A/N: Hey there everyone! :D :D Here is the next update! :D :D
Happy Reading! :D :D
22nd May 2004:
Three days ago, Ranveer and I were beside each other, pulling each other out from our miseries. Today, we are the cause of each other's. And we've sworn that we'll never talk to each other ever again, and I even told him that I did not want to see his face ever again. I hate him for doing that! How could he, damn it!? That was the one secret I ever had from him!
How could he!?
I'm not saying that what I did was right either. It was childish and immature, but I didn't know it was affect him so much! How would I know that an incident from eight years had still so much of an impact on him!?
Okay, I'll tell you what happened.
Like you know, everybody's back home from their trip to Kashmir and even Sharman bhaiyya has joined us for the vacations. Since the house was so dull for so much days, the chaos and loads of people have made Disha get all excited, and she's been making everybody dance to her tunes as per her own whims and desires. The worst thing is that because she's the youngest, everybody even listens to her.
So today, our madam decides that she wants to play hide-and-seek. All of us except Prateik have outgrown the age for something as mundane as hide-and-seek, but how am I supposed to explain that out to my seven-year old sister? So begrudgingly, all of us, including Ranveer, were forced to play the game. We chose a different room where all of us would play every round in, turn by turn. It didn't turn out to be such a bad idea as well. We were all having fun.
Until it was at last Sharman bhaiyya's turn and he opted for all of us to move over to Ranveer's room. Since it was free, we quickly made our way over to it, and all got to selecting a hiding place. Even before Ranveer had a say, everybody had selected all the best spots, until we had only two left - under the bed and in the closet. Before Ranveer could call dibs, I quickly ran underneath the bed, not waiting for him to even have a say.
I could hear him shuffle his feet uncertainly before I heard the closet door open and shut. And then the most crappy idea struck me (well at that time, it was genius, but now that I do think about it, it was cruel). You know how Ranveer had pranked me day before yesterday with that rat in the box, right? He knew that rats were my biggest pet peeve and yet he did it on purpose, just to annoy me more. So, in that moment, I decided to get back at him.
Sharman bhaiyya was still counting in his 60's. I'd have sufficient time till he reached 100.
I quickly got up and locked the closet from the outside as silently as I could. I didn't know whether Ranveer got a gist of it or no because I thought I heard him whimper a moment later, but I quickly discarded those thoughts out from my mind at the thought of how sweet the revenge of his prank was going to be. Bad call. And I couldn't help but snigger away and chuckle loudly at my genius.
I hid back underneath the bed, and Sharman bhaiyya happened to enter the room at the same time. And he was pretty quick - either because he was bored, or experienced. But he managed to find Gauri di, Devarsh, Disha and Prateik in less than five minutes. It was now just me and Ranveer. But even before I could think anything more, Sharman bhaiyya pulled up the sheet and caught me.
Now it was just Ranveer.
Getting out from underneath the bed, Sharman bhaiyya looked around to see where Ranveer could have been hidden. All the others went outside at the end of their game, deciding that waiting in the hall would be more preferable since Ranveer's room was pretty compact. I, however, decided to stay back and have some fun.
I giggled once again, thinking about how smart my genius plan was, almost forgetting that Sharman bhaiyya was right beside me. And suddenly, there was hammering of fists from inside the closet. Sharman bhaiyya smiled and was about to open it when I caught hold of his arm and told him to wait.
"Ishaani, don't be ridiculous. It's been almost ten minutes now," he told me seriously, but I just chuckled in response.
"Bhaiyya, let him be inside for another five minutes. He'll be fine," I reassured him, but he looked uncertain.
This was undoubtedly my worst call in judgment. Sharman bhaiyya gave me an unsure look when Ranveer began hammering at the closet door once again, this time screaming out loud.
"Ishaani, are you out there? Please open the door! Please!" he begged through the door, his voice now slightly heavy. Sharman bhaiyya looked at me in shock.
"You've locked him inside? Are you crazy!" he exclaimed reproachfully, moving to open the closet door. I stopped him again, now angry.
"Yeah, you didn't think it was crazy when he gave me that rat now, did you?" I retorted back cheekily, my eyes flaring at him. If anything, he looked graver.
