Chapter 20

PART 20

They spoke about totally irrelevant things like weather, politics in India etc etc. She gobbled up the ice cream within minutes. There was some ice cream on her lips. He thought of telling her that, but instead came close to her and looked deep into her eyes. She stopped speaking, looking him so close to her. He raised his finger on her soft lips. She quivered under his touch. He carefully wiped it. Even after the traces were gone, his hands were still on her lips. He raised her head, holding her chin and came very close to her. Her hands were shivering. He immersed his hand in her hair from under her ear. She had gone cold. She closed her eyes. He was may be just a centimetre away from her. She could feel his muscular scent on her. He leaned forward and gave her a kiss on her soft lips. She couldn't understand if this was right or wrong, nor did she respond to his kiss. She just stood there, frozen and too shocked to react.

Kisses are like tears. The only real ones are the ones you can't hold back. He kissed her. Her lips felt so soft and it tasted just like cherry. She had sealed her lips. The ground gave away and she was about to fall, when he held her by her waist. She could feel his rapid heartbeats. This was her first time. It was nothing like she had seen in movies and neither like what she had imagined her first kiss to be. It was warm and not too wet. She could feel the shiver in her stomach. Not only stomach, it was as if her whole body was consumed in that kiss. At that moment, she was nothing, yet she was everything. Chills ran over her skin and, fire burnt inside her. His lips were warmer than she could have ever imagined. She wanted to run her fingers through his hair. She wanted to hold on to him, as if her world revolved around him. There were just two qestions dancing in her mind - Yes/ No, Yes/ No, Yes/ No.

Kissing her was like standing on the edge of the world. It was like all his best memories with her, had been rolled into one.

"Something about first love defies duplication. Before it, your heart is blank. Unwritten. After, the walls are left inscribed and graffitied. When it ends, no amount of scrubbing will purge the scrawled oaths and sketched images, but sooner or later, you find that there's space for someone else, between the words and in the margins" - Tammara Weber, Where you are.

He could now understand each and every word of this saying. He used to argue with Niharika, that love can happen only once. He now realized he was wrong. The kiss not only was a physical one, done out of lust or attraction or desire. But, it had a hundred emotions flowing in it. He got the answer for all his questions. Yes, he was in love, hopelessly in love with Sanyukta. She was everything that he wasn't. His soul ached for her. It was just impossible for him to get over with her. It was as if he had longed for her since years. He felt that she only belonged to him, copyrighted. He wanted to kiss her more, hold her, hug her, never let her go. He just stopped kissing, and was leaning his lips on hers, waiting for any kind of response from her. He did not get it. He wished she'd kissed him back.

Slowly, he removed his lips from hers. And also, he freed her from his grip. Suddenly, she came out of trance. She kept her eyes closed as she didn't want to face him. Even he avoided her gaze. But, he could see that her lips had gone a shade darker than red. Their gazes were fixed to the ground. There was complete silence between them. The birds had stopped chirping. Wind had stopped blowing. It was as if the earth had stopped rotating. He felt betrayed and ashamed of himself. She was finding it difficult to even breathe in his presence. There were mixed emotions running in her mind. One side of her brain, was pleased, fulfilled, contented, satisfied, and was longing for more. The other side was feeling used up, crushed and betrayed. She was confused to the core. Everything was spinning around her. Just then, the doorbell rang. Both of them could not hear it the first time. The second time, the person at the door, rang it thrice simultaneously. They came out of trance. Slowly, taking baby steps she opened the door. The driver of the cab which she had booked, had arrived. She spoke something animatedly with him. Within minutes, without looking back at Vardaan who was still in the balcony, she picked up her bag, and went out, closing the door. The possibility of a full blown kiss hung between them, full of unspent promise. Every event in their lives after this would be different.

He saw her sit in the cab. He hoped that she would look at him. But, she didn't. He saw the cab retreating and within minutes, it was out of Vardaan's sight. All the best, good, not so good and the worse times he had spent with her were playing in his mind. He collapsed on his knees. Tears started flowing out of his eyes. He covered his face with his face and like a child he started crying. He had not cried like this, since Niharika left. After about eternity, he moved to his bedroom, shut the door and just stayed there. God knew, doing what?

