Chapter 57

CHAPTER 57

DEEPER INTO THE TUNNEL

Karan sipped his coffee, watching the CCTV from the street again- the one where Raawat had been attacked. There were always things he could have missed. A little glance here, a teeny tiny signal there and everything changed.

Someone sat in front of him and he glanced up. Koel.

He raised an eyebrow when she sat quietly, fidgeting with her hands. "Koel... can I help you?" He asked.

She nodded. "Aap thodi der ke liye Karan Sir banna band kar sakte ho?" His eyebrows furrowed. "Aap thodi der ke liye mere boyfriend ke best friend ban jao. Please?"

Karan heaved a sigh, closing the lid of his laptop. "Boliye", he said. "Kya hua?"

"Aapko bhi pata hai kya hua", she said. He hummed. "Faizi toh aapko sab bataata hai. Right? Maine kuchh kara hai kya? Kuchh hua hai?"

He chewed on the inside of his cheek. "He has some things... jo use sort karni hai about himself. Kuchh cheezen hai jo use... mentally tang kar rahi hain."

"Like what?"

"I shouldn't be the one to say this to you. He should be."

She slammed her hands on the table. "Par woh baat kahan kar raha hai?" She snapped. "Agar use mujhe kuchh bolna hai, toh apna muh kholkar bol de, na? Pooja karoon kya ab uski?"

He looked at her hands which clenched tightly around the edge of the table. "Table toot jaayega. Paise tumhe dene padenge. Punching bag nahi hai woh."

She looked at her hands and then up at him, narrowing her eyes. He raised an eyebrow, and she sighed, releasing it. She crossed her arms. She sat quietly for a few minutes, staring at the wall. "Use bolo, na?" She said quietly, looking away. "Mujhse baat kar le."

"Maine bol diya hai already use. Usne kaha woh baat kar lega tumse." She looked up hopefully. He nodded to her silent ask for confirmation and she smiled a little. "Ho gaya kaam?" She nodded. "Ab yahan se dafa ho jao."

"How polite of you", she muttered, standing up.

"Hai, na? Mujhe bhi yeh hi lagta hai", he quipped back.

She chuckled. "Thank you." She glanced at his empty cup and then at the files and notebook. "More coffee?" He glanced over the work, heaving a sigh. He nodded.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Are you over your parents' death?"

"Yes", Param said immediately. "Dad ki death ko 29 saal ko ho gaye hain. Mom ki death ko 27. I am well over it."

"Tumhaare Dad shaheed hue the", the psychologist said. "Someone killed him. Does that make you angry?"

He paused. "Nahi", he said. "Unki death aur unki death ke circumstances dono main accept kar chuka hoon."

She jotted down something. "And your brother? You raised him. Bahut saari cheezen tumne sacrifice kari. Does that make you angry?"

"Nahi. Mera bhai meri responsibility tha. And more than that, I love him. Har relationship mein- romantic or otherwise- sacrifice hota hai. And he was a good kid. It was easy to raise him."

"Tum apne bhai ko lekar bahut protective ho."

"I raised him. Mere bacche jaisa hai woh. Kaun apne bacche ko protect nahi karna chahta?"

"Is there any limit to what you would do for him?"

"Yes", he said. "Main Karan ko protect karne ke liye bahut kuchh kar sakta hoon but given the line of work we are in, aise times honge when I have to let him go or make decisions for the good of the nation jo use danger mein daalta hai. And I will do it. Over and over again, if it means protecting my country."

She studied him quietly. She ruffled through her notes before looking up at him. "9 years ago, you did a mission. Mission Pari."

'Param... woh sirf tumhaare legs ke baare mein nahi puchhenge. They'll ask about everything. Suraj, tumhaari Mom... Mission Pari.'

"Yes", he said.

"What would you say- tumhaara last mission, Mission Azaad ya Mission Pari... which was harder to get through?"

Param paused. The two worst missions of his life. "My last mission ended my career. Meri life ka purpose tha meri duty. And... I never imagined ki ek din aisa hoga where I won't have my... my legs."

"That must have been really tough", she said. He hummed. "And what about Mission Pari?"

He traced the joint of where his skin met his prosthetic. "It was... it was hell. When I was living it. I felt guilty. Regretful. I was grieving. But it was easier to get through kyunki... I didn't stay long enough to really see the aftermath, even though mujhe rehna chahiye tha."

