Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22

OF TALKS AND UNDERSTANDINGS

Karan grabbed the weights, checking them before keeping them back on the stand. The door opened. He glanced behind himself, finding Monami walking in. Her head was bowed blow and her messily tied hair let loose a few locks that framed her face. She wordlessly sat down on the tire, her fingers fidgeting with her boots.

"Good morning", he said.

She nodded absentmindedly. "M-Morning."

He eyed her. "Kya hua, Rani Sahiba? Bahut khoyi hui lag rahi hain aap."

Her gaze lifted. She shook her head. "K-Kuchh n-nahi."

He suppressed a sigh. He quietly checked the rest of the equipment. He glanced at her periodically, finding her staring at her boots idly. What was she thinking?

'Monu kabhi kabhi nightmares ke baad aise thoughts mein rehti hai where she's playing the nightmare over and over in her head.'

'Siddharth ne kaha tha Monami ko nightmares aate hain. Parso raat yeh ro bhi rahi thi. Aur aaj, khoyi khoyi bhi lag rahi hai. Kal raat bhi ise nightmare aaya kya?' He glanced at her. 'Aisa kya dekhti hai yeh raat mein ki agle din tak bhi ise itna affect karta hai?'

He checked the last machine. He glanced at his watch. There was still some time left. He sat down next to her. She glanced up at him, tilting her head. "K-Kya hua? Aap... th-thoda p-pareshaan l-lag r-rahe hain."

He shook his head. "Main pareshaan nahi hoon."

"Th-Thake hue ho? M-Mission ke ch-chakkar mein aap l-late s-soye h-hoge, na? P-Post m-mission work a-and all."

He shrugged, nodding. "Maybe. Par commandos ko kam neend par function karna aata hai. Tum logon ko bhi training di jaayegi."

"K-Kaise?"

"Usually, hum koi task assign karte hain. Say, jungle mein koi mock mission. Cadets ko raat bhar jage rehna hota hai aur mission ko execute karna hota hai. Ek se zyaada baar hota hai, par thoda spaced out hota hai, toh dheere dheere dikkat nahi lagti raat bhar jaagkar kaam karne mein."

She nodded. Her head dropped again as she idly played with her boots.

"Monami... main tumse ek baat puchh sakta hoon?" She nodded, humming absentmindedly. "Tumhe yaad hai party waale din, jab tum drunk thi, tab kya hua tha?"

Her fingers froze. She looked up, gazing at him through her eyelashes. "H-Haan. I'm... I'm s-sorry."

His eyebrows furrowed. "Sorry kis liye?"

"M-Main dr-drunk thi toh b-behave k-kaise karna hai, woh bh-bhool gayi. And aa-aapko m-mujhe u-uthaakar lekar jaana p-padha. Sorry", she squeaked nervously.

He shook his head. "Monami, main bilkul gussa nahi hoon. Hota toh tumpar abhi tak nikaal chuka hota." He paused. "Tumhe yaad hai maine tumse kuchh kaha tha?"

'Jis din aankhein uthaakar, nazre milaakar, apna jazbaa dikha diya, na, achhe achhon ki aankhein neeche ho jaayengi.'

'Ek din log tumhe salute karenge aur dushman tumhaare aage apni aankhein jhukaayenge. Yeh mera vaada hai tumse. Main tumhe utna confident banaunga, utna kaabil banaunga. I promise.'

Monami jerked her head down in a nod. "P-Par aa-aapko k-kuchh karne ki z-zaroorat n-nahi hai. M-Main aa-aapse k-kuchh ex-expect n-nahi k-kar r-rahi hoon." She shook her head slightly. "M-Mujhpar t-time waste m-mat k-kijiye. I d-don't des-deserve it."

He shook his head. "Monami..."

The door opened and he heaved a sigh, turning his head. Faizi stalked in, his attention on his phone. He clenched his jaw. 'Ise bhi abhi hi aana tha.'

He looked back at her. "Monami, tum-"

"Karan", Faizi said.

He sighed. He stood up, walking closer. "Kya hai?" He snapped.

