Chapter Eleven

The following morning Anurag arrived at the Hospital armed with a bag containing everything the list the nurse had provided. A smile pasted itself on his face as he stood in the doorway leading to Prerna’s room and watched how Prerna carefully held their daughter.

His family. The thought caused a warmth to swell in his chest.A calm and all-consuming sense of joy overcame him as he watched the two most important people in his life engage in an unmistakable intimate moment. Even from there, he could not only distinguish the love Prerna had for her child, he could as good as feel it. He fought against the memories of the past few weeks,and how Prerna had fearlessly taken on the world, alone, for her child – their child – he corrected himself. 

He cleared his throat and entered the room, for he did not trust himself to speak. Prerna turned her head to look towards him. The look in her eyes instantly dissolved any doubts, even though he could sense some hesitation.

He smiled as he approached the bed and pulled his thoughts together, needing to mitigate not only her concerns, which he had no idea what they were, while ensuring he kept them close. His gaze for a moment landed on their daughter… another thought that warmed him. 

Little one, you really chose a bad time to arrive,could you not have waited another day? Anurag thought but instead said, “And how is mother and baby?”

Prerna smiled as she answered, “She’s perfect.”

Anurag lifted the bag and placed it on the bed,“Everything the nurse ordered and a few things I could not resist.”

Prerna tilted her head and said, “It was really not needed.”

“Of course it was,” he countered, “Do you really think I would allow her to go without anything?”

He noticed her confusion as much as her hesitation as she said, “But she’s nothing of you.”

Her words hurt, but he understood why she said what she had. Instead of arguing with her he moved to look at the baby and said,“She’s absolutely perfect, just like her mother. Besides I was there for her birth, so that means or destinies are forever entwined.” Prerna looked at him in disbelief and he knew he should say something about her husband and the baby’s father, but he could not even tolerate the idea that she could be okay with anyone other than him fathering her children. Just the thought of anyone being that close to Prerna made his stomach turn and his blood boil.

He reached to gently stroke the baby’s cheek, it was so soft, so delicate. Every instinct in him screamed to protect both of them and he would. He jokingly said, “I think, in a few years, the boys are going to drive you insane.” But as the words came out her realized that in all likelihood the situation would be reversed, with him objecting to any boy who even came close to his daughter.

Prerna shook her head and said, “Thankfully that is still a good while away, she’ll have to grow up first.”

“Look who became the logical one to think with her head rather than her heart,” Anurag teased, thankful that they could at the very least regress to the playful banter that had marked their friendship. He however thought to  himself, How I wish you would just listen to your heart on this.

“I had no choice.” Prerna firmly stated, then looked towards the bag and asked, “What did you bring?” 

 Anurag’s heart thudded in his chest as he calmly tried to say, “Why don’t you hand her to me and then you can have a look.”

He registered hesitation in her actions as she for a moment looked at the baby.

“I’ll be careful, I promise.” Anurag said.

Prerna mulled over his proposal, while Anurag stood with his heart in his throat, hoping beyond all hope and reasoning that she would trust him enough to allow him to hold his daughter. She finally nodded and said to him. “Put your one arm like this.” She showed him and the gestured to him to sit. Carefully she moved forward, supporting the baby’s body and head she carefully placed the baby on the crook of his arm.

Instinctively, Anurag’s other arm went protectively around the baby, while he was totally unprepared for the protective instinct that kicked in. He looked down at the baby girl and asked, “What have you named her.” He hated the fact that Prerna got to decide on their daughter’s name without any input form him.

“Sneha.”Prerna replied before pulling the bag closer.

“Sneha. It suits her.” Anurag looked adoringly at the baby, “Little Sneha.”

Just then his phone rang causing him to frown. He stood up and moved then gestured with his head to Prerna, saying, “My phone is in my pocket, check who’s calling.”

Prerna for a moment frowned but then did as he asked. Looking at the caller ID she said, “It’s your father.”

“Answer it, he probably wants to know about Sneha.”

“You told him?”

“Yes and your mother.”

Prerna accepted the call and lifted the phone to her ear, “Greetings Mr. Moloy.”

“Mr. Moloy my foot, it’s father in law to you,”Moloy’s exuberant greeting came across the line, “I was hoping to speak with Anurag but this is better, I get to speak with you.”

Prerna smiled before replying, glancing at Anurag as she spoke, “Sneha is with him at the moment.”

“Sneha?” confusion laced Moloy’s question, moments before he said, “Oh the baby, you’ve decided to name her Sneha. That’s beautiful.”

“Thank you,” Prerna said frowning for a moment at Anurag’s facial gestures but finally understood and asked. “Anurag wants to know why you are calling?”

