I Saw You and I Can't Think Straight Anymore

3 years ago

oh nakhrewaali

@oh_nakhrewaali

I Saw You and I Can't Think Straight Anymore

Payal was having a crazy day, but she liked her days crazy. It helped her avoid thinking about the absence of a partner in her life. Being a divorcee in 2022 should have been easier than being married to Rajiv. But everyone around her seemed to have made it their life’s mission to remind her how alone she was. Despite not wanting to agree with them, she knew she felt alone.

Her phone rang, breaking her reverie.  She read Vishal's name on the caller-id and thanked her stars. Calling him about the mandap was on her to-do list and she knew that if she let him start with his tirade and complain about wedding, Ashima, or anything vaguely about the wedding, she would never get to speak of the mandap. She received the call and spoke without greeting him or wasting time on polite salutations.

“Vishal, I went through the catalogs and sent you a few mandap designs. Did you and Ashima check them?” she asked her best friend.

“Payal, there is a problem. I have gotten fat!” Vishal yelled from the other side.

“And you are screaming because...?” Payal asked in confusion.

“I am not fitting into this goddamn sherwani!” he whined, and Payal couldn’t help but chuckle. Vishal had got a smaller size of sherwani in the hopes of attaining a six-pack abs, but all the sweets he had eaten during the wedding rituals had thrown his plans down the drain.

“Relax, the tailor will figure it out. I told him to stitch it a few sizes bigger and do alterations. Even Rajiv had got a smaller size sherwani during our wedding, and you remember how that turned out!” she chuckled, but then stopped laughing, not wanting to think of her husband and her marriage. Even after all these years, she wasn't sure how to feel about her wedding. Rajeev and she had their happy moments, and their tough ones too, it's just that the tough ones were too many.

“Idiot wore my sherwani for your wedding. But thank you so much, yaar. I was almost having a bridezilla moment right now.” Payal understood that Vishal was trying to steer the conversation away from Rajeev and let him.

“You mean a groomzilla moment.”

“Hey, just because I am a man doesn’t mean I shouldn’t get the pampering and the attention a bride gets,” he snapped, and Payal rolled her eyes.

“Fair enough. Now, did you check the mandap designs? I need to tell the decorators the final design today.”

“Ashima will text him directly. She said you have some meeting, so it’s best not to worry you today.”

The meeting! She had pushed the meeting outside her mind and had decided to deal with it when it happened. Until she forgot, and Vishal reminded her.

“Yeah, I am meeting with an influencer. Usually, it’s the marketing executive’s job, but her son is ill, so I’ll just go and talk to her.”

“Who is it? Please tell me it’s Kiara, the model who makes Instagram reels. She is hot!”

“No, it isn't her. And may I remind you that you are getting married in two months?”

“Just because I will be eating dal from now doesn’t mean that I can’t look at chicken!”

“That is gross! I will remind Ashima to check out all the chicken platters we have for her bachelorette. Just for this jackass comment. Bye!”

“What bachelorette? Hello? Payal?”

She ignored him and disconnected the call. She checked her watch and sighed. There was still one more hour for the meeting. Before any thoughts of running away crept into her head, she shook her head and picked up her bag. She can meet her ex-husband’s ex, no big deal. 

_________

“Hi, I am so sorry I am late. The traffic was crazy,” Alisha voice rang .

Payal looked up from her book and Alisha gawked at her in shock.

“Hi! I am sorry, Manasvi’s son has a high fever, so she asked me if I could do this meeting. I am Payal Mehra, the Brand VP of Enchante,”

Payal introduced herself and congratulated herself in her head for not being awkward.

“Hi, Alisha Sahay,” Alisha nodded. 

“This cafe is nice,” Alisha said as she took her seat, but Payal knew that she was only making small talk.

“Yes, it’s a go-to place for the employees of my company. Would you like to order something?” she asked and waved at a waiter. The two gave their orders and Payal wasted no opportunity to talk business. By the time their coffee cups were empty and Alisha’s Russian salad was finished, they had struck a deal.

Working with each other was so easy. Payal was nervous about seeing her ex-husband's ex again, after what had happened while in college. But it would be a lie if she said she did not like talking business with her. It seemed similar thoughts were running in Alisha's mind, by the look in her eyes. Until she couldn't contain her curiosity and asked Payal.

“If you don’t mind me asking, how is Rajiv?”

“He’ll be alright. The last time I checked was when we were outside the judge’s office, some three years ago,” Payal said, without thinking, her attention on finding her phone.

“You guys got divorced?” Alisha asked in shock, and Payal realized her folly.

“Yeah... umm... three years ago,” she tried to play it off, but somehow, looking into Alisha’s wide brown eyes, she couldn’t.

“Why? You guys were so sickeningly in love! After all that nonsense Rajiv went through and made me go through, I can’t believe you guys didn’t last!” Alisha snapped. Payal was paralyzed with surprise and confusion at her outburst. 