"You said it was easier?" She poked. He nodded a little. "Was it because tumhe laga ki mujhe kya farak padta hai?"

His forehead creased into a scowl. "Mujhe farak padta tha", he said. His hands clenched around the arms of the sofa. "Main apne commanders ki bahut respect karta tha. Especially Juhi ma'am. Mere commanders ki death se, Juhi ma'am ke saath jo hua, usse mujhe farak padha!"

"Clearly, tumhe unki ya unki beti se zyaada matlab raha nahi", she threw out casually. He stared at her in disbelief. "Is it a coping mechanism? Not caring?" His eyebrows raised. Not caring? "Do you not care ki tumhaare teammates, tumhaare seniors ko kya hota hai field mein?"

"Of course I care!" He snapped. "Saalon tak apne commanders ke, Monami ke, unhe jis haal mein dhoonda tha, uske nightmares aate the. Pata nahi kitni der baithkar sochta rehta tha ki woh dono kaise hain. Unn 43 days jab Monami unke paas thi, I spent day and night working to get her back alive. Jab woh hospital mein thi, I spent hours with her. Har weekend 4 ghante drive karke Mumbai jaata tha so I can meet her, help her, be there for her. And you have the nerve to question ki main care karta tha ya nahi?"

She leaned back in her chair. She paused and Param took a deep breath. He closed his eyes. He wasn't supposed to lose his cool. Calm. Composed. He opened his eyes, slowly unclenching his hands from the armrest. She extended a glass of water and he shook his head.

"Do you still care about Monami and Siddharth?"

"Yes", he said. "I spent a lot of time with them jab main Juhi ma'am ke under kaam karta tha. We were close."

"Do you feel regret over leaving them?"

'And... I regretted it. Because... Because I was wrong. I should have... I should have stayed there and helped Monami through everything.'

"Yes."

"Would you do anything to protect them?"

"Yes. But unhe kabhi apne desh se upar nahi rakhunga." He narrowed his eyes, looking at her. "Agar kisi din, bhagwaan naa kare, aisa din aaya jab inke marne se desh ka hitt ho, toh apne haathon se goli maar sakta hoon main."

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Faizi took a deep breath, raising his hand. 'Knock. Go in. Talk.' He quickly rapped his knuckles against the door before he could change his mind, nervously fiddling with his ID that hung from his belt.

The door opened and he looked up. Suman ji.

"Hume Koel se baat karni hai", he said.

She shook her head. "Sir ji, woh kamre mein nahi hai. Suman ji ko nahi pata woh kahan hai."

He sighed. "Shukriya", he said. He turned away, wandering to the garden. He sat down, idly inspecting a rose that loomed on the bench.

An ice cream cone appeared in his line of vision and he blinked, looking up. Monami. She was licking her own ice cream, and she gestured to the other one. He smiled a little, accepting it. She sat down next to him, and the two sat in silence, concentrating on their ice creams.

"Hume samajh nahi aa raha hai", he said quietly. She looked at him. "Hum usse pyaar karte hain."

Monami tilted her head. "I know."

He looked at her, raising an eyebrow. He turned to her completely, staring at her. "Yeh toh Karan ko bhi nahi pata tha. Tumhe kaise pata? Antaryami ho?"

She smiled. "B-Bolne ki z-zaroorat nahi h-hoti. P-Pyaar hota hai toh d-dikh j-jaata hai." She bit into the cone, chewing it. "Koi bhi ch-cheez h-haath mein n-nahi m-milti. C-Comfort z-zone se b-bahar nikalna c-can be d-daunting, par a-agar kuchh chahiye, toh n-nikalna toh p-padega hi. T-Time le lo, b-but k-kisi ek ch-cheez ke d-darr ki w-wajah se z-zindagi r-rukni nahi ch-chahiye. K-Kuchh aur n-nahi toh y-you should t-talk to her. A-Ask for t-time to s-sort your f-feelings."

He nodded, licking the ice cream. "How do you think she'll react?"

"She l-loves you. She'll s-say ki aa-aap b-buddhu ho", she said.

He chuckled. The two fell quiet again for a couple of minutes. Faizi chuckled as she looked at her dirty hands before around at something to wipe it with. He offered her a handkerchief and she smiled at him, accepting it and wiping her hands.