She wanted to turn and look at him. But, something inside her was not allowing her to do so. The driver started the cab. She cried. For the first time in her life, she did not know the reason why she was crying. Why did she allow him to win the game? Hell, she never even allows her brother to win in that game. Why does she always blush when he longingly looks at her? Why does she always catch herself drooling over his handsome face? Why does it affect her when he's angry on her or not talking with her? What is it that she feels for him? There were a million questions running in her head, for which she was finding difficult to find any answers to. After about one, one and a half hour, she reached the campus. She quickly wiped her tears. She did not bother about paying the driver as she had paid the charges while booking the cab. She was walking slowly to her hostel when she stumbled upon Vidhushi.

Vidhushi: "Ouch...Dekh kar nahi chal sakti?"

Sanyukta: "Oh...I am so sorry. Mera dhyaan kahi aur tha. Tum theek ho. Lagi toh nahi."

Vidhushi: "Just shut up."

Vidhushi saw the cab coming towards them. The driver rolled the window and gave Sanyukta a pen saying that she had dropped it in the cab. Sanyukta took it and thanked him. She longingly looked at that pen. It had the initials VS inscribed on the handle. She recollected how he had made her study, even though she was not in mood. She had borrowed that pen from Vardaan. Vishushi broke her thoughts,

Vidhushi: (Smirking) "Oye, kya hua? Aur yeh pen? Isme toh VS likha hai...Par tere intials toh AS hai. Phir?"

Sanyukta was nervous. She hesitantly answered,

Sanyukta said, "Ab..bb..yeh mere bhai ka pen hai." "Oh really? Toh uske initials mein bhi toh Agarwal ka A' hona chahiye", she answered back. A junior came there with some sheet. It seems the dean had asked all the students who had reached the campus to sign it. Sanyukta signed it with the pen in her hand. Vidhushi asked for the pen, which Sanyukta passed it to her. After signing,

Vidhushi: "Chalo...mere pass tumhare peeche timewaaste karne se bhi kahi important kaam hai. Bye."

Sanyukta: (Running behind her) "Oye ruk. Mera pen toh dekar jaa. Dusro ki cheezein apne paas rakhna buri baat hoti hai. Give it back to me."

Vidhushi: "What?? I can't believe tum ek pen ke liye itni desperate ho rahi ho. Get lost."

Saying so, she turned to leave. But, Sanyukta, held her arm tightly, and demanded the pen from her. In fact, she snatched it from her.

Vidhushi: (In thoughts) "Yeh pehele toh aisi nahi thi. Iski kitni saari cheezein mere paas hai. Aur who bhi is baat ko jaanti hai. Un cheezo ko toh kabhi wapas nahi manga. Phir aaj yeh ek pen ke liye, violent hone ke liye tayyar ho gayi. Kuch toh gadbad hai. I have to find out."

She went to her room. Kaustuki hadn't reached yet. She went to the bathroom to wash her face. She saw herself in the mirror. Her eyes were on her lips. She recollected the flabbergasting incident with Vardaan. She closed her eyes. She could go through the same feeling, that she had gone through in the morning. His muscular breath was still lingering in her nostrils. She opened the tap but, was unable to wash her face. She didn't want to lose that feeling. Somebody had knocked the door. She opened the door and Kaustuki hugged her. Sanyukta cried hugging Kaustuki. Kaustuki could make out that something was wrong with her friend. Concerned, she tried consoling her. She rubbed Sanyukta's back. After sometime, Sanyukta stopped crying and wiped her tears.

Kaustuki: "Come, sit here. Now, tell me? What happened? Ghar par kuch hua? Vidhushi ne kuch kaha? Koi tension hai?"

Sanyukta: (After a long pause) "Kaustuki, kaise kahu? Kaha se shuru karu? What should I tell you, when I myself, have not yet come to terms with it. I don't know what I am feeling. Kuch nahi samajh aa raha hai."

