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Chapter 25:

After Raj had developed the plan properly, the first thing he did was to call Naina to ask for her advice. Naina was silent for quite some time after he finished telling her, obviously thinking hard about it.

"You know what, I think this could actually work." She told him, and then in a more loving tone, "How did you get to be so smart?"

"Well whose husband am I?" he asked her, not able to help himself from grinning, "I had to catch up with you sometime, didn't I?"

"Have I told you how much I love you?"

"I don't think I remember."

"I love you so much that the next time I see you I'm going to kiss you… Even if Bhaiyya is there."

The idea both excited and scared Raj… he really did want a kiss from Naina… and they were married after all, which Navin now knew. It wasn't as if they had had their wedding night yet, so he didn't see how Navin could object to a kiss.

"Believe me Naina," he replied honestly, "The next time I see you I'm definitely going to kiss you, even if both Brigadier Chandook and Major Nair are there!"

Giggling, she wished him goodnight and hung up the phone.

Raj had a lot of work to do.

**

"This is not going to work."

"Yes it is."

"I can't do it."

"Yes you can."

"I won't do it."

"DO YOU WANT ME TO GET MARRIED TO NEELU????"

"Don't even think about it!!"

"Then do this… for the sake of all four of us!" Raj told Aalekh desperately, and then thought about it again. "All six of us! Navin and Tanu are depending on this too."

"Fine… but I don't know about all this nautanki acting business…" Aalekh told him.

"Aalekh, are you kidding me?" Raj asked him, "I've only just realised exactly how much of a part you played in this, trust me… you're the biggest nautanki of us all."

That task done, he then went to call Neelu.

After all, it was her intended marriage too, she deserved to be able to ruin it as much as he did.

**

"I won't let you do this!!!"

Raj looked up from his breakfast at the person standing over him quite angrily. "Do what?" he asked perfectly calmly.

"You know perfectly well what!" Yudi replied, looking very angry. "I won't let you make my sister your second wife!"

Raj thought it was probably the first time in the history of KMA that six people spat out their chai all at once. In fact Raj, Shalini and Aalekh were the only ones who didn't, Raj because he had expected this, Aalekh because he never reacted to anything and Shalini because… well, she hadn't been drinking chai at the time.

"Oy Khotaye, what are you doing?" Suriji yelled, "You can't make a mess of my mess like this!"

"I'm very sorry Suriji," Raj apologised, "We'll clean it up, I promise."

Suriji walked away, still grumbling and Raj turned back to Yudi.

"Well if I am going to make Neelu my second wife then it's all your fault," he told Yudi perfectly calmly. The only reason he wasn't worried about Navin killing him was because Navin already knew what the plan was. "Because how else did your parents get the idea that we liked each other?"

And he glared at Yudi, incredibly hard.

Yudi suddenly looked quite nervous. "I didn't mean to!" he blurted out, "I just wanted to find out what she had been doing there, and maybe I asked her a bit too loudly…"

Everybody groaned at this.

"And that," Raj tells him, "Is why you don't get to know about the current plan. Because I know that you can't keep your big mouth shut."

"Plan? So there's a plan?" Yudi asked, relieved, "I thought I was going to somehow have to stop you from marrying my sister."

"Yudi, do you honestly think that Neelu would agree to us getting married?" Raj asks him, "Do you think that Naina would allow me to get married again, and most of all do you think I want to get married again?? I'm perfectly happy with the wife I have!" he declared loudly.

A bit too loudly.

Suriji dropped the jug of lassi he was carrying, creating an even bigger mess in the mess.

"Wife??" he asked, "Wife??? Raj Putar, when did you get married??"

"Uh, not too long ago now." Raj replied awkwardly, "But it was sort of… secret."

Not so secret now that he'd blurted it out in front of the entire cafeteria.

"Then you and Navin Putar's sister finally got married?" Suriji asked happily, "Oy hoy, this calls for a celebration! Everything is on me today!"

"Wow Raj," Abhimanyu told him with a grin, "Maybe you really should get married more often."

Neither Navin nor Yudi found it very funny.

