Chapter 13

 

Tears stung her eyes as she stood against the breeze flowing lightly on her balcony. Her brother's words stabbed her like ice sickles, wounding her lonely heart deeper and deeper. "Why, Chhote? Why?" she cried silently thinking where she had gone wrong with her brother. Anjali had no idea that Arnav stored so much venom and displeasure in him from such a long time. He had made no effort to forget all the tragedies and move on in life. He was still stuck in that time brooding over the losses he suffered, uninterested to even think about making his life greener again.

 

Anjali jerked up as she felt a hand over hers and looked up to see those molten chocolate orbs staring back at her as his silent plea made its way over to her heart. She jerked her hand away from Arnav and turned her back to him.

 

He came and kept his hand on her shoulders and turned her around to face him, "I am sorry, Di!"

 

Anjali stared at him, unable to believe what he had just said. He said again in that innocent voice which wasn't ASR's but was that little child's, her Chhote's "I am sorry, Di! I know you are really hurt...I am sorry. Please forgive me..."

 

Anjali freed herself from him and muttered, "don't bother yourself Chhote...I don't want you to feel suffocated. Go from here."

 

Arnav flinched at the coldness of her voice, "Di, I am sorry! I shouldn't have said all that," he held her again, "I am sorry, Di. Wont you forgive your Chhote?"

 

Anjali melted at that innocence and vulnerability her brother rarely showed. For a man who defined strength and power, he was too vulnerable and emotional from inside. Anjali knew her brother too well. Behind the faade of anger and arrogance, hid a childlike innocence and heart of gold which held nothing but pure love to all those who loved him. The devotion and respect turned her into a puddle and she buried her head into his strong chest, embracing him with all her affection. He held onto her, caressing her hair, exuding warmth that she had longed forever...

 

 "Chhote, I waited for this for such a long time..." she sobbed, "did it take this much time for you to come back to your sister?"

"I am really sorry, Di..." he whispered, "but it wasn't easy for me..."

They slid onto the floor and held each other like siblings who had united after a very long time. Baseless fears and emotions had kept them apart, not physically but emotionally. It was very hard for Arnav to open up, pour his grief and difficulties to his confidante. He always believed that tears made a person weak. Anjali had never seen him cry for a very long time. He had hid his tears effectively but failed to shadow his grief by his anger. She was glad that she had been made to be a part of his happiness and sorrows after years of wait.

 

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The video camera was silently recording everything that was happening in the hall. The camera was snapping pictures. Shyaam was gloating. Payal was behaving stupid.

 

The drugs started kicking in and Payal lost the sense of what she was doing. Shyaam, who had planned all these, silently was enjoying the show, with a camera in his hand.

 

"What am I supposed to (hic) do..." she giggled childishly.

 

Shyaam went and whispered something in her ears, making her pout an O, "Don't you want to get into films, sweetheart?" he muttered silkily.

 

The dream of becoming a superstar took over the remaining of her senses as Payal started doing exactly as Shyaam told her to totally forgetting where all these would land her into.

 

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"Hey, sweetheart!" she smiled as she heard her bestie's voice over the phone.

 

"McKinley! Sup buddy?" she screamed into the phone making Chris jump, "easy dude! My ears are going to burst" but he smiled nonetheless hearing her excited voice which assured him that his crazy friend was all right.

 

"One second...why the hell are you calling me at this hour?" she screeched as she realized the time.

 

"Oye! It's afternoon at your place!" he exclaimed, "don't tell me you were sleeping!"

"It is 2 in the afternoon over here which means it is 2 in the midnight in US..." she hissed, "what the hell are you doing waking up?"

"Oh, that!" he kept the earpiece away from his ear and shouted back, "I couldn't call you when it was night at your place...you would skin me alive if I woke you up from your jalebi dreams!"

"Haw!" she shouted back, "so, you are waking up all night like an owl! Bad, McKinley! Very bad!"

 "I had to talk to you..." he whispered, "or I wouldn't be confirmed about your well being..."

Khushi felt her tears making way from her eyes as she felt that brotherly affection and concern in Chris's voice, "I am sorry, McKinley...I forgot to call you..." she whispered.

