A Lavender Mess

Beta read by tournesol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Lavender Mess

Since the air quality index was skyrocketing like crazy and the cold weather was slowly seeping in, it was a usual day in Delhi for most. Except for four people as Delhi was about to become Bhopal for them. Aman, for one, was very stressed.

He looked at Kusum, his wife of two months, who was sitting across the table holding Rakesh's hand. Aman sighed as the four looked at his phone as if it was the root cause of their problems. Kartik looked at Aman, and the heat in his boyfriend's gaze made Aman want to run away from all this mess. 

"So yeah, we'll have to shift together," Aman told Kusum, who whined and hid her face in her boyfriend's shoulder. 

"Can't we make an excuse and delay their visit?" Rakesh asked, and Aman wondered, for the nth time, why was Kusum even with the idiot! 

“We can’t keep denying them. We said that Kusum wanted to settle, so they shouldn’t come down soon after the wedding. Now Maa wants to know how much more settling Kusum needed before I invite ourr familiies for Muhdikhai,” Aman repeated his mother’s words for the third time in thirty minutes.

After Aman had disconnected his call with his mother, he had recounted the conversation to his boyfriend. Kartik had thrown a fit.

“First you behave like a coward and get married, now your whole family wants to come to visit us? Oh, I mean, you and your wife? What are you going to do? Throw me out?”

Then Aman had told about the impending visit to his wife, who disconnected the call without speaking. She had landed at his flat with Rakesh in twenty minutes.

“I don’t mind shifting,” Kusum said, more like she whined. If Aman swung that way, he would have fallen in love with her just for agreeing with him.

“I don’t want to,” Kartik said and hugged Aman. Aman patted his hands. He didn’t want to stay away from Kartik too. In the last two years, he hadn’t. It was like they were dependent on each other, and even thinking about moving away from him, even if it was two blocks away, made Aman want to cry.

“I know, love, and I am so sorry.” He kissed Kartik’s head, hoping that the touches were enough to calm down his apprehensions. Sometimes, Aman couldn’t believe how touch-starved Kartik was. No thanks to that jerk who was Kartik’s father.

“It’s only for two days, isn’t it?” Rakesh asked, and Aman nodded.

“Hopefully. Goggle said that she and Chotu will convince them to keep the stay short, citing their exams as the reason,”

“I think we can manage two days,” Kusum said, smiling ruefully. 

~*~

“I was so happy when I found out last night that you are gay,” Kusum had said, playing with her dupatta.

“Thank you, you are the first one to be pleased with my orientation,” Aman had replied. He was thinking of his father, who had passed out after seeing Aman kiss Kartik on the train and how the rest of his family had made excuses for them when they had kissed again at Goggle’s wedding.

“Can I ask why?” he had asked.

“Because I love Rakesh. He is a simple guy, but my parents won’t let me marry him.”

“Parents are weird, aren’t they? He is a simple guy, yet they won’t accept him,” Aman had replied sarcastically.

“Are you making fun of me? Did you get Kartik to fill out some form before you fell for him? My parents don’t like him because he belongs to a different caste,” she had said, upset with his nonchalance.

“Sorry,” he had muttered.

“Don’t worry about it. You have enough stress. I have an offer. We can get married, and then I can shift with Rakesh, and you can live with Aman. Rakesh is also shifting to Delhi,”

“Are you mad? Go, run away and get married to him, naa. Why are you annoying me?”

“If I run away, I won’t get the stree-dhan,” Kusum had said as she touched the gold bangles Aman’s mother had given her to solidify the promise of getting Aman and Kusum married.

~*~

They couldn’t manage two days. The worst part was that the family was in the city for the weekend, and had forced Aman to take a leave from his work. So Aman didn’t even get to see his boyfriend at work. On top of it, he had to share the bed with Kusum, and Aman wanted to jump out of the window and get a concussion, or die from the fall, hopefully.

He knew he was being stupid, but it was because he missed Kartik. Like there was an ache in his chest when he didn't see Kartik. Aman buried his face in the pillows, hoping they would smell like Kartik’s shampoo when Kusum entered the room and looked at his actions weirdly.

“I miss him!” Aman whined. He never whined. Mostly he was the grown-up in his family and his relationship.

Between an eccentric father, a younger sister who was blind in one eye, a distant cousin who was too naïve for the world, and a boyfriend who was abused by his own father, Aman never got the chance to behave like a child. He never got to say, “Chuck that,” and let the adults deal with the problems.