Kaustuki: "OK. OK. Calm down. No problem. If you want some more time, koi baat nahi. Jab tumhara man kare, mujhe bata dena. I'll wait for it. Filhaal ke liye tum yeh paani pee lo. Aur chalo, canteen jaakar hang out karte hai. Iss se tumhare mood bhi theek ho jaaega."

Sanuykta refused but Kaustuki insisted. So finally, she agreed. They went to the canteen where all their friends were chatting, giggling and having a good time. Sanyukta was with them, yet not with them. She was getting tensed about what the next day would be like. She just hoped that she would never have to face Vardaan again. Vidhushi could see, that the usual chatter box Sanyukta was totally mum today.

Vidhushi: (Smirking) "Kya hua Sanyukta? Itni chup kyu ho aaj? And aaj toh kamaal ho gaya. Guys, you know what? Aaj Sanyukta ne mujhse ek pen ke liye jhagada kiya hai. Woh us pen ke liye kitni desperate thi. Aisa lagtha hai, kisi chaahne wala ke pen hai who hai."

Sanyukta shot open her eyes. Everyone was teasing her, saying she has a new boyfriend. Sanyukta had tears upto the brim of her eyes. She just left the place crying. Kaustuki ran behind her.

Vidhushi: (Smirking in thoughts) "Plan successful! Bas yahi reaction dekhna tha mujhe. Isse yeh toh pata chala hai, key yeh pyaar ka mamla hai. Par woh ladka kaun hai? College se hai? Pata karna padega."

Sanyukta ran to her room followed by Kaustuki.

Kaustuki: "Us vidhushi ki baaton ka bura mat maano. Who aise hi kuch na kuch bolti rehti hai."

Sanyukta thought of going to the library for studying something. Her exams were approaching. She passed by his cabin and her feet automatically stopped. She saw the inscription on the door - Prof Vardaan Suryavanshi. She got emotional looking at it. She ran to the library. Immediately, she issued many books. She wanted to immerse herself in the books. She wanted to keep his thoughts out of his mind. She started studying. At a stretch, she was studied for 6 to 7 hours. It was night time. She had never done that before. It was night time. She stood up from the chair and stretched herself. She remembered the couch in Vardaan Sir's living room. It was so damn uncomfortable. She smiled thinking about it.

Sanyukta: (In thoughts) "Kya hua hai mujhe? Has kyu rahi hu main?"

She looked at the wall clock. It had struck 9. She thought of leaving. She again passed by his cabin. She longingly looked at it. She was a bit surprised to find that it was not locked. She looked left and right. Taking baby steps she proceeded towards it. Slowly, she opened the door. The room was filled with smoke. It was very dark. She controlled her breathing to avoid the smoke entering her nostrils. She could see a body frame sitting on the chair with his legs on the table. She immediately identified him as Vardaan and ran from there. She ran till she reached her hostel room. Vardaan had not seen her entering. He had his eyes closed. When he opened them, he saw that the door was open. He quickly stood and walked towards the door. He looked left and right and again closed the door. He came back to his chair and was again lost in thoughts about her. " I've done a big blunder. I broke her trust. Just when she was getting comfortable with me, I've lost her forever. She would not even want to look at me. She might be regretting staying at my house," he thought.

She came in her room and locked it immediately. Sweat was glistening on her forehead and she was breathless. She did not eat dinner as she was in no mood to hear Vidhushi's irritating voice again. Next day, the first lecture was Cost Management. She had decided to bunk it. Vardaan was in his cabin the entire night. He saw his schedule. "Cost Management in Sanyukta's class! Forget it, I am not going", he decided. He did not turn up for the lecture. Sanyukta woke up late and got ready to go to college. She wore a scarf today just to hide herself from him. She reached the college and at every turning point, she carefully looked left and right to see if Vardaan was there. She entered the class. She sat through all the lectures. She did not move from her class from the fear that Vardaan might see her. The lectures got over and she went to the library to again immerse herself in studies. She knew she had to pass by his cabin. So, she quickly covered her face by her scarf. She was walking on the corridor, when a boy collided with her in front of Vardaan's cabin. Her books fell down. The boy was did not even apologise.

