Chapter Fourteen

K-Shandra

@K-Shandra

Anurag lay on the scanner’s flatbed, his head placed within the dimly lit tunnel. He tried as best as he could to remain still throughout the procedure, while listening to the series of clicks the machine made as it took images of his skull. Other than that, and a low humming, the room was silent.

He allowed his mind to return to the events that had unfolded earlier the day. His mind still swam with an mishmash of images, none of which made any sense. Then there was his family’s initial reaction to his request to see Prerna, followed by Anupam’s insistence that she was visiting her mother after the birth of their daughter… Anurag had no idea what to believe.  He somehow trusted Anupam, not having known the man to keep anything from him, but the reactions from his family almost made the man’s words seem a lie. And then there were the images that constantly flashed over his conscious: Images of a man, with Prerna. Images of the same man taking Prerna away. Images of her with a child. And then there was Shivi’s words… he had no idea what to make of it or whom to believe.His mother said Prerna left, something that was said with far too much certainty for him to simply overlook  

“You need to lie still sir,” a voice inside the machine said, jolting Anurag from his thoughts and causing him to reply, “But Iam.”

“You’re twitching, the machine cannot generate proper images if you move.”  

Anurag again cleared his mind and tried to remain calm, only his thoughts would not settle. More images flooded his mind: images of a foreign land, of Prerna with another man, of Ronit chasing them. Followed by images of him burning her dupatta, him being too late…

“If you don’t calm your thoughts, we’re going to have to sedate you,” one of the operators said, shattering the silence around him.

“But I’m lying still,” Anurag countered.

“Your brain is lighting up like the skies over Kolkata during Diwali. At least we know there is nothing wrong with your thought processes.”   

Anurag tried to suppress the thoughts, if only to get through the ordeal, but the doctors finally resorted to giving him a sedative and then sent him to one of the rooms to sleep off its effect.

As the drugs wore off the images returned, at times flashing too fast for his mind to fully comprehend the details, but all of them seemed linked to Prerna and a man. He shot upright, wide awake. His ears ringing, his hand stinging as the resounding thwack still sounded in his mind. He’d slapped her. He could not believe that he would ever do something like that to her, to his Prerna, but his memory remained insistent: he’d slapped her.   

“Anu, what happened,” Anupam’s concerned voice reached him from what seemed a million miles away. He turned his head to look at his brother in law, who rushed to his side.

“I slapped her,” Anurag flatly stated.

“What? Komolika? I’m certain she deserved it.”

Anurag shook his head as he said, “No, Prerna.”

“What?” Anupam exclaimed in disbelief.

“I slapped her, that’s why she won’t speak to me.”Anurag mumbled more to himself.

With his usual flair Anupam tossed his hands up and said in disbelief, “And just why would you slap Prerna?” but when Anurag failed to respond Anupam added, more cautiously, “No, I don’t believe you… I mean you wouldn’t have, you love her far too much to lift your hand to her.”

Anurag’s lowered his face into his hands and took a deep breath as he mumbled, “Anupam, what have I done?”

Anupam looked at Anurag, visibly confused, then finally asked, “Just a minute Anu, when did all this happen?”

“I don’t know, I just know that it happened and that she must hate me for it.”

“Almost as much as you hate yourself,” Anupam stated more to himself than to further the conversation.

Anurag turned his head to look at Anupam and dejectedly asked, “How could you know that?”

“Because I know you, Anurag. And chances are that if you are remembering things then it is likely you are remembering them out of sequence.”

“So why then is there distance between me and Prerna? If she had given birth to my daughter, and we shared such a relationship, why is she not here?”

Anupam shook his head before replying, “Things are very… complicated at the moment.”  When Anurag made no response Anupam added, “Look pal, from what I have been able to determine, a great number of memories have returned and you have no idea where they belong or in what sequence events occurred. I told you earlier I’d help you to put them in order wherever I can. I may not be able to help with all of them, but you will at least have some understanding of what’s going on in your mind.”

“And you will be honest with me, not like earlier with story about Prerna and a baby?”

“What did I say that was not true?” Anupam challenged, causing Anurag to stare at him with confusion. “Prerna did give birth to your daughter and, yes, she is with her mother at the moment. So, as with everything in this family, once things have been resolved you and Prerna will once again gravitate towards each other, just as you have always done.”Anurag looked at him with obvious disbelief.