“I miss him too,” Kusum said as he sat on the bed.

“I wish we could be our true selves, you know. I hate walking around the house like a shy bride and blush every time they say your name. It’s frigging annoying. And my mother, she is the worst! She is asking if we have plans for your future,” she air quoted the last word, and Aman gulped.

~*~

“Are you serious? You are marrying Razia?” Kartik had almost screeched.

“Her name is Kusum!”

“And what do you plan on doing after that?”

“What does that mean? I’ll live with you, and she can live with whoever she wants!”

“Aman, baby, it’s not like she will join us in an adventure camp. We are going to take her with us back to Delhi. We are going to be responsible for her,” Kartik had pinched the bridge of his nose and looked at him like he was an idiot, and Aman had started to feel like one. For the first time in the five years Aman had known Kartik, he had started to sound like an adult, and frankly, Aman had hated it.

“Also, have you ever considered that two months into your marriage, they will ask you for a kid? What are you going to do? Tell Rakesh and her to smash? Or give your sample in a bottle?”

~*~

“It’s just tomorrow, and then we are free,” Aman shrugged as he pushed Kartik's words to the back of his head, but Kusum looked at him apprehensively. Were they ever going to be free? Was Kartik right? Had they started a mess, and it was now coming at them?

~*~

“Aman, you cannot hide from them or your truth. You will never be free if you keep lying to them.”

“I told them the truth, but you saw what happened! My father wanted to hang himself and later wanted to perform my last rites even though I am alive! They won’t get it, Kartik. They never have!”

“Yes, they have! They knew your truth even before you knew it. You are different, and they could see it. I love you, and you know that. I will do everything I can for you, but I cannot see you lie like this. I am sorry.”

“I am sorry too.”

“I hate that Anvesha for existing,” Kartik said.

“Me too.”

Aman found it cute whenever a possessive Kartik refused to get Kusum’s name right.

“I also hate that she is right.”

“I know.”

~*~

Aman almost sighed in relief as he watched the train leave the station. He looked at Kusum. She was beaming, and Aman couldn’t help but smile back. They went home. Kusum packed her stuff, and the two left for Rakesh’s flat.

“Hi jaan,” Rakesh said as he greeted her. Aman looked over Rakesh’s shoulder, searching for his boyfriend.

“He left for work,” he said.

“But it’s nine o’clock, and our shift is in the evening,” Aman mumbled to himself in confusion. But the couple ignored him as they were practically making out on the door frame.

“Rakesh!” he yelled to get their attention, and the couple separated. They weren’t even courteous enough to look ashamed of their behavior.

“Did he take his stuff?”

“No, but he did pack it. I’ll bring it.”

In no time, Aman was facing his flat’s door.

Was Kartik upset with him? It was rude of him to leave, even though Aman had promised him that he would collect him and his things from Rakesh’s flat.

He unlocked the door and almost shrieked in shock as he looked at Kartik, who was lying on the sofa, watching TV.

“When did you get here?”

“Soon after you left to drop Pankhuri,” He shrugged and focused back on the TV.

“And? Did you think your things would walk back here?”

“Oh no, but I knew you would bring it back, so I didn’t bother. Plus, the autowaala would have charged extra for the luggage.”

“It’s a small bag!” Aman snapped, but Kartik looked away, ignoring him.

He was pissed, Aman could tell. 

“So, Rakesh is hot,” Aman said and locked the door. But it was enough for Kartik to throw the cushion he was holding to his chest at Aman.

“I am just saying,” Aman shrugged, “I can see why Kusum went through all that trouble to stay with him.”

Aman continued, and he didn’t even have to look at Kartik to know that he had pressed his buttons. He felt his boyfriend’s hand on his shoulder, who forced him to turn and pressed his lips against his. He kissed him passionately and Aman just smiled in the kiss.

“I had to stay away from you while Seher shared the bed with you. Don’t get on my nerves by making googly eyes at her boyfriend,” Kartik said fiercely, but calmed down when Aman just smiled at him like an idiot.

“I love you, idiot. Even those 6000 abs won’t be enough to make me look at him like that,” Aman said and rubbed his nose against the taller man's.

“I missed you,” Kartik said, changing the topic and putting his head on his partner’s shoulder.

“Want to show me how much?” Aman said. Kartik smirked and pulled his hand to take him to the bedroom.

For Aman, Delhi was his home. Because Delhi had Kartik, Delhi had their cozy, small flat, and Delhi had accepted him even though he loved a man.