He looked up. "Kya hua?"

"Bhuank, na? Kya chahiye tujhe?"

"Hum toh bas yeh bataana chahte the ki Sanju aaj bhi drill par nahi aayegi."

Karan took a deep breath. "Seriously?" He gritted out. "Yeh bataana hai? Mujhe already yeh baat pata hai."

"Kya hua? Tum bhadak kyun rahe ho?"

"Aaj Friday hai. Main Sunday se Monami se dhang se baat karne ki koshish kar raha hoon. Aaj finally mujhse waapas baat kar rahi thi woh, aur tu beech mein aa gaya."

He looked over Karan's shoulder. He winced. "Sorry. Humne dhyaan nahi diya."

"Main bata raha hoon tujhe, Faizi. Kisi din tu mere haathon hi marega."

"Ab baat kar lo."

The door opened again, as if on cue, a few cadets piling in. Karan rolled his eyes. "Kahan? Koi baat hi nahi karne dega."

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Sid leaned over the counter. "Suman ji. Aap kya banaa rahi hain?" He asked.

"Tere liye nahi hai", she answered.

"#Hai kya?" Chitra asked.

Koel leaned over. She scrunched her nose up. "Haldi waala doodh?"

"Haldi waale doodh se chot jaldi theek ho jaati hai. Suman ji yeh Sanju madam ke liye banaa rahi hain. Unki chot jaldi theek ho jaayegi."

Bala made a face. "Meri maa bhi aise hi bahut saara haldi ka doodh pilaati thi, jab chot lagti hai." He shuddered. "Chhee!"

"Kya chal raha hai yahan par?" Mrs. Batra asked, and the cadets looked up.

"Ma'am!" Sid said happily. "Aap kal kahan thi? Mujhe aapko ek bahut cool cheez dikhaani thi, par aap toh dikhe hi nahi."

She smiled. "Kya dikhaana tha?"

"I finally got that punch down!" He declared.

"Isne hum sab ko itna pakaaya, na, kal?" Koel said. "Jo dikh raha tha, sab ko dikhaa raha tha."

She chuckled. "Khush hai, toh achha hai, na?" Sid stuck her tongue out at Koel. She slapped his arm, and he pretended to be hurt, rubbing it dramatically. Mrs. Batra leaned over, looking into the pan. "Haldi waala doodh?"

"Suman ji Sanju madam ke liye haldi waala doodh banaa rahi hain", she said. She poured the boiling milk in a cup.

"Suno", Mrs. Batra said to the kitchen helper. "Ise Sanju ko de aao, aur use bataa zaroor dena ki yeh Suman ji ne diya hai unke liye."

"Ji", he said, taking the mug.

"Jab Karan chhota tha aur use chot lagti thi, toh main bhi uske liye aise hi haldi ka doodh banaati thi." She shook her head. "Par majaal hai, pee le woh. Jaakar kahin chhup jaata tha."

The cadets looked at each other. "Aap Karan Sir ko bachpan se jaante hain?" Koel asked in surprise.

She chuckled. "Main Karan ko tab se jaanti hoon jab se woh apni maa ke andar tha." She sighed a little. "Uske Papa bhi army mein the. Karan toh born bhi nahi hua tha, jab woh shaheed ho gaye. Unhe Karan ke baare mein pata bhi nahi tha. Phir jab Karan 2 saal ka tha, toh uski Maa ki death ho gayi. Karan ka ek badha bhai hai, Param. Woh usse 11 saal badha hai. Jab un dono ki Maa ki death hui, toh humne dono ko adopt kar liya."

"Arthaath, Karan Sir aapke aur Batra Sir ke bete hain?" Prem ji asked, eyes wide.

