Chapter 4

As her sobs died down to whimpers, Arnav said hoarsely, "Khushi, how can I make things better? Tell me what to do," he pleaded.

Khushi smiled wryly, her cheeks wet with her tears. "There is no way out of this pain. I know," she stated. She looked at his penitent, anxious face silently.

"Khushi, forgive me," he begged.

"Who am I to forgive you? Only Devi Maiyya can do so," she tried to dry her cheeks.

"Khushi, what can I do to make you feel better?" he tried.

"You can't," she said.

"Khushi," he protested.

"Can you return my child to me? My reputation, my peace of mind, my happiness, my past?" she asked.

He looked at her, helpless.

"You can do nothing. You are powerless before Devi Maiyya but you are too foolish to realise it. What was it that you told me after bandaging my finger at the temple? That you chart your own course, write your own destiny. Tell me Arnav Singh Raizada, is this the destiny you have written for yourself, our child, me and your Di?" she asked calmly.

"No," he admitted.

They sat looking at each other.

"Khushi, what can I do for you? This time, everything will be as you wish. If you want me to go away, I will," Arnav said, his heart thundering in anxiety. What would he do if she threw him out of her life?

"Will I get back the baby I lost if you go away?" she asked softly.

He looked at her, speechless.

"Can you wipe out the months of pain and humiliation you made me suffer by leaving me again?" she asked.

"No," he said softly.

"So your leaving serves no purpose," Khushi leaned back against the pillow, tired to her soul. "But the decision is yours."

"Khushi, can we start over again?" he asked, his heart in his mouth.

Khushi looked at him, her eyes bruised with weeping, her face marked by her loss.

"This time I won't hurt you, Khushi. Let me woo you as you deserve to be wooed. A new relationship, a new life together for hamesha," he said, his eyes sincere, his heart terrified that she would show him the door.

"You promised hamesha once before, and look how that turned out," she said, too exhausted to sound bitter. "I don't want your promises. You never keep them anyway," she said slowly.

"Khushi, you know very well that I love you more than my own life. Even during the time I was spitting fire at you, I loved you," he said.

He continued, "You knew it then, even before I knew what was happening to me. You knew it that night at the farmhouse. You knew it even when you couldn't remember me. And you know it now. Khushi, my judgement"I have made many mistakes, Khushi, but my heart has always been yours. There is no other wife for me, but you. No other lover, but you. You know it," he whispered.

Khushi looked at him.

"Give me a chance. Give us a chance. Let us start a new relationship," he suggested.

"Give me time to think," she said.

Arnav nodded. "I have to return to Delhi, Khushi," he said.

Khushi looked at him. He had been in Lucknow for too long. How could his business run by itself? Jiju, Nanheji and Mamaji were in Delhi and Arnavji had his laptop here, but it was not the same as being there.

"Give me a week," Arnav said. "I have to go to the office. And Aman called. The doctor is hopeful of improvement in Asha's condition but she has to go for therapy daily. She has to be wheeled to the car and Sunehri is finding it very difficult to manoeuvre the steps in the house I gave her. So I asked Aman to find a house close to the hospital. He has done so. I have to go to Delhi to buy it and consult with an expert on the alterations to be done there to make life comfortable for Asha and Sunehri. I need to see about starting some small scale business for Sunehri so that she need not depend on anyone for money. She can rent out the house they are staying in now & earn an income from it," he explained.

Khushi nodded.

"I will be back after a week, Khushi," he said, taking hold of her hand and pressing it against his heart. "Will you give me an answer when I return?" he asked.

"I can use that time to think," she said quietly.