Chapter 26

CHAPTER 26

KHAYAL

Karan opened the drawer, bringing out a small hourglass. The cadets glanced up, keeping their pens down when they finished writing. "Notebooks band", he said.

The cadets followed obediently, keeping them aside. He leaned against the table.

"Revision karte hain", he said. "Main question puchhunga aur phir iss hourglass ko flip karunga. Yeh 30 second ka hai. You are not allowed to speak or raise your hand in these 30 seconds. Sirf apne answers socho. As soon as 30 seconds poore hote hain, I want hands up. Clear?"

"Yes sir."

He glanced around at the Foxtrot cadets. He let the sand drain down, mentally organizing the questions. "First question", he said. "What are the three levels of war or levels of military strategy, according to modern warfare?" He turned the hourglass.

He glanced at the cadets. Most of their attention was on the sand in the hourglass, a couple- Bala, Sid- bouncing impatiently in their seats. All of them knew the answer.

"Haath upar", he allowed, when the sand stopped trickling. Six hands flew up immediately. Karan's gaze flickered to Monami. She was fidgeting with her pen, gaze down. He suppressed a sigh. "Chitra."

"Strategic, operational and tactical", she answered.

"Koi iske alaawa koi answer dena chahta hai?" He asked. Everyone shook their heads. Karan nodded. "Correct. And good job on not using hashtag in an answer, Chitra."

She smiled. "#Thank you, Sir." Her smile dimmed. "I mean..."

He sighed. "Hashtags informal talks ke liye reserved rakho." He shook his head. "Next question. What are the three basic types of operations?"

He turned the hourglass over, looking up. He suppressed a smirk. Furrowed eyebrows, glances thrown around, mouths pulled down in a frowns. He had expected the confusion.

"Haath upar", he allowed when the 30 seconds were up. There was a beat. His eyes flickered to Monami when she straightened a little, lifting her hand slightly. She glanced around before sliding down a little in her seat.

Koel raised her hand shakily, followed by Siddharth. He glanced around at the others, pausing to let them raise their hands too. No one did.

"Koel", he called out.

"Sir... four types of operations nahi hote hain?" She asked.

He raised an eyebrow. "Tum puchh rahi ho yaa bataa rahi ho?"

She glanced around. "Confirm kar rahi hoon."

"Mujhe answer chahiye. Questions yaa confirmations nahi. Siddharth?"

"Four types ke operations hote hain, three nahi. Question galat hai", he answered. "Offensive, defensive, stability and support."

"Correct", Karan said. "Koel, apne answers par sure raho. Confidence hona chahiye."

"Sir."

"Next question..."

The second half of the class was spent on the revision, and Karan was pleasantly surprised. Every answer came from one of them, as opposed to him having to tell them answers, as he did in the other subgroups.

"Last question", Karan said. "Elimination operations mein four principal operational level tasks kaunse hote hain?" He flipped the hourglass. He was met with blank stares, just as he had expected. He hadn't taught this yet. "Haath upar", he said.

No one raised their hands. Karan glanced around, pausing for a couple of seconds. A shaky hand raised slightly. His eyebrows raised in surprise.

Monami?

She fidgeted awkwardly at the surprised glances, her gaze wilting to fix itself on the desk, rather than up ahead.

"Monami", he called out.

"I-Isolation, ex-ex-exploitation, d-dest-destruction aur... aur mon-monitoring a-and re-redirection", she answered shakily.

His eyebrows flicked up in surprise. "Correct", he said. "Good job, Monami." She nodded. Her hands shook and she took a couple of shaky breaths. "Everyone, class dismissed. Monami, tum ruko."

The cadets left quietly, their chatter only starting once they were out of the door. Karan grabbed his bottle, keeping it on her desk.

"Pee lo", he said. "Thoda calm down kar lo, phir agli class mein chali jaana."

She grabbed the bottle with a shaky hand, gulping some down quickly. There was a knock on the door and she flinched, retreating on herself. Karan shifted slightly in front of her, covering her view of the person.

"Karan Sir, aapko Batra Sir ne abhi apne cabin mein bulaaya hai."

