Part 20

They all returned home late that night, high on the excitement and joy from the dance festival organized by Khushi's college. Nani, Mamiji, Akash, Payal, and almost everyone in that large family had similar memories from earlier that evening – especially the moment when Arnav and Khushi had danced together, lost in a world of their own. It had been an overwhelming sight; a glimpse of their lost love and it raised a ray of hope in everyone's hearts.

It was near midnight when they entered Shantivan. As dinner had been provided at the event, they decided to retreat to their rooms for the night, with their smiles still in place.

Except for Khushi.

She lingered behind, particularly around Anjali.

And then instead of going to her room, she silently walked alongside Anjali, taking the opposite direction than her own room.

Anjali obviously noticed it but didn't say anything. Perhaps Khushi was overwhelmed after that eventful evening and wanted to share it with her Di?

"Khushi? Kuch kehna hai (do you want to say something)?" Anjali finally asked as they entered her room.

Khushi nodded. "Haan, Di."

"Bolo (Yes)?"

Khushi's lips pressed into a thin line, as she asked nervously. "Di, you once said... you told me that you keep all the legal documents for everyone in our family. Do you have the ones related to me too?"

Anjali was puzzled. Unable to understand the direction of this sudden question.

"Which one do you need, gudiya?" She tried to counter-question in an attempt to buy some time.

"The- erm- my ...my marriage certificate."

This time Anjali's heart really skipped a beat.

The document- or rather the lack of it- represented a chapter of Khushi's past that had colors of pain and hurt. Of abandonment by her own! It was the truth they had tried to shield her from until now.

Was it finally the time to reveal it to her? Anjali had to have a word with Vikrant and importantly with Arnav once...

So, she maintained her poise and replied with as much conviction as she could, "Sure. But I will need to look for it in the safe. Kal subah tak dein toh chalega (Is it ok to find it by tomorrow morning)?"

Satisfied with the answer, Khushi smiled, "Of course, Di. Thank you." She said, and hugged Anjali.

And then Khushi was gone from there, taking Anjali's sleep with her.

--*--

"You do realize that she may not forgive you after hearing all that, Arnav. Don't you?" Kashish asked with apprehension.

When Anjali informed Arnav and the rest of the family about Khushi's inquiry regarding her marriage certificate, they all feared it was time she heard the entire truth of her forgotten past. The good, the bad, the ugly!

And thus, they all had gathered there early in the morning while Khushi still soundly slept.

"I do. And I am still willing to go through with it." Arnav replied in a tone set with surety.

"Par Arnav bitwa, there is no needs to tell her the entire truth. Her memories are gone, toh aa bail mujhe maar karne ki kya zarurat hai (why to invite trouble)? Just tell her your marriage was arrange marriagewa and certificate is lost." Mami suggested, her priority being just her dearest Arnav bitwa! Besides, Khushi anyway had no memories of the past so how does it matter if they refabricated the truth for everyone's good, including hers?

"No mami, I won't lie to her about this." Arnav replied with finality. His shoulders had stiffened in tension, not hiding his state of mind.

"But why, Chote? Mami is right, maybe there is no need to dig the old graves. Why do you want to tell her?" Anjali asked. Twisted as it seemed, she thought this for khushi's sake. The real part of her past would give nothing but hurt. So, did they really want to do it?

"Because she deserves to know the reality now, Di. For the past 3 years, I created a world of illusion around her, and you all supported me. Of course, it was for her betterment, and I still believe that it was the right decision at that time. She had gone through a trauma; she had been through a near-death and I was responsible for her situation. So, I needed to be away from her. Let her heal, let her find her happiness, let her decide where she wanted to go with her life. I may or may not have been a part of her happiness. And we all saw how she bloomed to health with the care and love provided by you all, with the safety of a family. We saw how she found her passion in her dance, her taking decisions with much more confidence that was stolen from her before her accident." He wasn't really exaggerating as they all could see sense in what he was saying.

The Khushi they all initially knew as a chirpy, happy person was lost somewhere after Arnav had forcefully married her. But in these past 3 years, they saw her find that inner positivity that the old Khushi always had. She didn't become exactly like how she was before the contract marriage fiasco, but new facets were added to her personality in a positive way. They saw it in the way she took charge of Anjali's wedding. They saw it in the way she assertively stated her opinions around the house. In short, they had seen her become self-confident, strong and somewhere it was because they provided a protective, warm, loving environment for her.

"I was so sure that she was better off without me," Arnav continued, his voice rough with emotion. "- until I realized she still had feelings for me. She looked at me with a longing that seemed almost forbidden, as if I were an unattainable dream." He scoffed. "We had been so successful in convincing her that I was married to someone else, that she felt guilty for wanting me, as if I were the one out of reach. I couldn't let her live with that misconception any longer. Because the truth is, I'm already hers and if anything, she's the one who feels unattainable to me. If anything, I'm the least deserving of her love."

They all fell silent, pondering over what he just said.