"That was a joke and it was funny. This is not," he responded coldly, throwing my hand off of his arm. Once again, Ranveer pounded at the door with all of his energy, yelling above his voice in what I now recognized was a cry.
"Ishaani please open the door! Please!" he shrieked through the door, his voice now undoubtedly more of a whimper.
"Say sorry first," I exclaimed stupidly in response while Sharman bhaiyya gave me a repulsive look.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... Please," he pleaded out to me, and I nodded my head in what I assumed was a sweet victory. Little did I know...
Sharman bhaiyya didn't even wait for me to say anything before he unlocked the door without wasting another moment. Wrenching it open, Ranveer stumbled out from the closet unsteadily, his eyes unfocused and body shivering. I realized that he had broken into a cold sweat and had tears rolling down from his eyes before he fell upon his knees tiredly.
"Ranveer, are you alright?" asked Sharman bhaiyya as he sat upon his knees at level with Ranveer. He, in return, now shivered more, his eyes closed. "Ranveer, talk to me... Ranveer? Ranveer?" he pestered further as Ranveer remained non-responsive.
"Just leave me alone... please..." whispered Ranveer finally after five tense minutes. Sharman bhaiyya got upon his feet and gave me a death glare, while I simply stood stationary to the whole scene.
I felt my blood go cold as I looked at Ranveer's haggard state. Gone was the twinkle from his eyes, and gone was the smile. In place of it was a ghostly look upon his face, as though he had revisited a horror from the past. Before I could even have time to openly worry about Ranveer, Sharman bhaiyya pulled me out from the room by my arm roughly and gave me the angriest look I'd ever seen him give anyone.
"Are you insane? Do you realize what you've just done to him?!" he yelled at me, while I cowered under his look.
"I... I... It was supposed to be a prank... I... I didn't know it would-" I stuttered in response, but he cut me rudely.
"It would do this to him? You call yourself his best friend? Are you sure you're not kidding yourself!?" he spat, his tone cold and mean. It stung badly.
"Bhaiyya, I swear, I didn't mean to-" I began once again, but he cut me just like the previous time. This was what happened when you had an aspiring lawyer-to-be as your brother.
"Ishaani, go inside and sort him out right now! Do you understand? Right now!" he ordered me this time and I nodded my head in fear, afraid to provoke him any further.
He left without even waiting for me to say anything and I returned to the room, more afraid than I should have been. But nothing matched the pangs of horror and guilt I felt when I saw Ranveer. He was in the same position that we'd left him in, only now he had his head in his hands and was crying unabashedly. I quickly ran over to him and pulled his face up, but he threw my hand off.
"Don't you dare touch me," whispered Ranveer in the same monotone as he raised his face up finally. His eyes were accusatory.
"Ranveer, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" I began, but this time he cuts me off.
"To what? What? Lock me in the closet? Laugh at my despair?" he mocked me in return, while I could do was gulp guiltily. I knew that I'd crossed my line and that I'd have to pay the price for it, even though Ranveer was the one paying a heavier price from the two of us in that moment.
"I know it was the stupidest thing to do, but I swear-" I troed explaining to him, but he didn't hear a word of it.
"You know that I hate the closet and yet you made me hide inside it," he whispered again in the same tone and I felt myself shudder as he continued.
"You know what the closed closet reminds me of and yet you did it on purpose. How could you, Ishaani? You're supposed to be my best friend!"
I shut my eyes as it finally hit me why Ranveer reacted this way. It was his ragging incident. I'd found him in his closet. He had never spoken to me about what he had gone through in those days... just a strained silence as he picked up the pieces and decided to move ahead. I made to speak but he raised his hand.
"Please leave me alone," he stated with a finality in his voice that I knew I couldn't reverse. He was broken; I was distraught. I left the room without another word, only leaving behind the sniffs from my own tears.
He came up to my room three hours later to give me back the book that he'd borrowed from me to read. I took it silently, trying to meet eyes with him but he determinedly chose not to. He turned to leave and I caught hold of his wrist, my eyes pleading for forgiveness.
"Look, I don't want to talk about it, Ishaani. Let go of my hand," he gritted out aloud, but I only strengthened my grip upon it.
"No, I won't, not until you forgive me," I retorted stubbornly as he tried wrenching his hand out from my grip unsuccessfully.