She nodded. "Haan, par sirf legally. Karan aur Param dono humaari bahut respect karte hain, par as mentors. Parents aur mentors mein... farak hota hai. Karan ke liye uske parents ka role humne nahi, uske bhai ne poore kara hai. Karan yahin academy mein badha hua hai. 20 saal pehle yahan par jo bhi yahan rehta tha, sabko yaad hoga. Ek chhota sa baccha hamesha idhar se udhar bhaagta rehta tha. Aur uske peechhe, uska bhai. 'Karan, homework kar.' 'Karan, khaana khaa.' 'Karan, yeh kar.' 'Karan, woh kar.'"

Koel smiled slightly. 'Karan Sir se zyaada strict insaan se nahi mili hoon main. Unhe dekhkar insaan nahi, robot ki feeling aati hai. Aisa robot jise sirf apne duty se matlab hai. Par... unke bachpan ke baare mein sunkar aisa lag raha hai ki shayad, woh bhi insaan hi hai. Faizi kehta hai, na, ki Karan Sir utne bhi bure nahi hai? Yeh sunkar lag raha hai ki shayad unki baatein sach hi ho.'

"Karan Sir kya #cute the?" Chitra asked.

"Bahut zyaada", she said. She laughed, recalling a memory. "Aur bahut innocent tha. Jab use kuchh chahiye hota tha, aur use pata tha ki uska bhai mana karega, toh apna sabse innocent sa look deta tha. Param phir bhi nahi pighalta tha aur Karan iss baat par bahut chidta tha, kyunki uske alaawa sab pighal jaate the."

"Toh ab Karan Sir ji humse badla le rahe hain", Bala said. "Unke bhai unki zidd nahi maante the, aur woh humaari nahi."

They laughed. "Correct, bro", Sid said. "You know, jab main aur Monu chhote the, toh Monu bhi aisi hi thi. Innocent sa look dekar saare kaam nikalwaalti thi. Bas Karan Sir ke bhai ki tarah koi strict person nahi tha, toh use sab kuchh mil jaata tha."

"Woh toh abhi bhi hai", Koel said.

"Jab woh #ice cream ke liye puchhti hai, kaun mana kar sakta hai use?" Chitra said, nodding. "Meri #little sister is the same. Mumma Papa se sab kuchh ek #look dekar le leti hai."

The cadets fell into the discussion, narrating stories and joking around as they talked. Mrs. Batra piped in with her own stories, of herself, Karan or sometimes, even her dead son.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Sid popped his head in. "Hi", he said.

Sanju looked up. "Aa jaa", she said.

He hopped in, sitting down on the bed across her. "Pair kaisa hai aapka? Dard toh nahi ho raha hai? Main Monu ko bulaaon? Woh check-up kar degi? Painkillers li? Aur zyaada uth toh nahi rahe ho, na? Walking on a sprained leg is not good. Aur-"

"Siddharth", Sanju interrupted, a smile spreading on her face. "Hum theek hogo."

"Pakka, na?" He asked.

"Haan, Chirkut. Humaare kaam mein aise batero baar chot lagto rehti hai. Kuchh gambhir baat naa hogo."

His eyebrows furrowed. "What's gamb... whatever."

"Gambhir", she repeated. "Matlab... serious?" She trailed off a little, unsure.

He nodded. "Aapne woh pee liya jo Suman ji ne aapke liye bheja tha? Some haldi ka doodh and all? Woh keh rahi thi usse chot jaldi theek hoti hain?"

"Haan, pee liya", she said.

He relaxed a little, nodding. "Aapko pata hai, maine woh punch seekh liya."

She chuckled. "Siddharth, tu kal se hume yeh baat 10 baar bata chuko hai."

"But I am so happy", he said, laughing a little.

"Achha, chal, hume yeh bata ki aaj class kaise gayi teri? Ka ka seekho?"

"Aaj toh bahut hi saari class thi", he said. "Karan Sir ki, Faizi Sir ki, Sanchay Sir ki, aisa lag raha tha poore din class hi class hain." He rolled his eyes. "Aur homework bhi itna saara diya hai. And you know, aaj strategy class mein..."

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Karan Sir!" A girl called. Karan paused, turning around. The cadet ran up to him, holding out a bunch of stapled papers. "Homework."

Karan glanced at his watch. "Aap late hain."

