Chapter 1

Panic attacks shouldn't happen to him. Such occurrences only happened to other people- not him. Then how come he was locked in his bedroom, hyperventilating, fighting overwhelming terror. Beads of sweat dripped down his forehead. Furiously he wiped them off, his gaze capturing the surroundings in his room. He eyed the tall glass of water by his bed side. Shivering fingers managed to grasp the glass, carefully, lifting it up to his lips. He took a small sip, cooling water washing down his parched throat, calming his body a bit. Beating of his heart gradually stopped drumming loud in his ears. Senses were returning back to normal.

Once his body was in control, he leaned against the headboard of his bed. Previous thoughts, which caused this attack, appeared once more. He squeezed his eyes shut. This was the first time he had to face such a reaction. Arnav wasn't used to this. He was the Master of Control. After the death of his parents, Arnav's self control became his priority. The art of keeping things under wrapped was his talent. But today- today he lost control of it all. All because of a simple news: he was going to be a father.

Pathetic wasn't it? Of all the major situations that took place in his life, this was what tripped him off of his senses. He didn't expect this to be his reaction to be honest. When his dear wife, Khushi told him the news, he froze. Nor did he say a word or give her any reaction. It was as if some snow queen, flickered some kind of magic on him, and he was frozen solid. What he did next was even embarrassing- he ran. He actually ran away from the terrace, in to his room. Thus began the panic attack.

Shamed with himself, Arnav rubbed his face with his palms, furiously. Frustration now coursed through his veins in to his brain; a headache was forming in the center of his head. How could he walk out on Khushi like that. She must be heartbroken and scared that he wasn't happy or didn't want the baby. The idea terrified him worse than the actual news, when he thought about it. He sprung up from the bed, ready to sprint out to her, to explain to her the real reason. Before he could kick open the doors, the door opened.

Khushi- she stood in front of him. Strands of her wildly all over her face, cheeks red from the sun probably or was running? Did she run all the way here?! But wait, her expression did not seem sad. In fact her eyes were filled with concern.

'Arnav,' she sighed with relief. 'Are you okay?,' she asked again, reaching out to touch his forehead. Her cooling skin soothed his headache immediately. He almost everything and leaned in to her touch. Quickly he snapped out of his trance of pure bliss. 'Khushi,' his voice came out in a raspy whisper. 'Arnavji,' she repeated once more, carefully, as if she was trying to understand what was going on.

'I am sorry,' he blurted out. She gave him a nod, and signaled him to walk in to their room so they could have some privacy. Perhaps, speaking in the entrance, of their bed room, wasn't a great idea, especially with their family always lurking around.

Gently he held her hand in his hands, leading her to sit down on their bed. Once they sat down, Arnav fidgeted with his fingers, wondering how to start off this conversation. 'Khushi,' he started again, but stopped mid way. Maybe his reactions were alien even to her because he saw the scrunch of her eyebrows- probably confused.

'Arnavji,' she spoke gently. 'What ever happened in the terrace... You can tell me. I am here, okay?' Reassuringly, she gave his fingers a small squeeze. Encouraged with her tone, he began once more to speak. This time he did not falter or stop. 'Khushi... I am sorry I ran away just like that. That was such a cowardly thing to do, especially when your wife just said the best news in the world. I just..' He licked his lips, surprised to find them a bit cracked. 'I am terrified Khushi... I terrified so badly that I had an actual panic attack. I don't get those Khushi. I have never had a panic attack in my life. The idea of being a father terrifies me.' Lamely he finished, staring at her warm eyes, feeling utterly stupid with himself.

'Arnav ji... It's okay to feel what you're feeling. Every new father goes through this.' Her reply was comforting, but it still didn't settle right in his stomach. There was more to what he was feeling rather than the fear of being a father.

'No, there's more.. ' By now she held both his hands, rubbing her index finger back and forth, against his fingers. 'Tell me, Arnavji.'

'Well, what if I do everything wrong Khushi? I am ready to be a father, but I am not ready to screw thing up. Our child will be so little, and I am so huge. What if I crush her? Or what if I end up feeding her hot milk without thinking? What if I DROP HER? OH DEAR GOD KHUSHI, WHAT IF I DROP HER?' Absolute panic was stirring in his gut again at the horrific thought. 'OR, OR WHAT IF I HIT HER BACK TOO HARD, TRYING TO GET HER TO BURP AND I CRUSH HER HEART?'

He didn't even realize he was on his feet, until Khushi roughly, grabbed him by his shoulders to gain his attention. When he peered in to her face, he was shocked to see her expression. Concern and full of love. No hatred, no amusement. 'Arnav ji! Hai devi maiyya, mere Laad Govoner.' Arms suddenly wrapped him up in a tight hug. 'You are an amazing man, do you know that?', she mumbled against his shirt. She looked up at him, previous expression still intact. 'First of all, what you're feeling is completely normal. There is nothing to be ashamed of, and if it gave you a panic attack, well that's fine. These things happen and I need you to understand that, you cannot always be in control of situations. Even the Great Arnav Singh Razaida has to have a small break down. At least then that shows he is human too. Second all, Arnavji, we are both new to this. When our child is born you won't have to do either of this alone. We will both walk in to his completely new. You're going to be just fine. We will figure this out, okay? And when things get rough we will reach out for help. That's why we have family.' She stood up on her tip toes, placing a soft kiss on his forehead.

When she leaned away, Arnav's raspy voice spoke. 'What if.. I am still scared Khushi...' Smiling, she wrapped her thin arms around his large frame. 'And that's okay, Arnavji. We are both going to be scared at times. Rough patches will arise in the process of being parents, but it's a learning process. Nothing in this has to be done alone. Be scared, that's a part of the phase of becoming parents, but never forget that we are in this together. The moment you hold our little one, all your fears will go out the window because that's the exact moment, you actually become a father.'

Pulling away from the hug, she remained holding him. A simple tear drop glided down her cheek. 'A woman becomes a mother the second she is pregnant, but a man- he becomes a father the moment he holds his child. We are going to be okay.'

Leaning his forehead against hers, breathing in her jasmine scent, he repeated her exact same words.

'We are going to be Okay'