1. The beginning

“kyunki mein tumhaari Nupur hoon”

The words were still ringing in Mayank’s ears as he held her close on the love seat, surrounded by Gunjan and Samrat. Nupur wasn’t saying anything, just laying her head on his chest feeling the rhythmic circles that he drew in her hair slowly pulling her to sleep. His strong hands that were holding her, his chest that was thumping with joy, his eyes that were so chocolately brown and filled with love, his smile that she had missed so much, those dimples - oh how she could just reach out and kiss them so that she knew for sure that this wasn’t a dream. It wasn’t a dream, she reassured herself. 

She was truly here. She was back. And it made her smile as she moved closer, if possible, into his chest. There was thunder ringing outside, yelling out the joy that she felt vibrating in every bone of her body. This isn’t a dream. I am here. He is here. 

She looked up to seal her reassurance and found those brown chocolate orbs staring straight back at her. So many emotions. Love, hurt, regret, anger, love, relief, happiness, love, worry, love. He is here. He is here and he is safe. 

She continued to stare, trying her best to memorize his face and compare it to the black and white image from her dreams that she had gotten so used to seeing. Nothing did justice to her husband’s beautiful face. Nothing, not even her memories. She didn’t have photos or videos or anything really, to remember her life with him. He had taken all of that away. Yet, there wasn’t a day she forgot what his voice sounded like and what his touch felt like. Coming back into his arms was like second nature. Yet, seeing him in front of her felt like seeing him for the first time. Her husband was in front of her, but 3 years had done quite its work on him. His jaw was more chiselled, his arms were stronger, his chest harder and those eyes brighter. How had he become so much more handsome and so much more droolworthy - even more so than before? 

She retracted within herself. Here she was. Tortured, abused, with 3 years worth of shameful memories that had withered her away. How could she ever deserve him? She wasn’t who she used to be anymore. She had been given the bare minimum to live with and had held on with enough sanity so that she could see him again. That’s all she had been living for for the past three years. His safety and the hope of catching a glimpse of him again. And for that she had paid heavy prices. She had lost her confidence, her joy, her bravery, her essence. She had become a mere shadow of herself. No fun in jokes, no beauty in life, no reason to dress up, no future to look forward to. She was living so that he could live. She had been keeping herself alive so that he could live his life and one day move on. That’s all I thought I was getting, she thought letting a lone tear break its barrier and travel down her cheek. 

But before it made its way to her mouth, she felt his lips scoop it up and place a soft touch on her lips. 

“Shhh”

I thought he would move on eventually. Find someone nice and settle down. He had wanted to get married in 2016 anyway. 

She knew that Shilpa aunty wouldn’t let hm sit alone for the rest of his life. And with time, he would forget her. She felt herself shatter again at the harshness of her thoughts. He would forget me, like how he had wanted to do a few hours back. That was bound to happen, she concluded. When your wife parades an abusive fiance in front of you and tells you to leave her alone, what else would you do? 

She felt herself breathe faster at her own thoughts. She was beginning to slip into a deep dark abyss again. The one where Dhruv had ruthlessly dragged her to and tied her to all these years. The one where she could see no out, no escape, no reason to run. The one where she knew that the world would move on above her and she would be forgotten. The one where she was only alive until she knew Mayank had moved on and then she would quietly leave this world as he had believed. His Nupur would truly be dead, but only after she knew he was happy. 

This is all I thought was going to happen, she thought, not believing that her life was now in her love’s arms. Her breathing became shallow and the thoughts began to overpower her. She felt herself slipping. 

“Nupur, shhh. Baby, shhhh.”

She didn’t realize that the tears had slipped out and that she had been gasping for breath. He pulled her close to him and kissed her cheek again -except the kind of kiss where his lips lingered on the corner of her mouth for a second longer. 

He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t know what has become of me. He is an angel, but I am too far gone.  She felt him move away from her slowly and study her face intently. He knew something was wrong. 

“Nupur”

He hoped that his voice would help her come back to him. For 3 years, she had been living in a hell that he knew had ripped her apart. He had been living in his own hell too. But at least he had her pictures, her memories, her love. At least he had everyone else - Gunjan, Dia, Benji, Uday, Ma, and even Bauji. 

The months after she had left, he had stayed in his bedroom in the old outhouse for hours just wrapping her dupatta around him and crying out for her. Hoping against hope that she would appear out of the blue and tell him that it was just some horrible joke and she was truly here. But she hadn’t come. And in those months, others had tried in vain to convince him to move out of the room, to eat, to function. But how could he? His Nupur was not eating or laughing, how could he? 

Then one day, Bauji came. He had put his hand on Mayank’s shoulder lovingly and roused him from the bed urging him to finish what he had started - be the successful man that he had always wanted to be for his Nupur. Be her ultimate hero - the body, the mind and the soul that she had always wanted in her dream man. Be so true to her that it felt like she was right there with him the entire time. 