Sanyukta said, "Badtameez kahi ka." She bent down on her knees to pick her books and bag, when his door opened. "Sh*t, sh*t", she exclaimed. She dared not looked at him. She had no guts to face him. She had tears in her eyes. Vardaan bent down to help her. But, she got up immediately, collecting everything. She just moved from there without even looking at him. She first went to the washroom. She first washed her face and composed herself. Then she went to the library and was again engrossed in books. The same routine continued for many days. Sanyukta and Vardaan both were avoiding each other. Vardaan did not take even a single lecture in Sanyukta's class and even Sanyukta bunked all his lectures. Some students met the dean. They were concerned that the exams were on their heads and Vardaan was just not taking lectures for their class. The Dean assured them, that he would talk to him about this. Dean went to his cabin.

Dean: "Vardaan. Yeh main kya sun raha hu? Why are you not taking lectures? Is something wrong? You were never so unprofessional. Kya hua? Kuch hua hai yeh? Can I help?"

Vardaan: (Rubbing his forehead) "I know dean, I know. Students ka mere wajah se bohot nuksaan hua hai. Look, I am sorry. Students se keh dijiye, ke main kal se unke lectures lene ke liye tayar hu."

He composed himself and managed to bring back the stern look on his face. He decided that from tomorrow, he'll be back to his old self, hiding all his emotions. Next day, Sanykta again decided to bunk the lecture. But kaustuki forced her to come with her. She could make out that something happened between Sanyukta and Vardaan Sir. But, she did not ask her much about it. She knew that Sanyukta would one day tell her, and moreover she respected her privacy, even though she was her best friend. Kaustuki and Sanyukta entered the class. Sanyukta chose to sit on the last bench, far from him. Hesitantly, he proceeded to the class. He entered the class and started taking the attendance. He gulped the saliva in his mouth, when he saw that her name was the next. He knew that she was sitting somewhere in the class. His eyes were longing to get one glimpse of her. One look and he would live his entire life with that or ready to die a million deaths for it. He announced her name and she spoke with fear and hesitation in her voice, "Pp...present Ssir." He stopped for some seconds at that, which only she could notice. Regaining his composure, he again continued with the remaining attendance.

He looked at the class and apologized to the class for not taking the lecture. His eyes were constantly searching for her. She did not look up at all. She was fidgeting with her notebook and acting like was preoccupied with something. At last, he was successful in finding her. He missed her so much. He looked at her. Her gaze was fixed to the ground. She was trying to put her flicks behind her ears. She was looking breathtakingly beautiful. His heart skipped a beat. He remembered the time when he had put those flicks behind her ears and, was again lost in that moment. She was wearing a black dress and it looked stunning on her. Her little jhumkas were so close to her face that Vardaan was jealous of them too. He stopped speaking abruptly and was continuously staring at her. The class was confused. After some minutes he realized that he's losing his self-control and turned towards the board under the pretext of writing something. He reminded himself again and again that he has to keep focus and teach. It is his job.

Meanwhile, Sanyukta was trying it very difficult to concentrate on what Vardaan was teaching rather than on Vardaan himself. She saw his chiselled features and absentmindedly dropped her jaw. Her eyes were on his lips, which a few days earlier were on hers. His stubble had pricked her when he kissed. Initially, she felt a bit ticklish. He was handsome, she thought. Kaustuki caught her drooling on Vardaan. The lecture got over and both of them heaved a sigh of relief. He stormed out of the class hurriedly. She closed her notebook. She wanted to splash water on her face to eradicate his thoughts. She told Kaustuki that she's going to the washroom. She went to the washroom, stood in front of the mirror, opened the water tap and started splashing water. She had her eyes closed. When she opened them, she saw Vardaan in the mirror. She thought that she's imagining stuff and again splashed water. He was gone. This gave her an assurance that she indeed was dreaming. Just then, Vardaan came out the bathroom. She was stunned to see him and so was he.

