make their own images. They still stayed rulers of their own worlds, still stayed power hungry. But the distance between them stayed the same. As Khushi had said, she kept distance from his life while Arnav only wished he could make her forget their past, but he could never figure out how to start with that...and he left it at that. Besides, he was already facing his worst demons after knowing that Rani mehra was his birth mother and Swara, Swayam his half-siblings!

Amidst this, other 3 occupants of the house along with a 4th person who was also resident except his sleeping times, Aman observed and influenced their lives in their own ways.

--*--

Rani Mehra was proud of herself; her years of hard work and sacrifices had paid off. Her son was handling the business empire while her daughter-in-law whom she had groomed, was holding the ultimate power of any decision taken in their state. Now if only Swara too would come out of her shell, she had a plan for her too.

Arnav was still not accepting her, but once he realizes she has made his life, even when she handed him to Raizadas and even now, when she got him and Khushi married, he will come around too.

With that, she stepped out of the house to meet Khushi in her office, there was an important tender from Malhotra group that was pending for government nod and Khushi's signature meant everything to them. And then, it would mean a lot to Mehra group too!

And if everything went well, she was planning to get Swara married to Neev Malhotra, thus ensuring the tie between two biggest business families!

--*--

In last few months, Khushi had started liking being in control, liking the feeling that world was at her feet now, her one order was enough to make huge changes in people's lives. It was true she never wanted to come into politics and somewhere Arnav's betrayal had pushed her to it but now that she was sitting at the throne, she always felt an adrenaline rush with the feeling of power!

Although sometimes she would wonder why her victory still felt incomplete? Why did she feel she still lacked something? She had the throne, the unprecedented power, she could make people dance on her tune with one snap of her fingers, what else could she need? Not to mention, she had not become weak in front the man who had crushed her soul, in fact she had him where she wanted. Then why it felt incomplete?

And in this battle of heart vs throne, Khushi often found herself questioning how could she fill this void in her life?

--*--

Aman was upset because he was often made to back down on his proposals. He was given a charge of social welfare department, but his words seldom were given value, remaining ministers of the cabinet who were older and more experienced often silenced him.

Khushi was at least having the back up of Gupta surname as well as Rani Mehra's influence, but Aman had neither. And that had started troubling him.

One such a recent decision had found Khushi and Aman at loggerheads...It was about a proposal from Malhotra industries who wanted to setup a factory on the land of a government school at the heart of the city. Essentially, they needed Aman as well as khushi's signatures for land acquisition. Rani Ma had personally attended that day's meeting as an advisory member and it was clear she favored the factory decision.

"But we cannot close that school. It still has 10 kids studying there." Aman said, looking at Khushi with expectation

"We will transfer them to another school Mr. Mathur. But this factory is needed." One of the cabinet ministers said.

"The other school is far away from their locality; how will they travel? These kids are from lower income families." He insisted, hoping Khushi would take his side. But her silence irked him, and he stormed out of the meeting room. The majority favored the decision for factory setup.

He didn't know, Khushi had already tried to convince others before his arrival,

"Why don't the government offer them some other land. We can arrange that." Khushi had told her cabinet ministers, as well as advisory committee members which included Shashi Gupta and Rani ma.

"We cannot Khushi. This land is at a prime location, and they insisted on it." Rani ma said

"Besides, they are our party's key supporters Khushi, we can't take enmity with them. Pani mein reh kar machli se bair nahi karte beta (you can't enmity with a fish, if you live in water)" her babuji told Khushi and Khushi had decided to give in.

Politics doesn't run on emotions any way!!! Aman would learn that lesson that day.

--*--

"Of course, Mr. Malhotra, Swara and Neev's marriage will seal the deal for both of our families." Rani ma was talking when Arnav overheard it and something within him snapped.

He waited until her call was done and asked, "Another deal Mrs. Mehra? Do all your kids mean only business deals to you? I thought only I was the lucky one!"

"Arnav! Don't use that tone with me. Even if you don't consider me a mother, I am still elder to you and still Khushi's mother!"

"Mother! Tell me Mrs. Mehra, did you ever feel like meeting me once? Did you ever feel like calling me son?"

"I did what was necessary that time Arnav, don't forget you enjoyed a life of luxury because of my decision. And today too, you are doing so because of me! Even when you are ungrateful to accept it." Rani ma's reminder effectively silenced him.

.

.

