Silent Whispers
-CHAPTER THIRTY-
Kaput
Arnav watched his brother walk out of the study feeling all the emptiness in the world sweep down over him.
This isn't about you fulfilling a dead father's wish, or helping us survive in the big bad world. It's about you getting every damn thing you want!
He was hurt, the small boy he tried to save, the angry adolescent he tried to console was reduced to nothing but a bag full of anger, all because of him, because he, the legendary Arnav Singh Raizada, turned into the very thing that haunted his poor brother's dreams.
Really, how blind could he be?
The signs were always there. Akash detested anything and everything to do "Raizada", so much so that he changed his name and hid his identity, even from the girl he claimed to love. How did he miss that? How did he assume Akash's behavior was nothing but a phase that would pass in due time?
He was bad a brother. That's how.
He failed to understand his siblings, to take their grief and share their happiness. He was so caught up in his own feelings to realize that he was loosing the very thing that pushed him to work harder everyday. And now it was too late.
"Bhai?" Anjali called, gently clasping his shoulder. "Are you hearing me?"
Arnav focused on his distraught sister. She was worried, and not to mention scared. Akash had crossed a line from where there was no coming back. She knew that as well as he.
"Bhai?" she said again, checking that she still had his attention.
Arnav took a deep breath. "I'm ok-"
She didn't listen. Pushing a chair forward, she forced him to sit down. "You can lie to Akash all you want," she muttered, grabbing a glass of water. "But I'm not going to buy any of it."
Arnav weakly smiled, stung with memories of his mother. At that moment, he missed her more than anyone. "You sound like Maa..."
Anjali crouched down to meet his eyes. "Don't listen to him," she said, gently. "He is just angry."
"Hurt," Arnav corrected. "Hurt beyond anything... all- all because of me."
"Of course not! It's not your fault the media decided to publish lies."
He didn't answer.
"Listen to me Bhai," she pleaded, holding his frozen hands. "You are a good brother, the best in the world in my opinion. It doesn't matter if the world sees that, or if Akash sees that... The important thing is that you see it."
"You say that like you mean it-"
"I do!" she replied fiercely. "I really do."
"And what if I told you that everything Akash said was true?"
Anjali stared, not expecting him to accept all the accusations he was relentlessly charged with.
"Would you still believe the same thing?" Arnav asked. He did not really expect an answer from her, but it felt good to say the truth out loud. It saved him the guilt of putting her in the dark, of leading her on with lies.
The shrill ring of Anjali's cell phone interrupted the quiet study. She jumped at the sound and scrambled to pull it out of her jeans. Upon spotting the caller-id, however, she ended the call without another thought.
Arnav watched her closely. "I can run from anything and anyone Anju... but I can't run from myself. And the truth is that I am everything but a good brother. I hurt Akash in ways that I can't even fathom... I can never forgive myself for that. I never will either."
She took a deep breath. "Stop talking like him Bhai. You did nothing wrong-"
"-did you even hear-"
"-yes, I did. You love Khushi. Big deal."
Arnav looked at his sister, astounded to see her dismiss the shattering reality as if it was nothing at all.
"If it was another time with another person," she continued. "I might have supported Akash. But it's you Bhai. And I know for a fact you would never try to "steal" your brother's girlfriend, if such a thing even exists."
"Anju-"
"Love doesn't work like that," she interrupted, gently. "It doesn't come from wanting to hurt someone else, or wanting to get some sort of benefits from it. It just happens; you can't control it. And that's exactly what Akash needs to understand. He can't dictate what you want or for that matter, what Khushi wants."
Arnav looked away, not wanting to listen to her comforting words. He was wrong and he should be punished for it.
He heard her phone ring once more. She impatiently declined the call.
"He is wrong Bhai," Anjali said suddenly. "All the stuff about Papa may be right, but he is wrong about you and your feelings for Khushi. Everyone knows that."
He glanced at her. "No, he is not wrong. He has a point, a good point. His hatred for this family may have been started by Papa, but I definitely instigated it. I should've let him do what he wanted to with his life, instead of forcing down some old forsaken family traditions down his throat."
"You seriously can't expect me to believe that?"
A line appeared on his forehead.