"Theek hai. Main aa raha hoon", he answered. He glanced back at Monami. "Notebook do apni."

She passed it to him wordlessly. Her gaze hadn't lifted since she had raised her hand. He scribbled a note, ending it with his signature, the date and the time. He passed it back.

"Maine note likh diya hai. Tum thodi der yahan baitho, paani peeo, shaant ho jao. Phir chali jaana. Agar late ho gayi agli class ke liye, toh yeh note dikhaa dena. Koi kuchh kahega nahi tumhe." He turned around, taking several steps to the door.

"K-Karan S-Sir?" Her soft voice stopped him. He glanced back. "Th-Thank you." He nodded to her.

Monami's gaze lifted, watching him leave. She took another deep breath, feeling her heart rate slowly come down. She took a few more sips of the water.

'Idiot, buddhu, itne saare logon ke saamne haath khada karne ki kya zaroorat thi?' She took another deep breath. 'Nahi, Monu, aise mat soch. Big step, right? Huge step. Thoda panic kar bhi gayi, toh koi baat nahi.'

She allowed herself a small smile. She raised her hand in the class and answered. She stood up, grabbing the notebook. She paused, flipping to the note. Her smile widened a little.

She hadn't expected this from Karan, of all trainers. But it was a pleasant surprise.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Karan, Faizi, baitho", Colonel Batra said.

The two majors glanced at each other, before pulling back the chairs and sitting down. It was rare for the colonel to let them sit when they reported to him as army officials and not his pseudo sons.

He leaned back in his chair. "Unofficially mujhe yeh baat batao, how do you honestly think the cadets are faring?"

Karan paused. He hadn't expected this discussion. Was he rethinking his decision? Regretting it? "Mehnat lagegi", he said carefully. "Par... I believe ho jaayega."

He leaned forward, resting his arms on the table and leaning on them. "Faizi?"

"Hume bhi yeh hi lagta hai."

He nodded a little, humming. "Kya hua, Sir?" Karan asked.

"Almost one and a half months ho gaye hain", he said. "Agar yeh mission succeed hone ke chances kam hain, toh main desh ke resources waste nahi karna chahta. We're already in a tight spot."

Faizi shook his head. "Nahi, Sir", he said. "Aapne hi kaha tha humse ki civilians ko underestimate nahi karna chahiye. Hume inhe civilians mein faujiyon waala jazbaa dikhta hai. Inki mehnat mein, inke josh mein. Hume lagta hai ki agar yeh civilians chaahe toh commandos hi nahi, achhe commandos banenge."

Karan tapped his fingers on the desk, staring thoughtfully at the glass.

"Shergill?" Colonel Batra asked, and his gaze lifted. The sound of his fingers drumming echoed for a silent second. "Kya soch rahe ho?"

He paused for a couple of seconds, organizing of the details of his spontaneous plan. "Mere paas ek idea hai", he said. "Humaare paas kuchh aise cadets hain, which are clearly a class apart from the rest. Iss baat mein koi shaq nahi hai that they are the most promising ones. November end mein exams honge. Hum uss exams mein ek criteria rakhte hain, jo hum inn cadets ko nahi batayenge. Jo log paas hote hain, unhe main, Faizi aur Sanju personally strategy, arms aur hand-to-hand mein extra training denge. Alag se train karenge."

Faizi's eyebrows furrowed. "Aur usse kya hoga?"

"Hume toh desh ko protect karne se matlab hai, na? Phir chaahe special agents karein ya cadets, kya farak padta hai? Hum strictly iss criteria se upar cadets ko lete hain, agar 15 paas hue ho, toh 15 aur agar 2 paas hue, toh 2. No exceptions, no special entries. Hum teenon in par extra time devote karenge, inhe baaki cadets ke saath nahi train karenge. And as a result, hum inhe field mein jaldi daal sakte hain. Maybe even as early as 6 months into the training. Assisted, of course, but hum inhe asli missions ki jhalak dikhaa sakte hain, inhe behind the scenes help karne de sakte hain, and low risk field missions par daal sakte hain."

