Priya Ficlet: No Feelings Left

oh nakhrewaali

@oh_nakhrewaali

Priya Ficlet: No Feelings Left

Priya sighed as Sara Di sat next to her and held her hand, mumbling curses for the just engaged couple. It was the fourth time in probably twenty minutes when someone from her family had come and held her. They were expecting her to break down, to cry, but Priya didn't feel anything. 

Was she dead inside? 

Shouldn't she be screaming? Shouldn't she be crying? Shouldn't she be distraught? 

But she felt nothing. Not that she had been this aloof when Neeraj had broken up with her. It hurt. It hurt so freaking bad that Priya had run away, leaving a huffing Neeraj, who had probably been waiting for an answer or reaction to the news that he didn't want to continue the relationship. 

It took her some time to figure her emotions out, and then she realized that she hadn't really liked Neeraj. He was manipulative and gaslighted her, and Priya had been aware of this even during their relationship, but she had let it slide. Relationships were supposed to be 'give and take'. If Priya won't give him the physical intimacy their relationship called for, she would at least ignore the red flags in their relationship. 

But now, Priya realized that she was being stupid. Letting red flags slide isn't a good idea. Was that why Neeraj broke up with her? Was she a red flag? Or was she not worthy? 

At least Neeraj had been honest when he broke up with her. He had said that he didn't see himself with someone like her. Sara Di had wondered (while cursing his ass to hell and beyond) why Neeraj had not realized this simple fact for the six months when they were together, but Priya had told her to let it go. Priya knew what someone 'like her' meant, unattractive. Out of all the daughters in the family, Priya got the worst share of genes both the parents could offer. 

She brushed off her thoughts and patted Sara's hand, a sign that she was doing ok, and Sara looked at her, probably judging her for not crying, for being stoic. But maybe even she knew, heck, maybe, even Neeraj knew that she didn't love him, she couldn't love him. Not because he wasn't worthy of it or not her type or anything, but merely because witnessing what love did to her mother and sister was holding her back from falling in love. 

She knew her family wanted her to hate Maitreyi. Maitreyi, who probably spent her whole life hating Priya for being the golden child. But Priya couldn't hate her for marrying her ex. Maitrayi was her sister. And if Neeraj made her happy, who was she to stop her from marrying him? But Priya knew Maitrayi, probably even better than the girl herself. Maitrayi was marrying the man who had rejected Priya. She was marrying the man who, for the first time, chose her over Priya. She wasn't marrying Neeraj but was the promotion Neeraj was about to get. She was marrying his posh house in South Bombay, the chance to get out from their distraught bakery, and the fact that after their parents' divorce, they were probably going to end up on the streets. 

And that, Priya hated her for. She hated Maitrayi for giving up on her mother and eldest sister. But she wouldn't let Maitrayi know that. Instead, she would spend that energy in building her family back. 

"You know, it's ok if you don't want to cry. Those dipshits don't deserve it anyway." Sara smiled at her. Priya nodded and thanked her. Yes, those dipshits didn't deserve it anyway.