"M-Main aa-aapse ek b-baat puchhoon?" She asked quietly. He nodded. "Aap aur K-Karan S-Sir ek d-doosre ko s-sab b-bataate hain?"

He shrugged. "Koi rule nahi hai ki sab bataana hai", he said. "But kabhi pareshaan hote hain, kabhi khush hote hain, kabhi advice chahiye, toh ek doosre ke paas jaate hain."

"Kya aa-aapko unhone u-unki aur P-Param Bh-Bhaiya ki baat ke b-baare mein b-bataaya?"

He paused. "About how you know Bhaiya?" She nodded. "Nahi. Hume... Hume pata hai ki Karan aur Bhaiya ki baat hui. Hume pata hai ki Karan bahut affected tha, ki Bhaiya ke liye bahut big deal hai sab kuchh, but Karan kehta ki use sahi nahi lag raha hai hume bataana. And hume bhi yeh hi lagta hai. Tumhaara past, Bhaiya ka past... it doesn't need to be common knowledge."

She nodded. She took a deep breath. She glanced up, eyes lighting up and she hopped to her feet. Faizi followed her gaze, laughing when she ran up and hugged a tree. She gestured to him to come closer, and he stood up. He glanced around before hesitantly snaking his arms around the tree.

Monami smiled, closing her eyes and resting her head on the bark. He took a deep breath, closing his own eyes.

He would talk to Koel. Special agents didn't shy away.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Yaar... unhe samajh hi nahi aata."

Koel leaned back on her elbows, looking at Sid as he paced. She had wandered off, assured with her talk to Karan and had found him, sitting in her room and staring at a blank wall with utter concentration. He had jumped up, ready to tell his frustrations the moment she had asked.

"Aisa lagta hai main koi alag bhaasha bol raha hoon aur woh koi aur."

"Haan, toh tu unhe unki bhaasha mein samjha", she said. "Nahi aa rahe unhe tere gestures, teri subtlety samajh."

He paused, looking at her. "Matlab?"

"Woh jo bolti hain seedha seedha bolti hain. Toh tu bhi jaakar seedha seedha bol de."

He sat down next to her. "Par agar unhe seedha seedha samajh aata hai, toh woh seedha seedha aakar kyun nahi bol deti?"

She eyed him. "Tujhe lagta hai ki Sanju ma'am of all people, would ever be the first one to confess? Jaanta bhi hai tu unhe?"

"Point", he muttered. "Toh kya keh rahi hai? Jaakar bol doon?"

"Tu hi kehta hai, na, ki woh teri dost hain. Dosti ho ya kuchh aur, har ek relationship mein communication sabse zyaada important hoti hai. Jahan communication aur comprehension nahi, wahan relationship crumble hone lagta hai. Insecurities, complaints, sab aane lagti hain, jab ki unki koi zaroorat hoti hi nahi hai."

"Tu toh badhi smart nikli", he said, nudging her.

She smiled wistfully. "I have experience, remember?" She muttered, looking away.

"Do you miss him?" He asked quietly.

"It's been a long time", she said. "Aadat ho gayi hai uske bina rehne ki. Main accept kar chuki hoon, move on kar chuki hoon par... kabhi kabhi ek dum se yaad aati hai. Like... this sudden wave of something, you know?" He hummed. She laid back on her bed, staring at the ceiling.

Would Faizi ever leave her like Abhay did? Even if he never intends to, who could predict the future?

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Yeh kaa kar rahe ho?" Sanju said, pausing and glancing over Sanket's shoulders.

"Ma'am, aapko yaad hai jab hum Karan Sir ke informer dhoond rahe the? There were some signals jinki actual location mask kari thi? I have been working on removing the amplifiers and retracing the signal. Kaafi mehnat lag rahi hai but I have narrowed it down to Maharashtra", he said. "Usse zyaada narrow down kar raha hoon."

She hummed. The signal was from Deolali, or at least the neighboring cities, but if Sanket narrowed it down to a smaller area, it could lead them to a base. "Kitna waqt lagego?"

"Pata nahi, ma'am", he said. "I'm trying my best."