“Why to check up on you of course, and to ask him to send a photo of the baby, we are all dying to see her.”

“Dying?” Prerna teased. No matter how difficult things became, there was a connection with Anurag’s father that simply would not allow her to remain angry with him for any period of time

“You know what I mean.”

“I’ll take one and send it to you.” Prerna said,“Anything else?”

“Yes, there is, when are you three coming back?Everyone wants to meet the baby.”

Prerna looked at Anurag and said, “Anurag should be flying back tonight, but the doctors have not yet released me form the hospital.”

“We’re flying out in two days,” Anurag said on realizing the subject matter, adding for Prerna’s benefit.  “I changed our bookings this morning.”

“Did you hear that?” Prerna asked into the phone.

“That’s great. Now don’t forget that photo.” Moloy said before ringing off.

Prerna looked at Anurag and frowned, causing him to ask, “What’s wrong?”

“You don’t need to stay, your wife, I mean Sonalika will be upset.” She then moved to take the baby form him, but Anurag moved away.

“Anurag!” She called after him in exasperation.

“First take the photo and then check the bag.” He quickly replied, unwilling to hand Sneha back..

Irascible Prerna said, “Come closer then so that I can take the photo and send it.”

Anurag moved into position and allowed her to take a photo and watched as she sent it off, before gesturing him closer and returning the phone to his pocket. She then again pulled the bag closer and started to go through the content, smiling warmly at some of the things.

“It seems you had a fun time shopping.” She teased,holding up one of the baby suits.

“I really couldn’t decide which I should buy, so I bought both.” Anurag said in defence moving away form her, for a moment again looking down at the small sleeping form, “They will both look good on her.”

Prerna smiled as she teased, “I must remember never to send you shopping with her, especially if she takes a liking to expensive things like Nivedita.” Anurag however did not respond, causing her to look his way in concern.

Anurag was lost to the world, enthralled by the little body in his arms, who was just as mesmerizing as her mother. He wished she would open her eyes but at the same time feared it, because if she fought him as her mother usually did then he would have to hand her back, and he was not quite ready for that.

“Anurag!” Prerna’s voice finally broke through his revive, causing him to look at her but he did not say anything. “Anurag, are you okay? Do you want me to take her?”

No! His mind screamed as he again looked at Sneha. “I can’t seem to stop looking at her.” He finally said, remaining just far enough form Prerna so that she could not take Sneha form him.

“She’s good at mesmerizing people.” Prerna said moving in the bed, before finally rising form it. She moved slowly, cautiously.“Prerna, get back into bed, you should not be up.” He quickly said moving back towards her.

Prerna reached out to stroke the baby’s head. “ She will wake up soon. Prerna made to take the baby form him, but everything in Anurag screamed, objected against the action. “Give her back Anurag.” The instruction was firm, and Anurag knew he could not defy it.

He gestured with his head towards the bed, “Get back into bed and then I’ll hand her back to you.”

Prerna made as he asked and he reluctantly complied.The moment the baby left his arms, they felt empty, causing him to look lovingly at Sneha.

“Be careful, if your wife sees you looking at her like that she’ll be jealous.” Prerna teased, although there was a sullenness in her tone he had never picked up before.

“She will never have to be, for I love my wife a lot.” Anurag automatically answered, and looked at her in question when she did not react in the manner he has suspected she would.

Meeting her eyes and recognising the conflicting emotions within their depths, he suddenly realized that she had no idea that Komolika had been arrested and charged. He knew it was nether the time or place to enter into such a discussion, thus he smiled at her and said “She has noidea how much I love her.”

He saw the flicker of pain in her eyes and knew his actions had been cruel, but he had to be certain that things between them were not irreparable.

For a moment he thought of the implications, since Prerna had recognized Komolika, and how difficult it had been for Prerna to allow Komolika back into their lives.

“Perhaps it is better if you leave now.”

Anurag wanted to argue, but reconsidered his argument and relented to her request.

Later the day, Anurag paced the communal area of their suite. Prerna and their daughter had been released form the hospital, and while he had promised himself that the would give her and the baby some space,just knowing they were so close made the promise impossible to keep. He’d lost count of the number of times he had looked at her door, wishing he had the rights to simply enter the room. But as things stood, along with the manner he had left things in Kolkata, also not forgetting the complications caused by his actions, he knew that was not a right he could easily claim. Frustration quickly became a constant companion.

