Epistle 92: Hand of Circumstances

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A/N: Hey there everyone! :D :D Here is the next update! :D :D

Happy Reading! :D :D

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15th October, 2008:

Love is a funny business.

No wait, strike that out. It's a stupid, stupid business that's only meant to make life more and more miserable with every passing day. I thought that my problems would end with confessing to Chirag about how I liked him, but I could not have been any more mistaken. They'd only just begun. And you know what the stupidest part is? I haven't even told Ranveer about a single thing that's happening.

It's been a year now since he left for Syndey. A year since I've been struggling to pick up the pieces and try to move ahead in life, trying not to let his memories bind me into a never ending paralysis that'll leave me behind if I don't begin to run now. And I've been quite successful too - Maa and Papa have never been more happier with me, Disha and I are on better terms, I've been doing my best academically and artistically as well since I've been spending more and more time with the piano as of late, and even Baa's stopped interfering in my business entirely.

But things with Chirag have been a whole different bliss.

And yet in spite of everything that's going well in my life, I've never felt so... incomplete. Like there's something missing. An essence of that reassurance... of that security. And that emptiness has been nagging at me... I don't like it. I don't like feeling like this. And it's been affecting my mood terribly since the past one month because I just don't know what to do with all of this anymore. It's like the more I try to break on the surface, the more something's pulling me back. And I still cannot understand why I couldn't tell any of this to Ranveer. It just doesn't make sense.

It's been three days since I spoke to him and I still haven't been able to decipher what kept me back from saying that I was in love with Chirag. Oh yes, I am in love with him. I've known for some time now although it's scary to voice something out like that. Especially to Ranveer. Why did my heart fear telling Ranveer those three words for Chirag, I don't know. But the fear was there nonetheless. And so, in spite of the words being at the tip of my tongue, I never told him because the words simply refused to leave. Instead, Ranveer and I jogged down the memory lane of our twelve years of friendship that'll turn thirteen this coming March.

20th March.

I would have called him up at seven thirty in the evening that day itself (since it'd be exactly midnight in Sydney), but well... Gauri di pulled me away from home because she wanted to meet Pranav. Things have only been getting murkier and murkier on that end and Gauri di doesn't want to go ahead with the marriage. And yet she doesn't have it in her to tell anyone in the house about it. The date for the marriage has been fixed as well. 13th November. I've tried convincing her so much to atleast tell either her mother or Papa about it but she just won't listen. 

She's mortally afraid of Baa.

So because I missed the seven thirty mark, I decided to stay up till midnight from my end as a punishment for not wishing him on time. Because I know that he'd never be mad at me. The world can change, but Ranveer never will. And surely enough, when I called him up, the happiness and thrill in his voice made it all worth it, and I could not have felt happier for him that there were people who took such remarkable amount of trouble to make his day special. Ofcourse I'd be lying if I said that I didn't feel that slight pang of jealousy that he did have a great birthday without me and that I wasn't there to make the day special for him, but everything was just overriden by the quality conversation the two of us had and that too after so long.

Oh how we reminisced the olden times - all our antakshari and dumsharas rounds, those truth and dare games when we knew something was bothering the other and we wouldn't say what it was. We even spoke about how Ranveer and I would race around the house when the panditji would give us those dhagas to tie around everyone's hand after a pooja and how we'd fight cats and dogs to see who managed to tie it on Papa's hand in the end. 

I missed doing that so much during Gauri di's engagement pooja.

Just six months more, he told me, till he finally comes down to Mumbai for a week before starting with his internship. He told me that he's planning to take it up at the current firm he's working at if he did get the chance to and he sounded pretty positive on the whole. The two of us couldn't believe how a year of his stay in Sydney had also finished so quickly. Quickly... what an irony, really. Because there hasn't been a longer year than this one that's felt equivalent to a decade. And yet, it's actually passed away in a jiffy, especially these seven months after my friendship with Chirag.

And that brings me back to my problem. I don't know why I wasn't just able to tell Ranveer about it! I mean, I even told him all about Gauri di and we discussed that whole matter for like a good half an hour, at the end of which we both concluded that the only feasible solution here was for her to confess to anyone in the house about her relationship with Pranav because there was no other way out. We discussed all sorts of problems at my place and at his end too over there in Sydney with regards to his studies and those usual mood swings he does have from time to time, but not this.