The other two glanced at each other. Colonel Batra frowned slightly. "This can be risky, Shergill. Criteria kya soch rahe ho tum?"

"Physical fitness, pick up on theory and sincerity", he said. "Baaki sab toh hum thodi mehnat karke sikhaa lenge."

"Aur tum teenon inn kuchh cadets ko sambhaaloge, toh baaki ke cadets kaise manage honge?"

He paused, thinking it over again. "Routine drills saare cadets ek saath karenge. Bachi theory aur special physical drills. Hum 6 trainers hain. Depending on kitne cadets yeh criteria pass karte hain, I am sure hum log koi naa koi plan banaa paayenge to adjust."

"Faizi?" He asked, glancing at the other major.

He nodded slowly. "Hum ise 3 mahine tak execute karke dekhte hain", he proposed. "Jab tak second set of exams nahi hote. December se Feb. Hume aise cadets dikhte hain, jo naa sirf abhi achha kar rahe hain, par woh itni strict training ke baad bhi, himmat rakhte hain aur karne ka. It's worth a try."

Colonel Batra took a minute to think. "It's not a bad idea", he admitted. "Par mujhe iski execution par doubt hai. Observe karo inn cadets ko. Sirf yeh teen nahi, teamwork bhi dekho. They'll learn faster agar yeh ek doosre ko encourage karne ke liye honge. And jo criteria pass karta hai, make it voluntary. Jisko bahar nikalna hai, they should be given an option."

"Sir", they said, nodding.

"Karan, mujhe iss plan ki details chalked out chahiye, iss week ke end tak."

"Yes, sir", he said.

"Dismissed, both of you", he said.

They stood up, saluting him before moving out of the cabin. "Phir se kaam zyaada ho gaya", Faizi said, sighing.

Karan rolled his eyes. "Plan toh mujhe banana hai. Tera kaam kaise zyaada hua?"

"November ke baad toh hoga, na?" He shook his head. "Waise, plan bura nahi hai. Foxtrot achha hai, Parikshit achha hai Charlie mein se. Megha achhi hai from Alpha. Echo mein se Kartik achha hai. Varun is good too, Alpha mein se."

He hummed, nodding. "Dekhte hain", he said. He glanced at the watch. "11 baje class hai meri. Teri kab hai?"

Faizi heaved a sigh. "Hume koi kahan hi bakshta hai. 11 baje hi hai. Woh bhi Bravo mein."

Karan shuddered a little. It was a nightmare to teach them. He had come to dread it as much as they come to dread his classes. It usually resulted in one of them running extra laps as punishment and Karan having to count backwards to control his temper. "Good luck."

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Karan glanced up from his plate, eyes flickering at the six cadets who hesitantly huddled to the three trainers. He looked at the other two trainers, whose eyebrows furrowed slightly too.

"Kya hua?" Faizi asked. "Kya chahiye?"

"Sir... 4 November ko Diwali ka avsar hai", Prem ji said.

"Haan, toh?" He asked. "Abhi toh almost ek mahina hai."

"Woh hum bas yeh puchhna chahte the ki Diwali par kitni chhuti milti hai? Milti hai ya nahi milti?" Suman ji asked.

"Matlab, hum bas #puchhna chahte the", Chitra said. "Nahi milti toh bhi #no problem."

Karan frowned. "First week of November chhuti hai. Tum sab ko rulebooks mili thi, na? Us mein sab kuchh likha hua hai."

"Chhuti hai?" Suman ji confirmed happily.

"Sir ji, rule book kaun padta hai?" Bala asked.

Karan blinked. "Tum sab ko academy ke saare rules bhi nahi pata?" He demanded. "Almost one and a half month ho gaya hai."

"Karan, sab tumhaari tarah nahi hote hain", Faizi said. "Tum toh bachpan se hi yahin rahe ho. Tumhe toh rules pata hi honge. Dheere dheere pata chal jaayenge unhe. Duniya jahan ke rules and regulations toh hote hain."

"Tujhe bhi toh pata chal gaye the do mahine mein", he retorted.