Sanju nodded. They needed some leads anyway. A new place to start searching would be an apt one.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Karan paused the video, rubbing his eyes. His eyes were seeing fire everywhere now. He had been inspecting the footages of blasts credited to EFR all day, hoping to find some pattern, some clue, some person they could follow a lead on. They were infamous for their blasts- their chosen form of terror.

"Pata nahi bombs ka pedh hai kya inke gharon mein", he muttered to himself. "Jab mann kara, tab ek bomb blast kar dete hain." He let his head fall back, closing his eyes. He needed a break. Or a terrorist to kill. Or really anyone to kill would do.

There was a knock on the door. He glanced up. Monami. She walked in with a tray and two cups in her hands, smiling at him and he smiled back slightly, keeping the laptop aside.

"Aaj kamre mein kyun laayi ho coffee?" He asked. "Main aa hi jaata." He gestured in front of him and she sat down, offering a cup to him.

She narrowed her eyes slightly. "T-Time d-dekhiye", she said. He glanced at the clock, eyes widening. It was an hour past their usual meeting time. "Aap l-late h-hain."

He winced. "Kaam karte hue time bilkul dhyaan nahi raha", he said. "Zyaada der wait kari kya?"

"It's f-fine", she said. "Aap p-poore d-din se p-preoccupied the, toh f-figured aapko iss c-coffee ki z-zaroorat toh h-hogi hi. Aap b-busy hain, toh m-main jaa s-sakti hoon."

"Nahi!" She blinked. She tilted her head, frowning in concern. He glanced away. "I... I would appreciate it agar tum yahin rahogi thodi der toh."

She stared at him quietly. She scooted a little closer, gently keeping a hand on his knee. He glanced down at it, and then up at her face. "K-Kya hua?"

He sighed. "Bas... kaam. Thoda frustrate ho gaya hoon. Aur kuchh nahi."

"M-Maybe you n-need a break. N-Nikhil aa-aapko r-robot bolta hai, par aa-aap s-sach mein th-thodi naa ho." She hesitantly reached up. He stared at her fingers as they hovered in front of his face for a couple of seconds before she kept her hand on his forehead.

"Main bimaar nahi hoon", he said.

She eyed him. "You l-look a l-little... pale. Are you s-sure aap th-theek hain?" He hummed, nodding. "M-Main kar d-deti hoon ch-checkup. Z-Zyaada..." She trailed off, looking at his shoulder with narrowed eyes. What? She leaned closer.

Karan leaned back, keeping a hand out. "K-Kya kar rahi ho?"

Her eyes snapped to his. "Is th-that a b-bruise?" She asked, gently pulling his t-shirt away to inspect the skin where his shoulder met his arm. "Yeh toh h-hickey w-waala bhi n-nahi hai."

"KYA?" His voice wavered slightly in shock. He leaned back a little and she took the hint, leaning back again. "Waise bhi hickey nahi ho sakti." He rubbed his shoulder self-consciously, pausing when he felt a flare of pain at a spot. He did have a bruise.

She sipped her coffee, staring at him from behind her cup. "H-Hoti bhi toh m-main j-judge nahi k-karti. I have s-seen w-way m-more."

He blinked. "Way more matlab? Kaise, kahan, kab, kyun, kiske saath?" He demanded.

She raised an eyebrow. "I am a d-doctor, S-Sir", she reminded.

"Right", he muttered, mentally hitting himself. He didn't have the right to ask that anyway. Gulping down a big sip of the coffee, he barely even winced as it burned on its way down. He was an idiot.

She smiled in amusement, but thankfully, didn't comment anymore. "B-Bruise kahan se aa-aaya?" She asked. "Aa-Aap k-kisi ke saath f-fight mein the?"

He looked down at his shoulder, seeing just a hint of it from the angle he had. He shrugged. "Bruise hi toh hai. Itna koi chinta karne ki zaroorat nahi hai. Yaad bhi nahi mujhe kab lagi." Her mouth pulled down in a frown but she didn't protest much.

She didn't say much about the bruise or his health after that, telling him about her day and he listened, mostly quiet but occasionally adding a few comments or asking a couple of questions.

By the time it was time for her to go, his frustration had drained for the most part. He still wanted to break his laptop, but he wouldn't murder anyone that looked at him the wrong way anymore. Maybe.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Faizi Sir?" He paused, turning around. Abhi. He suppressed a frustrated sigh. He wanted to talk to Koel.