Forget about love, I didn't even tell him about my 'I like Chirag' confession as yet. Just only about how great of friends the two of us were, that's it. It's like something had let me tongue-tied, and I don't know what it is. I love Chirag, I know that. But there's something that just feels so... strange. Empty. Lifeless. Like there's something I'm trying to seek but I'm not finding it. Like there's fire, but no warmth. Only a suffocation that I cannot place anywhere. Maybe I'm just being delusional and I'm mixing up my low phase with what I feel for Chirag... 

I just wish that I'd stop feeling this way.

I know that you must be wondering how I could be so sure that I'm in love with Chirag if I feel this way. But I do. And I've known this ever since that day when Chirag risked his life to save one of his helpers (who was a very old lady) while crossing the road. He had absolutely no need to do anything and yet he did. Not did he just try to help her cross the road but he actually even got hit by the car that would have hit that lady had Chirag not saved her in time. And the moment I saw him all bloodied and bruised upon the road, my heart had never beat the way it did and in that moment, I just realized how much he meant to me and how much I cared for him and loved him.

The accident wasn't too serious, thankfully and Chirag managed to walk to out it with a couple of bruises here and there and an overnight stay in the hospital. But the way I felt about him in that one night changed entirely. How did love creep up so suddenly, I do not know. Maybe because it reminded me of the time that Ranveer had saved Papa in the factory when he needn't have and how much I loved and respected Ranveer for that in spite of what both of us had to go through for the next couple of months post his accident.

That act of Ranveer's had left a mark upon me forever, and then there was Chirag's one today that reminded me of the same thing... When Ranveer did what he did, it was not just out of love and respect for Papa. It was loyalty as well. But what Chirag did was the reverse. What did it matter if a helper got hit and died?, is how everyone would perceive the situation. But Chirag risked his life for his helper and saved her, not even caring about the fact that he could have died in the process as well. 

How could I not not love him after doing something so... noble and selfless?

And as I sat beside him in the hospital that night, I knew that I'd begun to love him. Because he's different. Because he's caring, loving, affectionate and sensitive to everyone's needs. He's sacrificing, noble, selfless and modest, humble and down-to-earth about his achievements. But above all, because he's my friend, my confidante... my knight in a shining armour. He's been the guy that I've been looking for all my life, the one who I've always been telling Ranveer about.

Someone who I can share all my happiness and sorrow with. My life with. Who thinks only about me, and cares only for me like I'm his prized treasure. Who starts his day with me and end it with me as well. Whose happiness and griefs are latched to mine. Who will never change no matter how much time passes by. Someone who'll stay with me until his last breath. Be my equal and walk beside me until the end. Someone who was in for the long haul.

And every day, I look at Chirag and see that man in him.

Nobody at my place knows about the two of us, and neither have we entered into a relationship or anything. Both of us are content with the fact that we like each other and that's it. His parents know about the two of us liking each other, and they've been really supportive so far. As to Chirag and myself, it's been a silent flame flickering between us that's getting more and more powerful with every passing day and I can see it in his eyes as well. If only I'd stop feeling so empty and would be finally able to embrace the flame of his love and set myself on fire.

I just want to get over this emptiness, that's all. Because there's so much out there in life to enjoy and seize that this relentless aloofness is strangling me now. I have a guy like Chirag beside me, and yet I'm still searching for an essence that I'm sure doesn't exist because... well, I think my mind is playing tricks with me. I don't know what it is that my heart is yearning for because even my brain is getting impatient with all of this stupidity. But I just wish that it'd stop making my life so miserable.

I always thought that being in love was fun because it was all bliss and tingles and butterfly feels. But as day after day passes by, contrary to my quench of love getting fulfilled, it's only getting more and more intensified. As though I'm parched even after drinking water. This is a very, very weird business. Love. Is this how everyone is supposed to feel in love or am I just an exception? Books, movies and my friends paint such a different picture though... 

