Chapter 48

Chapter 46-Gurleen

Gurleen gazed out of the window at the rain pelting the glass.She had been very excited to come to London only to find out that it was extremely wet.After four months, the novelty of visiting a new country died and she found herself missing the bright sun ,which rarely made an appearance here,often obscured by heavy grey clouds.A glance at Amrit veerji showed him to be happily chatting with someone over the telephone.

Nine times out of ten,it was probably Ambernath Arora,their business partner in London.If things progressed,she might be calling the man jiju by the time they left London,she thought to herself amusedly.No matter how much her brother denied it,it was clear that he had fallen hard for the man.Pammi Parjaai had settled comfortably in Amritsar and started working as a professor of history in the University;she never failed to update her daily via text messages .

Mummy too was enjoying retirement,choosing to travel the world and sending them the strangest of postcards from Rome and Barcelona.They had somehow managed to settle into a routine.She'd spend her day in the office while her brother preferred to wander the streets and write.They spent their evenings together,cooking in silence before returning to their respective rooms.

Amidst all this,there was one person whom she sorely missed.She hadn't really talked much to her fiance since the shift to London owing to their ever increasing workload and time zone differences.She could count on one hand the number of times they'd actually spoken to each other and all of the conversations had been too brief for her liking.While she didn't reciprocate his feelings,she had come to cherish him as a dear friend, someone whom she could respect,laugh with and tease mercilessly. Sometimes,she couldn't help wonder what it might actually be like to love him.

And sometimes, she'd remember the kiss and turn red.While she was honest enough to admit her attraction to him,she also knew that whatever it was,it wasn't romantic.She'd seen how her Parjaai had loved Inder veerji, how her brother had loved Vikrant.While her twelve year old self had been unable to comprehend the depth of their relationships and found them extremely sappy,her adult self was slowly starting to understand them.

At the same time,she couldn't exactly imagine herself drowning in someone's love.The whole idea of loving someone to the point where it hurts,where they became the focus of her existence seemed so unfathomable to her.Perhaps she just wasn't cut out for this romance thing after all.Yet she couldn't help but notice,a pang of loneliness spread through her bones like ice.She and Jaspal ji were technicaly friends who were about to be in a marriage of convenience.

While he had hoped she'd fall for him,both of them knew the possibility to be highly unlikely.What if he fell in love with someone else, someone who reciprocated his feelings? They'd have to divorce then ;she was morally bound to agree to one.But where did that leave her?Would she be alone for the rest of her life,watching the leaves on the trees bloom,wither and fall in succession until nothing was left of her but skin and bone?

To make matters worse,she started feeling guilty as well.What if this marriage was denying Jaspal a chance to find his true love?Knowing him to be a thorough gentleman,he would probably try to salvage their loveless marriage in order to protect her honour.Or worse, what if he refused to even look at another woman and forsake his opportunity to find his true love.She didn't think she could bear it if he were to be sad.At the same time,she wasn't sure if she could stomach him marrying another woman.

What a cruel joke,she thought to herself.If she had to choose between his misery and her own,what would she pick? Definitely her own,her mind thought.There was no way she could let him waste away his life on her account.

Soon the restlessness became unbearable and she retired to her room only to pace around in anxiety. All of a sudden ,she missed her Sarangi.But there was no point in crying over spilled milk so she managed to dig up her old harmonium from under the bed.Her fingers stilled as the thoughts invaded her head.Letting her feelings of longing and loneliness flow through her,she finally started playing.

The words from an old poem came to her mind,words her brother would drunkenly recite on the terrace,at the stars and the skies, heartbroken and indifferent to the world.

Ranjha Ranjha Kardi Ni,

Me'N Aapay Ranjha hoi,

Sado ni Me'N no Dhido- Ranjha,

Mano Heer Na Akho Koi,

No matter how hard she tried, the rest of the poem refused to come to her.She ended up playing those four lines in a loop,over and over again.A lone tear trickled down her cheek as she continued to play,to the stars outside and the clouds above,cold and unforgiving, completely indifferent to the world around her.