Chapter 15

Blithe

@nancy56

Faded#15


Wait, isn't about missing somebody. It's about the hope to see them back.

Shravan could barely feel his skin. It was like gifting everything to the chilly breeze that flew in Leh. He could look at the vast expanse of sand, that felt cold and snow which felt like a welcome change. His eyes burned when he looked at the clear sky, and after 6 hours nothing felt normal. His breaths could be heard by his own heart. He didn't have much to tell about his mission, it lurked in the deepest corners of his rest hours or when he sat to eat a morsel. His team-mates were ever ready to crack a joke, and he savored their effort to distract each other for a normal thought or two. But when he couldn't think of anything, he thought of her. When he said that there was no problem in dying for the country as he said it out aloud so many times- it wasn't completely true. She might be listening- she might be thinking that he betrayed her. Bombs exploded, firings took place as a routine and for twice they have crawled off the ground, across the starry night to ensure that they protect the land they have written their names for. 

6 whole months of being away from the real world, losing contact, and sometimes even forgetting how the roads looked like back home. But for Shravan one thing remained constant- that was the sweet scent which Suman used, the silver lining of her figure- the weight that his arms missed, and the damp heaviness of her head on his chest.

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Suman woke up and did her work as it may ask. The rhythms of her routines swelled in her mind, bubbling everything. She knew what was happening in Leh, but nothing in her power could make her hear his voice before he came back. She still remembered his voice when he said that I will be back, much early than you think!

Your only mistake was that I missed you the next moment your jeep was out of sight, I missed you the second your warmth was amiss. By the logistics, you should have never left. I so wanted to tell you that what you think can't be realized, I can't live without thinking about you. But then I left it like that, making me fool myself into believing whatever you say is true. 

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Kavita Malhotra never interfered when it came to her son's work. She knew he was out there for everybody but her. For a mother, the whole world can be crumbled into dust- there could be attacks and eruptions- on the cost of her son's life. She couldn't come off the insecurity of being a civilian mother, and she demanded this leeway from her son. Don't expect me to be happy when you are in danger.

She never told him that for a mother- whose child is in the army, the world isn't a safe place at all. The ground beneath your feet is just an illusion, that the fault lines are the decision-makers. Those were the lines, where the destruction could create havoc, where the illusion breaks.

She had driven to Ambala, to exchange a meet which had happened 6 months ago. To meet the girl, who might understand her dilemma, to meet the girl who had reserved a place in her son's heart just like her.

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'Masala tea?' Suman smiled, her heart beating faster than she had imagined. It barely happened during her drills, or when she led her team for a fire. Because then she knew what will happen and right now Shravan's mother's arrival wasn't easing her out.

'You, alright? right, Aunty?' Suman double-checked her words if she isn't seeming nervous.

'You seem to be much more paranoid than I do. I expected better of you, Captain Tiwari!' She pulled Suman's cheeks in a loving manner and Suman couldn't help but double up and cry.

'It sucks.' She inspired a lot of air as she could feel Shravan's mother ruffle her hair in her lap.
'I can't agree more.' Kavita noded in positive. Waiting for somebody to come back safe, is the most difficult task. You may look at them as if they are flowing through the normal rhythms of the day when they are actually not. Their heart sits on the edge, every phone call comes like a venomous snake in disguise, ready to bite any moment.

'I had never realized why my mother couldn't sleep for hours at night. That why sometimes she won't feel like eating food, that she barely attended parties. Aunty, I...I can't tell you...that how many times I have just started crying in the middle of nowhere. I can feel my tears in the shower, when the laundry comes or during mock drills. The world thinks that I have gone bonkers!' Suman gave out a watery chuckle.

'I don't.' Kavita smiled a bit. 'I know what scares you more Suman.' Kavita lifted Suman's chin so that she could look into her eyes 'My son, knows very well how to keep promises. The moment he is back with us, you both are getting married. My word.' She ruffles Suman's hair and Suman couldn't help but pass a smile. 

'That isn't for you alone. Shravan never stopped searching for you. He wanted to know that what you have made of yourself, and the day you got posted in his Cantt., 2 years ago, he called me up.' Suman listened with utmost concentration. Kavita stole a glance of her attention and continued 'He could barely utter a word or two. And then I understood, that he had met you. He recounted everything he had remembered- the way you have grown to be the perfect officer he had imagined, the way you walked, and talked. He was starstruck, he said that you were the only one who had pushed him to be where he is.' 

'He adored me back then? but........I don't get this Aunty.' Suman was surprised. She never had thought that Shravan could love her all this time, even after what had conspired between the families after Vijay's death.

'It was me.' Kavita huffed. 'I was mad after losing your Uncle, but then somewhere I came back. It took time, I was baffled- but then everything goes back to normal- just like the sun rises and sets. I put the pieces of the puzzle together, subtracted and added- and I knew that nobody was at fault. Especially you. But however, Shravan was a difficult nut to crack. I never fed him what I thought, but  when I ruffled his hair in the twilight, I let him knew that I will be there for him forever, that nobody could change destiny but god.' 

'And he was a bit cold, nonetheless.' Suman smiled 'But I deserved every bit of it.' 

'Not really. Not now, at least.' Kavita got up and took up the task to prepare tea for both of them.

Suman felt her world filling with all the things she had ever wanted - warmth, love, and belonging. 

'How much time before I get to see my grandchildren!' Kavita laughed before Suman could turn her face away in a blushed smile.

part16 page 20