Chapter Sixteen

K-Shandra

@K-Shandra

Anurag brought his car to a standstill outside the address his father had given him. He turned to look at the house, which was modest in size, even in consideration to their actual home. The thought reminded him that he still needed to finalize some matters with the renovators.  He closed his eyes and lowered his forehead to rest against the steering wheel. Things had turned for the worst and while he had always believed they could withstand anything, it was Prerna’s stubbornness he knew he would be facing. He knew she had reason enough to oppose matters, even he was angry with his mother for ousting his wife and child. Not once but twice.

Memories of Switzerland flashed across his mind,clearer this time…. Never again! He would not allow Prerna to again make the mistake of placing distance between them, with or without consulting him. They got into this together and that was how they would remain – together.

With his resolve firmly set, Anurag got out of the car and made his way towards the house. But as he reached up to knock the door suddenly swung open. Startled at first, Anurag looked at a determined Shukar, who folded his arms and continued to glare at him.

Hesitantly, Anurag said, “Greetings.”

Shukar simply tilted his head as if to acknowledge but said nothing. His purpouse was easy enough for Anurag to understand and required no explanation.

Anurag visibly swallowed and then said, “I would like to speak with Prerna.”

“Really?” Shukar asked, “You want to speak to sister Prerna?”

Anurag nodded.

“You know, you Basus are something else, you know that? Yesterday your mother as good as threw sister Prerna out of that house,and today you’re here wanting to speak to her.” Anurag made to say something but Shukar overrode any argument as he continued. “Your family has this belief that you have a right to whatever it is you want, and that everyone is only there to please you.” Shukar held his hand up to silence Anurag. “Not once, during any of this, have you considered sister Prerna’s situation, her condition.We were all considerate of the fact that you’d lost your memory, we even made allowances for it. But in doing so we forgot one of the most essential aspects of dealing with your family. Do you even know what that is?” Shukar demanded while glaring at Anurag, who shook his head in reply. “None of you care for the pain you inflict on others. Prerna has done so much for you and your family,but what has she gotten in return? A baby that’s rejected by the father’s family, a supposed husband that does not even know his own mind and cannot even stand up for them. No. You have failed sister Prerna on so many occasions, yet you expect us to allow you to see her.” The unwavering tone of Shukar’s voice left Anurag in no doubt that there was no chance of convincing the man to change his mind. Anurag also knew that Shukar was only following his mother’s instructions. He looked past Shukar, hopping that he could at least catch a glimpse of Prerna, could appeal to her, but Prerna was not within the living area.

His gaze landed on Shivani who stood off to one side. She had always helped him. Again the thought caught him off-guard but hedid not have time to really consider it. He tilted his head to the side, hoping she understood what he was asking.

Shivani turned her hands, palms up, indicating she was helpless in the matter.

Anurag let out a heavy sigh and turned his attention back to Shukar, asking, “Are Prerna and Sneha okay?”

“Sister and her daughter are fine, we know how to look after our own.” Shukar answered and then pulled himself up to his full height, as if expecting a fight. Anurag for a moment again glanced at Shivani who made a calling gesture with her one hand, then held her hand up with all five fingers extended. 

Nodding, Anurag said, “I can see that I’m not welcome here, so I will leave. Please tell Prerna I came to see them.”

“It would be better for both families if you severed all ties with ours.”

Shukar’s words shocked Anurag and set his heart racing. Anurag automatically replied, “No, no, no. I can’t do that.”

“It would be best for everyone involved, especially sister Prerna, she could move on.”

The thought of Prerna with anyone else sent shudders through his soul. Everything within him shouted in defiance.  Angered, Anurag asserted, “Prerna is my wife, I will never consent to a divorce!”

“That may be so, but given your record I think the Court would see it differently. You have supposedly married four times in the last year alone… so the courts will see this situation differently if you choose to oppose it.”

Anurag clenched his fists, hoping to somehow contain his anger. He knew that right then was not the time to get into a fight, he had to remain on good footing with her family. His family created enough problems.  

Having managed to control his threatening temper, Anurag firmly replied, “This is not the time to discuss such matters.”

“But they need to be decided on.”

Firmly Anurag countered, “And Prerna and I will be the ones to decide them, not anyone else.”

A visibly irritated Shukar stepped forward and firmly said, “I think you should leave now, before either of us say things we may later regret.”

Anurag nodded then turned to leave, causing Shukar to watch him with a shocked expression.

Anurag clenched his fists as he returned to his car.He could not quite place the sense of unease that overcame him, it pushed down on him as if trying to press him into the earth. He looked at his watch, he would phone Shivani in five minutes and find out what is going on, at least she would tell him what was going on. 

Prerna sat on her bed with Sneha, who lay on her back in front of her mother. Reaching out to Sneha’s hand, Prerna used her index finger to elongate the girl’s little fingers, smiling as they pressed against hers, as if gripping it.

“I don’t know whose hands you got, because both your father and I have long fingers.” Prerna said and then used her thumb to gently stroke the upper part of Sneha’s hand, before turning it and lowering it again. Prerna shifted her hand and reached for one of Sneha’s feet, smiling as she said, “You definitely have your father’s feet though, my toes don’t look like that.”

Sneha moved her foot as if to object, causing Prerna to release her hold and say, “You’re still very much the little kicker aren’t you?”