Later that day, Arnav went to meet Ratna in hospital, where she was still in coma. And for the first time, Arnav truly spoke with his mother...the one who had raised him.

"I am sorry Ma; I never understood your value. You fought for me, you tried to make a bond with me, you cared for me, and I only insulted you, ignored you. Today I realized, only you are my mother. Please ma, wake up, for your son!" he pleaded and sat by her bedside for many hours...

--*--

On Rani Ma's insistence, Swara had joined Arnav in office, but Arnav had kept his distance. Swara who was completely unaware of their relation, had kept silent too. In fact, Arnav could see otherwise also she was pretty uncomfortable, he could see how much she was struggling to fit in. But he still didn't find it in himself to talk with her...after all she reminded him of his mother, the one who gave him birth!

However, it was one eventful day when only Arnav and Swara were at home and he happened to pass by her room, and as luck would have it, he saw her fiddling with a blade near her wrist! He was horrified as he understood her intention and rushed to her

"Swara! what are you doing?" he snatched it away from her just in time!

In response, he was met with a pair of eyes, who looked at him blankly and Arnav's heart melted for his sister! From that day Arnav tried to spend more time with her. He understood Swara was as much entangled in this power game as he and Khushi were.

.

.

Khushi had started observing the closeness between Arnav and Swara and as she was totally unknown to the real relationship between them, she used to feel angry at Arnav. Arnav had seen irritation in her eyes, but he didn't take any efforts to tell her anything. Telling her would mean divulging the truth about him being Rani Mehra's son and he was not ready to share that yet.

And yet, there were moments when ice between them had thawed, like once during a press meet, Khushi was asked some personal questions about her and Arnav's past and Arnav came to her defense taking responsibility that it was his naivety to insult her back then. Or one time when Arnav was very stressed due to Ratna's health and had hugged Khushi crying on her shoulder, while she tried hard to control herself as well as console him...

And finally, it was one such an evening, when they had to attend a business meeting together, and as they returned home, he paused at her room's door. The suppressed desires were making their way, where he couldn't hold himself back anymore. Khushi too wanted to feel the comfort of his arms.

No one knew who did first, but they both reached for each other and before they knew it, they were kissing.

He pushed her in her room, still locked in his arms, and kicked her room's door shut behind them...

The next day when she woke up, he had already left.

Arnav had no idea how to face her or what to say to her after their weak moment while she too had felt angry at herself for letting her resolve break.

However, she had admitted to herself that whatever had happened was inevitable, they were in their full senses, and they were married adults! While Arnav had seen this as a hope, as an opening to her heart.

Soon, they realized that they needed this...this intimacy. It was like satisfying their physical needs was an outlet for all their unsaid emotions...

and so, it happened again... and again, albeit without any conversation!

--*--

"I was going to tell him I was going to be a mother." Khushi once mentioned to him, after they had s*x. It was never love making anyway, at least for her.

On the other hand, Arnav had recently started realizing, he probably had started feeling something close to love for his wife...and the realization had startled as well as excited him. This was the woman he had chased, cheated on, publicly humiliated, and finally had to marry on her terms. But he had never confronted his emotions for her, heck, he was taught to not have emotions here! And now that he realized he had fallen in love with her, he felt a dilemma about how to confess.

But when she said about her and Swayam's child, he was shocked. "You were pregnant?"

Khushi smiled with tears in her eyes, "I thought I was. But it was a false positive."

He didn't know what to say after that or what she even expected. He was still not good with words. He knew this was a weak moment for her and this was his chance to tell her, that he was with her. But words never came out of his mouth.

Khushi had not planned to tell him that, it was a particularly weak moment. But when she did, she had hoped he would console her or probably say some soothing words to her...but when he turned cold, she understood she had expected wrong things from wrong person again!

--*--

Precap - 1. "I want to have a child. If you're not ready, I can manage by my own-" she said with a determined voice and he felt angry at her.

2. "This is why I detested politics. This is why I never wanted to become a part of it. It makes a person's inner demons come alive and I feared that!"

3. "I want to resign." Rani Ma was shocked to hear that.

--*--

A/N – Who wants to resign, Aman, Khushi, or Arnav? :D keep guessing. Hopefully there will be a positive message by the end of this story too and it will feel like there's a closure to every character. Also, Rani Ma is not a villain, she is just greyer. She is a woman who single handedly made her kids' and Khushi's lives which is no less feat, but she doesn't realize what they all lost in all this...