Chapter 65

CHAPTER 65

ALONE

"Report accurate hai", Param said, leaning his head against the back of the chair. "Itni baar software issue hone ka chance close to impossible hai. So, either... Hamza is not dead ya yeh hume mislead kar rahe hain."

Karan looked at the other agents. "Par... agar mislead kar rahe hain, toh this would have taken their fair share of planning. Unhone uske fingerprints 2015 se preserve kare hue hain. That's... unusual. And what's the point of planting it wahan par? I think he's not dead."

"Hume bhi", Faizi put in his vote. "Sanju?"

"Gumrah karne ka zyaada koi faida naa dikh raho hai hume", she agreed.

Param looked at their board of information. "That's... a problem then", he muttered. "Leaders resurface kar rahe hain."

"Informers ko alert karte hain", Karan said. "If he's not dead and uske fingerprints warehouse mein the, then that means he was in Deolali. Kisi ne toh dekha hoga. Kisi toh reason se hoga yahan par."

"Okay", Param said. "Main... Hamza ke baare mein padhta hoon. He was pretty good with bombs. Maybe we'll find a hint." The rest nodded.

Karan grabbed his phone, texting his informers. He exhaled. He hoped this wasn't a dead end.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Monami smiled at the agent. "All s-set", she muttered softly. "Z-Zyaada d-dard ho toh you k-know wh-where to f-find me." She smiled back, nodding and moving out of the door.

Her smile dropped and she sighed, shaking her head. She hated talking to random people. It was exhausting. Probably why back in the hospital, OT was her favorite place. No need to talk to people. Just music and instructions.

Footsteps echoed in the room, and she turned around. Param. He was clutching his hand tightly, a white cloth wrapped around it. "Hi", he said sheepishly. "Can you bandage me?" He tilted his head, showing the stained cloth.

She frowned in concern, nodding for him to sit. Unwrapping the cloth, she found a large gash on his palm. "How d-did you g-get this?" She asked quietly, grabbing some cotton and wiping the blood away. "I-Iron se?"

"Nahi", he assured. "I was playing with my knife and it slipped. No rust."

She paused, looking up. "Pl-Playing with y-your knife?" He nodded. She stared at him before scoffing, shaking her head. "Aap d-dono bh-bhai aise ho?"

He chuckled. "It slipped warna main apna dhyaan rakhta hoon."

She shook her head. "Sure", she muttered. "K-Karan Sir bh-bhi yeh hi k-kehte hain." She turned around, grabbing a bottle of antiseptic and putting some on cotton.

Param tilted his head, watching her. "Tu... Tu kaafi badal gayi hai, Monami. You're... You're so much better. Last time se."

Her fingers paused. She glanced up before back at his palm. "It's b-been 9 y-years. Wh-What d-did you e-expect?" She murmured.

"Pata nahi. But I never thought ki tum yahan aaogi."

She chuckled bitterly. "B-Because you th-think I am t-too weak?"

He tilted his head. "Agar tum weak ho, toh mujhe nahi pata main apne aap ko bulaaon", he said softly. "You're not weak." She turned away from him, and he heard her take a shuddering breath before grabbing the gauze. She turned back, her head bowed as she wrapped her hand. "How are you? How's your Dad? And-"

She held up a hand, her teary gaze snapping up to meet his. "Please don't", she said quietly.

"Monami..."

"No!" She snapped. "You can't do this. Aap... Aap yeh nahi kar sakte hain. Just please... don't... don't remind ki hum pehle bhi mil chuke hain. Don't remind me ki ek time par aap mere liye kitne important the, jab main aap par aankh band karke trust karti thi. Don't remind me of that time. I just want to pretend ki aap bas mere senior ho, and that you are Karan Sir's brother. That's it. Bas... itna rishta rakhna chahti hoon main aapse." A tear streaked down her face. "Please."

He closed his eyes. He couldn't blame her. He deserved that. He jerked his head down in a nod. "Okay", he muttered. He opened his eyes, swallowing the lump in his throat. "Bas... ek baat." She nodded. "I can't tell you how sorry I am." His voice cracked and he took a deep breath, blinking back his tears. "I am sorry for leaving you. I am sorry for not being there for you. Maine... Maine bahut vaade todhe hain. Juhi Ma'am ko kara vaada, tumhe, Sid ko. I don't... I don't expect you to forgive me. I don't. But... I want you to know that I do regret it. I regret everything jo hua. Meri zindagi ka sabse badha regret hai woh. I am sorry."