**

And so the day came when Raj found himself going with his parents to Yudi and Neelu's house, about to 'see the girl'. He couldn't believe how confident his parents were of this going well, they were about to get the shock of their lives.

It served them right.

After today, Naina would seem like the daughter in law of their dreams.

Raj couldn't help a grin coming to his face.

"See, he is happy." He heard his father whispering to his mother, "It will all be fine."

Yes, Raj thought, it certainly would be.

They were welcomed warmly by Yudi's parents and slightly less warmly by Yudi. Since everybody had refused to tell him what the plan was, he still had no idea what was about to happen and he looked decidedly nervous.

"Raj, how wonderful to finally meet you properly." Yudi's father told him, "We've heard so much about you from both Yudi and Neelu."

"I've heard a lot about you from Yudi too, Sir." Raj replied, trying to sound polite. He wasn't going to mention exactly what it was that he'd heard about him from Yudi since it had been mostly negative…

They sat down on the couch, and Mrs Sahni nodded at Yudi expectantly, "Why don't you go and bring your sister down?" she asked him.

Yudi was gone for a few minutes, and when he came back in, he looked a bit uncertain. "I don't know if Neelu is ready yet." He said.

"Don't be silly!" Neelu said from behind Yudi, pushing past him, "Of course I am."

She walked in wearing jeans and a t-shirt and immediately sat down on the couch between her parents. "Hey Raj," she addressed him casually, "Hi Uncle and Aunty."

"Neelu Beti, don't you think you should go and wear something else…" her mother told her quite nervously.

"Why, Ma?" Neelu asked her, picking up a sweet and starting to eat it, "I'm not one of those salwar kameez type girls, they might as well see me in the clothes I'll be wearing after marriage."

"So you like these types of clothes then, Beti?" Raj's mother asked her, trying to make conversation.

"Well yes, and dresses… and sometimes mini skirts too." Neelu told them, "It depends on my mood." Then she gestured to the tea and snacks on the table. "Oh please, help yourself."

Raj enthusiastically did so, piling some sweets on a plate and starting to eat them. This was going to be one of the most amusing things he'd ever seen and the brilliant thing was, he didn't even have to put too much effort in.

"So what type of things do you like to do?" his mother continued, deciding to have another shot, "What are your hobbies?"

"Well I went to this brilliant Greenpeace protest last week," Neelu told them, "You know they wanted to cut down this section of forest so we chained ourselves to the trees, I was there for four days before they finally gave up!"

Raj nearly chokes on his laddoo when he sees the look on his mother's face. He wonders whether she's thinking about how she should explain to friends that her daughter in law isn't at home because she's chained to a tree.

"Anything else you like to do?" his father asks, a strange look now on his face.

"Well I love going out dancing and drinking with my friends," Neelu tells them, "I hope you don't have a problem with that because I don't plan to stop after marriage." She gestures at Raj then, "He's welcome to come with me of course."

"Thanks Neelu," Raj told her, trying to sound sincere, "That's very nice of you, I can't wait."

"And I think we'll make a good pair," Neelu said, "Because I don't mind if Raj stays friends with Naina as long as he doesn't mind me seeing my ex-boyfriends sometimes."

"Ex-boyfriends?" Raj's mother asks, sounding a bit shocked. "How many are there?"

"Oh a few," Neelu replies airily, "Of course I don't see all of them anymore, one is in prison now, and one has fled the state…"

Oh yes, Raj thought, I bet you're regretting refusing to let me get married to Naina right now.

He was struggling not to laugh because the look on Neelu's parents' faces was almost as funny as the look on his mother and father's faces.

And the look on Yudi's face… Raj just couldn't wait to see how he reacted when they reached phase two of the plan.

"But there's one in particular who might be a particular problem," Neelu adds, "He was really in love with me and I loved him too, in fact we just broke up recently, I don't know if he'll be willing to let me go."

If everything worked to plan then now was when the doorbell would ring.

Silence.

No doorbell.

Maybe they hadn't timed it right…

"And who's that?" Raj asked her, hoping that their timings hadn't been too messed up, "Do I know him?"

"Oh I think so," Neelu tells him casually, "It's…"

And the doorbell rang.