"And now that she herself is asking more questions about our marriage, I will give her nothing but the truth. Three years ago, she wasn't in a condition to handle it but now she is much stronger, capable of taking her decisions. So, there will be no more deception now. And after hearing about our past, if she chooses to walk away...I– I will let her. And you won't stop her either." He said. His throat had gone dry and clogged with emotions.

Sensing there was no scope for any further discussion, they left from there, leaving Arnav waiting for Khushi to wake up...

--*--

Khushi woke up a bit late that morning. Tired from all the footwork from last night as well as the emotional ups and downs she had gone through, she had a much-needed dreamless sleep. The topic of her so-called contract marriage and meeting that unknown man who revealed about it to her totally forgotten.

Until she came downstairs to have a late breakfast.

There in the sitting area adjoining the dining, she saw Arnav. He was working on his laptop and as soon as she walked in, his fingers paused working on the keyboard. She realized that he had sensed her arrival despite his back being turned to her.

He tilted his head to look at her, their eyes met for a brief second and then she looked away.

And just like that, the thought that had bothered her since last evening reared its head, nagging her to no end. Why did he marry her in the past? Was it a real marriage?

She looked around, trying to find Anjali Di and frowned when she found no one around, including Anjali.

"Di has gone to temple with Mami and Nani." He answered her unasked question, not looking at her, his head engrossed in the work in front of him. "Payal and Kashish have gone to Lakshmi nagar and Mama ji is at AR along with aakash." He supplied more information about everyone's whereabouts...

Her frown deepened. Was there no one else at home except-

"Yes, it's only us at home." Once again, he answered the question she didn't even put into words.

A minute later, he closed his laptop and got up. Her adorably confused face brought a smile to his face, as he started walking towards her. Perhaps, having this lighthearted moment will help handle the upcoming dread he had been preparing for.

"Don't worry. I can't read minds. Not everyone's at least." his remark with a lopsided smile made her successfully distracted from her earlier apprehensive state. And that was exactly what he intended to do.

He went towards the dining table and pulled out a chair, "Sit. Let's finish our breakfast."

They ate in silence and once he ensured there was some food in her system, he decided to open the floodgates...

"So, I heard you asked for our marriage certificate." he said, keeping his cup of black coffee down as she paused midway while sipping her chai.

"Yes." she said, searching his eyes for where this would go from here.

"There is none, Khushi."

Her heart dropped in dread. So, that man was telling her the truth?

She put down her cup of half-finished tea and got up. Arnav followed her to the hall. From the corner of his eye, he saw HP walking in to clear the table, but he gestured their poor servant to leave them alone and HP scurried away.

A thousand thoughts started in Khushi's head, and she worded a few, "So, he was saying the truth. You never married me for real." she said, making him frown. Who was this "he"? But before he could ask something, she did, "Was it really a contract marriage then?"

'Contract marriage'. His heartbeat picked an unhealthy pace remembering that "wretched-memory".

"Yes." This was the moment of his possible destruction. To tell her about how he intended for her destruction. And he didn't show himself any mercy like he didn't to her back then.

The loss of color from her face pained him. But he stayed put.

However, Khushi conjured up an altogether different theory that he hadn't imagined.

"Were you manipulated by Di to marry me? Did you love someone else? It has to be someone else. That explains why you kept this from me for so long." she went on.

"Stop it, Khushi!" he couldn't take it any further. How had he underestimated it would still be so difficult? No matter if it had been 3 years or 30, when it came to their love, they both still became most vulnerable.

He saw as tears made way through her eyes and he gently stepped closer to her. "Listen to me very carefully, Arnav Singh Raizada has fallen in love only once and he married the same girl. And that is you, Khushi. And it was on my own will. Yes, Di may have been a reason but not how you think. I was already in love with you when we married." he said, wiping her tears with the pad of his thumb.

Time stood still for her. This was what she hoped against hope to hear. But now that she heard it, she didn't know how to react.

Arnav continued, "But I've always only made you cry, Khushi and looks like I still retain that quality."

Khushi stepped slightly away from him. Now that he was speaking of his undying love for her, the memories of the recent 3 years came to her mind and with that her yearning for him. He obviously knew it and still kept quiet.

"Why didn't you say anything sooner, Arnav? Why did you hide that you are my husband, and I am your wife? Me. Not some other woman. Do you know how guilty I used to feel thinking that I feel- feel this way for a married man? I was going mad thinking about how I was wishing for breaking someone's marriage while all this while you were probably just enjoying my predicament. Why, Damn it?"

He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help smiling a little hearing her use his catchphrase! Her feisty nature had always impressed him and it looked like, it was here to stay!

"Why are you smiling now?" she asked annoyed.

He shook his head, "Nothing."

"So are you going to tell me anything?"

He became serious again, as he replied, "I am going to tell you everything, Khushi. But will you trust me?"

She gave a small shake of her head for him to continue.

He took a much-needed deep breath and then started, "The reason I didn't say anything to you 3 years ago was because I held myself responsible for your state, Khushi. I still do. You almost lost your life because of me! Marte marte bachi thi tum (You almost died). And you know who made you reach that stage? Me. Your useless husband!" he fisted his hands, remembering that horrible day when he lifted her lifeless form, the fear of losing her had killed him!