The thrill of love even I feel when I'm with Chirag. My heart won't stop fluttering every time we simply hold hands for a prolonged time or we just share those silent gazes and understanding smiles. The butterflies are even more so, and so it the bliss of knowing that someone loves you and trusts you so much and cares for you and can do anything for you. 

Be it him taking me out for long drives when I'm sad, or bringing me ice-cream when I'm in one of my moods. Be it getting wet in the rains just because I like it or accompanying me to eat road-side samosas and tea or sometimes even pani puri just because I enjoy it so much! I love him and trust him so much, and yet there's a nagging in my heart whose presence I do not like.

Why does everything have to be so complicated?

-x-

13th November, 2008:

Wow, today's been the most unbelievably miraculous day that there ever could be!

Not just did Gauri di manage to marry Pranav with everyone's consent, but even Chirag and I finally confessed out love to each other! And none of this would have been possible had it not been for Chirag today! He was just... magical! Like a true wizard who just whipped out his wand and set everything right again. And if I had any doubt in my mind about whether or not I was in love with Chirag in this one month, it's all washed away now.

I'll get to it right from the start. 

So you know how this whole drama about Gauri di's marriage has been going on for so long now, and finally everything was put to rest today. Pranav and I had had a lot of discussions about how we were to convince Gauri di to call off the marriage when she wouldn't listen otherwise, and we finally decided to approach Romil himself and talk it out with him. But when even he refused to listen to either one of us, we knew that there was no other way but to have them elope and marry. But when Gauri di didn't agree upon that, we knew that we had only one last resort left - the wedding day itself.

The two of us had included Chirag in the plan. Even though he was apprehensive at first because having an open confrontation on the wedding day would only mean insult and humiliation upon our family, none of us could just let Gauri di sacrifice her life like that for something she didn't even have her heart in, could we? It didn't matter what was going to happen, but this marriage certainly couldn't. 

And even Chirag saw that and agreed with us.

And so as the ceremonies and rituals began today at home, Pranav too came along and stood as a silent spectator for some time till Chirag and I gave him the cue to intervene. Both of us knew the risk we were taking with this and what the result would be if Baa were to find out that it was entirely my doing, but I was ready to do it for Gauri di. Everyone deserved to marry someone who they truly loved, no matter what the circumstances. When it was right, it was right. Forcing someone to marry against their wishes only guaranteed an unhappy life where you could never really give your 100% ever.

And what's the use of being bound by a relationship like that?

In my life, I know that I'll get married to the person I love and never settle for an arranged marriage. My Papa showed me how rewarding true love is, and that's what I seek in life as well. Come what so may. And after today, now more so than ever. I don't care about Baa's opinions on her hatred for love marriages, but I will do what my heart says. And like Papa always tells me, I will trust my heart when it comes to love. And that's why I trust Chirag without any doubt today. Because that's what you do when you love someone - you trust them.

And how couldn't I, after everything he'd done today? You can only imagine the mess that happened the moment we signalled Pranav to stop the wedding. Gasps of shock that quickly changed into the hissing tongues of the guests invited as both the families in question stared at Pranav in contempt for the humiliation that was being brought upon them. They spat arrows of venom upon Pranav as he tried so hard to convince them all on his own about how much he loved Gauri and how he wanted to marry her, and how they were making such a big mistake by getting her married to Romil.

And then, conversations from both sides ceased as Baa stepped in between Gauri di and Pranav, and let's just say that everyone would have preferred walking into a fire voluntarily than staying in the hall in that moment. And surely enough, what happened next was no less than a nuclear explosion, the victim of which were all the thousand guests at the function. I cannot even begin to describe in words the anger and wrath she has rained down upon not just Pranav, but upon Gauri di as well, especially for ruining and tarnishing the Parekh name.

It was nothing short of the most bone-chilling, ear-splitting, hair-raising and paralyzingly horror-struck moment for all of us. The demented bat actually managed to get a kerosene box and match sticks, and would have set both of them afire like a bonfire had I not suddenly intervened in between. Well, someone had to or else she'd have actually gone ahead with the deed, she looked that mental. But unfortunately for me, what that intervention meant was evident - that I was guilty and I knew about all of this.