Anupam continued, “I have not said anything that is not true. Besides, you were already confused and worked up enough to complicate matters even more.” He then added in his usual dismissive tone,  “And, to be quite frank, I want to be spared a repeat of the last time someone tried to come between you and Prerna. So ask me anything, I’ll tell you all that I can.”

“I have this image of a man around Prerna.”

“Is he older than her?” Anupam fired back.

“Yes.”

“How much older?”

“What?” Anurag asked, disbelieving, adding with concern, “Is Prerna into older men?”

Anupam made to answer at first but then hesitated for a moment before replying, “How much older than her? I need to determine if you are talking of Navine or Bajaj… Actually, wait, this would make it easier,is he like a little attractive or does he like wearing traditional garb?”

“A little attractive?” Anurag asked visibly affronted. “What? Does she like older plain looking men?”

“No, but they seem to like her. Even father in law loves her a lot,” Anupam answered without thought and then realized what he’d said, and added. “Okay I’ll make it easier on you. Navine is in jail for what he tried to do and Rishabh is… well that’s more complex.”

“Really? Anupam? You’re not helping.”

“Okay let me put it this way, Navine is the reason you and Prerna grew close. If it is him in your memories, you would also remember the various rituals you and Prerna ended up performing, unknowingly,and then there was the whole kidnapping drama with you getting married.”

“So that’s when we got married?” Anurag asked seeming a little more at ease. Anupam made to answer, but seemed hesitant,causing Anurag to demand, “That was when we got married, Right?”

“Well, technically, the first time, yes.”

Disbelieving Anurag asked, “First time, what, how many times have we been married?”

“Well that’s more difficult to answer, because it’s complicated.”

“How so?” Anurag demanded.

“Well…um… there is the marriage in the Temple before the Goddess.”

“I remember that one,” Although Anurag did not add how much of what had happened afterwards he also remembered.

“Then there was the one in front of the society where she…” Anupam became hesitant. 

“Where she what?” Anurag demanded.

“I think the guy in your images is Bajaj.” Anupam said hoping to change the subject.

“Don’t change the subject, what did she do?”

Anupam looked about uncomfortably before hesitantly replying, “She married Bajaj instead.”

“What! But we were married?” Anurag countered in disbelief, “The wedding would only have been a formality… and we’re registered as married, I saw the licence.”

“As I said, it’s complicated, which was partially why no one was willing to even start explaining it to you. Oh, yes, and no one actually knew that your marriage was licenced, well not until you showed us the licence the other day.”

Anurag remained silent for several long moments before he continued, “So what are we actually?”

“According to official records, you are married,although how that even happened I don’t know. One day Prerna was divorcing Bajaj while he was arranging your wedding and the next thing we knew you had gone missing, well at least we know you had an accident you didn’t run off somewhere…” Anupam noticing Anurag’s confusion changed tract, in the hope that Anurag would alter his line of thought, “…but it is obvious that you have only regained part of your memories. So tell you what, why don’t you tell me what you remember and then I will place them in context as best as I can.”

“I remember them being somewhere foreign, a foreign city perhaps?”

Anupam breathed a sigh of relief when Anurag took up his offer, however flatly replied, “That’s Zurich, they had gone there on their honeymoon.”

Anurag seemed visibly confused when he asked, “But why was I there?”

“There was a publishing conference on at the same time, Both Nivi and I were also present.”

“So why was I there?”

“Well, if I were to be totally honest with you, I would say that you were hell-bent on getting Prerna back. You did not for a minute believe she married Bajaj for love. And considering what we have since learned – you were right.”

“What do you mean by what we’ve since learned?”

“Well this morning was a revelation, I’m certain that if you think back hard enough you’ll remember.”

“Anupam just tell me, I really don’t have time for all this. If she said it recently I’m certain I’ll remember it once this nervous sense I have now has dissipated.”

“Wait, you’re nervous?” Anupam asked concerned.

“I have this fear that she’s going to slip away from me again, I can’t explain it.”

Anupam appeared hesitant, which caused Anurag to pin him with a stern glare as he somewhat hesitantly demanded, “It’s already happened, hasn’t it? That’s why she’s not answering my calls? Why she’s not here?”

“Anurag, just slow down, I can see you are upset and it is not going to help you.” Anupam held up his hands and then several moment later cast them up exclaiming, “This is just so difficult to even begin to explain.” 

“What is?” Anurag demanded.

“Well most of us know Prerna married Bajaj as part of some arrangement, but non of us really thought to consider the series of events before their marriage… I think everyone was too shocked by her actions to really think as to why she would do such a thing.” 

