Chapter 13

*~Part16~*

 

"Armaan what are you doing here?" Riddhima stepped back as he entered through the main door not quite bothering to answer her.

 

He walked in straight and faced her as she still stood at the doorway.

 

 

"Close the door" he spoke in with a dangerous warning silkiness, indicating he was in no mood for arguments if she dared to argue with him on it.

 

 

Closing the door Riddhima walked a few steps closing the distance between them. He had turned his face on her, facing the curtained window.

 

 

"Now will you tell me what exactly is your intention to barge in like this? If you want to check your security its all fine, in order. Atul was just here a few minutes ago and…….I am perfectly safe for now. And I have faith in you to keep me safe till the next month atleast." Riddhima added not caring to hold back the sarcasm; there wasn't a need at all she thought. She was annoyed, irritated and saw no need to execute any self control.

 

 

Here he was, right in front of her, responsible for it all. If someone had to be blamed for living  like a prisoner in her own space it was him.

 

 

 

"Hold back your sarcasm Riddhima" he quietly spoke breaking her thoughts.

 

 

"I am not here for security issues…." He continued.

 

 

"Then there is no need for you to be here at all." Riddhima answered defiantly and was met the lurking cynicism in those dark eyes.

 

 

 

"Yes there is……" Armaan argued is voice bearing a distinct warning, the one that Riddhima had never really encountered before.

 

 

 

"May I ask what it is then?" she managed sweetly.

 

 

"Riddhima…." She noticed the change in his tone yet again. it was the same gentle soothing tone, he would use, whispering her name in such a manner as though he were caressing her.

 

 

"I want some answers to start with......" He added.

 

 

"What?" she flashed her glare at him.

 

 

"Why aren't you taking my calls? Why don't you answer me? Why do you avoid me?"

 

 

"I don't Armaan, I answer all your calls, take care to follow all the security measures you ask me too, and….."

 

 

 

"I am not talking about security, I repeat again." he spoke in a dangerous husky drawl.

 

 

"Then I do not intend to talk about anything else at all"

 

 

"Riddhima please atleast hear me out, you can't cut me out like this. Riddhima for my sake, for our sake, for what we shared atleast….."

 

 

 

"We did not share anything Armaan, it was merely my illusion. A living dream from which you woke me up already…."

 

 "You call my love an illusion?" he whispered in a tone that was barely recognizable.

 

 

 

"Or rather an amusement? You were merely amusing yourself with I guess, a mere plaything to please yourself while you were stuck with me there…."

 

 

"Don't you dare…" he took a step forward. He felt like shaking her, trying to knock sense in her. She had no idea at all what she was implying.

 

 

"Why Armaan? Why not? Wasn't that exactly what I was? If not then why didn't you tell me the facts right from the start?"

 

 

"I already told you Riddhima, you would never agree to this security, you would try doing something yourself, we couldn't afford to loose you…."

 

 

"Ok fine, you perceived it that way in the beginning, I can understand, but later on? When you supposedly confessed you love? You knew me enough to say you love me but not enough to trust me on this?"

 

 

"Riddhima it wasn't like that, I really did want to tell you but I was scared, I admit. I was fearing what would be your reaction ……I didn't want to loose you Riddhima."

 

 

"And now you think you didn't loose me?"

 

 

"Riddhima I agree I steered things wrongly. I didn't realize how hurt you would be in the process. I did want to tell you, confess all this on that day when I proposed….but things took a wrong turn and I hadn't planned for the truth to come out like this……"

 

 

"But it did and now….." her voice trailed away as she locked her gaze with his.

 

 

"Now what?" he met her gaze with a challenging gaze.

 

 

"Riddhima to uphold your loyalty didn't you hide your identity from me? Did you confess and tell me? No........Did…."

 

 

"I was going to confess Armaan. I was living with that killing guilt day in and out. I had decided to tell you all the facts that evening before I would have agreed to your proposal. I can't believe I would have agreed to get married to you and….." Riddhima's voice croaked and she looked away feeling sudden tears brimming in her eyes.

 

 

All the dreams he had evoked in her, he had breathed a new life in her. He had built a fantasy around her, made her feel loved. She couldn't yet come terms to the fact that the dream was now a distant reality, perhaps one which would never materialize into reality.