I won't say what she told me for the next half an hour because I don't even want to think about it and I will never pen down that vitriol ever. Personally, I hope I lose memory of that whole half an hour because never, ever, ever has anyone spat so much filth and venom upon me with such brutality and cruelty like the way Baa did in that time. 

But just so to give you the gist of what her words did to me, by the end of it I only wished that I was dead. Because the humiliation that she caused me in front of those thousand guests alone was enough to make me wish so as her words slashed across my heart like a blade, making my heart bleed like ever before while my soul writhed in the agony of all the injustice. And it wasn't even just that... 

All that emptiness... that aloofness and foreboding that I've been feeling in these past two months just imploded all together and it wasn't pretty. I don't even remember much about what happened after she stopped speaking. I only remember my vision blurring away with tears and the hall having a ghostly silence as no one dared to speak. 

Not a single soul. 

And then my feet began wobbling, taking one step behind the other until I think I broke out into a run. As fast as I could with the heels that I'd worn, away from everything. I didn't even realize that it'd begun to rain all of a sudden, and that it was the becoming a rite to rain off-season like that every year. But well, why wouldn't have God cried after everything that evil woman told me today?

I don't know where I was running and who it was that I was running towards or who it was that I was running from in the first place as the rains slashed harder and harder, my legs now beginning to ache. But I knew that I couldn't stop because that would only mean that everything would catch up with me again and I couldn't have that. Not at any cost. And so I kept running, my thought suddenly paddling towards Ranveer and how he'd go upon runs like those in the forest. The forest... 

How long had it been since I'd gone there last?

Maybe I'd run there and never return back again. I didn't want to anymore. I was so tired of this happening over and over again that I just wanted to disappear amidst the foliage of nature and embrace it. I did not like this world at all. And then out of nowhere I felt someone pull my arm harshly, pulling me away from the road as I blindly put up a fight. I couldn't let anything hold me back when running was so essential. And so I fought as hard as I could until his voice cut through the mist of my thoughts, snapping me back to reality.

"Ishaani! Look at me!" thundered Chirag, and it was then that I actually looked up to see who it was that had pulled me away from my running spree.

It had to be Chirag. Who else would it be, really? My teeth chattered now as I could feel the cold of the rains seep into my skin, making me shiver in a combination of sobs and cold. Chirag himself stood in front of me, drenched to his skin as he cupped my cheeks strongly, his eyes washing my brains away of all its senses. The intensity of his gaze made my soul shiver as he held me in a protective embrace, afraid to let me go. He'd saved me from getting hit by a car, apparently. I could feel the warmth of my fingers upon my cheek as the passion in his eyes left me spell-bound, making my heart beat wildly like never before.

He bridged the gap between us and kissed my forehead as I shut my eyes, feeling the rain mingle with my tears amiably.

"Ishaani, I don't know whether anybody else loves you or cares for you. I don't care whether the world hates you. You think that nobody loves you but you're wrong! I love you, Ishaani, and I cannot even imagine having to live a day of my life without seeing you! So don't ever say or do anything like this again, okay? I'd... I'd die without you..." he whispered in fright, his voice soft as he let a tear fall. 

The horrified expression of pain and love in his eyes took me aback, for the way he looked at me in that moment was a look that I'll never, ever forget. And in that moment, all that I was capable of doing was to succumb in his arms, meaning those three words that I whispered with as much love and passion as I could - I love you. 

He looked surprised but held in strongly in his arms as my head fell upon his chest tiredly, my sobs reverberating around the whole area. He held on to me, never once giving me a moment to fight the pain alone as the warmth of his embrace was a reminder every second of how much he loved me, and perhaps much more than I loved him. 

I don't know how long it was before we separated, but the moment we did, he cupped my neck and planted a small kiss upon my forehead, wiping away the tears and the rain drops from my face alike. He rubbed his thumb upon my cheek lovingly.

"Come back, everyone's waiting for you. And before you say anything, Romil has agreed to call off the things and Harshad Uncle is sorting everything out. It's become quite a spectacle, I'm afraid and quite a good amount of gossip spectacle but well... everyone will have to live with it," added Chirag resentfully, but I did not care. 

