Chapter 60

CHAPTER 60

OF SICKNESS AND MISERY

Karan eyed her quietly. Monami was unusually silent. She was cheerful usually, yapping to him all about her day. Even her legs weren't swinging. "Bad day?" He asked. He leaned next to her on the slab.

She looked up at him. She shook her head. "N-Nahi. Bas k-kuchh soch r-rahi thi."

He tilted her head. "Aisa kya soch rahi ho?"

She didn't speak for a long time and he waited patiently, letting her gather her thoughts. She looked at him finally, swallowing slightly. "Param Bh-Bhaiya..." He paused, his cup halfway to his mouth. "I s-saw him a-around. Woh..."

He sighed, keeping the cup down. "He will be here ab", he said. "Batra Sir ne unhe strategy consultant ki tarah bulwaaya hai." She looked down, nodding. "Does that bother you?"

She shook her head. "It's... It's h-harder jab woh un-unexpectedly d-dikhte hain. But if he st-stays here, I'll g-get used to s-seeing h-him. It w-won't be th-that bad." She fiddled with her cup.

"Monami." He paused till she looked up. "Agar tumhe kabhi kisi cheez ke baare mein baat karni ho, you can come to me", he said firmly. "Yeh mat sochna ki Bhaiya mere bhai hain, toh you can't talk to me about it. Tumhe koi bhi dikkat ho, kuchh bhi baat karni hai, you can always, always come to me."

She smiled. "Aa-Aapko b-bolne ki zaroorat n-nahi hai yeh b-baat. I know." He smiled. Her smile faded slightly and she opened her mouth. "Can I a-ask you s-something?"

"Kabhi mana kara hai maine?"

"I... I think I s-saw m-metal. Bh-Bhaiya ke... l-legs par. Does he... D-Does he h-have p-prosthetics?" She asked hesitantly. His face fell and he looked away, taking a deep breath.

'Isse achha toh mar hi jaata!'

"I am s-sorry." He opened his eyes, looking at her. Her lower lip was caught between her teeth, eyes wide. "M-Mujhe nahi p-puchhna ch-chahiye tha. You d-don't have to an-answer."

He shook his head. "There is nothing jo tum mujhse nahi puchh sakti ho", he said. He nodded. "He does have prosthetics. His legs are amputated."

Her lips parted slightly in shock. "That's t-terrible", she whispered.

"6 saal pehle." He could hear them. The gunshots, the screams, the blast. "We were on a mission. He was... too close to a bomb." He took a deep breath, pushing the memories away. "He obviously couldn't do active duty uske baad. Par... he's serving again ab. We are a little low on personnel."

She tilted her head. "Aa-Aap log uss m-mission par s-saath mein the?"

His gaze snapped to hers. "Tumhe kaise pata?"

"You l-look g-guilty. And t-traumatized. I h-have been to e-enough s-support g-groups to know the l-look." He looked away. "Are y-you o-okay?" She reached out, gently clutching his hand. He nodded, intertwining his fingers with hers. She sparked another conversation, diverting the topic but her hand didn't slip out of his and he made no move to let go of it.

Almost an hour later, when they parted their ways, his palm was cold. He missed her hand in his.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Karan?" Faizi frowned, shaking his shoulder lightly. "Utho. Drill ke liye taiyaar nahi hona tumhe?" He glanced at the time, before back at his best friend. He never woke up that late on working days.

Karan groaned, turning to his back. "Nahi jaana", he muttered, pulling the covers up. The light wasn't letting him sleep.

"Kya hua?" He sat down next to him, keeping a hand on his forehead. His frown deepened. He didn't have a fever. But he was soaked with sweat. "Karan? Bimaar ho kya? Tumhe itna paseena kyun aa raha hai?"

"Pata nahi", he muttered. "Garmi hai." Faizi tilted his head. It was December. "Please. Drill tu sambhaal le, na? Meri chest dukh rahi hai."

"Kyun?" He shrugged. "Hum Monami ko bulaaye?"

He pulled back the covers, narrowing his eyes. "Tu kabhi bakwaas karna band karta hai?"

"Hum, as a doctor, seriously bol rahe the", he muttered.

"Monami hi ek doctor mili hai?" He snapped. He pulled the covers back up. "Sone de. Mujhe neend aa rahi hai. Class le lunga. Drill tu dekh le."

Faizi sighed. He rummaged through the medicines, keeping a painkiller on his bedside. "Suno", he said sternly, pulling the covers back. He looked at him miserably, looking at him with barely open eyes. He wanted to sleep. "Painkiller rakhi hai. Zyaada dard ho toh le lena. Phone bhi yahin hai. Kuchh chahiye toh hume call kar dena." He nodded sleepily, drifting back to sleep.

