A/N: Hey there! :D Here's the next update! :D :D
Happy Reading! :D
18th January, 2001:
Wow, stretching my legs lazily without the worry of having to go and study for the exams does feel awesome!
And I think this time, I've genuinely put in all my efforts to tackle the papers, so I'm happy with the way the exams have gone. The simple fact that my Maths paper went absolutely flawless is astounding to me. Sometimes, I really wonder whether it was my dream or reality, but let's just hope that my marks show what I've been claiming to be as a good exam season.
Sorry that I couldn't talk to you properly for the past so many days, but you know how I get during the exams. And then there was Sankranti and Papa falling sick again, and you know how busy it's all been. Ranveer was ofcourse my confidant in these days, but that does not mean that I didn't miss you. But well, hopefully I'll be here now.
Makar Sankranti was a blast! Ranveer and Papa had such a brilliant time with the kites and they must have easily cut 35 kites and we lost just 13 of them. I, ofcourse, remained far away from the kites and that dangerous reel - Ranveer doesn't know that I'm petrified of them yet but he found my reluctance rather funny. Thankfully, I managed to steer my way out of this and got to enjoy all the snack party as well.
But if there were the pros, then there are the cons as well. Papa exerted himself with all that kite flying again and he had a bit of a relapse with weakness. Ranveer and I scolded him a lot and asked him to take utmost care of himself but he just doesn't want to listen! Now I know what Ranveer means when he says that we wants to become like Papa - both of them are impossible to convince and are completely stupid at times!
Speaking of stupid, there was an incident with Ranveer yesterday. It was a rather "typical" one, really, but it has somehow affected him badly. Yesterday, we had a couple of guests home and they saw the two of us playing together and you can only imagine what happened next. Taunts and evil words were fired ruthlessly at him, and in spite of Mota Babuji defending us, Ranveer went into a shell by the end of it. I really don't know what actually got to him the most, but it got to him bad.
Today Papa is visiting one of his friend's rod manufacturing factory and he was supposed to take me. I would have agreed to go, but the factories always give me the feeling of claustrophobia, like I told you about it after our school trip. So instead, I convinced Ranveer to go with Papa so that it would make his mood better. I know how he loves going with Papa for business. Surprisingly, Ranveer didn't look to eager at first, but he eventually agreed. Papa was happier that Ranveer was the one accompanying him in place of me me. He may not say it, but I know that I'm a lot of work to handle.
But you know what was the weirdest? My conversation with Ranveer before he left home. And it has been bothering me a lot. It's why I'm writing to you in the day time instead of the night. I cannot make any sense of what or rather why we were even talking about it, but I think if I share it with you and segregate my thoughts, I might as well understand things more.
So here goes.
Ranveer was as usual trying to tie his shoe laces fruitlessly when I peeked into his room and could not help chuckling. He turned around to see me smiling at him and like always, he simply shrugged his shoulders, looking at me helplessly. I walked up to him and bent down, instantly getting to untangling all the knots that Ranveer managed to make, while he shuffled uneasily.
"Stay still, silly. And seriously, what have you been doing to these laces?"
"I don't know... I can't just get the hang of tying them," he complained irritably, and I gave him a superior look.
"Ranveer Vaghela, the perfect boy, can't even tie his shoelace? That's a little hard to believe," I jeered, but he disregarded my statement.
"We are all human, so naturally we will have our share of flaws as well," he exclaimed solemnly, his eyes downcast.
"And you have more so than the rest of us, I assume?" I asked him daringly, knowing where he was about to steer the conversation with years of experience.
"Yes, the first of them being that I am a servant," he said dejectedly, and I didn't bother concealing my exasperation.
"You really think that anybody would even take that into consideration?" I asked in a bored voice, and he suddenly met eyes with me. And they made my soul shiver in that moment as I saw them burning in a fire that frightened me.
"If you truly believe so, you are living in a dreamland, Ishaani," he stated vacantly after a few moments, while I considered the best way to respond to his statement.
"Maybe you only have yourself to blame. You shouldn't protect me so much. You've changed the way I perceive the world, you know," I tried to say consolingly, but I soon realized that he was in a different zone altogether. Something that I've now come to identify as the reckless zone.