I could not care any less now. I just wanted to be with Chirag and feel that solace that my heart seemed to yearn for only more and more.

"I'm not going back," I spoke defiantly. He pulled me out from the hug with a serious look upon his face.

"Gauri needs you. And besides, all is not lost. Romil called off the marriage because I made him to," he confessed and I looked surprised. 

We did find Romil rather fishy with the way he kept dodging us when we were talking about Pranav and Gauri, and Chirag was certain that there was something off about him. So we'd decided to do a little digging into his own personal life but we hadn't come up with anything so far.

"What?" I asked, wondering what Chirag might have stumbled upon.

"He was double timing Gauri... He already had a wife prior to her. Hush hush wedding and no one knew about it. She divorced him months after the marriage because of domestic violence. And Romil was using Gauri just for her money. Or your fathers, for that. He'd have done the same thing to Gauri that he did to his previous wife. Came to know through one of their helpers," he explained and all that I could do was clasp my hands upon my mouth, too shocked for words

"That son of a-" I began, but Chirag cut me off quickly.

"Yes, yes, we'll talk about all that once we go back to the house, okay? You need to change out of this or else you'll catch a cold," he told me kindly, and I took my hand out from his grip just as he began leading me in the opposite direction.

"I'm not going to stay another moment in that house with Baa-" I began heatedly but he pinned his finger upon my lips that struck me dumb again.

"She's recovering from a shock right now, if that helps. You might even get an apology from the way I've played my cards. A public apology at that," he emphasized, giving me a blazing look of anger suddenly and I was reminded about how mad he got the last time she's insulted me like that. 

I could only imagine his chagrin now.

"Do- do you think an apology makes any difference? Do you think that I gave a damn to-" I began angrily, my words getting tied up as my ire from before suddenly flamed up in spite of whatever Chirag just told me.

"You don't, but your parents do about you. And so does Gauri and your cousins. Come back home, they're all worried sick," he added worriedly and that managed to smack some common sense into me. 

I obviously didn't want to give Maa and Papa any more trouble since they already had enough up their sleeves in that moment. And yet, I didn't want to see that wretched woman for as long as I could avoid it. I was really, really mad this time.

"What if I say no?" I asked Chirag, and he just rolled his eyes at me as though I was trying to give him a challenge. Well, it was a kind of challenge. Sort of.

"Don't challenge me. I'll carry you home, even though we're very far from it now," he replied and I furrowed my brows at him. 

In all the chaos, I didn't even realize how far I'd run from home.

"What do you mean?" I asked, looking around my surrounding with a little more interest now.

"Just see where we are. You've run like a thirty-minute distance from your home. I just followed my instinct when setting out to search for you and I'm lucky that I did find you," replied Chirag, looking at me with exasperation. I blushed.

"You- I- shit," I stuttered but before I could say anything, Chirag actually swept my feet from below the ground and picked me up into his arms bridal style, my arms instinctively finding its way around his neck.

"Come on, I've got my car," he said simply as he walked towards the car, nothing more being said in between us.

I don't know how long it actually took for us to reach home, but I think it was pretty quick. Luckily enough, by the time we reached home, it'd stopped raining so that was a relief as well because the heavy outfit was just making me feel all-the-more cold. The moment I entered the house, I heard my mother let out a shriek of relief as she quickly took me into the room to dry myself up. But it was so quick that all that I could see was Pranav sitting in the mandap with Gauri di, both of them too stunned to say anything else.

Maa quickly changed me out from my cold clothes and fitted me into another spare outfit that was decent for the function before quickly blow-drying my hair. I could see now terribly angry she was given how blotched her cheeks looked without even the blush-on, and I knew that saying anything would only mean infuriating her more, so I decided to remain silent.

The two of us got down again in half-an hour's worth of time to see everyone eyeing me curiously. I had half a mind to slap away half of the gazes and to punch away the remaining half but before I could even think about anything, Maa caught hold of my hand and led me towards where both the families stood, quietly. Baa stood right in front of me, looking as though somebody had slapped her back to reality. I felt a new wave of anger burst into my heart at her sight as I could feel the tears of pure hatred burn at the edge of my eyes, but I stood in silence until she said the three words out and loud.