"Woh isliye kyunki tum har do ghante mein hume yeh bataate rehte the ki hum academy ka kaunsa role todhne waale hain, phir ek ghanta lecture dete the. Itni daant hume apni Ammi se poori zindagi mein nahi padhi hogi jitni tumne hume basic training ke pehle 6 mahinon mein daant diya tha. Itne saal mein toh hume yeh hi lag raha hai ki humne jitna khaana nahi khaaya, usse zyaada tumhaari daant khaa li hai."

The cadets all snickered, hands flying to their mouths to cover their laughs. One of them chuckled a little, and the others' resolve broke, making them burst out laughing. They had never seen the two fighting like brothers. It was amusing.

"Karan Sir kisi ko nahi chhodte", Sid said, laughing.

"Dushmanon ko bhi nahi", a voice piped in. "Sab darr kar bhaag jaate hain Sir se." They all glanced up, and Karan suppressed a grimace. Abhi. He smiled at the cadets, siting down next to Faizi. "Karan Sir, congratulations on Mission Euphoria. Aapne lead kara tha, na?"

He nodded a little. He glanced at Faizi, who was silently laughing, a hand on his mouth. He glared at him. Karan jerked his head a little towards Abhi, giving him a pleading look. Faizi shrugged, raising his hands slightly in surrender.

"Tum sab bahut lucky ho ki Karan Sir jaise trainer mile hain", Abhi said.

"Fangirls mujhe samajh aati hain", Koel muttered quietly to Sid. "Karan Sir ke toh fanboys bhi hain."

Karan's gaze flickered to her, eyes narrowing dangerously. Her smile slid off, and she glanced away. Faizi frowned, kicking him from under the table. His gaze darted to his, and Faizi scowled at him. Karan rolled his eyes, shrugging and conceding.

"Karan Sir, agli baar aap apni team choose karenge kisi mission ke liye, toh mujhe mat bhoolna", Abhi said.

'Haan, nahi bhoolunga. Tujhe naa lena', he thought. 'Kahan se aa gaya yeh? Aur kyun? Aur yeh Faizi kaise kaise dost banaa leta hai. Iska standard nahi hai kya kuchh? Dost choose kyun nahi karta? Koi bhi aayega, kahega 'Hi', yeh ise dost banaa leta hai.'

"Waise, aapne apna #naam nahi bataaya, Sir?" Chitra said.

"Abhi", he said.

"Abhi?" Chitra repeated, blinking. He glanced at the other cadets. That wasn't how army officials introduced themselves in even a slightly formal setting. Rank and full name was the norm. He just nodded, smiling at them. "#Nice to meet you."

"Abhi", Karan said. "Ek kaam karoge? Woh-"

His eyes lit up. "Sir, aapke liye toh jaan bhi haazir", he said.

He blinked. "Nahi, nahi, jaan nahi chahiye. Woh tumhaare peechhe waale table par tissue hai. Pass kar do."

"Oh." He deflated slightly, grabbing it and passing it. He froze suddenly, his mouth dropping open. The rest followed his gaze. Monami.

"Kya hua, Sir?" Koel asked. "Something wrong?"

"Nahi", he murmured. "Usko toh dekhne se wrong cheezen bhi sahi ho jaati hain." He sighed dreamily, resting his chin on his hand. "Kitni sundar hai."

"Excuse me?" Sid said, his mouth dropping open. He looked between Monami and Abhi, eyes wide.

Sanju's eyes narrowed. "Yeh kaise dekh raho hai Monami ko, Sir ji", she murmured to Karan. "Ise dekhkar toh koi bhi ladki yaa toh darr kar bhaag jaaye, yaa joote chappal uthaa le. Monami toh waise hi darto hai."

Karan's forehead creased into a scowl. He glanced at the other cadets, finding them just as offended as him; or in Sid's case, downright angry.

Monami walked up to them, smiling to everyone. Her gaze slid over everyone, pausing at Abhi. She blinked, her smile waning slightly. "H-Hello?" She said hesitantly.

