Chapter - 01

Chapter - 01

“What are you doing here?” I stood perplexed, unable to utter a single word. Was I hallucinating? Considering I had been feeling dizzy all evening, it wasn’t entirely impossible. “You left me for this! This is your definition of happiness!” While he shook me in frustration, I simply stared at his face, still trying to figure out if the person standing in front of me was real or if my mind was playing some cruel joke for the millionth time in the last six months. “They treat you worse than a servant. You are simply a prisoner in this mansion, that’s it. Will you still lie to me about being happy in this marriage?” His grip on my arms didn’t hurt me as much as the lament in his voice did.

I always knew the moment he would learn the truth, he would come and take me far away from this prison. But the pain and anguish that stared back at me, made me wonder whether it was worth it to love someone so much that you lose yourself along the way. It didn’t matter what my intention was. I hurt him. No amount of justification could change that. And yet here he was, willing to risk his everything just so I didn’t have to rot in this hell. There were so many things that I wanted to tell him, so many dangers that he had to be warned about. Instead, I ended up putting the garland around his neck and uttered the words he was least expecting, “Happy Marriage Anniversary Ranveer!”

He looked at me in utter bewilderment as if he couldn’t believe what was happening. His anger subsided with doubt filling its place, and a moment later I saw that same gleam in his eyes as before when he used to be happy. He came closer and tilted my chin lovingly, almost pleading me to tell him the truth, “What is it that you aren’t telling me Ishaani?” “I love you so much!” I said while resting my head on his chest. “It’s my helplessness that I couldn't tell you before.” “So all those terrible things you said to me were lies?” “Yes! The truth is there’s only one person whom I have loved with all my heart and it’s you! It has always been you! There’s no place for anyone else in my life Ranveer. I am only yours!”

“I knew there had to be some explanation.” He cried happily. “There’s no way you would ever betray me like that.” “Ranveer I…..” “Just….. Give me a minute before it sinks in.” “Is it really so difficult to believe that I’m in love with you?” “When the same lie is fed to you over and over again, there comes a point when you finally give up and start believing it.” His confession knocked the breath out of me.  I lost count of how many times I had dreamt of this exact moment. Thinking about him was what kept me sane all these months. How long would it take before he fully recovered? Was he following the doctor’s advice and taking it easy, or did he drown himself in work? Would ever be able to forgive me? Hardly had I taken a moment to sit and ponder what effect my scathing words would have had on him.  

My mother used to say trust and mutual respect was the foundation of any relationship. Ranveer believed in that too. Even when we were just friends, he always made sure that I knew I could lean on him any time I wanted. But when it came to assuring him, I failed miserably. The lost look on his face was the proof of that. I was standing right in front of him, telling him exactly what he wanted to hear all his life but he couldn’t bring himself to believe my claim even if he wanted to. Who could blame him for his hesitation? He told me once that I had broken his heart so many times that eventually he stopped feeling altogether. His very existence reminded him of me while I left no stone unturned to make him feel despicable. Could one confession ease off his years of suffering? 

“Allow me to assuage your fear then.” I moved closer to him with much difficulty. No longer was I interested in engaging in meaningless debates with my conscience on how he was going to face the consequences of my decision. For one night, I wanted it to be just us and no one else. He had to know what he meant to me. He needed to believe that he was loved. I wasn’t sure why but for some reason my dizziness had exacerbated to extreme headache, to the point that my vision became blurry all of a sudden. I tried to ignore it and cupped his face but before our lips could touch, I fell to the ground with him as he was trying to prevent my fall by putting his hands behind my back. It seemed puzzling that I could hardly breathe but the fragrance of the flowers around me seemed to be intensifying with each passing moment. 

I had never been the type of person to dwell on the thought of how my life would end. I always pictured death as an old friend who came with the promise of reunion with our loved ones. But if I got to choose, perhaps this would be exactly how I wanted to close my eyes - knowing that he loved me till the very end and being able to look into his eyes for one last time while he held me close to his heart. I tried to reach out to him and caress his face despite my headache taking a turn for the worse. 

If only we had gotten more time together! Maybe we would have learned how to solve our problems as a team and our story would have a happier ending. Or, I might continue to screw up, making his life even more miserable. I wasn’t sure why but I felt like chuckling. Although I regretted a lot of my decisions, I knew in my heart that if it had come down to him and us, I would forever choose his happiness over mine, reaffirming my twisted and stupid decision-making skill. But at least I got to do what was right by him. With a strange satisfaction, I closed my eyes and prayed for him to find the strength to move forward. As my tired lips gave up, I took his name in a final goodbye and uttered the one thing I wanted him to remember forever, “I love you Ranveer!” 

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