"I'm sorry."

I looked up at her and nodded my head, because that was the only thing I was capable of doing in that moment. I don't know what Chirag and Papa did that managed to get Pranav in the mandap and Baa to apologize, and I don't want to know either. Some things are better left unspoken. And before anything else could be said, the panditji called out from behind.

"We need to get started with the rituals, there's just fifteen minutes remaining," he warned and all of us quickly gathered around near the mandap.

The rest of the marriage took place peacefully as all the rituals got done one by one, starting from the ghatbandhan to the phere and the sindoor and mangalsutra being made to wear. I stood by silently as Gauri di's bidaai happened, everyone too stunned to send her off properly but still trying our best to do so. Pranav looked like he'd faint with shock, but atleast he maintained his cool about him. Baa didn't speak another word as the newlyweds left the house, and before anyone could say anything else, she quietly made her way into the room and shut herself inside it.

We somehow managed to lead the guests towards the garden where we'd done the set up of the refreshments and the snacks with the minimum amount of chaos. Well, it certainly wasn't a pretty day at all and it's a miracle that the wagging tongues were so balanced out given that there was freshly baked gossip on both ends, more from the boy's end than ours, so atleast that was a relief thankfully. Well not relief, but atleast no one would be bitching about just Gauri di. Ah, who cares anyway? The society was made to bitch.

It's been a bittersweet day. Some good and some bad. The scene that happened was definitely bad, the humiliation even more so. But atleast Gauri di got to marry her love at the end of the day, and Chirag and I confessed our feelings for each other. So I guess it got equalled out, I think. Or not. Definitely not the kind of circumstances I wanted to see Gauri di married under. And definitely not the kind of scene that I wanted to be made of myself in public.

And most certainly not the way that I ever thought of confessing to Chirag in.

-x-

5th December, 2008:

Oh, this has been such a relaxing day after all the drama around from the past so many months!

Honestly, I thought that I'd go mad with everything that was happening around her for the past couple of days, but I'm glad that those days are gone, and so have those feelings as well. The storm has passed away, and I like the calm it's brought along with everything being so tranquil and lazy. Gauri di and Pranav are happy and they had a small reception party with very few invitees. Baa didn't attend, but well... I think it was best that she didn't too. Her pagphere ki rasam got done as well and so far, things are going great. And I like it being the same way as well.

Maybe that's why for the first time in a year and a month, I stargazed today.

But this time, Chirag was there to keep me company as well. After our confession, Chirag has never been more serious about the two of us than he now and if he has it his way, he'd marry me right here, right now. But he also knows that I have my plans for the US still alive in my head, now more so than ever and he's willing to give me all the time that he wants. And that's why, I knew that Maa and Papa had to know about this before they turn me into a Gauri di Part 2.

And so today evening, when both of them were resting in their room, I took the chance to talk to them about it. I explained the whole scenario out to them slowly, telling them how it all started between myself and Chirag up to what happened on Gauri di's wedding. They both listened to me in silence, looking rather... taken aback. I know that it was quite sudden, but somehow, both of their expressions were a little... odd, for the situation. It's not like they were disapproving. 

But they weren't approving looking either.

I finished my share with saying how much Chirag and I loved each other and how we were serious about each other and that he was even willing to wait for me to complete my education till we both got married, and that included sending me to the US for my four-year course. Maa and Papa gave me a rather suspicious look (that I now understood what it meant). They thought that I might be using Chirag as a leverage to keep forth my US point. But either way, Papa was 'happy' that I told them about whatever it was between Chirag and myself and he said that he would definitely give it thought.

Their expressions were still rather off than what I'd expected them to be. It wasn't a reproving one nor an affirmative. More like surprise, as though they were clearly not expecting for this to happen. It was an expression close on the lines of disappointment. But maybe I was seeing too much into it. Maybe not. I think I'll have to talk about this to Papa some other time as because I think we'll have a better conversation one-on-one that way. I'm sure that Papa will understand because no one understands love the way he does.

