Chapter 34

Part 31 - continued

"We came to Hoshiyarpur and then on our First night, I found out you to be a common middle class man. My ego was badly hit, I felt cheated. I knew I had lost my heart to you and I could not bear I could give my heart to such person. My ego was completely shattered and I had to gather it.Geet Hadna had been foolish to give her heart to such a middle class common man. Superficially, I blamed dad but internally I knew where it had hit."

 

"To cover it up, I became harsh, forgetting all rationality of even how to behave with elders. Then seeing such a down to earth nature of yours, you came and confessed your love to me even when I had been so harsh to you, it served my ego and then showing you down served it even better"

 

"But staying with you many times I fell into your charms, your way of taking life so simply sometimes allured me and when I would come back to senses, I would react in more harsher way. I could in no case let my ego fall for a middle class common man."

 

"Due to my mix feeling, my belief that I hate you and my ego to save that belief I started being rough on you. Hurting you would help my ego which many time fell for your charm in so many ways"

 

"Then you impressed me with you exception intelligence. I could not bear being impressed by you' how could I, a middle class common man cannot come to attention of Geet handa and here you were taking all my attention. "

 

Maan was listening quietly to all her confession, not saying a word.

 

"Then in my own party, I got a surprise from my friends, you had setup a business. That day, anyway I was not being able to take my eyes off you, which was irritating me and then this news. Behind your simplicity you did what I could never imagine you to do. My friend asked me to claim this as my gift to you. I was in fix, how could I claim something about which I had no idea. You had surprised me and I was impressed. I disliked being impressed by you. How it was so easy for a common man like you to impress me. Again my ego came in and I lied, part of the lie was to keep my friends words. For you how could I show them down? "

 

"You hated be coz I was a common middle class man and you showed me down everywhere, I know that. Tell me something that I don't know"

 

Still lying on her head on his chest, she took his hand in hers "Only today Maan, let me tell you everything and then you can decide."

 

"That day, first time, I wanted to appologise to you for the open lie, I was in guilt but I wanted to do it in my own way."

 

"But then you came to my room next early morning and in your inner black vest and black track, which always took my heart away. My mind and heart used to travel without my control whenever I saw your beautiful structure open for my eyes to feast. My heart and body shouted at me to leave my ego behind for once and feel you. How beautiful it would be to be in your strong arms but then you spoke something and my trance broke. My ego went to extreme, knowing I was badly falling for you. How could I let Geet handa fall for such a common middle class man. Geet handa had her class and I said which spiled everything even worse"

 

"Without thinking anything I gave you challenge"

 

"yes I remember you said ' You know you achived on your own, I know you achived on your own but this world knows I helped you. If you are capable enough prove to world that all you are achiving is your own achievement and not grace from Geet handa."

 

"And you never tried to prove this to world, you were doing all for just your parents. My friends encouraged me and they took the lead in this. Now, whatever project you got, before my knowledge they would announce in someway or the other that it was by my help that you got it. It went on and on and you never went against my word in public to prove what I had challenged you. You just kept doing your work."

 

"Maan in all this my guilt and respect for you started creeping in my mind and heart. When I was not able to take this anymore, I sent all my friends away. I did not like how all your hard work came in my name.I started this but slowly I started hating it.

 

Then Maa and Bauji started getting effected. People taunted them and this taunt only increased with your each success. First time then I had seen pain in Bauji's eyes for you. He was being proud you are achiving this but your name was being ruined due to me.

 

You became completely quiet and immersed yourself in work. This started hurting me. I had never thought I will feel pain due to your condition but it happened. I wanted to stop what was happening, what people said about your success, how Maan bauji were shown down due to me. Guilt started going deep in me and my respect for you only started increasing. I don't know in this whole process when my ego just left me completely. But I was very late, very very late Maan."

 

"Now even without my saying, all your success came to my name.When I tried to convince people in my way that it was all your effort, no one believed me.I wanted to talk to you so badly but you have by then completely shut yourself from me. It started hurting me.But in this process I started following you and it was in that process I completely fell for you personality. I don't know it was love or not but my respect for you kept on increasing each day and my guilt made me realize how small my thinking were in front of you. "

 

Geet smiled remebring something "and while following you I saw how you used to go for football when exhausted by your work load. You have no idea how my heart beat went at abnormal speed seeing you playing football.You had completely taken over me and my personality."

 

"One day when I enetered house, I saw with my eyes how Maan bauji have to listen to society. They would taunt them of selling their son for his success etc etc. People were jealous with your success and were finding ways to void it and I hated how I was the medium."

 

"That night I decided to talk to you by any means. I first time had courage to listen anything from you. But again I was late.

 

I went to your room, Ma bauji were there too but before I could say something you asked me to leave you all.I remember what you had said, you were prepared.

 

"Geet, you never wanted to stay with us but due to your project and whatever reason you had, you decided to stay with us for 2 yrs. Now your project here is over and I see whatever other purpose you had to stay here is also completed. Our name is completely ruined in society, your wish is fulfilled. Now, I think you will love to free yourself from people like us.I will also leaglly free you, so don't worry. You can leave your life your way and we will manage our way. I cannot see my parents head down in front of everyone anymore now. We will move to Delhi and you can move to Mumbai."

 

That night I kept thinking and I realized it was btter for me to leave you alone for your own good. If my shadow falls on you all your success was going to go in vain, Maa bauji will for no reason have to listen to society. It was time for me to live my guilt.

 

Phewww' me tired' this can go on and on

 

tellyme2013-01-18 07:13:36