Chance

3 years ago

Iss Podcast Ko Kya Naam Doon?

@IPodcastKKND

Fear paralyzed her as her vision went blank. She blinked furiously, trying to make sense of her surroundings. Hands flailed in darkness,  feet unsteady. The memory of her room wiped out the minute the whole house blacked out. Her heart beat furiously against her chest. Her throat tightened, as if she had swallowed broken glass. 

The last time the room was this dark, Shyam had stepped in to take advantage of her fear. He had walked in with a candle, hoping she’d be disoriented enough to let him come inside her room, or worse - hold her knowing she wouldn’t be able to put up a fight. 

God knows, if Nanhe hadn’t appeared on time-

Khushi collapsed, shutting her ears as another thunder blasted. 

Their headlights stopped working. The road ahead was pitch dark. Khushi clutched her teddy bear. Her father didn’t realize oil had spilled on the road. Her mother was screaming. A deafening crash. 

“Amma,” She cried, her body numb. 

THINK KHUSHI!

Khushi’s eyes snapped open. Arnav was out of town, so were the rest of the family. She forced her mind to focus on the facts. A house like Shantivan rarely loses power. It is not a coincidence that it had to happen the one time she was alone at home. 

More than the trauma of her parents’ death, it was reality that shook her bones. 

Shyam was back. 

The thought alone powered her to stand up and grab the first thing she could find. She screamed at the winds, screamed of her bravery, enough to let anyone know she was far from disoriented. Far from being taken advantage of. 

There was no reply apart from the howling winds and flickering lights. Cold sweat trickled down her temples. Perhaps it was just the thunder and her trauma. Nothing else. 

“Hey Devi Maiyya,” she whispered, soft relief washing over her. Before she could thank her stars, a shadow appeared. Panic seized Khushi. There was only one man who had cast a shadow in her room more than once.

Shyam Manohar Jha

Khushi screamed but her voice was stuck. Tears streamed down her cheeks but she couldn’t say a word nor move a limb. He had gripped her in broad daylight, there was no saying what he came for now. Suddenly she was an eight years old child in the car, sure of her death. She was in a loop where no matter how much she blinked, she couldn’t see, couldn’t wake up.

Find Arnav

Blood flowed back into her body as she furiously searched for her phone. He’d save her. He always had. She should’ve gone with him. Stayed with him. At this point she didn’t even remember what they had fought about. She knocked the furniture over, unable to find her phone. 

Her ears twitched. She heard footsteps. 

No

She grabbed a pot and ran towards the exit. She had to leave this house - now! Her feet came to an abrupt halt when she saw a man standing in the living room, aware she’d been trying to make an escape. Tears dried and her mouth struggled to speak. Her throat was parched, inhibiting her from speaking.

She let out a silent scream when lightning flashed. His face was as visible as day. 

Arnav 

She had heard stories of how the Lord Shiva had appeared as a saviour, untouched by the chaos surrounding him. Standing with a soft smile, unmoved by the thunder or darkness, Arnav appeared no less than the God himself. 

Somehow, this time too, he appeared just in time to save her. 

“Khushi?”

Khushi’s hands lost their strength. She didn’t need to put up a defense. She was safe. Relief burst through tears as she ran towards him. Her feet slipped and she fell down the stairs but she got up and ran again. Her forehead and arms burned from the fall but she ran despite it all. She reached out to him, her hoarse ‘Arnav’ steady on her lips like a prayer. 

Before she could fall again he grasped her arms and she pulled him into the tightest embrace and cried her heart out. Her wails were silent, for there were no tears and her throat choked her. Yet she heaved in his arms in relief. He was solid, this was not an imagination. The muscle and fabric under her fingertips was his alone. It was real. She was saved. 

– – – 

Few men were as shrewd as Arnav Singh Raizada. He knew how to utilize one’s weakness for his profit. Perhaps that’s why it wasn’t a surprise when he ran a million dollar company by 26. Thus he never lost, nor were his intuitions and strategies ever proven wrong.