"Hi!" He said. Karan kept a hand on his face. Abhi's voice was at least, an octave higher, and he waved enthusiastically. He glanced at Monami. She stared at him for a few seconds before almost physically retreating on herself. She took a couple of steps back, scooting behind Sid.

"Chalo", Koel said. "Khaana khaate hain. Bhookh lagi hai, right?"

"Haan", the others agreed immediately.

"Main mar raha hoon bhookh se", Bala said. "Chalo, chalo."

"Bye, Monami", Abhi said, waving a little. Monami peeked out from behind Sid's shoulder, before ducking down a little, hiding entirely behind him.

Faizi frowned a little. This was way too much. Couldn't he see she didn't like the attention? He cleared his throat a little. The idiot didn't even blink. He flicked his hand, the coffee cup falling down on his pants. Abhi's attention snapped away from Monami.

Faizi glanced at Monami, who offered him a small, grateful smile. He nodded slightly in acknowledgement. His eyes met Karan's. He nodded back in agreement, the two men glancing at Sanju, who nodded as well.

Abhi needed to be kept away.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Koel was late.

Faizi suppressed a sigh. He leaned against the wall, pulling out his phone. He frowned, straightening up slightly. His father's message?

Faizi, Diwali ki chhuti toh tumhaare academy waale dete hi honge? Hum bhi ghar aa rahe hain. Tumhaare aur tumhaari Ammi ke saath manaana chahte hain. Ab Eid par toh aaye nahi tum milne. Toh Diwali par hi aa jao. Kaafi samay ho gaya.

His jaw clenched. He locked the phone, slipping it back in his jacket. "Kaafi samay?" He scoffed to himself.

A hand on his shoulder made him look up. The smiling face of his girlfriend treated him, and he forced a smile on his face. Her smile waned slightly, and she sat down next to him on the stairs. "Kya hua?" She asked. "Tum itne disturbed kyun lag rahe ho?" She chuckled a little. "Karan Sir ne daant diya kya?"

He chuckled lightly. "Karan ki daant ki toh aadat ho gayi hai hume. Jab kabhi alag alag jagah par ho, toh sabse zyaada uski daant hi yaad aati hai hume."

She chuckled. "Toh kya hua?" She frowned a little. "Kaam ki koi baat hai kya? Jo tum bata nahi sakte?"

"Nahi, nahi, aisi baat nahi hai." He shook his head slightly. "Lambi kahaani hai."

"Abhi lights out mein bahut time hai", she said. She leaned back on the wall. "Shuru ho jao."

He sighed a little. "Humaare Abu ke baare mein hai. Hum... hum 8 saal ke the, jab Abu hume aur humaari Ammi ko chodkar chale gaye."

She tilted her head. "Divorce?"

"Nahi." He chuckled bitterly. "Bas ek din, raat ko ek letter chodkar chale gaye. Yeh kehte ki unhe ab humse koi matlab nahi hai. Unse... unse contact karne ki koshish naa karein." Her eyebrows raised in surprise. "Of course Ammi ne dhoonda. Kisi dost ke paas the, Pune mein. Ammi hume lekar unse milne gayi." His jaw clenched. "Humaari Ammi ko unhone ghar se bahar nikaal diya. Kaha ki ab unka humse koi rishta nahi." He shook his head slightly. "Ammi ne uske baad unse kuchh nahi kaha, bas chup chaap humaare saath waapas Mumbai aa gayi. Kaam dhoonda, aur... aur bahut mehnat karke hume paala. Logon se udhaari lekar hume school bheja, raat din kaam kara. Humne army join kari. Ammi ne jitne udhar liye the, sab chuka diye. Finally... sab kuchh theek tha."

"Tum kya apne Dad se gussa nahi the?" She asked softly.

"Pehle, bahut", he said. "Chodhkar jaane par naraazgi thi, par usse zyaada gussa iss baat par tha ki unhone humaari Ammi ke saath aisa bartaav kiya. Par jaise jaise samay gaya, humaara gussa bhi chala gaya. Humne maaf nahi kara tha unhe. Bas apni zindagi mein zaroori samajhna band kar diya tha."