"I know you. I have watched you all my life Bhai. You can give up anything and everything to keep Akash and me happy. You didn't like going to Harvard, you didn't like leading this company... but you still did it. You forced yourself to put everything beyond your happiness just to keep this family going, just to keep Papa's dream alive. Do you honestly think, after seeing all that, I would ever believe you to make a bad decision?"
Arnav was touched. She was the apple of his eyes in every way, but today, she became much more than that. She became a part of him, a part that he always sheltered for his mother.
Anjali's phone rang for a third time. This time, she didn't even look at the caller-id, before ending it.
"But you know something Bhai?" she asked. "I don't want you to give up one more thing, least of all, because of us. If you really do love Khushi, then fight for her-"
He began to object, but she didn't let him.
"No, listen to me - if it was anyone else in Akash's place, would you or would you not fight for her?"
Arnav fell quiet.
"Exactly. And believe it or not, Akash wouldn't make such a fuss if it were anyone else in your place. The truth is all three of you know what you want, but you are too scared to say it out loud. So, please, don't just give up because Akash is your brother or because you feel guilty for where he is now. It's not fair, not to you, not to Khushi and not to Akash either."
Arnav closed his eyes, her words washing over him. Her phone went off again, oddly echoing through the silent study.
"You should take it," he said, when she rejected it once more. "He is probably getting late for his flight."
The blood drained from Anjali's face. "W-what?"
"I heard he is going to Pune for a rather important case. I'm assuming he wants you to send him off."
Anjali was dumbstruck.
"Please don't insult my intelligence Anju," he continued with a weak grin. "I know my siblings inside out. Do you honestly think I wouldn't know if my sister is dating Shyam Manohar Gupta?"
Her head bowed, ashamed. "I-I was going to tell-"
"I am not angry," he said, gentle. "He is a good man, Shyam. All that matters to me is that you are happy."
Anjali looked up at that, tearful. "I'm sorry Bhai. I should have told you earlier. I was just waiting for Akash to come back..."
He cupped her cheek. "I know. Now, go. It's not nice to keep him waiting."
"But-"
"I'm fine silly," he assured her, with a cheeky smile that didn't reach his eyes. "We will talk once you are back."
"Are you sure? I can stay-"
"Yes, I'm sure. Now go, before I have to drag you out."
Anjali smiled. She gave him a tight hug, muttering a quick "thanks", before hesitantly walking out the door. Arnav was pretty sure she told the loyal Om Prakash to keep an eye on him on her way out, as if he would do something rash in a fit of anger, as if he was going to make a poor decision in a moment of weakness.
She couldn't be more wrong.
Arnav had years of experience dealing with torment. After all, he had single handedly dealt with the loss of his parents in an accident that was entirely his fault. Had he taken good care of his siblings, had he fulfilled his responsibility of a brother that night, his parents might still have been alive.
He remembered it as clearly as if it was yesterday:
Rain was descending heavily in the old part of town where the Raizada Haveli was situated, a mansion of grandeur that was magnificent in every which way. It housed countless antiques, innumerous pictures and not to mention, generations of family history.
On that chilly Friday night, however, the mansion was mostly deserted saved for a few servants and the three Raizada children, left in the care of the oldest, while Alok and Kiran attended dinner at a friend's house.
Arnav was in his room, revising for an important exam, when he heard it: A loud scream from his eleven-year-old sister, shattering all of sense of silence in the old house. He ran out of his room, panic drumming through his veins, as he dreaded the unthinkable.
"Anju?!" he panted, reaching his sister, frozen on top of a winding staircase. "What's wrong?"
He paled upon on the sight that followed. Lying face down in a pool of blood at the bottom of the staircase was his brother, unconscious. A deep gash ran across the side of his face.
"Bhaiii!" Anjali wailed, hugging him in fright.
He instinctively wrapped his arm around her. "What happened?" he asked, shakily.
"W-we were pla-ying," Anjali sobbed. "A-and Akash kept running and h-he slipped-d from the carpet a-and-"
She couldn't finish, not that Arnav needed to hear the rest. Taking a deep breath, he called for the servants, ordering them to get the car ready, while he ran down the stairs to his brother, trying to shake him awake.