She stared at him. "I wish I could tell you it's okay."

But it's not. It wasn't okay.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Sanju knocked on the door, rubbing her forehead. It was a long day. She sighed, knocking again. Why wasn't he opening it? It opened after another moment, and Sid rubbed his eyes. "Hi", he muttered.

"Tu so raho tha kaa?" She asked, walking in when he gestured her in.

"Nahi", he said, stifling a yawn. "Kaam kar raha tha. Back tracing that stupid signal."

She eyed him, leaning against his desk. "Mara hua lag raho hai tu."

Sid looked at her, raising an eyebrow. "Bas yeh hi sunna tha mujhe apni girlfriend ke muh se." She chuckled, sitting down in front of him. She took his laptop, keeping it aside.

"Thodi der aaram kar", she said. "Tabiyat mat kharaab kar leno."

He hummed. "How was your day?"

"Bakwaas."

He frowned. "Kyun? Kya hua?" He asked, yawning.

She sighed, beginning to tell him all about the stupid people that the academy had somehow still kept. "... aur humaara itna mann kar raho tha use ek lappad..." She trailed off. His eyes had closed, his body relaxed. "Siddharth?" He didn't even twitch.

She sighed, shaking her head. He must have been exhausted. She stood up, slowly trying to make him lay down. His eyes opened and he looked up groggily. "Kya..." He muttered.

"So jaa", she said softly, and he nodded, laying down. She draped the blanket over him, patting his head gently.

"Sanju?" He muttered and she hummed. "I am sorry."

"Kaahe ke laane?" She said.

"Tumse dhang se... baat nahi kari", he said sleepily. "I am sorry."

She smiled. "Koi baat nahi. So jaa tu. Tujhe zaroorat hogo. Hum thodi naa kahin jaa raho hain."

He smiled, closing his eyes. "I love you."

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

'I can't tell you how sorry I am. I am sorry for leaving you. I am sorry for not being there for you.'

'Agar tum weak ho, toh mujhe nahi pata main kya apne aap ko kya bulaaon? You're not weak.'

Monami stared at the blanket, fiddling with the corner of it. He didn't think she was... weak. Why did he leave then? Was she... not the reason? Was she not what drove him away?

"No coffee aaj?"

She looked up, finding Karan lean against the door, his arms crossed. He flicked his eyebrows up in question. She looked at the time, straightening up. "I am... I am s-sorry", she said, standing up. "Maine t-time nahi d-dekha."

"Koi baat nahi", he said, falling in step beside her as they walked to the mess. "Aisa kya sochne lagi thi par?"

She bit her lip, shrugging. "Aa-Aapka din k-kaisa tha?" She asked, hopping up on the slab once they were in the mess.

"I am just happy ki mujhe room confinement se nikaal diya gaya hai", he said, pouring some coffee into the cups. "I never thought I would miss taking classes." She smiled slightly. Karan handed her a cup, eyeing her. "Anything you want to talk about? Kuchh hua hai kya? You look... kinda disturbed."

She bit her lip. "Aaj... Aaj I t-talked to Param S-Sir."

Karan paused, before taking a sip of his coffee, nodding. "Okay. And?"

She traced the rim of the cup. "He... He s-said he w-was s-sorry. And... And a-also that he d-doesn't th-think I am w-weak."

"Which part surprises you? Did you think he thought you were weak?" She nodded. "Do you believe him ki woh yeh nahi sochte?" She shrugged. He sighed slightly. "Do you believe him when he said he was sorry?"

"Haan", she said. She looked at him. "Why d-did he l-leave?"

Karan hesitated. "Monami... yeh sab baatein tumhe Bhaiya se hi karni chahiye. I don't want ki koi misunderstanding ho. You should talk-"

"I don't want to talk to him", she said. "But... I w-want to kn-know."

He shouldn't really say much but... maybe saying the things that remained unsaid between them would be better. "He... He wanted to do the best for you and uss time unhe yeh hi sahi laga. He didn't think it was abandonment."

She frowned. "How... How c-could he th-think this was the b-best f-for me?"