He again looked at the door and made a decision. He would check up on them, even if she chased him out, for things seemed too quiet. Anurag slowly opened the door and peeked around it. He had however not expected to find Prerna asleep, even with the doctor’s advising her to rest and sleep whenever the baby slept to recover her strengths faster. Pushing the door farther open, he quietly slipped into her room and slowly approached the bed.He stood there smiling. He could not remember the last time he had simply watched Prerna sleeping. His gaze shifted to the small bundle that lay close to her, surrounded by a wall of pillows on all sides. He moved closer and then smiled even wider when he saw Sneha’s eyes open. His daughter moved her lips in the most adorable way and instantly he feared that she would disturb her mother.

“Shh,” he whispered, moving to the side of the bed she was on. He carefully held his hands in the manner he had seen Prerna do and lifted Sneha. “Shh, your mom is sleeping.” He turned form the bed. Safely cradling the baby, he walked off a short distance. He knew Prerna would probably be furious with him if she woke, but he would face any reproach form her for such moments with his daughter. 

She had her mother’s eyes. She also had that same watchful gaze that stirred every protective instinct in him. There was no way he could explain what he felt. Prerna had taught him to simply accept his feelings, because fighting them was futile.

“You have a really amazing mother.” Anurag whispered, “She is capable of such deep love and compassion. But don’t think her weak, don’t ever make that mistake.”

Anurag did not see Prerna stir. In her half-sleep state, her hand instinctively moved to where Sneha should have been, only to find nothing. Her eyes flew open as she jolted upright, wide-awake. But before she could call out or even look properly about the room, Anurag continued. “I don’t know what your mom has told you about me, but I can tell you a lot about your mother. She was naughty when we were children, she would always say one thing and then do another. So don’t for a moment believe her if she says she was a good girl, she wasn’t. She was my personal demon, but she was fun. I leaned form a young age that with your mom I could just be myself. I could say whatever was on my mind, and so would she. Let me tell you, you need to know your stuff if you get into an argument with your mother, because she is stubborn and does not back down. She is well capable of taking on the world if it was needed. And then there’s you, the ultimate symbol of our love. You’re far too young to even understand this, and I probably should not even be telling you this, but I need you to know that regardless of what anything anyone may ever tell you, the day you were… the day your mother allowed me to come close to her, the day she gave me every right over her…” He swallowed and took a deep breath to steady his voice. “It was the most intimate and beautiful moment in my life. That day there was only love between us and you’re the result of pure love and nothing else. I don’t know what happened after that, I don’t know how things came to be as they are now, I don’t even know how to fix things, but know I love you and your mother.” Anurag sensed rather than heard her movement. Perhaps it was a sound that alerted him and caused him to turnaround. His blood turned cold on seeing her with tears welled in her eyes. He never could stand it.

“Prerna!” he moved towards her, but she shook her head and held out her hand to stop him. “Prerna, Sneha’s fine.”

“Just stop, Anurag,” her voice conveyed her powerlessness at the situation far better than her words could have. She got up off the bed and took Sneha form him.

In his confusion he allowed her to take their daughter, belatedly saying, “Prerna, please, listen to me.”

Prerna placed Sneha back between the pillows on the bed before turning to him and holding her hands up to silence him. “Enough Anurag, just enough. You knew. For how long I don’t know and I don’t want to now. Just spare me.”

“Prerna, please, listen to me.”

“No,” Prerna firmly replied, visibly fighting the tears that threatened to spill, “Just enough already.” She held a splayed hand up towards him in warning, visibly fighting for composure. Eventually her fingers curled leaving her index finger extended beyond the others. She fought to control her voice as she said, “You… You Anurag brought that woman into our lives again… No, you were once again taken by her and her tricks, and allowed her to interfere…”

“Who Prerna?” Anurag demanded, not understanding where Prerna was coming form.       

Prerna held both her hands, palms outward in front of her eyes, as she spoke, “Just enough Anurag, go back to your Komolika. Go and have children of your own, but spare my daughter. She doesn’t need your empty promises.”

“Prerna, please listen to me, Komolika is no longer in my life.” Anurag countered.

Just then Sneha started crying. 

“How can you stand there and say that. You married her a second time. You abandoned my love and exchanged it for her and her lies for a second time.” Prerna looked towards Sneha for a moment before turning back to him. Placing her hands together and holding them in front of her, she said, “Please, I beg of you, just leave. I have to see to my daughter”

“Prerna, we’re not done.”

“I said I don’t want to hear it.” Prerna said turning and reaching for Sneha’s bag.

Anurag grabbed her by the arm and spun her around, firmly declaring, “But you need to hear it.” He was immediately taken aback when she stumbled and reached for her head. “Prerna!” he exclaimed in concern as he caught her.

She held her head for a moment, regained her feet and then pushed against his hold. “I don’t care to hear it Anurag, just leave.”     