 

 

 

"You can't believe it? Riddhima I love you, it wasn't some illusion or that you were some amusement to me. How can you even imply that? " he took a step forward , closing the distance between them. Lightly and gently touching her cheek, he fingered away the tear rolling down. She turned her face away.

 

 

"Riddhima I really do love you. You understand the loyalty factor right? I couldn't just blurt out the truth, when I believed I was on a mission from the onset. I didn't know I would fall for you. I was supposed to be protective about you, even my own Dad had instructed me to make sure nothing happens to you….."

 

 

"But…"

 

 

"No Riddhima not because you were the key to those documents .Because we really cared about you .I really did care. You were my father's  friend's daughter. I had heard a lot about you. Infact we might have meet occasionally too. I don't expect you would recall those days. You were too young to notice…..I really did care…and then now my love for you made me all the more protective. I didn't want to loose you Riddhima, I loved you way too much…." Armaan ran his fingers through his hair and stepped closer.

 

He saw the shimmer of moisture well in those vivid green eyes, and felt his heart turn over. He caught hold of her chin between his thumb andfore finger so he that he could tilt it towards him.

 

 

 

"I love you Riddhima, I really do. You are the love of life, you were, you are and you always would be, believe me Riddhima. I cannot undo whatever happened. But can't we start afresh? Can't we make a new beginning?"

 

 

Gazing into his eyes Riddhima found his quizzical tender emotion, a gentleness which reluctantly undid her.

 

 

"Armaan I cant trust you anymore." She whispered.

 

 

 "Yes you will, you will learn to trust me again Riddhima I promise. Please give us a chance. Just once again? you have no idea these past two months, with out you I….."

 

 

"Past two months had been like walking on egg shells for me to Armaan….without you….." Riddhima finally let go of the barrier holding up her emotions and felt sudden rush of tears rolling down her cheeks. Hesitantly she rested her head on his shoulder as he drew her to him.

 

 

"Shh, Riddhima we will make a new start. I cannot dream living without you anymore. I love you Riddhima…." He whispered pulling her up to face him.

 

 

 Placing a gentle kiss on her forehead he gazed into her eyes.

 

 

He then bent down and tendering touched the throbbing vein near her throat with his lips. The light brush of his mouth against each sensitive pulse- beat, made her bring her bring her arms around him and hold him.

 

 

 

He reached out a hand and slid his fingers through her hair, holding fast her nape as he angled his head and closed his mouth over hers.

Evocative, intensely sensual, he played her with shameless ease, tasting, teasing her, as Riddhima pressed held him firmly her hands now running through his hair. Their bodies weren't even touching, yet it felt as if she was being absorbed by him, with any resistance fading into insignificance.

 

 

"I love you honey" he murmured against her lips and felt her smile.

 

 

He gently let go of her, placing a swift light kiss again and made her sit down on the couch behind them, following the same movement himself cuddling her close to him.

 

 

Hearing the increased heartbeat in rhythm with her own Riddhima allowed him to nestle her against him and gave a content sigh.

 

 

"Sweetheart, once we are through next month, we will get married."

 

 

"Married?" Riddhima looked up surprised.

 

 

"Yes married Riddhima,  I would have done so right away, but with all this idea of keeping you safe and all, it might complicate the matters, specially for you……."

 

 

"But Armaan……"

 

 

"Now don't say you don't honey, I'll kidnap you and make you walk down the aisle if you did……"

 

 

Giving a small smile she leaned forward and gave him a small peck on his chin before settling down against him.

 

 

"I can't believe this is actually happening…" she murmured.

 

 

"It is sweetheart." He whispered.

 

 

Gazing up into his eyes Riddhima couldn't help but smile deeply. Her dream, she thought which was a distant reality a few minutes ago was finally coming true.

 

 

 

"Oh Armaan I really still cant believe, we would actually get married and leave all this behind? Never again come back to this world? Just us, no more missions, agents, Armaan…."

 

 

 

"Hang on…." She saw a frown settle on his face and she looked at him alarmingly as he pulled back.

 

 

 

"What do you mean go away from all this?" he asked gazing quizzically at her.

 

 

"I meant that we……I mean you know leave all this behind, this world forever, you will leave being an agent wont you? I was just a temporary one I know. I had joined in the heat of the moment, but now I realize what it is to love, Dad would have never wanted me to join the FBI, risk my life…….you will this job wont you?" she asked cautiously.