He closed his eyes a little. Koel stared at him quietly. He almost seemed to be replaying his memories again, watching them. Living them.

"Hum 22 saal ke the", he continued, opening his eyes. "Jab humne apne Abu ko dobara dekha. Hum waapas ghar gaye the aur humaari Ammi ne hume bataaya ki Abu unse milne aaye the." He laughed slightly. "Humaari Ammi ne unhe ghar se bahar nikaal diya."

Koel chuckled a little too. "Poetic justice?" She offered.

"Dobara aaye", he said. "Hum the. Humne unhe ghar ke andar bhi nahi aane diya. Roz aate the, roz hum unhe bahar nikaal dete the. Kehte the ki woh humse rishta rakhna chahte hain dobara. Ajeeb hai, na, Koel? Jab hume unki zaroorat thi, toh woh humse rishta nahi chahte. Jab unhone chah, toh hume unki zaroorat nahi rahi." He let out a humorless chuckle. "Anyway... Ammi ko un par taras aa gaya aur woh unki baat sunne ke liye taiyaar ho gayi. Sirf baat sunne ke liye, mind you."

He paused again. "Phir?" Koel prompted after a few seconds.

"Unhone kaha ki unse galti ho gayi, unhe maaf kar do, blah blah. Ammi ko hamesha lagta tha ki humaari zindagi mein agar kisi cheez ki kami hai toh woh hai Abu ki. Unhone Abu se toh yeh kaha ki woh sochegi, phir unhe bhej diya. Humse kaha ki... ki shayad maafi nahi, par ek mauka de sakte hain. Hain toh woh humaare Abu hi. Ammi ne bahut kaha toh... toh humne bhi haan kar di. Unhe kaha ki agar woh sach mein humaari zindagi mein aana chahte hain, toh unhe mehnat karni padegi, apni jagah kamaani padegi."

"Unhone try kara phir?"

His gaze unfocused at a distance, staring into the gardens. "Kaash hum haan keh paate." He shook his head. "Apni marzi par phone karte hain, apni marzi par aate hain. Jab mann kare, hote hain, jab nahi kare, toh waise hi. Gayab. 8 saal ho gaye uss baat ko, par inn 8 saalon mein sirf humaara gussa, humaari naraazgi unse badhi hai." He looked at her again. "Ammi sahi keh rahi thi. Humaari zindagi mein hume Abu chahiye the, hum chahte the ki Ammi hi nahi, Abu bhi humaare saath ho. Woh ek kadam lete, toh hum bhi do lene ko taiyaar the. Par agar woh kabhi do kadam aage, aur kabhi chaar kadam peechhe lein, toh hum kahan jaayein? Aage unse haath milaane, yaa peechhne apne haath ko dobara jalne se bachaane?"

His eyes welled up with tears. Koel gently kept a hand on his arm. He clutched her hand, rubbing it slightly. He didn't look at her, his gaze darting around from place to place.

"Woh Diwali par ghar aa rahe hain", he muttered. "Chahte hain hum bhi aaye." He scoffed a little. "Kehte 'bahut samay' ho gaya humse mile. Kitna ironic hai sab kuchh. Nahi?" He shook his head. "Hum unse kuchh bahut nahi maang rahe, Koel. Zara sa apne liye khayal maang rahe hain."

She rested her head on his shoulder, rubbing his arm in comfort gently.

"Tumhe pata hai, isliye hume kisi ko commitment dena pasand nahi", he said. "Isliye nahi kyunki hume lagta hai ki hume tie hokar nahi rehna hai. Par isliye kyunki kisi kareebi ke khayal mein jab aap nahi rehte, toh kitna dard hota hai, woh pata hai hume. Logon ke paas jaane se darr nahi lagta hume. Logon se door hone mein darr lagta hai. Koi chhod kar chala jaaye, woh hum ek baar ke liye sehen kar le. Par koi... koi hote hue bhi bhool jaaye, woh sehen nahi hoga humse. Kehne ke toh Abu humse ek phone call door hain, par asliyat mein bahut, bahut zyaada door hain humse."