 

"Its fine, sweets..." he muttered, "I know you were very excited to see your family...I understand."

"I miss you big guy..." she smiled painfully knowing very much that Chris was missing her more.

 

"I miss you too, Mrs. Jalebi..." and they both burst into fits of laughter. "What are you doing?" Chris asked, still sniggering over the phone.

 

"You were bound to be bored!" Chris snickered, "you didn't have me there to eat your head!"

"Oh, yeah!" she muttered, "very funny!"

"Hahah..." he laughed out loud, "by the way, did you meet your Mr.?"

"My Mr.?" she sounded confused, "who?"

"Oh, him?" she chuckled, "I met him, alright! Plateful."

"I am glad!" he grinned, "when are you coming back?"

 

Khushi stood still for a moment, unsure of what to answer. She just wanted to go back to her world, to her friends who cared for her more than themselves rather than staying here amidst people who hated her. But then, there were people over here who loved her more, Diya, her father who wanted nothing more than some time to spend with her. She couldn't tell them no...she couldn't hurt them.

 

"After a few weeks, McKinley," she answered, "Diya is very excited to have me here...I have to be with her for a few days at least!"

"Oh, dynamite!" Chris grinned, "how is she?"

"She is as energetic as ever," she smiled, "she has gone out to get some stuff for the house. Even I am joining her for shopping! It's been too long since I went for window shopping in the streets of Delhi!"

"Great!" Chris exclaimed, "Bring me some merchandise from there! Don't you dare forget!"

"Of course!" she grinned, "how could I forget to bring you something from here? Souvenirs a la India!"

"Good! I will see you soon then..." he muttered, "have fun buddy! Enjoy!"

"You too, Gupta!" and he hung up the phone, smiling to himself.

 

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"I know it's hard for you, Chhote..." Anjali whispered caressing his palm, drawing circles over them, "but you should have at least tried to come out of it."

"You don't know anything, Di..." he whispered back, "you are as ignorant to everything as ever."

"What does that mean?" Anjali raised her head, her irritation and anger making its way up again, "what does that mean? How am I ignorant?"

"Don't get angry, Di..." he muttered in a voice that strangely reflected respect, "but I am just trying to make you understand."

"Okay..." she nodded, finally understanding that her Chhote had decided that it was time to talk, "okay, so what is it that I don't understand?"

"Many things, Di..." he muttered gazing right through her eyes, "many things...probably because you don't want to understand."

 

Anjali felt herself boil again, "why do you have to be so cryptic and confusing, Chhote?"

"I am not being cryptic, Di..." he said, "I am just trying to figure out the best way to tell you what I feel."

"Chhote, why is it so hard for you to talk to me?" she heard herself ask. Being his sister, she had always felt that he was closer to her than he was to anyone else. She was the only one who had this rare access to his vulnerable side, emotions which were vaulted for the rest of the world. Her smile brought him comfort without his knowledge. He had unknowingly confessed his fears to her. But his aloofness made her think she wasn't what she had hoped for to become in his life. She felt alone, just like she had felt all those years back. She wanted answers. She wanted someone to open the lock of his heart, give her a place deep inside it which she knew she hadn't achieved it yet. Today, she wanted to forgo her fears and inhibitions and listen to what he had to say. She didn't bother which way the dam would break, whether she would be rescued from her loneliness or she would drown in the flood of emotions. She braced herself for that one confession she wanted to hear as she asked him again, "why is it so hard for you to talk to me, Chhote?"

 

Arnav looked at her, unsure of what to tell. A part of him didn't want answer her question but a part of him didn't want to carry the burden anymore. He was drained of all his energy. The past few days had brought back the demons of his past making him fragile and susceptible. His defenses had taken a backseat, absolutely uninterested to save him from the hurricane. He had no visible help apart from the one who was sitting in front of him, looking expectant and hopeful that maybe he would trust her with his worries. It was time to let go. It was time to break the barrier. It was time to tell the truth...

 

"Because you were never a person who I found my world with..." he whispered knowing it would destroy Anjali. But he had to do this. It was time to fix some loose ends.

 

Anjali choked, "w...what?"

