OS : A c c e p t a n c e

 A c c e p t a n c e

I walk out of my room. I need to talk to my mum, she will understand me.

"Mum, I need to tell you something."

"Yes my sweet boy!" Sharda smiled and opened her arms.

"Mum, I- I'm not - a boy." I stood aside.

"What do you mean?" 

Was she shocked or just curious?

"I - I'm a girl. This body isn't the real me." 

"My boy! You are five. You can't possibly kno-"

Please, just listen to me. "I know who I am, mum, trust me."

"It's not how things work, dear." She patted my head.

"I don't know all that but one thing, I know, for sure. This body isn't me. I am a girl."

"I will take you to see a therapist then." She smiled kindly. 

I nodded. I don't know what is going to happen, ah, my stomach hurts. Again. 

Next day, at the therapist. 

"Ma'am, your child might be trans."

"But he's too young to know."

"Ma'am, gender and sex are different things."

"No, thank you."

I didn't quite understand what the doctor was telling mum, but she seemed kind. 

"Mum, if I were to jump off the running car, how far can I make it before getting hit?"

"You're not going anywhere!"

Playing on the terrace.

"Mum, if I jump from here, how many bones would I fracture?" 

Sharda furiously pulls him her away. "Stop it!"

Another therapy session.

"What do I do, doctor? My son keeps asking questions on how to hurt himself. And he even tries to act impulsively. I've emptied an entire box of first aid kits in the last two weeks."

"Mam, I think there's something troubling your child and you are not paying attention to his needs. I would like to talk to your child first."

"Thank you."

"Hello, my child, how are you?" 

Nani is here! I hope she understands me…  "I'm good, Nani!"

She ruffles my hair. "My good boy!"

"Nani, co- could you say I'm a- a good g-girl?"

"Sure!" Nani picked me up and booped my nose. "My sweetest girl!" 

"Maa, what are you saying?" 

"What difference does it make?"

"A lot, maa!"

"No. This is my grandchild and I shall call hi- her what she wants."

"Maa, we know he is a boy, could you please not play along with his fantastic ideas?"

"So be it. She is five. If me calling her a good girl makes her happy, then I shall do so. If it's a play, a phase, she will grow out of it. If it's not, we shall continue to support her and love her because it's our flesh and blood. I did not raise you to be so dismissive of other people's feelings, let alone your own child."

Sharda stomps into her room. 

I rest my head in Nani's lap who caresses my hair lovingly. "You may not remember but when you were 3, I used to dress you in your mother's frocks and you adored it so much. I am sorry for the way my daughter has been treating you. You don't deserve any of that. You are loved, my dear girl."

"Nani, you have more of mum's dresses for me?"

"Not of your size for now but I could sew you new ones. What say, shall we go shopping?"

"Sure!"

The grandmother-daughter duo went shopping and brought in some printed cottons and a lovely frock. Nani made her favourite food and put her to sleep. 

Sharda was still furious. "Maa, please stop indulging Aarav into his fantasy. I've talked to two therapists and both said the same thing and I'm annoyed that even you are doing this."

Nani took a deep breath. "Sharda, tell me something. How long would you like to continue to hurt your child?"

"I am not playing along like you. I can't spoil my son like this."

"Go to sleep, we will talk tomorrow."

Next day, they both watch a documentary. 

"Maa, I understand what they were showing in the documentary but my son is not-"

"Firstly, she is very young but if that makes her happy, we should continue to treat her the way she wants. Look, to you and me, it won't really make a difference whether we pretend to call her a girl or genuinely do so but to her, it makes all the difference. She just wants to be seen, heard and loved by her own parents. It's not too much to ask for. If you had a daughter, how would you treat her? Do the same right now. If you think this is still a phase, it is alright. Maybe in her teens or after growing up, she can make the right decision. But we need to support her and continue to do so for the rest of our lives. It's the bare minimum Sharda. And I've raised you properly so I trust that you shall treat your child, your daughter with all the love, care and respect that she deserves. We're in the 21st century, we have enough resources available at our fingertips. Don't be stupid or afraid to seek help from professionals."

"Maa…"

"Take your time but not too much and learn to respect Dia, she is your daughter, not your son."

"I- I will try." Sharda took a deep breath and walked out of her room. 

"D- Dia!" She called her son daughter. 

Dia came running and jumped into her mother's arms. "Mum!" Her smile brightened the room. 

"I love you bet-" She bit her lip. "Dia beti! My sweetheart, I love you no matter what."

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