She cast a quick look at her own. "Sirf 2 minute hi late hoon."

"Deadline 1900 hours ka tha", he said. "2 minute upar ho, ya 2 ghante. Mujhe koi farak nahi padta. Late is late." He crossed his arms. "Kal 1900 hours tak aap iss homework ko do baar aur karengi. Agar aap ek minute bhi late hui, toh yeh do se chaar ho jaayega. Get going, cadet."

"But Sir-"

"Aapko yeh homework teen baar aur karna hai?" He asked. She shook her head. "Good. Jaaiye. Aur 1900 hours matlab 1900 hours. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir." She sighed, turning around. Karan walked further in the mess, grabbing some food and sitting with Faizi and Sanju. Monami tilted her head, idly stirring the vegetable soup. Her eyebrows furrowed.

'Yeh... woh hi insaan hai jisne mujhe code solve karne ki hint di? Woh jisne mujhse yeh vaada kara ki woh mujhe ek bahut achha commando banaayenge? Kaun hai aap, Special Agent Major Karan Shergill? Who are you?'

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Kal taiyaar rehna, mahutarma", Faizi said. "Shaam ko 5 baje."

Koel smiled. "Hum kahan jaa rahe hain?"

"Surprise hai."

"Faizi... mujhe... mujhe tumse kuchh baat karni thi."

He nodded. "Bolo."

"Hum yeh... yeh relationship... abhi ke liye humaare beech rakh sakte hain?" Koel asked hesitantly. Faizi's eyebrows furrowed. "Main... main yeh nahi chahti ki academy mein log mujhe 'Faizi Sir ki girlfriend' ke naam se jaane. Main chahti hoon log mujhe mere naam se jaane. You... you know what I mean, right?"

"Haan", he said. He reached forward, grabbing her hand. He squeezed slightly, smiling at her. "Hum samajhte hain, aur tumhe cadets ko, baaki trainers ko yeh baat nahi bataani toh hume koi problem nahi hai. Par hume Karan ko aur Batra Sir ko toh bataani padegi."

"Kyun?" She asked.

He shrugged. "Hum Karan ko sab bataate hain. Hum already use yeh bata chuke hain ki hum tumhe pasand karte hain, aur humne tumhe date ke liye puchha hai aur tumne haan kari hai. Use waise bhi samajh aa jaata hai. Woh hume bahut achhi tarah jaanta hai. Aur Batra Sir ko isliye, kyunki hum nahi chahte ki baad mein jab yeh baat bahar aayegi, toh log ispar ya tumpar kisi bhi tarah ka sawaal uthaaye. Academy mein kisi aur ko yeh baat jaanne ki koi zaroorat nahi hai, par Batra Sir ko yeh baat pata honi chahiye."

Koel frowned. "Par kyun? I get it about Karan Sir. But Batra Sir? Humaari personal life hai. Aur Batra Sir ko toh tumhaari professional life se matlab hona chhaiye."

He shook his head. He clutched her hand in both of his. "Koel... humaara kaam aisa hai ki hum kitna bhi chaahein, hum ek hadd se zyaada humaari personal aur professional life ko alag nahi rakh sakte. Kabhi na kabhi, beech mein aa hi jaati hai. Karan ya Batra Sir yeh baat bahar nahi aane denge, hum yeh tumse vaada karte hain."

She heaved a sigh, nodding. "Okay", she said. "If you think, it's necessary."

He smiled at her. He kissed her knuckles. "Jab tak tum nahi chahti, hum aur kisi ko iss rishte ke baare mein nahi bataayenge."

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

'Tujhe kya lagta hai? Agar tu yahan se chali bhi gayi, toh main tujhe dhoond nahi sakta?' He stared into her wide eyes. 'Jab mera mann karega, main tujhe waapas yahan le aaunga. Khelne ke liye. Ab main apni baby doll ke saath hi toh khelunga. Hai, na?' His hand reached out, and she let out a scream.

