"Mom," Ram called out loudly, the chill in his voice catching Nandini off guard as she turned to look at him. His gait, the tone of his voice, and the steely look in his eyes scared her. She had never seen him like this before. "Aapse kuch zaroori baat karni hai," he announced, looking her straight in the eyes. "Haan Ram, bolo," she responded, trying to steady herself as she felt the air being sucked out of her lungs. "Were you behind this accident?" he asked bluntly. "Ram, how can you say something like this? Do I look like a murderer to you? Is this what you think of me? " she shrieked, going closer to him and clutching his shirt collar. He flinched at her touch and moved back a couple of ...
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BrhannadaArmour @BrhannadaArmour
+ 12
1 years ago
You made good use of the rain in your story. Perhaps it would have been more dramatic to set the stormy atmosphere from the beginning, instead of briefly after Nandini exits.Nandini's collapse came out of nowhere in the narration. You could have described her starting to hyperventilate at the thought that her power over Ram is gone.You created suspense by letting the reader wonder if Priya is dead, but when you filled in the details leading up to the accident, it was detached narration. It would have been better to keep a focus on Ram's point of view in this part.I was able to make sense of most of your allusions to the show without watching it (e.g. Ram must have promised to look after his step-family), but what was Priya's promise?A note about your title: it should be saṃdeśaḥ, the nominative case of the masculine noun saṃdeśa (message), used for a subject (e.g. Kālidāsa-viracito Megha-saṃdeśaḥ). Sandesam (saṃdeśaṃ) is the accusative case, used for the direct object of a verb or when applied to a neuter noun specifying the genre (e.g. Megha-saṃdeśaṃ kāvyam).
vaidharbhi95 @vaidharbhi95
+ 2
1 years ago
This is so poignantly beautiful . Do you have plans of another part ?
SummerBorn @SummerBorn
+ 7
1 years ago
24k Shudh gold... that is what your OS is! My gawd! I have fallen for you Dazzle. I really have..m you are a magician🤩 Nandu gayi jail,, police degi usse pail, priya uthegi come se toh denge usse salad made of kale... dazzle, take my heart, for you, its on sale🤩
LoveMyself_sri @LoveMyself_sri
+ 5
1 years ago
Pls update part 2 for this