So when Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada challenged him that she would never come running into his arms - he knew she’d eat back her words by tonight. 

But when he saw her panic stricken face on the stairs, he lost his footing. Her eyes were bloodshot, face pale. Tears and makeup had streamed down her face and she almost appeared bloodless. He couldn’t move, unable to accept that he had caused her this. Perhaps it was not real. Perhaps it was his guilty conscience berating him for using Khushi’s fear against her. 

It was not something husbands do.

So he blinked, hoping this apparition would disappear and his Khushi would come forth and smack him for teasing her. He could take her anger, but not fear. 

It was then he remembered why she feared darkness. Nausea overcame him. For every second Khushi approached him, he saw the magnitude of what he had done.  

He snapped out when Khushi fell down the stairs, slipping on the roses he had laid for her. He never thought she would run down the stairs. He thought she’d see the flowers and be appeased. She loved roses, didn’t she? But she slipped again and before he could hold her she reached him. Her skin was cold yet she was sweating. Her lips were chapped, eyes frantic. 

She embraced him tight, and his breath was knocked out of his lungs. 

“A-Arnav-ji” She panted, her breathing erratic. His focus shifted to her, he gripped her tight, cradling her head in his arms. Khushi calm down, it’s me. He pressed his lips to her head and she hugged him tighter, her body quivering in fear. They stood like that for a minute, her seeking comfort in his arms, him blocking out everything apart from Khushi in his arms. 

He would deal with consequences later. 

“Khushi,” Arnav hesitated, still rubbing his hand up and down her back, “I’m so sor-” Khushi’s body went lax. 

“Khushi?” Arnav broke the hug and her knees buckled. He tapped her cheek but she had passed out. And even then, her grip on his collar was tight.

– – –

The Raizadas stepped in and were first scandalized by the flowers on the floor. Did Arnav and Khushi have no sense-

Their accumulated anger broke as a pale Khushi lay on the sofa and Arnav ran around to get a doctor. Even Manorama, the one ready for a taunt, was stunned by how pale Khushi looked. Like her life had been sucked out of her. Anjali kept quiet and was about to reach for Khushi when Akash went ahead and stopped Arnav’s maddening pace. 

“Bhai? Is Khushi-ji ok. Are you ok? What happened?” Akash held his older brother’s shoulders. 

“She’s not waking up. Give me your car keys. Mohan had this f-cking great idea to take all the cars for maintenance. I’m not even getting a signal. I have to take her to the hospital.” Arnav panicked, throwing his bluetooth halfway across the room as his phone line didn’t connect. 

“Okay, bhai, calm down. You won’t be helping Khushi-ji like this.” Arnav closed his eyes shut, nodding at whatever Akash was saying.

Despite the confusion, Anjali’s heart ached for Khushi. Without consciousness, it appeared to Anjali how young Khushi truly was. But didn’t Shyam say how young Khushi was? Young to be tempted - her body rejected the idea before her mind could. She knew this woman at the back of her hand. And with her so pale, Anjali doubted if Khushi could ever take advantage of anyone. 

That’s when a few bruises on Khushi’s arms caught her eye. Who gave this? 

“I’ll drive-” Arnav stated. 

“No Bhai, I’ll drive you both to the hospital. You stay with her, ok?” Akash advised. Mohan ran in the house, mumbling several apologies. Anjali briefly sprinkled water on Khushi but to no effect. 

“Chotte, Akash is saying the right thing. Let’s go to the hospital-” Anjali said.

“There’s no need for you all to come.” Payal interjected and grabbed Khushi’s hand from Anjali. Her frame shook in rage. Given all the treatment they had given to Khushi off late, Payal could not take another second of the Raizadas fawning over her. 

“Hello hi bye bye, what is-”

“Maa ji, it’s my sister. So you all don’t have to be worried. Jeth-ji and I will take her to the hospital. Mohan-ji will drive us there.” Nani was surprised at Payal’s tone. She was never the one to oppose anything anyone said - especially Anjali. 