"Yudi, would you answer that?" his mother asked him, looking very nervous. She couldn't believe her daughter would behave like this, this proposal was slipping out of their hands in front of her eyes.

The doorbell rang again.

"Yeah, I'm coming!" Yudi yelled out.

"You had better be, Nautanki Saala, because if you don't open this door I'm going to break it down!!!"

Raj and Neelu exchanged grins as their parents looked at each other shocked.

"Oh no, he's found out!" Neelu exclaimed, trying to look worried. "I have no idea what he'll do when he finds my marriage is being arranged to someone else, he's quite possessive you know."

Meanwhile at the front door…

"Aalekh what the hell are you doing here?" Yudi whispered furiously, and then… "Is this part of the plan?"

Aalekh winked at him, and then pushed roughly past Yudi to enter the house and made his way to the loungeroom angrily.

"Neelu, how could you do this to me?" he yelled, "I'm telling you, today it's either him or me, one of us is going to die!"

"Woah, woah, no need for dying!" Raj told him, doing his best to look scared, "You can have Neelu, I was never interested in this marriage, they pressured me into it!"

"Trust me Aalekh, I never wanted to marry him!" Neelu gushed, "My parents threatened that they'd never let me out of the house again, but I knew you'd come to rescue me!"

Raj wondered whether she'd been taking acting lessons from Naina…

"Are you sure?" Aalekh asks her, doing his best to glare threateningly at everybody else assembled.

Yudi's jaw has dropped, and he stares at the scene in front of him, trying to speak and unable to.

"I'm sure, Aalekh! You're the only one for me!" She exclaims, stepping over the table with the sweets to get to him.

"And you, saala! Don't even think of coming near her again!" Aalekh mock threatened Raj.

Raj had to admit, Aalekh was doing a rather good job. He really was Nautanki No 1.

Then Aalekh turned to Raj's parents, taking a step towards them threateningly.

Raj almost felt bad about the way they cowered back slightly.

Almost.

No, not really.

"And if you think about getting your son married to Neelu again, then you won't have a son left." He told them, pointing his finger menacingly before turning back to Neelu.

"Chal Neelu," he told her, grabbing her hand.

"We'll go somewhere where our love is understood!" Neelu exclaimed dramatically, "We won't stay here where they want to separate us just because you're a poor, criminal orphan! Let's go and get married in a temple somewhere!"

With a last menacing glance at everyone assembled, Aalekh and Neelu left the house, his hand still in hers.

The roar of a bike's engine was heard outside and they were gone.

"Well…" Raj's mother tried to find something to say and failed miserably.

Raj tried not to burst into laughter and only just succeeded.

"I think we should go now." His father finally said, "It was lovely to visit your house… but I don't think we'll be fixing this relationship."

Yudi's parents can't think of anything to say in return so they just nod.

Yudi follows Raj and his parents outside before pulling Raj aside.

"What happened just then… was it all a drama? Just put on for show?" he asked.

"Well, not all of it…" Raj admitted.

"Then Neelu and Aalekh…"

"Have been going out for quite awhile now," Raj informed him, "You never noticed because you were always too busy accusing me."

"They're not really going to go get married in a temple somewhere are they?" Yudi asked worriedly.

Raj shrugged, he honestly had no idea.

**

"Well that was disappointing," his father said once they were back in the car, "I had no idea that Sahni's daughter would be like that."

"Well I could've told you if you'd ever asked." Raj told him, sounding quite annoyed.

"Never mind, there's still quite a few girls left, we'll…" his mother started to say, and Raj finally snapped.

"No Ma, you won't!" he told her, "I already know who I want to marry and I won't marry anyone except Naina and neither will I go to see any more girls I'm not interested in. So if you ever want to have any grandchildren you had better be willing to accept the girl I've chosen."

And after that he refused to talk for the rest of the ride back to the academy. He didn't even say goodbye properly, just left the car as soon as possible and went inside.

"So how'd it go?" Navin asks him as soon as he walks into the games room where they're all waiting to hear the result.

"I think that Naina and I are finally going to get properly married." Raj announces with a grin.

And it's about damn time too.