Monami shot up in bed. She clutched her knees close to herself, the nightmares echoing in her mind. She clutched her hair, taking a few deep breaths. It was too much. They were too bad. She couldn't get them out of her head.

Sid! She needed Sid. She needed him to tell her she was alright. She needed his voice.

Sanju and Faizi laid lifeless, blood oozing out of them and pooling underneath them. Their dead gaze bore into her, unblinkingly haunting.

She peeked into the mess, eyes flicking around. Where was Sid?

She screamed as she was dragged across the rough floor, and the man harshly threw her into a cell. He slapped her face and she whimpered, clutching her stinging cheek. He clutched her jaw tightly. 'Dobara bhaagne ki koshish kari, toh tere saath bilkul achha nahi hoga. Samjhi?' She nodded frantically, whimpering.

Monami opened the door to Sid's room, peeking in. It was empty. She shut it again. She shoved her hands in her jacket, tears welling up in her eyes.

'Tu mujhse bachkar kahin nahi jaa sakti.'

She sniffled. The nightmare replayed in her head. She shook her head, quickly running back to her room. It was empty. She didn't want to be alone. She wanted Sid. A hug. His soothing voice. She wanted him. Where was he?

She laid down quietly. She turned in her bed, staring idly at the lamp. On. Off. On. Off. Her eyes slid close.

The hand raised and Monami screamed as the belt came down. The sickening sound of the leather slapping against the skin made her whimper and she covered her head.

Her eyes snapped open. She switched the lamp on back, turning to her back. She stared at the ceiling. She shook her head, eyes welling up with tears. She took a deep breath, trying to push away the lump in her throat.

She was panicking. The tightness in her chest swallowed her whole, and she sat up, taking slow, deep breaths. It didn't help. She whimpered. Her throat closed, and she reached with fumbling hands to the bedside. Water. She wanted water.

A hand clutched her hair, pulling it and she whimpered. She crawled backwards, eyes wide. She was too scared to look at him, yet too scared to take her eyes off of him.

'Tu mujhse bachkar kahin nahi jaa sakti', he snarled.

A slam made her blink away the tears, and she clutched her hair, seeing the broken glass on the floor. She took another deep breath. 'Count', she thought. 'Count. 1, 2, 3...' She got out of bed, standing up. She picked the glass up, tears blurring her vision. She couldn't see. She counted silently.

"Monami!" The voice sounded so far away.

She looked at her chains. Her wrists were crimson, blood dripping on the dirty floor underneath her. She rested her head on the dirty wall. She wanted to sleep. She didn't want her sleep to end.

"Monami." A sudden jerking snapped her out. She blinked. Concerned eyes stared back at her. Faizi. "Kya kar rahi ho tum?" He asked. "Haath dekho apne."

Her gaze flickered down. She gasped, flinching at the blood that covered her hands. "M-Maine... M-Maine k-kuchh nahi k-kara", she whimpered. Her hands curled and she whimpered, when it hurt.

"Sanju", Faizi said, looking up at the woman. "Siddharth ko bulaakar lao." He looked down at her hands, gently prying her fists open. "It's okay", he muttered. "Hume pata hai tumne kuchh nahi kara." He pried the glass pieces she was still holding away. He helped her up, guiding her gently to Sanju's bed. He grabbed the medical box, opening it. "It's okay. Koi baat nahi", he murmured soothingly. "Hume kuchh bataana chahti ho tum?"

She stared at him with blurry vision. "Woh m-mujhe... m-mujhe d-dobara dh-dhoond lega. Use kh-khelna p-pasand hai. M-Mujhe n-nahi pasand!"

He gently cleaned the blood off. "Yahan par tumhe koi nahi dhoond paayega", he assured. "Aur agar dhoond bhi liya, toh hum tumhe usse bahut, bahut door rakhenge."

"S-Sacchi r-rakhoge, na?"

His fingers paused. His gaze lifted, meeting hers. "Tum bas ek baar hume kehkar dekho ki tumhe kisi se door rehna hai, phir agar use door rakhne ke liye use goli bhi maarni padhe, hum woh bhi maar denge use. Hum kisi ko tumhaari marzi ke bina tumhaare paas nahi aane denge."