Sneha only looked at her in reply. Prerna watched the little girl for several long moments before closing her eyes and again fighting the sense of desolation that constantly loomed over her. She swallowed against the scratchy sensation in her throat and then blinked several times in the hope of dispersing the tears that threatened to spill.

With a wavering voice she softly said, “I never wanted any of this,” and swallowed against the sob. Using both her hands she ran them over Sneha, breathing deep,measured, breaths to regain control her emotions. Hesitantly she said, “Your father loves you so much, and he has not even spent all that much time with you.”  She closed her eyes and swallowed, before saying, “I’m so sorry Sneha. You know I never thought it would be like this. I wanted you to grow up with so much love, but fate has destined separate paths for your father and I. I tried, but perhaps your grandmother is right: we should make one clean break, no matter how much it hurts, because it will be better in the long run.”  

Prerna looked at her daughter who seemed content and oblivious of the storm raging within her mother. She knows she had done the right thing… But the right thing by who?Her mind questioned. “I love your father so much that it hurts. Even when we were apart, it was never like this. I could at least talk to him then. I don’t know what is harder, ignoring his calls or being away from him.”

Prerna refused to reminisce of the time when things had been similar, when someone had come between them. Back then she had to face the daily torture of being both so close yet so far from him. This while knowing that no matter what she could not turn to him, could not go to him, because if she had it would have weakened her resolve. She had done what she had needed to do, for him, which was why she had been able to bear the separation. This time, however, it felt as if a vital part of her had been removed. And without it, functioning became nearly impossible. She again looked at the little girl in front of her and wondered how it was possible to love something so small so much. So much that she would give up on the one thing she had held most dear… She missed the comfort of his embrace… the calmness that filled her when he was around. 

It had taken less than two days for her to once again become so attached to him that his absence became physically painful. For possibly the hundredth time that day she asked herself, ‘What have I done to us? He must hate me now, I have broken every promise I’ve made him.’ She tried to stop the thought but still it formed, causing her to close her eyes and allow her entire body to sag. In a whisper she added, “I’ve even taken you from him.”

Prerna swiped at the tears that escaped. She needed to be strong, if only it wasn’t so difficult. 

Her heartfelt shattered, her soul paper-thin. While she knew things would get easier as time passed, she also knew neither her heart or soul would ever completely heal. Even were he excised from her heart and her life with a surgeon’s precision, his imprint would remain on her soul, where it will forever taint any relationship she dared to enter into.

She opened her eyes to look at her daughter. She had done the right thing, only it did not feel that way. Mohini would never accept them. It was a fact she was as certain of as her own name. The woman’s bitter words after their engagement still haunted Prerna.

Just as Prerna knew that if Anurag was ever forced to choose between her and his mother… ‘No!’ Prerna reprimanded herself.She would not allow such thoughts to consume her – they were in the past and had to remain there. She had to remain strong for their daughter.  She watched Sneha as she drew in a deep,steadying breath, before stating, “You have no idea how much I love your father,or how much I want him here or part of your life, but you are my responsibility now and I will not allow anyone to hurt you.”

Shivani first checked to ensure that no one would listen in on her conversation and then called Anurag. After the second ring he answered, his voice was heavy with concern as he asked, “What’s going on there, Shivani?”

“Anurag, what can I say? Things are so confusing here.”

“What do you mean?” His voice even more panicked as he asked, “Are Prerna and Sneha okay? Father mentioned something about them attending a clinic.”

“That was just to check Sneha after the birth, but everything is fine.”

She could hear the relief in his voice when he said,“That’s good. How’s Prerna?  

“I’m concerned about sister…” Shivani started only to be cut short.

“What’s wrong with Prerna, are there complications?”

“No, nothing is wrong with sister, well not physically, she is well, eats, sleeps, but I can see she’s hurting and unhappy,although she tries to hide it. I don’t think she wants to add to anyone’s worries.”

“Look, Shivi, I need your help. I have to see Prerna, I have to talk to her.”

“Ugh, um, Anurag that’s going to be impossible,everyone here guards her like gold.”

“Which is why I need your help… Please Shivi, I can’t let her do this to us again.”

Shivani remained thoughtfully silent for several long moments, causing Anurag to utter a panicked,  “Shivani? Are you still there?”  

“I’m here just let me think for a moment….” Several long, silent moments followed before she exclaimed, “I got it! But you must promise to be quiet and do exactly as I say.”

“Yes! If it gets me to meet Prerna I’ll accept any terms.”

“This may not work so just be aware of that.’

“What’s the plan?”

“We’ll sneak you into sister’s room when sister goes for a bath.”

“What?” Anurag asked shocked, “Are you mad?”

“Just listen to me. Sneha will be with mother, so she will be busy. Shukar will be with sister-in-law and no one will think of entering Prerna’s room. You can wait there for her. But just make sure you don’t get caught, because there’s no telling what brother will do if he finds you there.”

A knock sounded at the door, causing Prerna to quickly dash her tears and clear her throat.

“Yes,” She called as she started to cover Sneha.

Shivi entered the room and said, “I’ve come to fetch Sneha.” 

“You didn’t need to do that.” Prerna said as she got up from the bed.

“So can’t I spend some quality time with my niece before mom monopolizes all the time with her?”

“I never said that. It’s just that I normally take her when I’m ready.”

“Well the washroom is empty, so move before brother decides to take it and then he’ll take forever to finish.”

Prerna smiled and walked over to Shivani, carefully handing Sneha over to her, “Thank you.”

“You can thank me later.” Shivani said turning from her, causing Prerna to frown.