 

 

 

"Riddhima I never said that, nor did I mean that? I want us to be together, share our future, but I didn't say I was giving up my job." he answered,his expressions unreadable.

 

 

"But but….Armaan I thought you wanted it that way…..you did not like all this right? You said……"

 

"I agree Riddhima I don't like bloodshed, guns, you are right, infact you remember I did tell you about my mum. That was true. She had actually been killed, brutally murdered. I swore to revenge her death from that very day….."

 

 

 

"But Armaan you know it wouldn't make a difference. Those who did that, they won't ever be caught……Armaan…"

 

 

 

"I know Riddhima, but still least I can do is avenge her death by ensuring no other son or daughter undergoes the ordeal I and my father did?? Even if I can save one life I would be proud of myself……Riddhima you felt the same way, I expect you to understand….."

 

 

 

 

"But Armaan now things are different, Armaan I .................you taught me how to love. You are the only reason I feel love again, you can't do this to me. I can't afford to loose you now…."

 

 

 

"But Riddhima how can I be so selfish. I want you to be my strength, my support, someone I can lean on…….Riddhima…" He drew himself into a stiff and imposing stance.

 

 

"No Armaan you would leave me sooner or later. Like dad did. I cannot afford to loose you again to the same world……."

 

 

 

She pulled back and gazed into his determined eyes.

 

 

 

"Armaan if you want me to be your wife, share your future, you will have to quit.  I cannot get into a relationship in which I'll always have a sword hanging on my head. Unsure of my future. Living under constant fear, of loosing you, loosing whatever I have……."She shrugged, trying for an insouciance she did not feel.

 

Feeling him jump on his feet she looked at him beseechingly. She had to do this she knew.

 

"Why are you being so selfish Riddhima…..how can you…" His head reared back as if she had slapped him.

 

 

"So you want me to say yes, allow you to go and endanger your life, our future for somebody else's life everyday. Life a thousand deaths every minute, anticipating whether you would be safe and……"

 

 

 

"But Riddhima its my job. I pledged to protect innocent lives , I cannot just….."

 

 

"Then there are others who can do that Armaan. There is no need for you to be a hero and do all this."

 

 

"I can't believe you could be so selfish……" Armaan fiercely muttered and turned away.

 

 

 

"Blame it on you Armaan, you say you love me and yet you can't give up and sacrifice this much for my sake? Who is the one being selfish here?" Riddhima answered standing up now and matching his defiant glare.

 

 

 

"Alright Riddhima……I cannot quit. I never thought your love would be so self absorbed and selfish to ask me to do this. I now need time to think. You say you won't marry me until I quit? Think again then Riddhima…..but I really doubt it would change your mind……actually I really doubt now whether you ever loved me. As you have never really understood me….infact you never even said you love me till now…"

 

 

Riddhima felt the earth beneath her feet shatter and she suddenly wished herself to be absorbed in it, deep down anywhere but away from his accusing glare.

 

 

"So me not saying those words indicates I don't love you? All the other gestures don't count?" she whispered.

 

 

"Depends…" he shrugged.

 

 

 

"Look Riddhima, I don't trust myself to speak right now. Neither do I think you do. Lets just leave this here……." The words were like icy rain stinging her with their frozen cruelty. She stood there in mute pain while he got up and left her room.  

 

 

Hearing the door close behind him Riddhima suddenly felt weary.  Feeling nothing unbearable pain she She walked to the bed, feeling like an old woman, all the energy drained by Armaan's cold rejection.

 

She climbed the bed unconciously barely aware of her actions, she couldnt comprehend that things could go so wrong in a second......she curled up against the pillow....

"I love you Armaan" she whispered burying her head into herself hugging her knees.

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Okie part 16. I know took a long time to update this, but oh well um hoping the length wud make up for the gap. :) The support you guys are giving me is so overwhelming!! Thanku once again!! Am not too sure about how this has shaped up, i hope the confrontation wasnt a total disappointment, though i am sure it is......

Also many have been asking about the AA/RM tracks in the story, i'll just add here they will develop soon, i intend to do justice to them too!! So future parts will definitely have them...as the situations demand and the track progresses.....

Pls do leave ur views, i so await them eagerly, really they make my day!! Thanku so very much. Love ya all!! Will be sending pms in the morning!!

PS: Just scrolled down after updating, oh gosh it is pretty long, hope nobody falls asleep.......
jia..2009-01-20 14:08:58