Anurag’s shoulders drooped as he watched her turn back to the bag, extracting a nappy, powder and assortment of goods.

“Prerna,” Anurag started but she put up her hand to stop him. 

“Anurag don’t, I won’t be able to bear it again.”She turned to him, her voice firm as she continued, “You’re here making promises again, while your wife is home with your parents. I have no intention of being the other woman Anurag. So, please, just go.”

Anurag clenched his fists in an attempt to control his anger, he turned form her and stated, “Sonolika and I were never married.She was arrested and taken away before we came here.”

He then made for the door only to stop dead in his tracks when her voice reached him, “How do you know Sneha is yours?” He turned to look at her, where she stood holding their daughter, gaping in disbelief. Prerna visibly took a double check and clarified instead “…when did you remember?”

Anurag thought over his opinions, he knew her well enough to know that she could easily misconstrue the meaning of his words, thus opted for the safest route, “Anupam clarified my questions one night. I’ve been trying to fix things since then.” Prerna nodded and then gestured with her one hand for him to leave.

Anurag stepped form the room, his legs felt like jelly while his heart weighing a ton. He pinched his lips as he fought the tears that threatened to spill. He may not remember everything but the desolate sense that overcame him felt somewhat familiar. He lowered himself to one of the seats and dropped his head into his hands. He knew she would mull over what he had said, but with their situation being what it was, he had no idea exactly what she had been through to get to this point. He swallowed against the bile that rose in his throat. Just for once he wished he could remember everything,just so that he could place into perspective her reaction to him.

He hated Komolika and what she had done to them. And regardless of what he’d forgotten, he remembered enough to draw his own conclusions. But then there were the things he did not fully understand… like how his mother on both occasions thought Komolika would be the perfect daughter in law and her subtle snubs at Prerna in his presence. What confused him even more was the fact that Prerna hardly reacted to them – but perhaps she did when he was not around. She was after all his legally wedded wife… or should he have an investigator look into the possibility of a divorce. But how could Prerna have divorced him is he was not around? He would have had to have signed the divorce papers as well.

Nothing made sense and thinking about it only gave him a headache. And then there was the heartache attached to the two people in the adjoining room. He turned to look at the door then looked at his watch.They had been in the room for hours already. Concern once again clawed at him. Prerna had not ordered anything to eat or drink and he knew she was feeding their daughter. He also had enough practice with his sisters and mothers to ease over most situations.

He got up and made his way back to her door,knocking on it once to warn her. He opened it and looked into the room, his heart instantly racing when he could not find her.

“Prerna!” he called in concern immediately entering the room and approaching the bed. He noticed the pillows packed around Sneha,who was blissfully asleep. “I swear you’re like your mother when it comes to sleep.”  He said then looked around,“Where is your mother?”

Just then the door to the adjoining bathroom opened and Prerna also stepped into the room. Her expression instantly changed on seeing him. She appeared hesitant but and at the same time tired. “Anurag,” she started only for him to stop her by raising his hand. 

“I came to ask if you would like anything to eat.You may not be carrying Sneha anymore but you are feeding her, and it’s been hours since you’ve eaten anything.”

“I’ll have a look at the menu.” Her flat reply came,“You can go, I will let you know.”

“Prerna.” Anurag implored. 

She shook her head and said, “Not now Anurag. I need to sort through my thoughts.”

Anurag thought of a response but then decided against it.

It was well into the evening when Prerna entered the seating area with Sneha. The tears in her eyes were enough to instantly draw Anurag to her side, “Prerna, what’s wrong?”

 Prerna visibly fought for composure as his hands went to the sides of her face, his thumbs instinctively wiping at the tears that threatened to spill.

“She won’t settle, and I don’t know what to do.”

Anurag looked at the baby, who although not crying was restless. He then gently pulled her into a hug, careful to keep some distance between them as he said, “How can you expect her to calm down and settle if you’re upset?” He pulled back and then turned form her, before moving a short distance form her and gesturing to the couch, “Sit down.” He waited until she settled and then sat down next to her. He reached for Sneha and said,“Give her here.” He saw the hesitation in Prerna eyes and added, “You first need to calm down before she’ll settle.”

He took Sneha form Prerna and then settled back,before carefully arranging the Sneha to lie front down over his chest. Pointing to the television he said, “Turn it on, we’ll watch something and relax.” His one hand protectively came to rest over Sneha’s back.

Prerna’s disbelief at his suggestion was obvious.Her gaze shifted to Sneha, who seemed calmer. He held out his one arm towards her, inviting her closer while hoping she would accept the invitation. Prerna turned towards the coffee table and picked up the remote. She turned on the television and then shifted into position, placing her head on his shoulder and allowing him to drape his arm around her shoulders.