He sniffled a little. She lifted her head, seeing the tears drip down. Koel gently brushed them away. If only she could let her colorful words sing in his father's ears...

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

As a doctor, bahut log dikhte hain mujhe jinki main surgery karna chahti hoon. Kisi ki isliye kyunki unki jaan bachaana chahti hoon aur kisi ki isliye kyunki agar unki nahi kari, toh kisi ko meri surgery karni padh jaayegi. Dimaag ki. Kyunki unke saath rehkar mera dimaag kharaab ho jaayega. Par aaj tak kisi ki bhi surgery isliye nahi karne ka mann kiya, taaki unhe samajh sakoon.

Kaun hai yeh Karan Shergill? Kya hai yeh? Itna confuse toh aaj tak Math ne bhi nahi kiya hai mujhe. Pehle lagta tha bas ek khadoos trainer hai. Ab unhe dekhkar pehla thought yeh aata hai ki kaunsa roop dekhne ko milega- khadoos waala ya woh waala jo aaj dekha. Pehle lagta tha in mein koi emotions nahi. Ab yeh samajhne ki koshish kar rahi hoon ki kab kya feel kar rahe hain yeh.

Mujhe city tak chodhna, mujhe yeh kehna ki Papa ka opinion mere baare mein galat hai, mere fear ko consideration mein lena. Kya matlab nikaalun inn baaton ka main? Yeh ki Khadoos mein dil toh hai, par beech beech mein dil bhool jaata hai ki dhadakna bhi hota hai? Ek toota hua flower leti hoon aur petal todhkar dil-no dil decide karti hoon.

Par jo bhi kaho... aaj jo unhone kara, jitna sochoon utna achha lagta hai. Chhoti chhoti kitni saari cheezen thi. Dekhna ki main panic kar rahi hoon. Mujhe faaltu ka yeh nahi bolna ki 'panic mat karo.' Dekhna ki koi aage bhi mujhe daante na. Aur sab kuchh aise jaise sab kuchh normal hai. Woh mujhe aise handle nahi karte jaise main koi tooti hui cheez hoon jo haath lagaate hi dobara toot jaaye.

Koi bahut zyaada mushkil kaam nahi kara hai unhone. Naa koi bahut badha. Par isi ko kisi ka khayal rakhna kehte hai, na? Koi... koi hai jo mera khayal rakh raha hai. Aur sirf ek Karan Sir nahi.

Yahan aakar pata chal raha hai ki jab koi khayal rakhta hai, toh kitna achha lagta hai. Sab kuchh hone ke baad, Sid ke alaawa, itne time baad koi mila hai jo mera khayal rakhna chahta hai. Main gussa hoon, toh manaana chahta hai. Main dari hui hoon, toh aur daraana ya mock nahi, sambhaalna chahta hai. Main uncomfortable hoon, toh mujhe comfortable karne ke liye effort karna chahta hai.

Main hamesha kehti hoon, na, ki Sid is too good for the world. Woh iss world mein rehna deserve karta hai. Inn logon ke beech. Sab itne alag alag jagah se aaye hain, sab ke apne thoughts hain jo doosron se agree nahi karte, par ek cheez hai jo sab mein hai- ek bahut badha dil. Jo ek bahut ziddi bacche ki tarah hai.

Pehle, main sochti thi ki bas, Sid ko deserve karne jitni achhi ban jaaon. Ab, itne saare log aa gaye hain, jinhe main deserve nahi karti, par jo phir bhi hain. Kyun hain, yeh baat mujhe Sid ke saath rehkar itne saalon mein samajh nahi aayi, par hain, yeh pata hai. Ab hain, toh inhe accept karna hi better hai.

Sid ke saath in logon ko bhi add karna chahti hoon ab main. Naye log honge, jinke saamne shayad main auron se kam nervous hongi. Jo 'safe' honge. Apne dimaag aur dil dono ko yeh baat samjhaane ka process start hoga. Faizi Sir, Sanju ma'am, Koel, Bala, Chitra, Suman ji, Prem ji... aur woh Khadoos. Sab safe hi hai, na?

Hai, na? I am not making a mistake, am I?