Innocence - Duryodhana Dhārtarāṣṭra Speaks
There was a time when Yuyudhāna and I were inseparable. We shared everything, the way children do, innocently thinking that there's plenty for everyone. I had a hundred brothers by the time I was one month old, so sharing was natural for me.
My mother Gāndhārī would send us to Mathurā with our mātula Śakuni to visit her grandfather's paitṛṣvaseya cousin Anamitra's family. That's where I first met Yuyudhāna Sātyaki. We developed a habit of greeting each other with laughter. He hadn't learned to speak in full sentences yet.
Today, Yuyudhāna is laughing as his chariot blocks mine on my way to intercept Dhṛṣṭadyumna before he reaches Droṇa. I can't help laughing too. We're looking at each other the same way we did as children. How did we become enemies?
While training at our ācārya's house, did I make Yuyudhāna feel left out when I made friends with Karṇa, who was older, and outgrew those childhood games? Innocently, I thought I could make new friends and learn new skills, and our old friendship would remain the same.
How far we've come from the days when the same voices cheered, "Kuro!" and "Mādhava!" as both of us raced to see who was faster! It used to be innocent fun when Yuyudhāna would block me from a goal, and now look at this Śinipuṃgava blocking me from my goal of protecting our ācārya, whom Dhṛṣṭadyumna is on his way to slay.
When Bhīma made a habit of tormenting me and my brothers every day, I told Yuyudhāna to stay away from the Pāṇḍavas. He didn't listen. They were popular, and he wanted to be with them. After Yudhiṣṭhira built that sabhā, Yuyudhāna went there to train with Arjuna. At the Rājasūya, I saw my friend holding the umbrella for Yudhiṣṭhira, and I knew I had lost him. I felt stupefied by the sound of hundreds of conch-shells, and instead of supporting me, Yuyudhāna was joining them in loud laughter to mock me.
Yuyudhāna didn't want to share my good fortune when I sent the Pāṇḍavas into exile and took over their kingdom. He openly argued that even if Yudhiṣṭhira stayed away for thirteen years, he, Yuyudhāna Mādhava, would lead the Vṛṣṇi army against mine, behead me in battle with his arrows and his sword, and seize my kingdom for Abhimanyu. Now Abhimanyu lies dead on this battlefield, as do Yuyudhāna's sons and my son Lakṣmaṇa. We can't stop fighting over kingdoms long enough to cremate our children.
What use is wealth that we can't share with our friends? We remained apart in peacetime, I in Hāstinapura and Yuyudhāna by the river Sarasvatī. Wartime gathered us in Kurukṣetra to fight each other.
Why am I fighting my childhood friend when I just want to talk to him again? It's the conduct expected of a kṣatriya, but is it natural? Is this how we prove our innate strength? Anger, greed, temptation, resentment ... when did we learn all of these?
Duryodhana speaks to Yuyudhāna (Droṇaparvan 164.20-32):
tau parasparam āsādya samīpe Kuru-Mādhavau
hasamānau nṛ-śārdūlāv abhītau samagacchatām
Those two, the Kuru and the descendant of Madhu, arriving close to each other, laughing man-tigers unafraid, came together.
bālye vṛttāni sarvāṇi prīyamāṇau vicintya tau
anyonyaṃ prekṣamāṇau ca hasamānau punaḥ punaḥ
All incidents in their childhood those two fondly recalled, gazing at each other and laughing again and again.
atha Duryodhano rājā Sātyakiṃ praty abhāṣata
priyaṃ sakhāyaṃ satataṃ garhayan vṛttam ātmanaḥ
Then King Duryodhana, facing Satyaka's son, declared to his always dear friend, censuring his own behaviour:
dhik krodhaṃ dhik sakhe lobhaṃ dhiṅ mohaṃ dhig amarṣitam
dhig astu kṣātram ācāraṃ dhig astu balam aurasam
yat tvaṃ mām abhisaṃdhatse tvāṃ c'āhaṃ Śini-puṃ-gava
tvaṃ hi prāṇaiḥ priyataro mam'āhaṃ ca sadā tava
Shame on anger, friend, shame on greed, shame on temptation, shame on resentment, let kṣatriya conduct be shamed, let innate strength be shamed, as you transgress unity with me, and I with you, bull of the Śini family! You were certainly dearer than breath to me, and I always was to you.
smarāmi tāni sarvāṇi bālye vṛttāni yāni nau
tāni sarvāṇi jīrṇāni sāṃprataṃ nau raṇ'ājire
kim anyat krodha-lobhābhyāṃ yudhyāmi tvā'dya Sātvata
I remember all those incidents whatsoever from our childhood. They're all worn out for us at present, in the battle-arena. Other than anger and greed, what is it for which I now battle you, descendant of Satvat?
taṃ tathā-vādinaṃ rājan Sātyakiḥ pratyabhāṣata
prahasan viśikhāṃs tīkṣṇān udyamya param'āstra-vit
(Saṃjaya spoke to Dhṛtarāṣṭra:) To him who spoke like that, King, Satyaka's son responded, laughing aloud, brandishing sharp arrows with ultimate missile knowhow.
n'eyaṃ sabhā rāja-putra na c'ācārya-niveśanam
yatra krīḍitam asmābhis tadā rājan samāgataiḥ
This isn't an assembly-hall, son of a king! Nor is it our teacher's dwelling, where ours gathered to play back then, King!
Duryodhana uvāca
Duryodhana spoke:
kva sā krīḍā gatā'smākaṃ bālye vai Śini-puṃ-gava
kva ca yuddham idaṃ bhūyaḥ kālo hi duratikramaḥ
Where did that play in childhood go for us, really, bull of the Śini family? And whence came this battle thereafter? Time certainly passes by for the worse.
kiṃ nu no vidyate kṛtyaṃ dhanena dhana-lipsayā
yatra yudhyāmahe sarve dhana-lobhāt samāgatāḥ
What at all is understood as work for us to do with wealth, where by longing for wealth we are battling, all of us gathered out of greed for wealth?
Saṃjaya uvāca
Saṃjaya spoke:
taṃ tathā-vādinaṃ tatra rājānaṃ Mādhavo'bravīt
evaṃ-vṛttaṃ sadā kṣatraṃ yad dhant'īha gurūn api
To him who spoke like that, there, to that king, Madhu's descendant said: always the kṣatriya identity behaves thus, whereby they kill even their elders here.
yadi te'haṃ priyo rājañ jahi māṃ mā ciraṃ kṛthāḥ
tvatkṛte sukṛtāṃl lokān gaccheyaṃ Bharata-rṣabha
If I'm dear to you, King, kill me, don't make it prolonged. On account of you, I might go to rebirths for good deeds, bull of Bharata's lineage!
yā te śaktir balaṃ c'aiva tat kṣipraṃ mayi darśaya
n'ecchāmy etad ahaṃ draṣṭuṃ mitrāṇāṃ vyasanaṃ mahat
Whatever is your power and strength, really, prove it quickly upon me. I don't wish to watch this great ruin of friends.
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