Faizi switched the lights off, walking to the training room. He needed rest. That was what was wrong. He never rested up well enough.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Param leaned quietly against the wall, watching the cadets quietly. They weren't bad. He had read their report files that the six trainers had submitted to get them the special training. Eight cadets- Monami, Sid, Koel, Parikshit, Chitra, Suman ji, Bala and Prem ji. Where and how could he plant them?

"Bhaiya?" He glanced up, finding Faizi walking up to him. "Aap yahan kya kar rahe ho?"

"Dekh raha tha inhe", he said, nodding to the cadets. "Bol toh diya ki inhe use karenge, par ek baar observe kar raha tha."

Faizi hummed. "What do you think?"

"They aren't bad", he acknowledged. "And maine tum logon ki reports padhi inke baare mein. I think they'll manage. Main Batra Sir se baat karta hoon. We'll brief them tomorrow." Faizi nodded, looking back at the eight. Sooner the better. "Karan kahan hai? Dikh nahi raha?"

"So raha hai." Param raised an eyebrow. "Keh raha tha chest dukh rahi hai."

"Iski tabiyat kharaab hai kya? Kal keh raha tha sar dukh raha hai. Kuchh hua hai kya?"

"Nahi." He shook his head. "Aap toh ise jaante hi ho. Stress toh leta hi rehta hai. Usi ke chakkar mein ho raha hoga." Param hummed. He'll check up on him later. His gaze lifted to the cadets again, quietly observing them.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Sanju quietly eyed Sid. He nibbled on his parantha, staring at it deeply. "Kaahe ke laane aisi shakal banaayi hai?" She asked finally.

His gaze lifted. "Kuchh nahi", he said.

"Tujhe Param Sir ji ke yahan hone se dikkat hogo kaa?" She asked hesitantly.

His eyes snapped to hers. "Tumhe kaise pata?"

"Hum andhe naa hain. Tujhe woh pasand naa, hume dikhto hai. Aur yeh bhi pato hai ki tere aur Monami, aur Param Sir ji ke beech kuchh hua tha. Kaa, woh sab naa pato. Par... kuchh toh hua tha." He tilted his head. "Karan Sir ji kuchh keh raho tha aisa sa." Sid nodded.

"We have a long history", he admitted. "Mujhe unke baare mein baat nahi karni."

She sighed. "Agar tang kar raho hai tujhe, toh kar le, na, baat? Andar rakh kar kuchh naa milto. Achha lagego tujhe."

He shook his head. He reached out, clutching her hand, a small smile on his face. "I am fine", he muttered. "Thanks."

"Chal. Tujhe aaj hum apne haath ki coffee pilaato hain", she said, tugging on his hand as she stood up.

He stood up, a smile on his face as he followed her into the kitchen. The workers glanced at them before letting them do their thing. He ate his parantha quietly, watching her make the coffee.

"Yeh le." She handed him the mug. He blew on it, before taking a long sip. "Kaisi hogo?" She demanded. "Bura bola toh lappad lagego."

He swallowed. It was good- a little too sweet for his taste but he liked it enough. "Maar nahi khaani mujhe. Achhi bani hai", he teased.

Her jaw dropped. "Matlab? Tu sirf isliye aisa bol raho hai kyunki tujhe maar nahi khaani?"

He sipped, nodding. He held up a hand, laughing when she raised a fist. "Nahi, nahi, achhi hai", he assured. "Sach mein." She eyed him suspiciously. He chuckled. "Arey, sach mein. Achhi hai. I like it."

She let her fist fall back. "Hono hi thi achhi. Humne banaayi hai." He chuckled, nodding in agreement. She smiled, seeing him sip happily. At least, he was smiling.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Param sneaked a glance at Monami. She was eating quietly, a book in front of her and her eyes darted across. She still liked studying.

She was better. Her face was more cheerful, her eyes lifted to meet others now and she talked. And at times, sitting with the rest of the cadets, he caught a glimpse of her old self.

'Sir?' Param said softly. Deepak didn't move. He sat quietly on the floor, leaning against Monami's door. 'Sir? Are you okay?'

'Is she dead?' He muttered.

He blinked. 'Sir?'

'Monami. Is she dead?' Param tilted his head. What? She was inside. She was sleeping. 'Meri angel. Jo hamesha hasti, khelti khush rehti thi. Is she dead? Kya woh kabhi waapas nahi aayegi? Yeh... Yeh hi rahegi woh hamesha? Yeh darti hui, chhupti hui, tooti hui ladki?'

