Chapter 34

"Do you want anything else madam?"

 

Khushi looked up to see the server, waiting patiently for an answer. She turned blankly to the stone-faced Akash in front of her, unable to find her voice.

 

"No," Akash finally grunted, with a small shake of his head.

 

The waiter nodded and left.

 

Silence overtook them once again.

 

It was a chilly Monday morning in Delhi, which was bustling awake in preparation for the upcoming week. However, in the small coffee shop amidst a unimportant corner of the city, there was nothing but a pricking stillness, threatening to consume them all.

 

Khushi had sat there for over thirty minutes now, having come early to feel better prepared for what she had to do, but from the moment Akash unfeelingly arrived, it was as if her throat seized up altogether. No matter how much she tried, she couldn't speak, forget letting out what she had been bottling up for the past five months now.

 

Akash on the other hand, remained as aloof as ever. He sat stubbornly across, refusing to even look at her, until the waiter came, asking for an order. It was then that he finally spoke, briskly ordering two coffees, before settling back into his shell. But his tone was enough to send Khushi scurrying for shelter.  

 

She couldn't do it.

 

She couldn't break his heart, his trust. No matter what she felt, he was her best friend, and there was nothing in the world she wouldn't do to not be in this position.

 

They were interrupted by Akash's phone, which like him seemed to buzz angrily with incoming messages. He briefly glanced at them, before turning off his phone and finally looked into her eyes.

 

Khushi gulped.

 

"I don't know why you called me here," he said gruffly. "Though I have a pretty good guess."

 

She looked down at her clasped hands on the table.

 

"Whatever it is, I don't want to know. I just came here to tell you that" -he took a deep breath- "it's over. Whatever was between us is finished... for good."

 

Khushi felt her heart sink. Sure she had planned to say the same thing, but it sounded so much worse coming from him.

 

"I'm leaving for Jaipur tonight. And it's best if we keep those 300 kilometers in between us."

 

Akash then pulled out his wallet and placed a few bills for their coffees in between them. He was just about to stand up when Khushi could finally talk:

 

"I get it that you are mad... but you have to understand why."

 

He stared at her hard. "I know why Khushi. I'm not as stupid as you think."

 

"I couldn't hurt you," she said, not blinking from his gaze. "I said yes to keep you happy. I lied to keep us happy. I didn't betray you."

 

He snorted. "You said yes to keep yourself from getting lost. The truth is, you used me Khushi. You used me to make yourself feel better, to run from the reality of your life."

 

She felt his words stab into her like knives.

 

"But I'm not mad for that reason. I did the exact same with you. But at least I had the decency to stay faithful, to make this work. No matter how many problems we had, I didn't find solace in another woman."

 

Khushi closed her eyes, knowing that she deserved every word he was lashing out.

 

"So yeah, I'm mad because you cheated on me. I'm upset because it was with my brother. But most of all, I'm hurt because you couldn't trust me with the truth and instead decided to go behind my back. Is that what I really deserve for being your best friend for the last two years?"

 

She didn't answer. Instead, with her head bowed, she accepted his wrath without an objection.

 

"So don't try to explain Khushi. You lost the chance to a long time ago."

 

And with that, he stood up to leave.

 

Gulping, she murmured, "Can we at least-"

 

"No," he interrupted sternly. "Goodbye."

 

Khushi watched him walk away, his shoulders upright and his stride, confident. The time was long gone when she could expect anything from Akash, even if it was as simple as turning back for one last look.

 

Like he said, it was over.

 

Their friendship, their trust, their understanding... it was all gone like ashes in the wind. All because she took too long to understand what she wanted. Maybe she was like her father after all, selfish and ungrateful.

 

That one thought was enough for Khushi to grab her bag and bolt from the cafe as if her life depended on it. Only, there was nowhere to go. Even in the safety of her car, she couldn't escape the onslaught of detest running through her.

 

It was all too much.

 

So, jamming the accelerator, she raced to the only person she wanted to see at that moment. And it was a decision she would be utterly grateful for until her very last breath.

 

"Hello," Garima croaked, not even attempting to sit up.

 

Khushi pulled up a stool. "How are you feeling?"

 

Garima smiled feebly. "Fantastic."

 

If she weren't so frail, Khushi would have laughed at the sarcasm. But her mother's plight was far too grave for Khushi to even reply.

 

"Forget about me," Garima said, changing the conversation. "Did Shyam reach Pune?"

 

Khushi nodded. "Yeah, I talked to him last night. Everything is fine - he will be back tomorrow."

 

"What's wrong?"

 

"Nothing..."

 

"Are you going to lie to me even now?"

 

Khushi looked at her mother and was overcome with awe. Even in such a condition, Garima was worried for her. So without thinking much further, she blurted out the truth: "Akash left... Forever."

 

A line appeared on Garima's forehead. "What do you mean?"