"Ishaani, you're a sixteen-year old girl, not a five-year old one. Let go of my hand," he said forcefully this time, now clearly angry.
"No, I won't," I told him determinedly, and he sneered at me.
"Then learn to grow up and behave like your age," he hissed, not bothering to mask the jeer in his voice.
I pushed him away in fury as I felt the restraints of my patience breaking away. I'd had enough of this now! Here I was, trying to best to make amends and he was busy airing away his ego.
"If you can't take a joke, then don't prank others into it! You know I hate rats, and yet you brought me one in a box!" I shot back at him in contempt. He only arched his eyebrow in cold indifference.
"There's a difference between exploiting your fear and making one relive the nightmare of their lives," he remarked disdainfully, and I scoffed at him.
"Just say that you want to be an egoistic pig-head about this," I retorted heatedly, not bothering to feel bad about the gasp that escaped his lips. If anything, he looked angrier now.
"If you can't take responsibility for a mistake, I cannot help you out any further," he said, not bothering to keep his tone subtle anymore. I let out a mirthless laugh.
"And if you can't take humour, stay away from it. You use humour to hide your sadness and your loneliness, but it's got to have a limit," I spat back, unable to keep the scathing tone out from my voice.
It was terrible on my part to do so and I know it because I was using his weakness to defend something that had no basis in the first place. But yeah, try explaining that when you're being grilled left, right and center for something you're genuinely sorry about and nobody is ready to give you a chance for.
"And oddly enough, you were the one who crossed it," he whispered immediately, his voice now aloof.
"I didn't kill you in the freaking closet now, did I?" I suddenly exclaimed, not finding any other way to win this argument where logic had taken departure from long ago.
"Well, isn't killing me in your dreams enough that you actually want to carry out the deed with your own bare hands?"
Silence. That's what stood suspended between us in that moment. My eyes widened with a fear and panic such like I had never felt before while I saw the same thing reflect in his eyes momentarily before he decided to stand his ground. The error was made; there was no place for retreat.
"What?" I exclaimed slowly, my voice barely audible as I took a step behind. Tears somehow burn across my eyes, as hot as I felt angry in that moment. "You know... how do you know about my nightmare?" I asked him, my voice now ice-cold.
The tables had turned; it was time for him to give some answers.
"I've known for quite some time now," he replied, his voice suddenly shaky.
"That was not my question," I stated, my voice now harsh. He looked at me blankly for a minute before finally confessing.
"I read about it."
"In my diary?" I questioned, my voice now outraged even though it must have been barely above a whisper. His silence was my answer.
"You jerk! How could you! How dare you!" I cried at him, finally letting all my dams of borne injustice and fury loose upon him. He had no right, absolutely NO right knowing about my nightmare! That was my own secret, my own vulnerability, something only I could ever know! How could he!?
God, how could he?
"I did not read your diary... it was the sheets where you'd made notes," he spoke slowly, eyeing me with curiosity now. "And that's rich, coming from you," he remarked after some time, shaking his head.
"You had no right doing that," I shot back venomously, my voice shaking with cold fury as I stared at him in the eye and spoke. I could have killed him in that moment! This was beyond humiliating! How much more did he know that he wasn't letting out?
"The nightmare was eating you inside out and I needed to know how to make you feel better," he confessed awkwardly after a few minutes' worth of sticky silence.
I gave him a contemptuous look in return that made him retreat by a few steps. He knew it that the one thing I could never bear was anyone intruding upon my privacy unless and until I let them. He wasn't allowed here. Damn him, I was trying to protect him!
"By intruding upon my privacy?" I accused, tears suddenly springing into my eyes. Ranveer gave me an unfathomable look before he sighed.
"I never saw you having a problem with it when you intruded upon mine during my accident," he said, trying to sound reasonable. But he didn't realize that what he had done was a breach of trust between us.
"I was trying to keep you alive, you bloody fool!" I yelled at him finally, suddenly feeling another bout of anger pounding through my veins, driving me to a whole new level of insanity.
"And I was trying to keep you happy!" he yelled back in response, now looking defeated.
"You had no right doing that... How dare you!? That... that was my most intimate... You have crossed your limits, Ranveer!" I shrieked back incoherently, turning my back upon him now. He covered the distance and made me turn so that we were face to face again.