Khushi gasped in fear, her hand raised to her lips. But he continued.

"I was the reason why your life was miserable, and I am the reason why you lost your own identity. Then tell me, how could I gather courage and tell you that you are mine? How lower should I have fallen to stake a claim on our marriage? I decided you would be better without knowing about me, Khushi. Your life would be better without me."

Khushi looked at him in shock. What was he saying? How could this be true? He was so polite, so caring towards her. And he is saying he hurt her? How will she believe that? He had to be lying. Or at least grossly exaggerating his faults. He may have been the reason why she reached the place where she met with that accident but there was no way she would be convinced that he was the reason for her misery.

Arnav read her mind and reached out to hold her hand, making her look up in his tormented eyes, "The wedding which you are talking about, do you know kaise hui thi hamari shaadi (how did we get married)? Tumhe lagta hoga, duniya ke samne, dhum dham se shaadi hui thi hamari (You'd think we married in front of the world). Nahi Khushi. Kheech kar le gaya tha tumhe main mandir (I dragged you to the temple). Zabardasti shaadi ki tumse (I married you forcefully). You know why? Because the first person who thought that you broke my di's marriage was none other than, me!" he said through a clogged throat, his heart pounding in his chest and the erratic heartbeats ringing in his ears. And Khushi felt her blood freeze in her veins.

She also felt confused about why he did so much for her Anjali di? He still was their distant relative, wasn't he? Or-

His voice broke her chain of thoughts.

"Yes, I loved you then. But on the night of Aakash and Payal's wedding, I saw you hug Shyam, Anjali's bast*rd of an ex-husband and assumed you were involved with him. So, I married you forcefully to teach you a lesson and to ensure that Anjali's marriage was safe."

There. He said it. It was out in the open now. His despicable act! For her to judge him, punish him as she deemed appropriate.

Khushi sat down on the nearby chair. She needed some time to grasp all that was said. Arnav made her life miserable? And he married her for revenge? Is that possible?

Arnav kneeled in front of her. Literally at her feet, as he kept confessing everything. Everything he said to her in the past 3 years, but only in his mind.

"You know why these past 3 years have been very precious to me, Khushi? Because I was able to ensure that you never shed a tear in these 3 years. You got tense, got worried, perhaps even upset but you didn't reach the stage of breaking down. And that is why I feel happy about these past years."

Khushi looked at him in confusion.

"Don't look at me like that, Khushi. I am serious. Your happiness might seem trivial to you, but it means everything to me. Because before...before your accident, before you lost your memories, I had made sure of the exact opposite! I have spent days, weeks, months ensuring that you never stay happy. I had made your life hell. I kept ensuring I hurt you, insulted you, with my words, my actions and if that wasn't enough, even with my hands." He closed his eyes in despair, remembering how he used to manhandle her leaving marks on her soft skin.
"I was so blindly hating you khushi that I repeatedly kept breaking your resolve. Tum kitni koshishe karti rahi khush rehne ki, sab thik karne ki aur main utni hi shiddat se unhe fail karta gaya (How much ever you tried to stay happy, to make everything alright and I ensured with equal efforts to fail them). Tum jitna apne aap ko sambhal ne ki koshish karti thi, main tumhe, tumhare hauslo ko todta tha (The more you tried to gather yourself, the more I kept breaking you and your resolve)."

He wiped his mouth to wipe a mix of tears and perspiration formed there... as the harsh memories of his crimes against her flooded his mind. Him making her sleep on poolside, seeing her shiver in cold, break the necklace his Di gifted her on the night of that Heer-ranjha play, shamelessly use her dead parents' mention to hurt her and finally turning his back to her at the airport when she desperately tried to prove her innocence. He had stooped so low in ruining her that when the truth of her innocence slapped on his face, he felt lost. Numb. So, her forgetting her memories, including him felt like an appropriate punishment to him. And ensuring she stayed happy, safe felt like a bare minimal redemption...

"Jee jaan laga di thi maine tumhe barbaad karne mein, Khushi. Aur dekho. Kaha le aya main hum dono ko (I gave it my all to destroy you. And see. Where did I lead us both)." He laughed bitterly.

She looked at him with a frown, "But why did no one say anything to you then? Di, Nani, Akash bhai-?" she asked, the forgotten query making its way to her mind after hearing his so-called atrocities against her in front of her own family.

"Mostly I covered my tracks, and you also kept quiet. But also, because blood is thicker than water. And I was their blood." he said looking away.

"Matlab (what do you mean)?"

Arnav braced himself for the final and the bigger truth, the real identity of hers as Khushi Kumari Gupta...

"You are Raizada by marriage to me Khushi. You are the daughter-in-law of this house, not daughter. Anjali is MY sister, Nani is MY nani..." he barely finished his sentence, as he saw her sway in her position and then faint in his arms.

--*--

A/N - *phew* a long, emotional, heavy chapter. It took me 3 days to finish it despite having some scenes written since months back. Anyhow, please let me know your thoughts on one of the key turning points of this story. What do you think will happen next? Throw in your predictions!

Please vote, review, comment. I thrive on it!♥