Those words softened him.

Maybe because Bauji knew what it was like to lose his wife. Maybe because Bauji knew how much he loved his wife. Or maybe because Mayank knew that loving Nupur was keeping her alive with him. By travelling the world, he would show her everything she wanted to see. By earning money and becoming successful, he would build her dream house and her dream life. By bringing Samrat and Gunjan together, he would fulfil her responsibilities as an older sister. She would be with him throughout his life as his better half and he would wait for their reunion. 

He was living in hell, but he knew that his heaven was waiting for him in the afterlife. But seeing his heaven crumble and break in front of a psychopath had his blood boil. She was living in hell and he hadn’t done anything about it. He hadn’t known anything at all. There she was on her knees, suffering from physical, mental and emotional abuse only so that he could breathe one more breath? What use were these breaths if they stood on the back of her torture? 

She had been through hell, he thought looking at her. He could see the faint marks of red on her cheek where Dhruv had hit her, the fingerprints on her neck, the cuts on her wrist, the bangles that had scratched her arms. What has she been through? he cried. The light in her eyes had been replaced by a resounding darkness that had hollowed out in the few moments that he stared at her. He couldn’t take it anymore. He didn’t care if Samrat and Gunjan were right there. His wife needed him to convince her that she was out of hell and that he was really, truly here with her. His wife needed him. 

So he placed his lips full on her mouth and didn’t wait for her to respond. He pulled the rubberband securing her hair out of the way and let it fall free. It was metaphorical and cathartic. He felt her wimper as he ran his hands through her hair and let the sensation empower her. She began to lean into him and into the kiss, urging him to convince her more. He smiled and whispered “I love you” against her mouth, letting his words kiss her heart. 

He could hear an audible gasp from Samrat as they left the room, but he could care less. His wife needed him so much right now. He felt her tears roll down her cheeks and the salt mix with the kiss they shared. Its okay, he thought, soothing her as he softened the kiss. Her tears hadn’t stopped and neither had his. They needed this moment. The moment where their tears mixed with each others’  and calmed the other. The moment where there lips did what words couldn’t do. The moment where they knew they would be Mayank and Nupur again, but this time so strong that nothing, not even death, could do them apart. 

Nupur let herself be drawn out from the abyss she so desperately wanted to come out of. But the fear of telling him her trauma plagued her. How will he react when he knows the worst of it? she thought. 

He held her lips for a few seconds before slowly letting go and then kissing the tears that had made their way to her cheeks again. She kissed his tears away too, feeling the grubby stubble against her lips. She smiled, oh how I missed this. 

“Mayank. Im sorry.” 

He pulled apart. He hadn’t expected her to address everything right away. But then, when was his Nupur ever predictable? 

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” 

“I do” she started, wanting to fall to his feet and apologize for all the pain she put him through in the last few weeks. She knew that it had been a dagger to his heart when Dhruv had claimed himself as her fiance. She knew she had hurt him immensely when she had pushed him away during that stolen moment at Gunjan’s house. 

“I have everything to be sorry about. Dhruv - “

She couldn’t continue. The name itself brought back a huge sob from the center crack in her heart. She slipped off the love seat and onto the floor hugging his legs. 

“Dhruv forced me to behave like that. He -he threatened me with your life. But -but I promise that it’s always been you. I have never-ever let anyone take your p-place in my life. Its always been you. I have loved only y-you. Mayank you must know that -“

She didn’t continue. She didn’t continue because he was there taking her lips in his again. With a little more care, little more passion, a little more love. She felt herself let go of a sob as his lips migrated to her cheek where the bruise was and then to her head where the cuts on her skin had faded. 

“Like I said, you have nothing to be sorry about.” he whispered pouring his eyes into hers. “I love you. You love me. Thats all I care about.” 

But I have to make him understand. she thought. 

“Mayank, a lot has happened over the last three years that you don’t know about. You have the right to know.” 

He looked at her once more, taking in the fear in her eyes. Why doesn’t she understand? That nothing in this world can change my love for her. That nothing she can say or do will have any effect how much I love her.

“Nupur, I want you to know one thing.” He cupped her cheeks. “tum tab bhi meri Nupur thi, aaj bhi ho. You were my wife then and are my wife now. In every sense. puri tarah se.”

That seemed to give her some confidence, some slight flicker of joy and pride that he could see in her eyes. So he smiled and pulled her closer. 

“Nothing you say will change that. Even if you think something will change between us, I promise it won’t. Mujhpar bharosa hai na?” 

She nodded. 

“ I want to know your pain, so that I can heal it. I want to know every part of you Nupur. Even the parts that you are ashamed to show me, because I promise that nothing will change. You will have me by your side forever.”

Thats all she needed to let go of every last bit of hesitation and confide in him. Share herself with him. 

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