"Because he wasn't thinking straight. Unke decisions unke emotions aur grief aur guilt se clouded the. It was a hard time for him too."

She hummed, nodding. She looked down at his hand, before hesitantly grabbing it. Karan wordlessly squeezed her hand back, gently stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. "He w-was the one... wh-who s-saved me. I th-thought woh m-mujhe protect k-karenge. But... But he l-left. Ab... Ab m-main unke b-baare mein s-sochti hoon and... and the f-first th-thing I r-remember is... that he left me. A-Alone."

"Are you angry at him?"

She shook her head. "Nahi. I am... n-not sure wh-what I f-feel about him. Par m-mujhe yeh p-pata hai ki unke b-baare mein s-sochkar I... I r-remember woh s-sab kuchh z-zyaada." She looked up at him. "D-Do you th-think agar woh r-rehte, toh bh-bhi... toh bh-bhi mujhe un-unko d-dekhkar yeh s-sab hi y-yaad aata? M-Maybe... it was b-better. Hai, na?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Ho sakta hai. Maybe him leaving was for the best."

She hummed. She looked up at him, taking a deep breath. "Tell me ab-about y-your d-day. T-Talk to me."

"It was better", he said. "I was happy to be out of the room. Mujhe ek hi jagah rehna pasand nahi. Classes li, thoda... kaam kara hai. That's..." He continued telling him, glancing up at her periodically to ensure she was listening. She was.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Blood dripped on the floor. A drop. And then another. And another.

Monami stared at her wrists. The cut wasn't deep enough to cut the artery in her wrist. Just enough to cut her skin. She closed her eyes, resting her head on the wall.

She was being lifted, hands cradling her. Her eyes opened. What was going on? They dragged her, never lifted her. 'You are okay.' What? Her... Her mother? 'You are safe.' She blinked. No. Not her mother. It was a... a man. Param. He... He found her. He would keep her safe. She was... She was safe now. She clutched him tightly. She was safe. If he was there, she was safe. He would keep her safe.

She opened her eyes again. The chains were heavy, digging. She looked around. Her cell. A shadow moved past and she looked up, swallowing. Was... Was someone coming?

'Monami.' She looked at the corner. A man was there. Param.

She blinked. She was in her house. But... But the chains were there. She was chained to the door. 'Bhaiya', she said, her eyes welling up with tears. 'Help me? Please... I am scared. Please.' He stared into her eyes, walking towards the door. 'Bhaiya?' He opened the door, stepping out. 'Bhaiya? Please! I am scared. Please help me. Please!'

'I am sorry for leaving you.'

'PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME! BHAIYA!'

Her eyes snapped open. It was pitch darkness. She was... She was alone? She was back there. She was... she was chained. They were going to kill her.

A gust of wind hit her. What? She turned her head. An open window? She stared at it. She... wasn't there? She was... She took a deep breath. She was in the academy. She looked over. Sanju was sleeping. She ran her hand through her hair, getting out of the bed. She stumbled. Her legs were shaky. She pushed open the door, taking a deep breath as she walked out. It was dark. Quiet. She took another deep breath. The bathroom. She should wash her face.

She stared at the door. Sid's room. She glanced down, shaking her head. The light was off. He must be sleeping. He had been so exhausted. She took a step back and then another, rubbing her face. Wandering wasn't allowed. She could get punished if she was caught. She took a step back, walking towards the bathroom.

Her feet halted and she looked up. That... wasn't the bathroom. Karan's room?

He must be awake. Or maybe Faizi was. There was light peeking out from underneath the door. Were they working? What... What time was it? She swallowed. She should leave them alone.

Alone. She didn't want to be alone.

A knock echoed through the hallway. She blinked, staring at her hand. She had knocked. Why did she do that? She should just... leave.

Karan's head snapped up. He stared at the door before looking at Faizi, who was staring at it quizzically. He glanced at the time. 1:13. "Tu kisi ko expect kar raha hai?" He asked. Faizi shook his head. He grabbed his gun, before standing up and moving to the door. He unlocked it, throwing it open.

He frowned. No one? He looked around, tilting his head. What? He closed it again, shrugging at Faizi's questioning look.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Humne 10 baje kaha tha. Kahan thi tum?" Faizi asked, frowning as Koel sat down in front of him.

