Chapter 1

 

"Arey chottey! Tum to purey bheeg gaye ho? Kya hua?" Anjali looked at her little brother's stony stance and sensed the unrest in his demeanor. He kept his eyes down while she approached him from the living room. She called him 'chottey' out of pure habit. Her brother was anything but small anymore. She craned her head to get a look of his dark face.

 

Arnav Singh Raizada had been dreading coming face to face with his elder sister tonight. He moved his hand over his face more to wipe off the frustration then the rivulets of water that fell from his aquiline nose. He swallowed his eerie,"Kuch nahi, didi? Bahar zoro ki barish ho rahi hai."

 

Anjali nodded,"haan par tum to gaadi mein the naa…chaata nahi tha kya office mein..zarra dekho to purey bheeg gaye ho…paani chua kar carpet pe gir raha hai…itna bhi kaise…" Arnav  moved his face away from hers not meeting her gaze,"Didi, bearish ho rahi hai bheeg gaya….gaadi kharab ho gayi thi raastey mein..ab kya mere hi ghar mein aake mujhe inquiry commission ko jawab dena hoga? Kya aadmi thoda bheeg ke ghar nahi aa sakta?" He ran up the stairs without looking back at the worried face of his sister. His heart beat faster as he added another crime on her narrow shoulder. It was all her fault. Everything was her fault. 'Khushi! Kahan ki khushi? Jabse mere samne aaye hai meri zindagi ka sukh-chain cheen liya hai….uska naam to musibat hona chahiye….' He fumed as he stripped his drenched jacket with much force as it was sticking to his body. He tore buttons of his shirt while stripping it off.

 

Walking into his bathroom he stood under the shower forgetting to hit the warm water tap. A yelp escaped his lips as razor sharp sprinkle of icy water hit his already frozen skin. He kicked a bucket in frustration and adjusted the temperature. Leaning his head under the water which slowly was turning warm he closed his eyes, trying to absorb the heat, trying to feel warmth in his heart. Since that dark day when his world had come crashing around him, he had everyday tried to feel warmth inside him, had tried to feel the beating of his heart and had failed. He had almost forgotten what it felt like to just get warm after coming in from the cold. He had forgotten how it felt to just hear your heart thump. But today? Today he had felt it again. Just for that one moment in the rain.

 And that annoyed him. It made him feel like his body had betrayed him. How could he feel alive and warm standing in the rains getting wet to his skin by just holding her? How could that split second when he saw the car closing in on her make his heart jump to his throat in sheer fear of losing everything?

 

 Why? Why? Why? Why then? Why for her? Why by holding her?

 

She meant nothing to him. Less than nothing,actually! She was as welcome in his life like a pesky little fly. He grunted his anger and switched off the shower taps. Grabbing a towel he walked towards the wardrobe. As he tried to take out his white tee shirt and comfortable payajamas, a tie fell of the hook. It was one of those gross gift ties her mamiji had gifted him on his birthdays. He wouldn't want to be caught dead wearing something that looked like it had been stitched from a woman's saree tied around his throat. A scarlet saree at that!

 

Just like the one she was wearing today, a small voice whispered again. He picked up the tie as if in trance as in his mind's eye he saw that color draped around her. His fingers caressed the cloth as if he was holding that blood red cloth that wrapped her. Her eyes downcast, her hands fidgety as she bit her lower lip in fear. His eyes closed of their own accord trying to relive that moment again. He saw her standing there in the lights her hair flowing slowly in breeze like something alive, untamed. He saw her shivering as she got wet under the torrential rains. A sharp honking of horn as bright lights engulfed her and made her eyes go wide in fear. A scream escaped his mouth unbeknown him as his heart ran a stampede reliving that near mishap in the parking lot.