"That doesn't mean that the world will perceive me differently. Tell me, would you marry me if I told you that I loved you?" he suddenly asked, and needless to say, I was taken off-guard. And just as stupidly, I spoke out the first thing that came into my mind. A big, fat 'NO'.
Okay, now I know that was a stupid thing to say, but hey, I don't see him like that! And well... my answer would still remain no, because I love him as a friend. Marriage love would be pulling it way too far. But in that moment, I saw something flutter in Ranveer's eyes, but it was so quick that I barely got the gist of it. Damn, I should have given a better answer.
"See, you get my point," he said finally, an understanding smile on his face. His eyes had lost the spark.
"No," I try to cover quickly, hoping to undo the damage that I'd so stupidly done in the first place. "I wouldn't marry you because I don't see you that way. Not because you are a servant," I added helplessly as he got up and strode towards the window, his hands fidgety.
"The reason you can't love me is always because I am a servant. It's as simple as that," he remarked in an emotionless voice, and I lost all idea on how to defend myself. So I resorted to my usual strategy of playing offensive. Another horrible move today.
"You are overthinking," I told him irritably, while he pretended to have not heard me at all. I walked up to him and tugged at his arm so that we were now standing face to face.
"Besides, you know that I never see you as a servant," I added in a much gentler voice, hoping for anything to work in my favour to help improve his mood. He only gave me a deep, scrutinizing look.
"You forget that I know you more than yourself," he replied in the same monotonous voice, and I could keep my curiosity at bay anymore.
"Why are you in such a terrible mood anyway?" I asked him defiantly as he tried to free his arm from my grip.
"I... well... never mind," he stuttered evasively, and I clicked my tongue in disapproval.
"No, tell me now. I'm not letting you go unless and until you tell me about it," I insisted stubbornly, but Ranveer had turned his gaze away once again.
"I'm sorry," he whispered me after a moment, his voice now a soft whisper. I could sense the pain in it.
"Why?" I asked him, confused at the sudden apology for I was certain this had nothing to do with his outburst. And I was right.
"I shouldn't have cuddled you and slept in Manali," he emphasized, and I'll admit that I was taken aback with the sudden turn of events.
"Where did that come from?" I questioned him, feeling completely bewildered as I let go of his arm.
"Does it matter?" he countered cryptically, but I was done playing the guessing game by now.
"Yes it does," I replied at once, shaking his arms roughly. He did not even so much as give me a fight while I continued to seethe in anger. Anger because he was being unreasonably stupid. And so I continued.
"I don't understand - why does it even matter? You are my best and only friend; if I don't seek comfort in your arms, where will I do so from?" I added gently, hoping that he'd get my point. But he didn't.
"Don't you see it, Ishaani? I'm a servant! Servants are not supposed to do that! We are not supposed to cross our limits!" he yelled back in response, and I noticed that his entire face had gone red. I pushed him away from me, only for him to hit the wall behind a little harder than I expected him to. He looked shocked and was about to speak, but I beat him to it.
"What is wrong with you?! How many times must I tell you that you are my best friend!? You are getting ridiculously insane now!" I fought back, unable to understand why Ranveer was putting both of us through this. It did not make any sense at all, not when things were going so perfect!
"It's suffocating me, Ishaani!" he shot back with hoarse resignation, letting himself fall upon his knees. He hid his face in his palms, now speaking through them.
"I cannot take it anymore, Ishaani... No matter how hard I try, I cannot rid myself of the stain," he continued in the same whisper, while I fell to me knees as well. I forced him to raise his head and meet eyes with me.
"Look at me - I don't care what the world thinks about you," I confess lovingly, knowing that I had taken the matter much lighter than I should have.
"I do, though," he replied immediately, his voice suddenly as emotionless as it had been from a few moments ago. He got back to his feet once again, pulling me up alongside. I stared at him hard for a few moments, but he did not even so much as bat an eyelid. And there I made my third horrible mistake.
"You suck, Ranveer!" I said finally, letting go of my temper now. "When will you ever stop pitying yourself? It's really sickening at times!" I added on, not bothering about the fact that Ranveer was now staring at me in shock, his face distinctly pale.