 

"I mean he thinks I cheated on him... which I did. So he broke up with me and basically said he never wants to see my face again."

 

"Oh..."

 

Khushi looked at her lap forlorn. How she wished she could rewind time and do what she should have done ages ago.

 

"Are you regretting breaking up with him?" Garima asked.

 

"I regret not doing it earlier... Lavanya kept telling me to but I never listened."

 

"Why?"

 

Khushi gulped. "Because... because I didn't want to loose him. There was nothing wrong with us-"

 

"But there was nothing right either."

 

She struggled to reply. "We... I... I never listened because... because I didn't know what was missing. How are you supposed to know what chocolate tastes like until you've tasted it? How was I supposed know I wasn't in love with him until..."

 

"Until you fell in love."

 

"Yeah," she said, her shoulders falling in defeat. "Until I fell in love... but after today, I know for sure I don't deserve it. Because I'm exactly like that man... I use people for my happiness and then throw them away when a shiny new toy comes along."

 

Garima stared hard, her gaunt face devoid of any emotion.

 

"I always thought I was better," Khushi continued, the dam inside her flooding out without control. "Or at least I would try to be better... First it was being better than you, making better decisions than you did. And then it was him.  I had to be better than him, to prove that I am not his daughter, that I wasn't selfish enough to put people I cared after me, instead of before. But there was no point... the whole thing was rigged from the start. No matter what decision I make, I will always end up being. Just. Like. Him."

 

Khushi stared desolately at her lap, seeing nothing but Akash's cold face as he stormed away. It was as if the image was branded on her eyes, as if his hurt will never stop tormenting her. Her mother unexpectedly cupped her cheek with a shaky hand.

 

"You aren't," Garima said weakly. "You aren't like Shashi... and you aren't like me either. You are the gift we both wanted to have, and yet couldn't take care of... So don't worry about making our mistakes because you aren't us."

 

Khushi looked at her mother, seeing the sincerity in her eyes. She truly believed every word she was saying.

 

"You are stronger than both of us Meeti... you go to any lengths to protect the ones you care for. But you don't let that blind you or take you down the wrong road."

 

"But-"

 

Garima gripped her hand, though there was no strength in it whatsoever. "Just because you have never loved anyone until now doesn't mean you can't love at all."

 

Khushi was fazed to suddenly see the blood draining from her mother's face.

 

"Don't be scared sweety," Garima continued, though her chest seemed to be caught in an invisible band. "Just r-remember that you are my strong girl-"

 

"Amma!" Khushi called, panic rising sharply through her mind. "Amma what's wrong?!"

 

Garima began to choke, her words coming out in painful gasps: "Promise m-me Meeti-"

 

Khushi couldn't listen. "NURSE?!" she screamed. "DOCTOR?! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP!"

 

"M-meeti," Garima pleaded. The monitors began to beep alarmingly as her breathing became even more tortured. "You h-have to s-stop running... d-do..."

 

"Amma! You will be okay! Trust me!" Khushi said frantically, before looking at the door. "SOMEBODY PLEASE! NUR-"

 

She broke off upon seeing Dr. Awasti running into the room, a determined expression on her face.

 

"Out of my way," she muttered.

 

Khushi felt Garima's hand slip painfully from hers as nurses swarmed the room, all pushing her back against the wall as if she was an unnecessary piece of furniture, as if the scene unfolding in front of her eyes wasn't her worst nightmare, as if the person lying completely defenseless in the middle of the room wasn't her mother.

 

"Stay with me Garima!" Dr. Awasti called desperately, as the latter began to convulse, thrashing violently against the bed.

 

Khushi watched horror-struck as the doctor pulled out two metal plates and after a quick count of three, firmly pressed it against Garima's chest. Her mother jerked an inch off the bed in response, her body quivering to the electric shock.

 

Khushi's phone began to vaguely ring from the depths of her pocket.

 

"Again!" Dr. Awasti ordered, after a swift glance at the monitor in front of her.

 

Unable to tear her eyes away, Khushi hazily pulled out her phone.

 

"Are you listening to me?" came a voice. It belonged to a nurse, relentlessly trying to push her out of the room.

 

But Khushi didn't budge, not when her eyes were transfixed on the gory sight in front of her. She hadn't looked away when she was ten years old; there was no way she would now.

 

"Damn it! Again!" Dr. Awasti said.

 

Khushi felt her phone continue to vibrate numbly in her hands, while her vision plummeted. It was like she was watching from the end of a very long tunnel, random sounds ricocheting off the walls of her mind, completely foreign.

 

As a last ditch effort, the nurse vigorously shook her shoulders.  Khushi blankly turned to her.

 

"You need to go!" the nurse yelled, glaring at her.

 

A strange noise issued out of the machines. Khushi looked up just in time to see Dr. Awasti press down the pads one last time. Garima shuddered agonizingly, before unfurling coldly on the bed.

 

She moved no more.