Anurag closed his eyes and thanked the Gods. He had not thought she would accept his invitation. But as she settled against him,her body relaxing and pressing against his, a sense of bliss filled him. For the first time in a long while he could just simply relax and let go of the world and its worries. Because just then nothing else mattered other than that moment and the two people with him.

He smiled at the small movements Sneha made against him. His heart almost stopping when Prerna reached up and placed her hand over his. There was a lot they still needed to discuss, but the simple serenity of the moment lent optimism to his doubts.

Prerna started to grow heavy against his side. It served as a reminder that even though the moment was wrapped in warmth and comfort, neither of them would sleep properly if the remained there.

“Prerna,” he gently called, his hand closing over her shoulder to draw her attention. “Prerna wake up.” He felt her shift before retracting her hand form over his, allowing it to glide over his chest. He soaked up her touch and the sensations it invoked, just as he ways had whenever she was close to him. She lifted her head off his shoulder and looked about.Come it’s time for bed. He got a sleepy nod form her and she shifted to get up,only for her to suddenly stop and look around the room. 

“I’ve got Sneha. Turn off the TV and then we can go to bed.”

The simplicity of the moment was not lost on him and for a moment it was easy to believe that things were that uncomplicated between them.

They moved to the room Sneha and Prerna shared. Anurag carefully placed Sneha on the bed, and then covered her with the receiver. He then pointed to the bed and said to Prerna, “Get in.”

She hesitantly looked at the bed but then settled on it, allowing Anurag to pull the covers over her. He moved to kiss her forehead,drawing solace form the simple action. He stood again and made to leave only to feel her hand slip into his. He turned to look at her, instantly recognizing her fatigue, but misunderstanding its cause.

“Stay,” she gently invited. For a moment he though the’d heard wrong, but then she continued, “I’m tired of fighting everything.”

Even though her words were vague, he understood their meaning only too well. He pointed to the doorway and said, “Let me just turn out the lights then I’ll join you.” His heart thudded in his chest as he as good as raced through the suite turning out all the lights. He returned to the bed and waited for her to move over and make some space for him.

Anurag settled behind her his arm instinctively going around Prerna and pulling her closer, allowing him to bury his face in her hair and neck, breathing in deeply while at the same time welcoming the reassure the simple act provided. He’d always wanted the right to do that.

It was dark when he felt her move. In his half-sleep state his arm tightened around her, intent on keeping her in place. Close moments with her never lasted long enough, which was why he was reluctant to let her go. 

“Anurag, Sneha is awake,” Prerna said just loud enough for him to hear. His mind registered the sounds of their daughter complaining… what for, he had no idea, but it compelled him to release his hold on Prerna.

The light was turned on, which cause him to pinch his eyes… he was definitely getting a nightlight for the baby. He felt Prerna stir and placate Sneha, before the mattress dipped and shifted.  A few moments after things had settled he opened his eyes, only to see Prerna’s back. He knew she was in all likelihood feeding Sneha. 

Prerna hissed, causing Anurag to sit up immediately and demand, “What’s wrong?”

“She latches on quite strongly at times, and it hurts,” Prerna said and he watched her back stiffened in response.

Without though, he reached out and stroked her back and felt her muscles again relax.

“Oh no!” Prerna suddenly exclaimed, turning to look around.

“What happened?” he instantly demanded.

Prerna pointed to the one guest towel that lay on the bedside table near Anurag then said as she took it form him, “My milk released,” and pressed the towel against her opposite breast.    

Anurag shifted to sit partially behind her, pulling her into his embrace. She turned her eyes to his, for a moment startled before relaxing into his hold. His fingers traced the jaw line and cheek of the baby as it drank. He pushed against the fabric of her top, and felt her stiffen. His eyes locked with hers, he had rights he knew that but he would not assert them if she objected. Without a word her eyes gave consent and he continued to trace his fingers up an over her breast. Her skin has always fascinated him,compelling him to touch it. His gaze again returned to their daughter. A gentle smile graced his lips as he gently stroked over her cheek gain. 

His eyes locked with Prerna’s again, his hand going up to cup he cheek and pull her into his embrace. His fingers graced her mangal-sultra then shifted to pick it up. Holding it he whispered,  “I wish I could remember when I put this around your neck.” 

 He could hear her confusion as she asked, “You don’t remember?”

“No, I just know that we are married.”

“How so?” she challenged.

“Because I’ve seen our wedding licence, and I know that you would never wear another’s nuptial chain.”

Prerna did not reply.