"H-he is going to ok-kay r-right?" Anjali stuttered, looking fearfully at him.
"Yes, he is! Now listen to me carefully Anju - go to the phone and call Maa and Papa. They are at Mehta Uncle's house; the number is on the table. Tell them what happened."
Anjali gulped.
"Now Anju," he said, impatiently. "You want Akash to be okay, right? Then go call Papa and tell him everything. Tell him I'm taking Akash to the hospital and to meet me there. Do you understand?"
She gave a curt nod, before running off to the landline, the only phone in the entire house.
"The driver is here Bitwa," said Ram Prasad, an aging servant.
Arnav nodded and carefully picked up his limp brother, carrying him to the car as fast as possible.
It was all his fault.
He should have been paying attention; he should have seen what was coming. How could he have locked himself up in his room while his siblings ran unchecked in the house? His parents had trusted him; they placed all their faith in him to take care of them. How did he fail so miserably?
"Please stay out here," said a burly-looking Doctor, the child-specialist on call that night, before disappearing into the I.C.U.
Arnav collapsed onto a nearby bench, burying his face into his hands. If anything happened to his brother, even if it was as small as a scratch, there was nothing in the world that could save him from himself.
It was that thought, which had rooted so deeply in Arnav's mind that even years later, he sent up a prayer of gratitude every time he saw his brother alive and breathing.
Exactly an hour later, the Doctor emerged looking tired, but pleased.
"Your brother will be fine," he told a worried Arnav. "He burst a small artery when he landed on the floor, that's why there was so much blood. But we managed to stitch him back up. He should be waking up soon."
Arnav let out a sigh of relief.
"Where are your parents?" the Doctor asked, looking around the empty ward.
"They are on their way," Arnav answered, even though he found it odd that they still haven't arrived. The Mehta's didn't live too far from the hospital, so really there was no excuse for his parents to be this late.
"Arnav Bitwa!"
Arnav turned around to see Ram Prasad rushing in, panic clouding his face. "What's wrong?"
"The hospital just called," the servant answered. "Saab got into an accident! He is admitted here right now!"
Arnav felt as if the ground beneath him was suddenly yanked away. He looked speechlessly at Ram Prasad, hoping that he was playing a joke, a very cruel joke. But no matter how much he stared at the old man, he didn't burst into laughter.
It was the Doctor who spoke. "How long ago did you get the call?"
"Ten minutes ago... I came here as soon as I got it."
Arnav felt a warm hand clutch his shoulder. He looked up to see the Doctor nod in encouragement. "He will be up on the third floor. All the accident cases go there first. Your brother will be fine."
Nodding in appreciation, Arnav began to walk, dragging his feet across the floor as if they were made of cement. Why was it so hard to put one foot in front of another? Why was his heart sinking lower and lower? Surely, it couldn't have been that bad. His father was a good driver, he had been driving for years now; there was no way he could be gravely injured.
"Yes?" asked a Nurse. "How can I help you?"
They had reached the third floor. "Alok Singh Raizada," croaked Arnav. "He was just brought in a few minutes ago."
The nurse checked her clipboard before saying, "Yes, he in room 323. It's the last door on your left."
Arnav nodded. He had just started heading down the long hallway, when he was hit with a more pressing matter.
"What about my mother?" he asked, whipping around. "Kiran Singh Raizada?"
The nurse looked down at her clipboard again. "There is no one admitted with that name."
"No! That's not possible. She was brought in with my father! They were in the same car."
"I'm sorry, but we only received one patient today."
Arnav looked blankly at Ram Prasad, who appeared just as shocked as him. The nurse's words could mean only one thing, and it was a possibility Arnav couldn't even get himself to consider.
Gritting his teeth, he ran down the hall to room 323, praying that his mother had never left the Mehtas that night; that the reason she wasn't admitted was because she was not hurt.
"Wait here," he told Ram Prasad, before pushing open the door and stepping inside.
The room was full with several machines, all beeping loudly with flashing monitors to match. Arnav's eyes, however, were only on the man lying on the bed in the center. His head wrapped heavily with bloodied bandages, Alok was staring at the ceiling as if in a trance.
"Papa..." Arnav whispered, edging closer.