But anyway, tonight Maa and Papa had called Chirag over for dinner and they spoke to him about whatever I'd told them earlier in the day. And he confirmed it all, talking further about how much I mean to him and how much he hopes for the two of us to get married and have a future soon. I couldn't help but blush into the soup I was having as I heard Chirag talk about me with all that love in his voice, and by the end of it even Maa and Papa looked considerably relaxed. Well, Maa more than Papa. There was something at the back of his mind that I could not read, something that was holding him back.

That much I was certain of.

But either way, I know that Papa does approve of Chirag that way so I know that I'll be able to convince him. About the US as well, since even Chirag has given me the go-sign. So I'm calm as of now and keeping my hopes for the best, especially after hearing about the way Papa fought for Gauri di. If he could fight for his niece like that, then I'm his soul. He'll definitely listen to me!

Coming back to the point, I took Chirag over to the terrace as company to stargaze tonight. I don't know why I did feel like stargazing, but I did. Maybe it was because I was so carelessly happy after ages that I wanted to rejoice every minute and every second of it. Life was too short for the big occasions to wait to be happy for. It was always about the little moments that made it all worth it. That's what I've learnt with Ranveer in these thirteen years (almost). Wow, how long has it been since I mentioned him over here? I hardly ever mention him now... that's strange, really.

Maybe it's because I have had so much upon my plate that I just don't get the time to think about Ranveer, most of all Chirag. So well, the moment we walked over upon the terrace, I quickly brought a sheet and spread it upon the ground as I took off my slippers and laid down, beckoning Chirag to sit beside me as well. He looked hesitant, but he joined me upon my insistence nonetheless.

"Wow, I've never done this in my life ever," he confessed slowly as I looked at him in surprise. 

For a moment there I'd forgotten that it was Chirag beside me, not Ranveer, to be honest. I mean, all these years, I'd always stargaze with Ranveer, so obviously doing it with a new person was strange. And yet it didn't really feel so with Chirag. Not really.

"That's because you're an idiot," I replied back childishly and he shot me a goofy smile. 

He took my hand into his own and gently placed it upon his chest where I could hear his heart beat through his sweatshirt. I shut my across against the sensation.

"Well, now that you're here, you'll make me stargaze everyday, no?" he whispered softly, and I couldn't help but blush red. The night was a warm one, and yet the warmth that the two of us shared was something else entirely.

"Obviously," I replied quickly and he smiled at me. 

Both of us remained silent for sometime before I initiated the conversation again by calling out his name softly. He turned his head in my direction, his eyes curious.

"Thank you," I breathed out as I gave him a small smile, wondering how to phrase all of my emotions into suitable words. He frowned at me in confusion.

"For?" he asked, and I sighed slowly. 

Papa always says that if you love someone, always let them know how much they mean to you because life was too short to hold back what someone truly means to you. And so I said it.

"For entering my life and loving me the way you do," were my exact words, I think. Chirag looked taken aback momentarily before his expressions softended and he caressed my cheek lovingly.

"If you are going to thank me for this, then how am I supposed to thank you, Ishaani?" he asked my suddenly, his voice so deep and low that it hypnotized me momentarily.

"For?" I asked, and he gently kissed my finger tips. It tingled.

"For giving my life purpose," he replied, looking at me with a passion that suddenly made me weak in the stomach. There was always something about those passionate eye locks of his that stirred my soul in a very enigmatic way.

"I love you," I whispered out aloud into the night as I felt the air go still.

"I love you too, more than you can ever imagine," he replied back as he kissed the crown of my head, giving me a loving smile. 

He retracted his hand away from my face and comfortably relaxed back and stared at the turbulent skies, his eyes eager to take in everything that the skies showed him. Both of us had a smile plastered upon our faces as our hands remained interlocked throughout the time. 

We gazed at the stars in silence who only seemed to glow more powerfully than their usual selves, as though trying to exude a power of the Universe that remained unseen for the two of us. The moon hid away behind the clouds though, too coy to come out tonight. Or rather, simply refusing to. But it was still alright because I had the light of my life right beside me ready to guide me through all the darkness of my life without ever leaving me alone to fight my pains.

And that's all that I need in life.

Chirag.

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Constructive criticism will be more than welcome and sorry for any typos. :D :D

Next chapter:
Epistle 93

LadyMeringue2016-12-07 00:33:39