She sighed. "I was talking to the cleaning people", she said.

He glanced around the empty mess before leaning closer. "Did you find something weird?"

"If by weird, you mean... unki poori family ke drama ki saari details, then... yes", she said. "I know her family tree now and who hates who and who is secretly in love with who and kisne bhaagkar shaadi kari and... who is pregnant." He chuckled. "It's not funny. Stop laughing. Did you guys find something?"

He tilted his head. "We... have a few things that we are pursuing", he said carefully. "But nothing concrete."

"Dangerous pursuing?" She asked.

"Not for now", he said. "Aage... pata nahi. Listen, parso Sunday hai. Naasik mein ek exhibition hai. About... weapons." She raised an eyebrow. "Aap humaare saath chalengi, mahutarma?"

"Weapons exhibition?" She confirmed. "Yeh bhi exist karti hain?"

He nodded happily. "They have some very unusual weapons. And... sometimes, they let you try some of them. Saal mein ek baar lagti hai."

"Okay", she said. "But mujhe weapons ke baare mein zyaada kuchh nahi pata. And I don't know how to operate them."

"Hum hain, na? Hum tumhaari help karenge."

She smiled, nodding. "It's a date then", she confirmed. He smiled, leaning over and kissing her cheek.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Sid paused, turning around. "Monu..." She lifted her chin in question. "Bathroom mein bhi saath mein aayegi kya? Washroom jaa raha hoon."

"Right", she muttered. "Main... yahin wait kar rahi hoon tera. Okay?"

He nodded slowly, eyeing her. "Okay", he said. He frowned, walking into the bathroom. She was being... clingy. That was weird. She liked being alone, mostly. She rarely was like that.

Monami chewed on her lip as she waited. She looked down at her nails, inspecting them idly. Her gaze trailed down to her wrists. She stared at them. If she turned it a little... there. Her scars. She ran a finger over them, gently tracing them.

'MUMMA!' She strained against the chains, shaking her head. 'Mumma!'

She yanked the sleeves down, looking away. No. No looking at them. "Monu?" She looked up, finding Sid walking out. "Chalein?" She nodded, grabbing his sleeve. He looked down and then up, inspecting her. "Bad dream?"

She nodded. "Mujhe... bas akela nahi rehna", she said. "Please. Please mujhe akela mat chodh."

"Main hoon yahin", he assured. "Main tujhe kabhi akela nahi chodunga, bacche." He kissed her forehead, patting her head affectionately. She took a deep breath, offering him a smile.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Faizi looked up as Karan walked in, glancing at the cadets who were lining up for the shooting practice. After a couple of days of theory, and their stance practice, Faizi figured letting them shoot was the best way for them to learn. "Tumne cameras check kare?" Faizi asked. "Kaun tha?"

"Monami thi", he said. Faizi's eyebrows furrowed. "Thodi... ajeeb sa behave kar rahi thi. I think... she was scared. Probably a bad dream. Main training ke baad karta hoon usse baat." Faizi nodded.

Monami picked up the gun, inspecting it. She would need to load it, then flick the safety off, and then point it and then... pull the trigger. It wasn't that hard. The aiming was the hard part. Not... not pressing the trigger.

"Stances, everybody", she heard Faizi call. "Don't shoot." She lifted the gun, taking a deep breath. The stance was pretty easy. They were taught that in the last class. Shoulders back, feet apart, upper body straight and a hand underneath the gun to support against the recoil. She heard the three trainers correct some stances, before there was a moment of silence. "You can shoot."

Monami's finger moved to the trigger.

'Mumma!' The man's finger moved to the trigger. Monami shook her head, watching with wide eyes. 'No! Please! NO!' Her mother lifted her chin, staring at him in the eye, a sneer on her face.

She took a deep breath, shaking her head. Her fingers tightened around the gun.

A gunshot rang out.

'MUMMA!'

Karan's head snapped up. Monami. Her gun had cluttered down, her hand still outstretched. She was staring with wide eyes, straight at the target.

He looked at Faizi before quickly walking over to her. "Monami", he said. "Monami, are you okay?" His eyes inspected her. The gun didn't release a bullet on the fall, did it?

"Mumma", she muttered.

His eyes snapped up to hers. "Monami..." He glanced around, finding the others looking at her with concerned eyes. He grabbed her arm. "Chalo, Monami."