"I... you... how-" was all he managed to spill out in the form of words and I raised my hand to silence him.
"Stop blabbering!" I cried aloud again, although this time unnecessarily. But he instantly ceased to attempt speaking. I stared at him coldly for a few moments, hoping that he would finally cave into the argument when he threw in another statement.
"I don't want to talk to you right now," he said in a stony voice, folding his arms across his chest in defiance. And then like always, I struck the last delivering blow.
"Wow... I should have known better. Why don't you tell me that you don't want to be friends with me too? That way you can go and pity yourself more," I spat back at him with a sneer, hands on my hips, and I could see what my statement did to him. I slapped myself mentally for it, but that was something I hoped would work. Even that didn't.
"If you don't want to remain friends with me, say it on my face. Don't hide it under the pretense of voicing out my thoughts," he said in an indifferent tone, while all I could do was stare at him agape. Recovering quickly from that blow, I spoke rather haughtily.
"Yeah, maybe I don't."
Without saying another word, Ranveer was about to make his way out from the room when I called him back. Our argument could wait, but Papa's health couldn't. He didn't look too good to mein the morning, and knowing him, he would never cancel a work appointment. So I had to make sure that I could rely upon someone to take care of him.
"Ranveer, Papa isn't looking too good today. Will you please take care of him?" I asked of him, unable to conceal the worry in my voice. Ranveer turned back and gave me an unfathomable look before nodding his head.
"Don't worry, I'll do it with my life."
Ishaani was about to write further when the phone beside her rung sharply, breaking her line of thoughts. Scowling at the phone, she grudgingly answered the call.
"Hello?"
"Ish-Ishaani... please give your mother the phone," spoke Harshad Parekh from the opposite side, his voice barely above a terrified whisper. Ishaani suddenly let the diary fall beside her as she sat up alertly, sensing the fear in her father's tone.
"Papa, what happened? Is everything alright? Are you alright?"
"Give her the phone... please."
Ishaani let a brick fall into her stomach as she quickly fetched her mother from the bedroom and told her about the call. Falguni looked confused, but she quickly picked up the parallel line in her room, his face impassive. Ishaani had never heard her father sound this grim or frightened in her entire time of knowing him, and the foreboding it set into her heart made her shudder, praying that everything was alright. But even before she could reach halfway through her prayer, Falguni had already replaced the line of the phone. She looked at Ishaani, biting her lip.
"Maa, what happened?"
"We need to get to the hospital now," said Falguni, her voice reflecting a dread that Ishaani didn't know awaited her.
"Why?" asked Ishaani immediately, but when all Falguni did was let a tear fall from her eye, the former didn't bother to keep calm any longer. "Maa, say something! Is it Papa? Did something happen to him? Is he alright?! Say something!"
"Your Papa is fine," assured Falguni shakily, even though her words came in hesitant gaps. Ishaani searched her mother's face hungrily, hoping to find something, anything that could hint her about what happened. But before she could come up with anything concrete, Falguni continued.
"There was a mishap at the factory, and your father would not have been alive at this very moment had it not been for Ranveer."
"Ranveer? What happened?" asked Ishaani, her breath now constricted in her throat.
"A hot iron rod was about to fall upon Harshad when Ranveer pushed him out from the way. But he couldn't save himself... It stabbed him in his back instead," whispered Falguni, her voice already beginning to crack. Ishaani stared at her mother aghast as her feet recoiled behind of its own accord. She couldn't comprehend in that moment whether the rod had stabbed Ranveer or herself, for the pain her heart felt was the same as her back hit the wall behind.
"No... no... no... not Ranveer... no..."
"We need to get to the hospital right now, Ishaani," said Falguni as she stood up, her voice hoarse. She didn't meet eyes with Ishaani, who already had tear-tracks down her cheeks, trembling with the weight of the words that she couldn't still believe were true. It was only when her mother spoke next did Ishaani finally snap out of her stunned disbelief, her heart going cold.
"Harshad says Ranveer might not be able to make it till we reach there."
Constructive criticism will be more than welcome and sorry for any typos! :D :D
Next chapter:
Epistle 31
Rihana, yearning to break free from the predetermined fate of being a tawaif's ...
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