“What do you mean?” Anurag asked, confused.

“This morning, when you guys returned…” Anupam started but Anurag interrupted him.

“Wait, she was with me this morning?” Anurag asked in disbelief.

“Yes you both returned from Mumbai this morning.”

Anurag just looked at him in shock as he said, “I should remember what happened, but it’s all muddled.”

“I think it’s much the same for everyone who was present this morning, even father-in-law needed time to process everything.”

“What happened, I only remember bits of being at an airport.”

“Well when you returned mother-in-law had one of her moments, where after Prena, in no uncertain terms explained exactly how she came to marry Bajaj. I mean we knew it was an agreement, but we never understood why she was as loyal to him if it was only an agreement.”

A series of images crossed Anurag’s mind. In all of them Prerna remained adamant that she would remain with Bajaj, that she was his wife… only her eyes lied.

“What was the agreement?”

“Her freedom for yours.”

“What? How?” Anurag demanded.

“You were facing the death penalty, so she made a deal with the devil and got you released. You know, I only now realized how hard it must have been for her. You were relentless in your pursuit and she knew that no matter what, even if she wanted to, she could not come back to you. To her it was her loyalty and freedom for your life.”

A series of images flashed across his mind, him begging her to explain, him pushing her for her reason - knowing she would never willingly do something like that to him. He recognized the frustration he’d felt, along with the hurt and anguish that had filled his soul. Anger was the first emotion that registered. He was angry with her for making such a decision, livid that she could so easily play with their love.

Anurag drew in a long, deep breath with the hope of calming himself.Just then her words sounded in his ear, “I, and I alone knew what could be done and what I needed to do. And because I would rather live in a world where Anurag is alive I took the decision that was needed.” Without needing any feedback from Anupam, Anurag knew they had been said earlier, along with several other things that had confused him at the time, but when put into perspective they created a very different view to the one he had before. Something did not sit well with him, he could not place if it was Anupam’s words or his family’s earlier reaction, but he knew he needed answers.

“Prerna is at her maternal home, right?” Anurag asked.

Anupam hesitantly answered, “Yes, what are you thinking.”

“That I won’t allow her to put any distance between us again.” Anurag made to get up only for Anupam to stop him.

“Wait, Anurag, it is not that simple, you can’t just go there and demand she returns home with you.”

Frustrated Anurag demanded, “So what should I do? I won’t let her slip out of my life again.”

“Which is exactly my point. There are complex issues here that cannot simply be disregarded or overlooked. Unless you address the reason for her departure, she will not return or even allow you into her life again.”

Anurag was knocked breathless at that and shook his head in denial, “It can’t be that bad.”

“It can and it is. To be honest I’m surprised it took her this long.”

“What are you talking about? What’s the problem?”

“The problem heads our household and does not like Prerna.”

“You mean mom.”

“Yes, mother-in-law.”

“But Prerna understands her,” Anurag tried to reason.

“Prerna is now a mother who will be as fiercely protective of her child as your mother is of you.” Anpam started, he watched Anurag nod in agreement before continuing, “Ask yourself this, would your mother have allowed anyone to question or insult her in front of you?”

Visibly affronted Anurag quickly replied, “No,never! She would have given the person a piece of her mind.”

“So do you think Prerna will let your mother continue to berate her the way she has been in front of her, sorry your, daughter?  No she won’t. Which was why she left the house and you.”

“But it can’t be that bad? I mean it’s mom.”

“Everyone has their limits Anu, and you’ve never really seen how mother-in-law behaves towards Prerna. Your mother attacks Prerna when you’re not around, and while I may have seen more of it than you, I can assure you I haven’t even seen the half of it.” Anurag looked at Anupam in disbelief, causing Anupam to add, “And if you don’t believe me you can ask Nivedita… She’s had sleepless nights since you unmasked Komolika again.”

Bemused, Anurag said, “But what am I supposed to do now? I mean on the one side there is my mom and my family and on the other side there there’s Prerna and my daughter, I can’t choose between them.” Flashes of Prerna’s words to his mother before leaving impinged on his conscious. She had been resolute. Her words stabbed even though they were only a memory.

“Look, everyone knows that neither of you function properly without the other. So you need to make sense of things and decide what is important to you and focus on that, because Prerna will never ask you to choose. But if you don’t do anything, she will stick to the decision she has made.”

Anurag’s blood turned cold.