 

"Yes, Di...you were never the person whom I wanted to be with..." he whispered, keeping his palm over hers in a feeble attempt to make her realize, "how much ever you try to bury the truth, it keeps resurfacing. This was not the world I wanted to live in..."

"What do you mean by that, Chhote?" she fought back her tears.

 

"Di, I just wish that you would understand," he took her hand in his, "Di, I love you with all my heart. I respect you and worship you for being my support, being my strength, being my hope and faith. But I can never make you the most important person of my life. It belongs to someone else. No matter how hard I try, I can't change that..." he whispered as tears rolled out of his eyes.

 

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As much as Delhi was a metropolitan city, developed and modern with towering malls and buildings covering the skyline of the city, the market shopping tradition was never forgotten by Delhites, who seemed to enjoy the touring of the colourful, antique and traditional looking streets rather than shop in malls. Delhi retained that cultural flavor, for every person visiting the national capital would never leave until he had the seen the exclusive and beautiful market arena of the city...

 

She desperately needed a break from all the happenings in the Raizada mansion. She wanted some fresh air. She wanted to console her heart, make it understand that once a sadu always is a sadu and one just cannot expect anything out of him. Lavanya was frustrated beyond limits by that behavior of Arnav and only mindless shopping could give her little bit of peace and so, here she was, in the crowded area of Khan Market, looking for dresses and some handicrafts that she would like to take it back home.

 

"Hey, Pam!" She gushed into her phone, oblivious to all the chaos in her surroundings, "what's up, babes?"

"Nothing, La..." the voice responded, "what are you doing and by the way, are you on earth?"

"Why asking like that?" she grinned, "where else would I be?"

"Really? No calls...no emails..." an irritated voice said, "busy with your boyfriend, ha?"

Lavanya felt a pang at her heart. She wanted to cry out loud but she controlled her tears, "no Pam! ASR is very busy these days. He isn't getting that much time to spend with me...so I came shopping alone!"

"Oh yeah, figures!" Pam answered, "isn't his show around the corner? I saw huge advertisements of it..."

"Poor guy," she sounded sorry and then suddenly, her voice perked up, "La, babe, I will have to call you later. Phil's here!"

 

Lavanya sighed ruefully at the mention of Pam's boyfriend, "yeah, okay...take care and say hi to Phil."

 

"Bye," and she turned around only to knock someone squarely on the face and she dropped her phone in surprise. Looking up she saw a highly flustered face of a young girl who was standing as though she was about to get some sound beating for walking into her and knocking her phone, "Jeez! I am so sorry, did I hurt you?"

 "No, no it's fine... absolutely..." Lavanya smiled assuring.

 

The girl exhaled in relief, "I really am sorry! I don't know what has got into me lately. I am being so clumsy and stupid that I am going around knocking every person in my way. Yesterday, I knocked some annoying dude at the New York airport. He was barking mad at me!"

"Happens. Not to worry. By the way, I am Lavanya," she held her hand for a handshake to which the girl enthusiastically responded, "only if all the people would take it this way. I am Khushi and it's a pleasure to meet you."

"Pleasure is mine, too," Lavanya replied, "here for shopping? Of course, why else people would come to Khan Market, silly me!"

"Not exactly shopping. Window shopping more like..." Khushi grinned, "I am looking for my sister and I don't know where the hell she has vanished!"

"Hahah...I know right?" Khushi found this girl very light hearted and humorous, "they sometimes are a pain in the ass!"

"Who the heck are you calling pain in the ass?" sounded an angry voice behind the duo and they turned around to see Diya standing there with her hands on her hips and a frown on her face, "Diya!" they both exclaimed together.

 

"You know her?" was another simultaneous question.

 

"Yes," Khushi was first this time, "this is the monkey I was talking about. My sister!"

"Oh," Lavanya exclaimed, "you are her sister? She happens to be my monkey brother's friend, that's how I know her."

"Your brother?" Khushi raised her eyebrows, "Nandkishor, NK! My brother who is her Linguistics classmate..." Lavanya replied.

 

"Oh the world's too small!" Khushi laughed.

 

"You bet!" Lavanya laughed too, "come on...let's walk and talk," and the group went chattering about every random thing...