Even Payal couldn't believe when they didn't last. And all the people she cared for, including Rajiv, made it seem like it was her fault that she had decided to embrace herself. Heck! She couldn't figure it out herself at times, why couldn't Rajeev accept her for who she was. She had loved him, probably more than she had loved anyone. And deep down, she knew he loved her too. A part of her still cared about him, like a friend.

Breaking the marriage was easy, at least easy compared to hating herself and wanting to change herself for Rajeev. She wished her younger self had realized sooner that love wasn't everything in a relationship, but respect and honesty mattered too. And Payal had never gotten to be honest with herself in the marriage.

But if there was one thing her divorce had helped her realize was that she had to love and respect herself, for any relationship to work out, and now that she was slowly loving herself, healing from negativity that were inflicted on her by her family, her ex and herself, she had realized that she was ready to fall in love, again.

“I am so sorry our marriage didn’t last, and you had to make all the sacrifices,” Payal said, her voice laced with sarcasm. She didn’t intend to be so, but being reminded time and again of how she ignored all the red flags that came with Rajiv was annoying.

“I...I got to go,” Alisha said. She gathered her bag and ran. Payal looked at the empty chair in a daze. Shouldn’t she have at least apologized? So much for being an influencer!

_________

Payal was searching for a file when there was a knock on her cabin door. She found Alisha standing awkwardly at the entrance of her cabin.

“Hi!” Payal said.

“Hi. Actually, I wanted to apologize for my behavior. I know I reacted horribly that day. It’s just that you guys were so in love that I never expected you guys to break up.” Alisha rambled.

“It’s ok. People never thought that Rajiv and I would ever break up, but they don’t run away when I tell them we got divorced. You are the first.”

Alisha gave an apologetic smile.

“Come on in.” Payal said, and Alisha nodded. She closed the door and sat opposite her.

“Would you like some tea?”

“No. Can I ask why you guys took a divorce?”

Payal looked at her for a few seconds. She wasn’t sure if Alisha would get it. It wasn’t like she owed Alisha anything because Rajiv was emotionally cheating on her in college, but after a long time, she had met someone who was like her. She sighed.

“Two years into our marriage, I realized that I am bisexual. I didn’t tell anyone for a long time until one day I snapped and told Rajiv. He didn’t take it well, and we fought almost every day. Finally, I just decided to end the marriage.”

“He didn’t accept you?”

“I guess Rajiv had already established that he wanted to fit into the society and wanted a picture-perfect family. He thought that I couldn’t give him that.”

“I can’t believe I fell for someone like him. But he was the reason I realized I don’t like men, so I guess he did me a favor by breaking up with me.” Alisha shrugged and Payal smiled.

“Manasvi showed me your Instagram profile and told me you are gay. To be honest, I think every man in our college is nursing a broken heart right now,” Payal giggled.

“They never stood a chance.” Alisha shrugged with an air of importance.

“How did Vishal handle the news? He invited me to his wedding. I don’t want to go if he or his friends would come to me and say that they would help me realize that I am not a lesbian.” Alisha continued. 

“Vishal took some time, but he wasn’t that bad. He started researching and stuff. He kept me sane during my divorce. My parents and everyone else had just turned their backs on me. And don't worry about his friends being creepy, he doesn't talk to them anymore. I guess, we both grew up and started cutting off toxic, creepy people out of our lives”

Alisha raised her eyebrows, impressed. There was another knock on the door, and a peon entered with the file Payal was searching for. She thanked him, and he left.

“I should take your leave now. I am sure you have a lot of work. Goodbye.”

“Bye!”

Payal said and watched Alisha leave her cabin. There was a tug at her heartstrings, and she realized why her college mates were obsessed with Alisha.

_________

Payal swirled her glass of red martini as she watched the happy couple dance with some other couples. She was happy for Vishal and Ashima, but she also wanted to dance there, with someone. Her eyes traced the crowd as she searched for the person whose thoughts were keeping her awake since they had left her cabin a few days ago.

"Care for a dance, my lady?"

Payal almost jumped and turned to see Alisha smiling at her. Her hand was outstretched, she was bowing slightly, and there was a mischievous glint in her eyes.

Payal laughed and took her hand. Alisha kept her hands on her waist and Payal kept her hands on the other woman's shoulder.

Almost everyone on the dance floor turned and threw a judging glance, but Vishal and Ashima gave Payal a thumbs up. She smiled at them and blushed. 

"You look gorgeous," said Alisha.

"Thank you. You look good too."

"Just good? You wound me, Ms. Mehra. I spent so much time getting ready just for you." Alisha said and made a sad puppy face. Payal laughed and shook her head.

"Is this how you flirt?" she asked, blushing.

Alisha came closer to her, and whispered in her right ear, "Well, I don't flirt usually, but only with the pretty ones."

Alisha stepped away, looked into Payal's eyes, and winked. Payal looked back in shock.

"I don't know if it's the right time, but will you go on a date with me, Payal?" Alisha asked without missing a beat, and Payal nodded.

Alisha smiled and kissed her hand, and the two walked away from the dance floor, their fingers intertwined.