He hadn't had words to answer him. But now, if he was asked the same question, he would say no. She wouldn't stay like that forever. She would heal.

She was healing.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Karan opened the door, raising an eyebrow. Koel?

"Tum yahan kya kar rahi ho?" He opened the door wider, letting her in. He closed it behind himself, sitting down on his desk. "I thought tum Faizi ko space de rahi thi." He gestured to his bed, and she sat down at the edge, facing him.

"I was", she said. "And I am. Mujhe usse ek doubt puchhna hai. Military geography ka. I am here as his cadet. I would ask you but you look like a zombie. Are you okay?"

He sighed a little. "Shayad nahi", he admitted. "Thoda bimaar hoon."

"Thoda? Is that why you didn't come to class?" He nodded. She walked closer, keeping a hand on his forehead. "Bukhaar toh nahi hai." She frowned, reaching towards his neck. He jerked back immediately, eyeing her. "Neck dikhaana? Are those bruises?" She eyed him, raising an eyebrow.

He rolled his eyes. "Hickeys nahi hain", he grumbled, tilting his head and letting her see it.

"That looks bad", she said. "I would be suspicious of your girlfriend if those were hickeys."

He shook his head exasperatedly. "Ho gaya tumhaara?"

"How did you get those?" She sat back down.

He shrugged. "Yaad nahi", he said. "Shayad lag gayi hogi kahin."

She frowned. "That's not good. Itne severe bruises kaise nahi yaad aapko? That's concerning. What's wrong? Like aap bimaar ho, na? What's wrong? Fever toh nahi hai."

"Chest dukh rahi hai", he admitted. Her frowned deepened. "It's probably nothing. Tum itna kyun inspect kar rahi ho?"

"I was a nurse", she reminded. "It's habit."

"Right", he muttered. "I feel so sorry for your patients. Pehle bimaar hain and then they have you as a nurse."

She narrowed her eyes. "Maybe. But mujhe payback mil raha hai. Having you as a trainer." He chuckled a little. "You should get yourself checked out. Aap... thode zyaada bimaar lag rahe ho."

"I am fine", he assured. "Maybe muscle pain hoga."

She rolled her eyes. "Muscle pain? Do you really think that?"

He sighed. "I am going to be fine, Koel. Maine painkillers le li hain. It doesn't hurt that much", he said. "Itni chinta mat karo. Doubt dikhao? I'll help you and tum yahan se dafa ho jao aur mujhe rest karne do."

"You can rest." She stood up.

"Koel. I can answer a doubt", he said. "Itna bimaar nahi hoon. Par agar tumhe sirf Faizi se puchhna hai, toh you can wait." She rolled her eyes. She let him see it, and he tilted his head. She listened, nodding as he explained. Well, that wasn't too hard. She had wasted an hour over it.

"Thank you", she said, closing the book. He nodded. She paused and he raised an eyebrow. "Can I ask you something?"

"Puchhe bina reh sako toh bahut meharbaani hogi", he said. "Par puchh lo."

"Has Faizi said anything to you? About us?"

He shook his head. "Agar usne kuchh decide kara hai ya socha hai, toh use apne tak hi rakha hai. Mujhe kuchh bola nahi." She sighed. "Koel... Faizi thoda buddhu jaise behave kar raha hai. But he knows ki rishte nibhaate hain. Thoda ghuma hua hai. Par laut kar woh buddhu tumhaare paas hi aayega."

"You don't think he'll decide ki use yeh relationship nahi chahiye ab?"

He shook his head. "I can be wrong", he warned. "But jitna main use jaanta hoon, I think woh tumhe waapas tang karne aa jaayega."

She nodded. "I hope so", she muttered. She looked up at him. "Aap itna sweaty kyun ho? Aapko garmi lag rahi hai kya?" He nodded. "December shuru ho gaya hai. Iss mausam mein aapko garmi lag rahi hai?"

He rolled his eyes. "Tum mera checkup karne ki koshish kyun kare jaa rahi ho? I told you. I will be okay."

She sighed. "Okay." She glanced at Faizi's bed. "Hai kahan Faizi?"

"Kuchh kaam hai", he dismissed vaguely. "Thodi der mein aa jaayega if you want to wait."

She shook her head. "He'll come to me when he wants to talk. Thode time tak aur nahi aata, toh I will talk." He nodded. "Thanks for this." She patted the book.

"Koel?" She paused, turning around again. "Uspar give up mat karna."