"You know everything about Love, then why are you making such a big issue about this?" he retaliated resentfully, I refusing to meet eyes with him anymore.
"I came to know about Love after four years and that too when you told me!" I responded, now livid as I continued my speech of shame. "I didn't go prying on people's diaries! I trusted you to tell me things when the time would come. I never pester you to share your secrets, I always give you your space. All I'd asked you for was time and when I was comfortable to share it with you, and you..." I trailed off, words falling short for me now.
"You read my diary during my ragging phase," he commented pointedly, and I gave him a vexed look.
"That's how I found you in the closet!" I shrieked, now deciding to pace around the room to work off my anger. I was no Ranveer to throw things around when I was angry, and even since that incident with him and the flower vase, I chucked off the habit.
"I don't understand what the big deal about it is, Ishaani," he began, not unkindly. "-I didn't touch your diary, just the sheet with your nightmare. You should how learn to keep secrets if you decide to keep one," he added wisely, but it only ticked me off to a new level.
"And you should keep your nose out from other people's business when the matter does not concern you!" I replied back, incensed at the whole situation.
I had half a mind to wring Ranveer's neck in that moment while abusing my head off, but I somehow managed to keep myself together as I continued waspishly.
"But Mr. Prefect Perfect Ranveer Vaghela must always have to be in control of others, right? He always needs to have the strings and weaknesses and vulnerabilities of others in his hand."
And then, he'd had it.
"What's your problem, really?" he asked me finally, his tone dark. "I'm the one dying in your dream anyway," he added, and the bitterness in it did not go amiss.
"You should have trusted me to tell you!" I yelled at him, angry tears springing into my eyes once again. "I never ask you where you go on those little escapades of yours when you return back home looking like you've run your lungs out. I don't read your diary or ask you about things that make you uncomfortable. Then why can't you trust me the same way?! Damn it, why must you always have to know everything?!"
Ranveer looked at me, his face now stoic. Tears remained stagnant in his eyes, but when he spoke, his voice was cold.
"So this is it, huh? This is how you intend to escape from your wrong-doing? By throwing mud upon me?" he asked, his voice now as cold as the bitterest of winter winds. I ran my hand over forehead in exasperation, tired of the discussion.
"You are a coward, Ishaani," he remarked suddenly, and silence reigned in the room once again. I looked up at him, all blood lost from my face as I stared at him in shock, my heart suddenly incapable of dealing with this title, especially from Ranveer out of all people.
"Just get out of my room, right now," I spoke in a small voice, my eyes drowning him into the fiercest of fires. He smiled ruefully.
"You were the one who wanted to have a conversation in the first place," he remarked, seeing that his words had hit the mark he had wanted to. Damn it, he knew me too well; he could see his handiwork through my eyes.
"I don't think there's anything more left to say. I don't want to talk with you ever again, so please, get out. Now," I commanded, turning my back away from him as silent tears left my eyes at the statement that stung harder than before.
"Works with me. If it's your ego that's all bruised up, there's nothing I can do for that. When you find your little feet back on the ground, you know where to find me," he shot back rather placidly. I could hear him sniff though, something he does whenever he wipes away his own tears.
"I don't even want to look at you right now. Leave," I demanded of him, my tone having a venomous finality to it.
He left the room without another word and silently shut the door behind himself. This was in the morning. I haven't had the guts to see him till now, and it's ten in the night and neither has he crossed my path all day. He's supposed to be my best friend, damn it! How could he do this to me? How could he be so... such a brat! I thought I meant the world to him! God, this is horrible!
I'm not going to apologize to him anymore, that's certain. I've had enough of this nonsense - if he wants to find me, he will. If he doesn't, we can stay like this for however long it takes. I don't care.
Ishaani put the pen down and wiped away the tears that had sprung up her eyes. Her best friend; her only friend, now estranged. Wiping away the tears of remorse, anger, resentment and longing, she penned the last words for her entry rather forcefully before slamming the diary shut.
How can so much change in three days?
Constructive criticism will be more than welcome and sorry for any typos. :D :D
Next chapter:
Epistle 47
Rihana, yearning to break free from the predetermined fate of being a tawaif's ...
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