Sanyukta: "Nahi. Aap nahi ho. I am just dreaming."

Vardaan: (tensed) "You, here. Nope. Oh god! What's wrong with me? You are just my imagination."

Saying so, he walked to the wash basin next to hers and washed his hands. She saw him doing that and thought, "Maine inhe yeh sab karte waqt toh kabhi imagine nahi kiya tha." To assure herself she again splashed water on her eyes. Even he started thinking, "I know she looks beautiful with a damp look, but I've never thought of about what she might be doing in the washroom."

Both of them looked at each other simultaneously with curiosity. They took a step towards each other. They leaned forward, raised a finger and touched each other simultaneously. She was stunned. She screamed, but then she covered her mouth by both her hands. Even Vardaan was astounded.

Sanyukta: "Aaahh...You are not my imagination. You are actually here. I don't believe this. By the way, what are you doing here?"

Vardaan: "I should be the one asking you in this question. What are you doing here in Men's washroom."

Sanyukta: "What nonsense! This is girl's washroom and you are in the wrong washroom. Now, just go before anybody finds out."

He rolled his eyes and raised his eyebrows thinking, "Miss Ziddi se behas karne ka koi faayda nahi hai." He pointed his finger to a board which had words written in bold "MEN'S WASHROOM." Sanyukta saw it; her eyes shot open and her jaw dropped. Just then they heard professor PK talking to somebody outside. He just opened the washroom door slightly. Sanyukta turned towards the door in shock. Vardaan came from back; his one hand held her waist and the other hand pressed her mouth to avoid her from screaming. He dragged her inside the bathroom and bolted it. Professor PK entered with some other boy and they were talking some usual academic stuff. Inside, Vardaan pinned Sanyukta to the bathroom wall and stood very very close to her. In fact they were separated by only his hand which was pressed on her lips. She was terrified. He looked at her. Water droplets rolled on her smooth skin and reached his hand. His lips wanted to feel them. He felt jealous of them. Sanyukta gulped the saliva. He saw her shapely neck moving up and down due to this. He looked in her eyes. They were filled with innocence and something else too which he could not make out. Sanyukta looked into his eyes, but she could not hold on to his gaze. She was scared that she would lose herself to him. She could feel the same breath on her that she had felt that day. She didn't even try to struggle. She looked everywhere except at him.

Professor PK came out of the bathroom, and saw that the sign on the bolt on the first washroom was still showing "OCCUPIED". He knocked the door. Vardaan and Sanyukta were startled. Prof PK asked,

Prof PK: "Oye, kya baat hai? Badi der se andar ho yar. Pet kharaab ho gaya hai kya? Churan khaaya karo bhaaya. Baba Ramdev waala. Bohot accha hota hai. Main bhi leta hu."

Sanyukta felt disgusted and irritated at this comment. "YUCK", she exclaimed. She rolled her eyes and she felt like puking. Vardaan could make out from her expressions. He felt like rolling on the floor and laughing. But, he controlled himself and just smiled. Prof PK further continued,

Prof PK: (Jovially) "Yaa phir, apni wife yaa apni girlfriend ke bare mein fantasize kar rahe ho? Oye koi baat nahi, enjoy!!!"

They instantly looked at each other. Sanyukta averted her gaze. Both of them felt very awkward hearing that. They heard the main door open and close. Sanyukta was relieved that Prof PK was gone. She tried to open the door of the bathroom, but Vardaan was just not letting her go. He was obstructing her. She looked at Vardaan and tried to free herself. All she could utter was "Mmmpp, mmpp"

Vardaan then came out of his dreamland. He slowly removed his grip from Sanyukta and left her waist as well. Vardaan opened the door and looked left and right. He indicated her to come out. She was leaving the place. He could hear her mumble, "I never knew that PK Sir aisi baatein bhi karte hai. Yuck!!" Vardaan couldn't help but smile shaking his head left and right.