"Kuchh important hai kya? Hum thoda busy hain", he said.

"Sir... did you see anyone around your room?" He asked hesitantly.

"Matlab?"

"Matlab... koi strange lag raha ho?"

Faizi frowned. "Tumhe koi security concern lag raha hai? Kisi par koi suspicion ya koi information mili hai kya?"

"Nahi", he said immediately. "Not at all. I was just... curious."

He eyed him. "Abhi... kya hua hai?"

"Nothing, Sir. I should go. I have some work." He ran off and Faizi blinked, staring after him. What was going on?

Something wasn't right.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Ajeeb sa matlab?" Karan asked.

"Pata nahi. Sawaal hi bahut ajeeb puchh raha tha", Faizi said, a concerned frown on his face. "Puchh raha tha humaare kamre ke paas koi aaya tha kya." He glanced around. "Karan... humaare kamre mein koi confidential cheezen hain kya?"

He shook his head. "Password protected", he assured, patting his laptop. "Faizi... do you think Abhi knows something? About the spy?"

The older agent fell quiet. He looked down, his hands tightening against the bedframe. "Hum yeh sochna nahi chahte ki Abhi dhokebaaz ho sakta hai, par..." His gaze lifted to him. "Hum yeh possibility dismiss bhi nahi kar sakte."

"Sanju ko keh uspar thodi nazar rakhe", he said quietly. He didn't like this possibility either. He didn't like the man himself- he was... too much for him. Too energetic, too eager but at times... seemingly innocent too. Could he really have attacked Monami of all people? Threatened her with that note? Could he really murder Laxman? Could he really be smart enough to go undetected? Was he that good?

"Hum Koel se baat nahi kar paaye aaj", Faizi said quietly.

Karan was drawn from his thoughts and his gaze snapped up to meet his best friend's. "Kyun?"

"Waqt nahi mila. Kabhi woh busy thi aur kabhi hum. Raat ko gaye the hum par usse pehle Abhi mil gaya aur uski baaton se itna preoccupied ho gaye ki laga ki abhi baat karna theek nahi."

"Subah mere paas aayi thi woh", he admitted.

"Kya kaha?"

He tilted his head, shrugged. "Ki main tujhse kahoon ki tu usse baat kar. Pareshaan thi, hurt thi ki tu kar nahi raha." He glanced at the clock. "Faizi... abhi late ho gaya hai. Par kal baat kar lena usse. Samay nikaalkar baat karna."

Faizi nodded. "Haan."

"So jaa tu", he said. "Bahut thaka hua lag raha hai." He sighed, nodding.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Teri aur Faizi Sir ji ki baat hui?" Suman ji asked quietly in the darkness of the night. Koel shook her head, clicking her tongue.

"Sid se baat karke gayi thi unke paas", she said. "He was busy with some people. He was... nicer aaj mere saath but still kind of troubled. Kehte ki aayenge raat ko baat karne but shayad busy ho gaye." She paused. "Ya abhi bhi baat nahi karna chahte."

"Agar baat nahi karni hoti toh khud kamre tak nahi aate", the older lady said firmly. "Unhe tujhse baat karni hai. Par tu jaanti hai, Koel. Woh log sab kitna busy rehte hain. Tu chinta mat kar. Kal baat kar lena unse."

She sighed, nodding. "It's just... it feels like a fight par mujhe pata bhi nahi ki hum kis baat par lad rahe hain." Suman ji hummed in acknowledgement, unsure of what to say. Koel didn't blame her. She didn't know what to say either.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Hot, blinding white pain.

He couldn't breathe. He couldn't... breathe.

Eons passed before it faded. Karan opened his eyes. It lingered. The pain- it lingered. His torso was sore, protesting, and he gingerly sat up in the bed, rubbing it gently. It stung. He glanced at the clock. 3:58.

He gently took his t-shirt off, grabbing his phone. He switched on the torch, looking down at his torso. He paused, staring down at himself. What the hell? Where did those bruises come from? He gently poked at the one near his navel. It was a bruise.

'B-Bruise kahan se aa-aaya?'

He reached up, gently poking around his shoulder till he felt a slight flare of pain. Where had these bruises come from? Was it from the fight?

He kept his phone aside, laying back down slowly. He still had some time before he had to wake up. The bruises, the pain... what was going on? Was it concerning?