“What are you saying Payal? Why wouldn’t I-”

“Akash ji, your sister and your house needs you more.” Anjali frowned, this was the first time she had heard Payal refer to her as Akash’s sister. 

“But if Khushi-ji needs anything-” Akash argued.

“You don’t have to worry about it Akash-ji. She is my sister. I have and can look after her.” Akash was stunned, he knew where this was coming from. But it was unfair to use an argument against him now. 

“Payal, main-” He stopped when Arnav rushed by him and gingerly picked Khushi in his arms. That’s when Arnav saw Anjali and the rest of the family. 

“Di…” Arnav felt like he owed an explanation. 

“Chotte it’s ok, please take her to the hospital first.” Anjali smiled but Arnav shook his head.

“Di my meeting got canceled. That's why I came home early. Things have not been going ok so I thought of surprising Khushi and… and we would’ve met you all on the road but-”

“Chotte you don’t have to explain me anything. Your wife is unwell that is your first priority.” Anjali admonished. 

“No Di I need to because I know that Mami will make things worse and you hate K-” Arnav cut himself off. F-ck. He shouldn’t have said any of that. Without giving anyone else another glance he and Payal walked away. 

“Wah, Arnav bitwa comes home for romance and he has the audacity to blame me when Phati-Sari is the one who has him wrapped around her little fin-”

“Maa enough!” Akash thundered. “Di, please go to your room and take rest, okay?”

Anjali barely nodded and allowed Nani to accompany her room. Was she suffocating Chotte? Was everything wrong in the house stemming from her inability to accept the truth? Is she ruining her brother’s marriage?  Was she happy to see Chotte and Khushi-ji break up because they broke up her and Shyam? 

Horrified at her own trail of thoughts she burst into tears and hugged Nani. Why did the truth seem so elusive? 

Akash closed the doors and stared at his mother in anger. Manorama had the presence of mind to look a little bit guilty. 

“Maa, you’re aware right that our marriages are fragile right now?” Akash asked.

“Yes but they are respon-”

“Oh yes, I hold them guilty for not telling us the truth on time. But nothing apart from that. I still love Payal and Bhai still loves Khushi-ji. I’ve seen how you treated them off late. It’s almost like them not telling us the truth justified this long standing hatred you have, haina?” Akash accused. He had seen the way his mother had behaved the way it stifled both Payal and Khushi. They, of course, laughed off any of Manorama’s taunts but he knew it was not normal that he found his wife on the verge of being kicked out twice for something as small as a burnt dish or a pill. 

Arnav and Anjali had a lot on their plates. The mother who could help him with his marriage was too keen to see it breaking apart. Akash felt truly alone and abandoned. It was as if no one was there to help him out with his issues. His anger for Shyam doubled. It was just an affair but he managed to make sure the news breaks the family to pieces. 

“Akash bitwa how dare you accuse your mother! Didn’t you see how they hid the truth so they could get married into this rich household? They ruined Anjali bitiya’s happiness. In fact I’ll be happy when those two get out of this house.” Manorama huffed. 

“Fine. I’ll leave Payal. In fact I’ll also ask Bhai to leave Khushi-ji. But all this will only happen when you leave Papa.” Akash watched his mother’s face shift from joy to terror. 

“A-Akash”

“You hate them for the same reason Dadi hated you. I regret the fact that you never opened your eyes maa. You love us, but it's not enough. Here my relationship is on the rocks, things have continuously gone wrong between Bhai and Khushi-ji and as my mother you aren’t there to help me. No, I exist so you can get a great bahu and reclaim your status. I don’t know how to process the fact that you’re taking advantage of my relationship breaking apart.” Akash looked away, overwhelmed by tears. Manorama stood shell shocked. If there was one person she had counted to never bring up her flaws, it was her son. He was her own.