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. She nodded.

"Monu!" Sid said, appearing at the doorway. He immediately ran up to her, engulfing her in a hug and she burst into sobs, hugging him back tightly. "It's okay, baccha. Tu theek hai. Main hoon yahan ab."

"Sid", she sobbed out. "Tu kahan chala gaya tha? Maine tujhe kitna dhoodna."

"I am sorry, baccha", he muttered. "I am so sorry." He kissed her head in comfort. She felt a hand stroke her hair, and she turned her head in Sid's embrace. Sanju was sitting next to her, gently petting her head. She closed her eyes, feeling Sid's chest vibrate as he hummed to her.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Ise yeh kaa ho gayo tha?" Sanju asked, stroking her hair gently as the younger girl finally fell asleep. Her head was on Sid's lap, clutching his hand tightly. Faizi sat on the other side, patting her arm in comfort. "Aise toh kabhi naa dekho hai ise."

"Kabhi kabhi, Monu ko koi nightmare aata hai jiske baare mein woh sochti rehti hai, sochti rehti hai, and it's like a loop", Sid explained. "Woh bas usi mein kho jaati hai. Use koi chahiye hota hai jo use loop se bahar nikaale. Obviously, main hi hota hoon usually, par..." He sighed a little. He bent down, kissing her head. "I am sorry, baccha", he murmured to her.

Sanju reached out, her hand hovering over his shoulder uncertainly for a few seconds. She clutched his shoulder, squeezing it gently. "Teri galti naa hai." He shook his head.

"Siddharth", Faizi said. "Tum Monami ko lekar apne aap par zyaada hi harsh hote ho. Tum bahut achhe se dhyaan rakhte ho Monami ka. Tumhe guilty feel karne ki koi zaroorat nahi hai."

'S-Sid, m-mujhe d-darr lag r-raha hai.' Monami hiccupped.

Sid immediately threw the covers off, crossing the room. 'Aa jaa', he muttered, guiding her to the bed. 'Main hoon, na, baccha? Darne ki kya zaroorat hai? Aa jaa.'

'Tu m-mujhe kabhi n-nahi chodhkar j-jaayega, na?" She asked, hugging him tightly.

'Paagal hai kya, Moti Billi? Main hamesha tere saath hoon. Main tujhe chodkar kahan jaunga? Main hamesha tera dhyaan rakhunga.'

She pulled away, frowning at him. 'Mujhe Moti Billi mat bula!' She protested.

'Moti Billi', he teased, and she slammed her hand in his arm. A smile broke through, and he hugged her again. 'Aa jaa, chal. Main tere liye coffee banaata hoon.'

Sid kept a hand on her head, stroking her hair gently. Another memory sprang to her mind.

'Sid, yeh dekh', Juhi said.

A 2 year old Sid peeked in curiously, eyes widening. A smile spread on his face. 'Yeh aapki baby hai, Juhi Aunty?' He asked excitedly.

She nodded. 'Pakadna hai?' He nodded eagerly. 'Achhe se baitho.' He scooted back to the middle of the couch, and Juhi carefully handed the baby to him.

'Ab dekh, Champ', his father said. 'Yeh chhota baby teri zimmedaari hai. Iska dhyaan rakhna.'

He nodded. 'Pakka waala promise.'

He barely remembered the memory but he had heard it too many times for the adults to not remember his promise. 'Nahi. Monu meri zimmedaari thi, hai aur hamesha rahegi. Aaj tak har problem se usne mujhe nikaala hai. Juhi Aunty ke jaane ke baad, agar koi hai jise Monu trust karti hai, woh main hoon. Aur iss trust ke saath iska dhyaan rakhne ki responsibility bhi meri hi hai. Aur yeh responsibility main bahut achhe se nibhaana chahta hoon.'

He leaned down, kissing her head.

'Main tujhe ek baar nahi protect kar paaya. Ab apni jaan laga doon tujhe protect karne ke liye, Monu.'