Alok struggled to reply. "A-arn-av..." he rasped.
"No, don't talk," Arnav said, squeezing his hand, though he doubted his father could feel it underneath the heavy plaster. "Just rest. You are going to be okay!"
"No-o," Alok replied. "The d-doctor's don't think I have m-much time..."
"Don't say that! Nothing is going to happen to you-"
"How is Akash-h?"
"He is fine! He is sleeping right now."
Alok closed his eyes in relief.
"Papa?" Arnav called, no longer being able to ignore the terror bubbling inside him. "W-where is Maa?"
A tear slipped from Alok's eyes. "She didn't make it," he whispered. "She was gone even before the ambulance got there."
It was as if Arnav was numb. He couldn't feel anything except an eerie emptiness, threatening to consume him until he seized breathing.
"It's all my fault..." The words flew out of him on their own accord.
"No," Alok answered, trying to pat his hand. "Listen to me A-rnav, you are a good son. Me and Kiran will a-always be prou-ud. But now, e-everything falls onto you... it's up to you to take care of this family. Do you understand?"
Arnav didn't answer.
"You have to take care of them Arnav. I know Akash c-can be difficult... but he needs to u-understand that he is a Raizada, that he has some responsibilities t-towards this family and no one but y-you can explain it to him. This company, this business my f-father started for me and my brother must go on..."
Alok gulped, trying not to show his grief. "I let h-him down by letting my b-brother go... but you can't do that. You c-can't let Akash go... do you understand? Both of you should a-always walk s-shoulder to shoulder. That is the only thing that will e-ever give me peace - knowing that you and Akash are f-fulfilling the dream I c-couldn't."
The machines began to beep erratically, flashing in warning. Nurses ran into the room, alarmed, while Alok's breathing labored and he uttered his final words:
"So t-take care of him Arnav. Take care of him and Anjali."
Arnav stood up with a sigh. That one night had changed the entire course of his life, becoming a nightmare that plagued him. But he accepted it without complaints, because to his seventeen-year-old self, the promise he made to his dying father was nothing less than a vow, a rule he had to uphold at any cost.
But now, many years later, he realized what that promise was. It was a sword hanging in the air, ready to cut down what little he had left to prize.
Arnav looked out the window of his study, feeling truly alone for the first time in thirteen years. He wished his mother was there, to comfort him, to dismiss his concerns as if they meant nothing at all. He wished his father was there too, to deal with Akash, to make him understand just how important he was to the family.
But it was all in vain. His parents weren't coming back and neither was Akash ever going to forgive him.
So, shoulders falling in defeat, Arnav did the only thing he could:
"I'm sorry Papa..."
Comments (79)
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Jai Shri Ram @SoniRita
+ 32
6 months ago
ASR u didnt disappoint anyone. Dont be sorry :(
Jai Shri Ram @SoniRita
+ 32
6 months ago
So Anjali knows ASR loves khushi wow
Jai Shri Ram @SoniRita
+ 32
6 months ago
So ASR knows abt Anjali Shyam. ASR knows his sibling inside out. Its nice
coderlady @coderlady
+ 8
1 years ago
Arnav was pushed into being responsible for his family at a very young age. He wanted to follow what his father said to him.
Jai Shri Ram @SoniRita
+ 32
1 years ago
Very emotional update. Poor Raizada sibling. Btw loved anjali arnav talk.
MorallyGrey @WildestDreams
+ 32
1 years ago
ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ My poor heart! This was such an emotional chapter!
sman @sman
9 years ago
my dil going dhak dhak seeing u online ;-)
Archita @archita_59
9 years ago
When will u update? Waiting...
-Archi- @-Archi-
+ 8
9 years ago
Accepted! Thank you so much for the comment
ship13 @ship13
9 years ago
I love this ff and I love the way you write. You are a mind blowing writer who really knows how to connect with the audience. I love the way you have developed the characters of Arnav, Khushi, Akashi, ... One can understand and empathize with each one's character and vulnerabilities. Seriously, brilliant writing. Felt bad for both Arnav and Akash. The story is becoming really interesting. I wonder when will Arnav confess his feelings to khushi. Please update when you can and if possible please accept my buddy request. It would really make my day. :)