Chapter 56

I still remember the day when it all started..

I still remember the day when I had started dreaming..

I still remember the day when you came into my life..

That was the first time I dreamt of you..

That was the first time I dreamt a life with you..

I was a girl then...

I blushed... I smiled...

My happiness was in front of me...

My new life was in front me..

And I said yes.. I welcomed my new life with open arms...

And I become his.. he became mine

I entered in my new life with a lot of hopes, with a lot of dreams, with a lot of aspirations..

I could see my small world in front of me...

But suddenly everything just shattered...

My dreams broke into thousand pieces..

I sat down...

Trying to gather all the broken pieces of my heart.. of my dreams..

But they all again slipped out of my hand...

I was just gawking at them...

Tears made their way...

I was alone coz he was away...

I was shattered coz he didn't turn back..

I was crying coz he wasn't there to wipe my tears..

I fell down coz he wasn't there to hold me...

But then I got up and wiped my tears of my own...

I built my own world.. I supported myself..

Then he again came back...

Gave me everything..

His care.. his gaze.. I blushed.. I feel blessed..

His touch soothed me...

I felt complete.. I felt pure.. I felt loved...

Those suppressed hopes started rising again..

That lost love was again with me..

My vanished smile came back...

My tears vanished...

My happiness came back...

I created a new world with him.

But then again everything slipped out of my hand..

I ran after them to hold them back...

But in vain... they were far far away from my reach..

I cried.. I sobbed.. I screamed..

But I was alone again with two sunshines inside me...

I left my world there..

I left everything there...

And stepped into a new world with the two sunshine inside me..

With no hopes.. no aspirations..

With just a goal..

To bring those sunshines into life..

I missed him...

I craved for him..

I cried for him...

But all my sorrows vanished when I saw those saplings..

I felt solace..

I stepped into another phase of my life..

I could see him in those sunshines..

I smiled again...

They become my life..

But I felt myself incomplete..

Coz he wasn't there..

I created my another world..

Then he again came back...

But it wasn't him...

I didn't know this man..

He was new to me..

He was changed..

He opened his arm for me and my sunshines..

I took steps back..

I was sacred..

I was insecure..

But he changed everything,,,

He was pulling me again ..

He saved my sun shines..

I started trusting him...I started believing him..

I started smiling again...

I ran to him and became his again...

We both smiled with our sunshines in our hands...

When I look back...

I see a girl full of hopes and expectations..

When I look in front

I see a lady who has no hopes and expections.. just want peace..

When I look back..

I see a girl who is laughing..

When I look in front..

I see a lady just smiling..

When I look back..

I see all those gloomy days which I had suffered...

When I look in front..

I see myself surrounded by all the happiness...

When I look back..

I see myself carefree and brave..

When I look in front..

I am scared of losing everything.. coz this time I wont be able to gather the broken pieces..

When I look back..

I find myself alone , abandoned by him..

When I look in font

I see him standing with open arms..

I ran to him and engulfed myself in his embrace forever..

My life is complete now..

My wishes are fulfilled now..

I am happy now..

I am smiling now..

But I still remember the day it all started..

*******

I still remember the day it all started...

A fairy stepped into my life whom I abandoned.. whom I tried to push out of my life..

But she was still there...

I pushed her into the darkest corner of my house..

I took away everything from her..

she didn't say anything...

I accused her for everything...

She didn't say anything...

I pushed her..

I pulled her..

She didn't say anything...

I left her alone to walk on those thorns of life..

She didn't say anything..

I failed to as her soulmate..

But she was always by my side..

When all left me.. she was there..

I jerked her away...

She again came back..

I was dead..

She made me alive by her prayers..

She was beautiful...

I called her ugly..

She was sobbing in front of me..

I was standing there dumbstruck..

One part of me always wanted her..

But other part never supported me..

I tried to make her smile which was snatched by me..

But she never smiled..

I was dying in the guilt..

I had destroyed her life..

She never complained..

Then she became my most precious possession..

she became the most beautiful thing..

I lost myself completely in her...

I just wanted to make her mine..

And that moment came..

She became mine..

I felt complete..

It was magical..

The most peaceful moment of my life..

I was happier than before..

Then I became a demon..

I left her again with my sunshines inside her..

She cried.. she sobbed..

But one part of mine never supported me..

I again abandoned her with those sunshines..

She left me...

I was alone again...

I went into silence..

Then those sunshines came into life..

I smiled again...

I went back to get them..

Saw my saplings..

That moment stopped..

I was never that happy before..

They were looking at me..

As if they have forgiven me..

Then she came back..

She pushed me back...

But this time I pulled her again...

And finally my faries were back in my life..

When I look back..

I see an arrogant boy who doesn't respect his fairy..

When I look in front..

I see a man whose life exists in those fairies..

When I look back..

I was surrounded by my own insecurities..

When I look in front..

I see myself surrounded by just love...

When I look back..

I see myself filled with guilt..

When I look infront

I see myself filled with pride...

When I look back..

I was alone...

When I look in front..

I see my princesses are standing there with open arms..

I ran to them and engulfed myself in their embrace forever..

My life is complete now..

My wishes are fulfilled now..

I am happy now..

I am smiling now..

But I still remember the day it all started..

*********

It still remember the day when it all started..

When I faced the reality of life...

When I got to know what is life actually for a woman in the crowd of chauvinists..

The story had been revolving in my mind for part 8 years..

But was scared of telling anyone..

I took 8 long years to say my heart out to those strangers..

Finally I managed..

I started with no hopes and goals..

Just wrote my heart out..

I have lived with every emotions..

Have suffered myself those darkness which I had penned down..

Unfortunately I had made you all cry..

My intention was never that..

I apologize..

I have spend thousands of sleepless nights imagining the story..

I have myself cried with the lady of the story..

Its not my story...

It's a story of every woman who suffers those torture.. those pain..

For some people its lame..

But I ignored..

I walked forward and tried to explain..

Tried to explain the reality..

But they ignored...

Then I realised I started all alone...

And then I moved on..

Those thoughts are finally out of my mind..

I am happy...

But I was happier..

Am glad that my sunshines are with me...

I am also shining with them..

They never leave me alone...

And I smile with them...

When I look back

I find myself sitting in a room, just writing my heart out..

When I look in front..

I see myself sitting in the same room, but scared of writing my heart out..

When I look back..

I see myself alone , happy with myself..

When I look in front..

I see myself with those sunshines, happy with them..

But I was happier before,,

When I look back..

I was a care free person..

When I look in front..

I see myself getting affected by every small thing..

I am affecting everyone..

Don't know why..??

I am still searching for those answers..

May be in dark..

I still remember the day when it all started..

*************