Chapter 55
Font:
Text Size:
Theme:
[MEMBERSONLY]
[NOCOPY]
(Thank you, Naughtymallu, for this wonderful banner!)
(Thank you, RabbaVe for the banner!)
Part 11: Day 3
Section B
Khushi rushed to Arnav and sank to the floor at his feet. She caught hold of his hand and pressed his fingers in hers.
"Arnavji, please don't think that hum naraz hoke jaa rehe hein." she pleaded.
He looked down in to her honest eyes.
Khushi tried to explain, pausing many times to collect her thoughts.
"Arnavji!" she started. "The past one and a half years... I don't know what has been happening in my life." She clutched her head in her hands. "The last thing I remember doing, the last decision I took in my life was to wear the hanging pearl jhumkas with the green lehenga for Jiji's marriage." She looked at him, helpless. "Arnavji, after that my life went out of my hands. I lost control over everything. It was like I had got on to a roller coaster. My life just went out of my control."
She leaned her head against his knee.
"The ladies were dancing, Buaji was singing, Jiji was getting dressed in her room. I was helping her..." Khushi smiled. The smile slowly faded. "Then we heard Babuji & Amma talking. The new demand for more dowry... Babuji's decision to pawn our Satwik Mishtan Bhandar... Amma's anxiety... Jiji's tears..."
Arnav placed his hand on her head, comforting her.
"I panicked, but I couldn't show my fear to Jiji. What would she do if her Khushi became upset? Khushi can't be upset. Khushi has to smile. Khushi can never be upset. She has to find a way out, always." Tears filled Khushi's eyes. Arnav blinked to control his tears.
Her arms went around his leg, hugging it close to her heart.
"So I took the milk scooter and rode to Sheesh Mahal to make everything right for Jiji. Even though I can't ride that scooter well. Even though I had no idea what I was going to do once I saw the groom... Some body pushed me on to that stage..." Khushi looked up in to his face.
"And then I met you. Arnavji, that moment, somebody turned a switch. The speed at which I was hurtling to my doom increased. I was so scared..." A tear slipped down her cheek. Arnav wiped it away with the pad of his finger.
"From that moment to this moment, Arnavji, I have had no control over my life. So many things kept happening, one after the other... Before I could deal with one problem, hundreds of problems came at me from all directions till I didn't know if I was standing on my head or my feet."
Arnav nodded. And his chameleon-like behaviour had added to her confusion, her panic, her problems...
"Aap ko pata he, there is no place to think. Or cry." she confessed.
Arnav frowned.
"In Buaji's house, if I shut the door and sit in my bedroom for a moment, Buaji, Amma, or Jiji will knock on the door. I can't think. I can't even cry in private. On Diwali night, when I wanted to die, I locked the room to cry. I had just started crying when Buaji called me and I had to get engaged to Shyam." she was obviously agitated.
Arnav patted her head, swallowing hard.
"I went to the bathroom and shut the door so that I could think about where I was and what I was doing, where my life was going... But Buaji knocked on the door." She looked in to Arnav's eyes.
"Even in your house, even though it is as big as a football field, there is no place to cry or think, except the bathroom. Or maybe I should empty a cupboard and sit inside it. If I go to the terrace, Hari Prakashji will come to dry clothes. If I sit in the bedroom, some one or the other will call me. The poolside, the living room, the kitchen... there is no space to think."
Arnav nodded. The word 'privacy' did not exist in the dictionary of the Raizadas. He himself had often felt like a specimen in a bottle.
"I am so tired, Arnavji. Tired of smiling and pretending to be happy. Tired of trying so hard to be everything to everybody. Tired of disappointing everybody. Tired of making everyone cry. Just tired. I want to go away, Arnavji. Far away. Where nobody knows Khushi, Khushi Kumari Gupta, Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada, or Khushi Arnav Singh Raizada's past."
Khushi looked earnestly in to Arnav's eyes. "I don't want to stay here anymore, Arnavji. I am so tired of feeling like a third wheel, an outsider, a burden. When Amma & Babuji adopted me, Babuji's mother was very angry. I grew up listening to her grumble about me, curse me, scold me for everything under the sun. It has been 14 years, Arnavji. Even now, I don't feel I belong. Not in Laxmi Nagar. Not in your house. I am tired of trying to make a space for myself. I am tired of standing outside and looking inside at other people being happy. I am so fed up, Arnavji. So fed up."
Arnav shut his eyes in pain.
"I have to go away. I have to find a place I belong in. I want to start fresh, Arnavji. I want to think. Cry, if I feel like it. Smile, if I want to. I want to find out who this Khushi is. Who she is without her Jiji, Amma, Babuji, Buaji, you, and the family here."
Arnav cupped her cheek.
"I am 22 years old, Arnavji. And other than the fact that I like aloo and puri and love my family, I know very little about myself. I am scared, Arnavji. Scared that one day I will just dissolve into vapour and merge in to the wind, and even I won't know where I am, what I am."
Arnav wiped her face dry.
"Arnavji, let me go to Varanasi. Please." Khushi pleaded.
Arnav nodded. "You must go to Varanasi if you want to. But Khushi, where ever you go, you will carry me in your heart." he murmured.
Khushi looked at him. "Arnavji, had we not met as we did, had we not gone through the hell we did, together, do you think we would... we would...?" she paused.
"Love each other so much?" Arnav completed her question. "I think, yes. But don't take my word for it, Khushi. You should give yourself a chance to find out." Arnav smiled.
Khushi looked at him in surprise.
"You should go to Varanasi if you want to, Khushi. It is a boarding school for girls, isn't it? So you will be safe on the campus. You should take up this job."
Khushi stared at him, unable to believe her ears.
"But let me take you there, settle you in. Then I will return. I will explain everything to our families. We can keep in touch over the phone." Arnav smiled, patting her cheek.
Khushi looked at him, her eyes wide.
"I love you, Khushi. And I know how much you love me. I know you will realise it too, and come back to me. I am ready to wait." Arnav whispered against her cheek, his lips savouring the softness.
"If I don't come back?" Khushi whispered.
"I will build a cottage near your window and spend my life looking at you from afar." Arnav said, a small smile on his face.
Khushi punched him in the stomach. "Aap Arnav Singh Raizada he, not a weak Devdas. Remember that!" she admonished him.
He burst out laughing. She joined him.
Part 11: Section A: 91018704 Part 12: Section A: 91114063
Your reaction
Nice
Awesome
Loved
LOL
OMG
Cry
Post Your Comment