She smiled. "Pyaar par give up nahi kara jaata, Sir. Pyaar intezaar karna jaanta hai."

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Is it just me or does Karan Sir look terrible?" Sid asked, staring at the man. The trainers had called a meeting, and the mail had merely informed it was of importance and compulsory to attend. The cadets were there and so were the three trainers, but they were seemingly waiting for something. Or perhaps, someone.

Faizi lingered around Karan, fretting over him but the younger agent paid no heed, his head leaned back, eyes closed, almost... drained.

"He looks #dead", Chitra whispered.

Suman ji slapped her arm lightly. "Aisa mat bol", she warned. "Yeh sab bolna ashubh hota hai." She stared at the trainer, concerned eyes inspecting him.

Monami looked over at the door, tensing slightly when Param walked in. His gaze zoomed into his brother and he quickly walked over, seemingly interrogating him. She stared at Karan as he talked to his brother. He seemed tired, exhausted, and his eyes drooped with sleep. But he had slept plentiful. In fact, he even missed their nightly ritual of coffee in favor of sleeping. He was really sick. She frowned. She would scold him into getting a checkup after the meeting.

Param sighed in frustration, shaking his head. The door opened again, and everyone straightened up. Colonel Batra.

"Karan?" He said, walking in. "Kya hua tumhe?"

He shook his head. "I am fine, Sir", he assured. Even his voice was lower, almost as if even the 4 words were a herculean effort. The colonel's frown only deepened and he spoke in low tones to him. Karan commented something and the colonel nodded, turning to face them. Sanju quickly locked the door before running back up to the front, standing next to Faizi. Monami cast a last glance at the head trainer, before turning her attention to him.

Karan took a deep breath. His head was pounding, his chest was on fire and everything seemed woozy. He was undeniably, terribly sick. He shook himself a little, focusing on the colonel.

"Cadets", he began. The presentation slid to a name behind. "EFR." He blinked, his words blurring out slightly. He clenched his fist, pinching himself. "Yeh ek terrorist organization hai jiska naam aapne shayad suna hoga. They were first active from the year 1999 to 20014 before humaare agents ne unhe weaken karke hiding mein jaane ke liye majboor..." The words mixed together. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes.

Opening them seemed to be a mistake. The world was spinning. Pain flared up in his chest, and he coughed, his hand flying to his mouth. His throat burned. He pulled his hand away.

Red.

He stared at it. Red? Was he... bleeding? Was that it? Something trickled down his nose, and he touched it. Red. More blood? He was bleeding. That was bad.

"Karan!"

That was his name. He looked up, colors and facing mixing together. Something clutched his face, and he blinked. His brother. He was clutching his face, his lips moving frantically. Why was he worried? Was it the blood?

He felt a tug on his arms. He was being... caught? He blinked, looking down. He was kneeling now. Something obstructed his light. He felt his chin being lifted, small hands tapping his cheek. He blinked a couple of times, trying to focus on the face. Wasn't that Monami?

"Karan Sir!" Her voice broke through. "Sir! Can you hear me?" He jerked his head down. He can hear her. But... she sounded different. What was different? "Does it hurt?" He stared at her. What was different? "Sir! Does it hurt?" He didn't know. Does what hurt?

"K-Kya?" He forced out.

Pain. Pain was all that followed. Pure pain. His chest screamed, and he closed his eyes. He just wanted this pain to go away. It was too much. He couldn't bear it. It was too much. He was... He was in so much pain. He wanted it to go away!

Something ripped his clothes. His eyes snapped open, purely from the sudden jerk. Monami. She was tearing his t-shirt apart, pausing when she could see his chest. She inhaled sharply. What was wrong? Was it why it hurt? He looked down. So many colors. Blue, yellow, purple.

"What's wrong with him?" Someone snapped. His brother. He recognized the voice.

He frowned, closing his eyes. He needed to tell him not to talk to her like that. What did she do that warranted her to be yelled at? No. He would explain it to her. There was no need to yell at her. He didn't like anyone yelling at her. He should tell his brother that. But... later. He wanted to sleep now. He would talk to his brother later.

"Sir! Keep your eyes open", she said sternly.

He peeled his eyelids open, staring at her face. She wasn't stuttering! That's it! That was what was different. She wasn't stuttering. Something poked his abdomen and he couldn't help the cough. Red came out of his mouth. That was a bad place to poke.

"He's bleeding", Monami said. He blinked. Even he knew that. "Internally." He didn't know that. His mind caught up.

Internally? Wasn't that... bad?