 

She deserved it, he told himself. She deserved everything, he repeated. She was rash, far to chattering, smart mouthed nothing who had tried to answer back to him. It was her fault that his fashion show was ruined, her fault he had been made to look a fool infront of his clients as false arm blared on. Her fault that model had walked out of the photo shoot and her fault he had been rude to his sister tonight. Because he couldn't get her out of his mind.

Because she made him feel things he had stopped feeling long back. Fear, remorse and something else.

 

Lying on his bed he pushed away any thoughts that might make him feel anything. He tried to do what he had always done when his emotions tried to get better of him. He tried to relive that dark night of his life again. He called back his demons and stood facing them as they tried to engulf him. He fought them furiously trying to think what he could have done then to prevent what had happened. To save his sister from the pain, to save his home from being snatched away, from losing his mother! And as it always happened the demons won over him, making the wounds bleed again and lulled him to dark painful oblivion. He dreamt he always dreamt but not sweet dreams for him. His dreams were dark like the night and as deep and dangerous like a cliff- a cliff he stood on. At the precipice looking down at the emptiness below.

 

 

Tonight he was not gazing at the emptiness. He gazed into a familiar pair of eyes, shy yet bold to face him, fearful yet defiant of him. His hands were not empty tonight, it held her small wrist in a tight grip. So small he thought inanely. A little pressure and he could snap her wrist. He tightened his grip as he felt her hand slipping a bit.

 

"Aapke bachane se accha main girna passand karungi!"

 

Darkness rose inside him as he let her hand go and she fell off the cliff looking at him with wonder and disappointment in her eyes. No fear, no remorse, no hope.

 He tried to reach down and hold her, to set right what he had done. No his heart said, not her please not her. Don't take her! Don't let her go!

 

He snapped open his eyes and looked at the white ceiling as sunlight played shadow-bo peep on the vast canvass. He looked at the window as curtains blew in the breeze heralding a new beautiful day. He sat up groggily wiping sleep off his face. A heaviness prevailed as his head pounded. He tried to work his throat which felt choked. A knock sounded on his door. "Coming in!" he mouthed yet no sound came out. Clearing his vocals he tried again as hoarse grunt came out.

Anjali came in with a tea tray,"To akhir aap uth hi gaye! Kaka teen chakkar laga gaye hai chai ke saath par aap to bas aapni neend mein magan. Wah chottye! Aaj paheli baar kai saalon mein aap suraj ke jaagne ke baad jagey hai. kaisse? Kin khayalon mein hai aap? Kahin pyar wyar to nahi?"

 

Arnav tried to tell her off. That he was not in any mood for jokes today but instead a rough painful cough escaped his throat. Once he stopped coughing he was taken over by series of loud sneezes.

Anjali placed a hand worriedly on his forehead, "Arey! Ye lo! Dekha! Aise pagalon ki tarah barsat mein bheegne ka nateeja..lag gayi na sardi..arey! aapko to bukhar bhi ho gaya hai. kya chottey! Aap bhi kabhi kabhi bacchon si harkat kartey hai. aisi bearish mein bheego ge to bukhar to hoga hi."

 

He quietly took the tea cup and sipped the piping hot tea and grimaced in pain as the too hot liquid seared his throat and burned a path down. He was oblivious to everything else as a though ran rampage in his mind. If he felt this rotten how was she feeling? She was under the showers much longer than him. Would she have fever too? Would she be so beaten as to not make it to office today? No! He needed her there to torture her some more like she tortured him in his dreams. He pushed out of the bed and ran into the bathroom.

 

An hour later, Arnav Singh Raizada was striding into his office listening to his schedule from his PA while his darted towards her seat. It was empty. His heart stopped a second and not because of the sneeze that escaped him. Then he heard an answering sneeze from behind and turned.

 

A smile tugged his lips unknowingly as he saw her sneezing her lungs out as she tried to shove many papers willy-nilly into the choked paper shredder.

 

Khushi saw from sneeze foggy eyes that laat governor was not looking any better than her. "Jaise ko taisa!"

She thought with unholy pleasure.