"No", she whispered but let herself be pulled away. "No." He guided her out of the room, closing the door behind them. The room was soundproof. He gently took off the safety glasses and the headphones keeping them on the floor. "No. I have to..." She was staring at something. "Mumma!"

"Monami", he muttered softly, gently trying to turn her face to him.

"No!" She snapped. "No, you don't get it! Please! Mumma! Woh... he'll shoot her."

"Monami", he said louder. She batted his hands away, shaking her head. He grabbed her hand roughly, turning her to him. "Listen to me! Idhar dekho." He grabbed her face, turning his gaze to hers. She... couldn't even see him. She was staring at something else. What was she seeing? "Can you hear me?"

"Yes", she muttered.

"Good." He stared at her. Distract. Distract her. Ground her. "Monami... what's your age?"

"What?" She muttered.

"Answer me. What's your age?"

"It doesn't matter", she snapped, pushing his hands away from her face. "Don't you get it? They'll shoot her. Please!" He grabbed her hand before she could hit herself, gently but firmly clutching it.

"Monu." Karan's head snapped up. Sid closed the door behind him, quickly walking up to her. "Monu, baccha", he said soothingly. Karan released her hand, taking a step back. "Idhar dekh. Look at me." His tone was low, soothing and his arms gently snaked around her.

"No!" She said, trying to push him away. He just tightened his hold, keeping a hand on her head.

"It's okay", he muttered. "It's alright. Main yahan hoon, baccha. Main yahin hoon."

"S-Sid?" She whispered.

Karan took a step back. He should... leave. Give them some privacy. She'll not like being hounded. But... he didn't want to leave her. Sid could handle her but he didn't want to leave. He took another step back, leaning back quietly and watching them.

"Sid?" Monami said. "Sid! Sid, woh..."

"It's okay", he said soothingly. "Everything is okay. You listen to me, okay? You listen to my voice. Can you do that?" She jerked her head down in a nod. "Good. Very good." He took a step back, releasing her. "Can you see me?" She nodded. Sid looked at Karan. "Can you see Karan Sir?" Her gaze drifted to him. She nodded again. "Good. Tell me 5 things you can see. Can you do that?"

"Tu", she whispered softly. "Sir." She looked around. "Notice board. Tiles. Door." She blinked. "Yeh waala door alag hai. Not... Not like the cell."

"Yes, because it's not the cell. You are not in the cell, baccha. Very good. Tell me 4 things you can touch."

She looked down at Sid's arm, who was lightly rubbing her arm. "Tu." He hummed. She reached to herself, grabbing her jacket. "Main." Her gaze lifted to Karan. Sid released her and she walked shakily towards him. Karan took a step forward and she reached forward, touching his chest lightly. "Sir." She reached out with her other hand, touching the wall. "Wall."

"Good."

She let her hand fall away from the wall but she didn't release Karan. She merely clutched his hoodie tighter, fisting it tightly. "I can... hear you." She held up a finger, slowly blinking. "I can hear... myself." She looked at Karan.

"I am here. You are okay", he said softly.

"I can hear you", she muttered. She leaned back when Sid gently touched her arm, releasing Karan's shirt and turning around. She buried her face in his chest.

"What can you smell?" He said.

"You", she said. "And... sweat." She scrunched her nose up.

Sid kissed her head. "What can you taste?"

She shook her head. "Nothing", she muttered.

"That's okay", he said softly. "Baith jaa." She took a step back, before stumbling slightly.

Karan caught her before she could fall, gently guiding her down to the floor. She let out a shaky breath and Sid sat down next to her. She leaned her head on his shoulder, and Karan hovered uncertainly. Should he leave? Sid looked up, offering him a smile and gesturing to her other side. He sat down next to her and Monami glanced up, staring at him.

"Thank you", she whispered.

He shook his head. "Koi zaroorat nahi." He hesitantly reached up, his fingerprints just barely hovering over it for a doubtful second. He brushed her tears away before letting his hand fall back.

Monami closed her eyes, keeping her mind on Sid's hand that ran through her hair and the low hum he was humming underneath his breath. She was... in the academy. She took a shuddering breath. Sid was here. Karan was here. She wasn't alone.

She wasn't alone.