“I don’t feel happy saying this Maa. I know you genuinely love us. But that’s lost. And now I’m lost in my family. You’re upset on Payal not telling anyone anything, right? So why didn’t you tell me that Bhai was kidnapped? NK bhai also didn’t say anything. Bhai, who trusts me with his company, didn’t tell me the truth about Shyam although he knew it for six months. And now Di, who would understand what I would say without saying a word, refuses to listen to me when I beg her to move on and not trust Shyam. Papa is not here and my own mother is happy to see my marriage break with the only woman I ever loved. I am a stranger in my family and I don’t know who to blame.” Manorama remained quiet as Akash broke into tears. She couldn’t say a word. 

How could she? When she knew that she complained to Arnav about Khushi visiting Anjali or interfered with Payal trying to talk things out with Akash not only because she was genuinely upset but also that she saw it as a point for them to break off with the women she disapproved of. 

“Beta-” She tried to touch his arm.

“I’m sorry maa, I shouldn’t have spoken like that. Update me when Di feels better.” Akash walked away, the mask of calmness and maturity back in place. For the first time Manorama realized that her son was not naive nor blind, he just tolerated more and loved enough to not interfere.  

– – – 

Payal pressed on her temples, her heart aching as she recollected how hurt Akash looked when she distanced herself from him. She knew he was genuinely worried about Khushi. Like the brother he is to her. Yet, Payal couldn’t resist throwing back his words to him. 

And now that she did, she felt awful. An eye for an eye did make the world blind. 

She took a walk outside the hospital, desperately needing fresh air. Why is it when they were a step closer to patching things up, it fell through? She knew she should call Akash, let him know that Khushi was stable but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Her pride and self esteem were still hurt. 

She had suffered a lot in the past few days and she felt at this point her suffering was more than her crime. But she couldn’t blame Akash entirely. They were both angry and doing things they didn’t mean. 

The cool winds of Delhi chilled her. She rubbed her palms up and down her arms. She missed the man who was silently there for her. 

A jacket was extended to her. 

Payal turned and saw Akash standing, his eyes clouded in worry. 

“Akash-”

“Maa and Dadi are with Di. She’s sleeping now. How’s Khushi ji?” He waited with bated breath as she took the jacket and wrapped it around her shoulder. 

“Thank you. She’s asleep too. She had a panic attack.” Payal explained. Akash frowned, panic attacks and Khushi? 

“Khushi was in the car when her parents died. So she doesn’t do well with speeding cars, darkness and storms. The last time this happened, Khushi was thirteen. Some of her friends thought it was nice to prank her and lock her up in a closet.  But I was there. I just wonder what would’ve happened if Jeth-ji hadn’t come in time. She would’ve gone through this by herself and-” Payal burst into tears. Akash hugged her tight and she wrapped her arms around his wait. It had been so long since he had held her. 

He closed his eyes, he finally felt at home.

“I’m sorry Akash. I’ve failed you as a wife,” Akash opened his eyes, surprised at her comment, “I’ve failed this house as a bahu. And I think I have failed Khushi as a sister. I’ve failed everyone I’ve loved-”

Akash broke the hug and held her shoulders, he searched her lovely face for answers. 

“Payal, you’ve made a mistake and so have I. If one mistake fails you then there’s no one here who has never failed.” Payal nodded, wiping her tears with his handkerchief. 

“But I should've known Akash. I knew the weather was bad, I should've stayed back for Khushi...” Payal broke into a sob, "if I stayed back with her then she would've been ok. But then I would've hurt you all. I'm being pulled apart Akash. Every single day I've to choose between my sister or my family. And I miraculously hurt everyone-" Akash held her face, wiping her tears. 

It was not her fault. 

"You didn't hurt anyone Payal. I just broke my promise. I had told you your family is like my own. But I've forced you to choose." Perhaps just like his mother, he was subconsciously dividing the family further. Maybe he did get a derange sense of happiness to see her actively choose him above the only person he knew she loved the most - Khushi. 

Perhaps seeing her choose him above Khushi was his own sense of twisted validation that she would never choose to hide a truth from him. But did Payal really hide the truth for Khushi? 

"Nahi Akash, you didn't force me to-" Akash shook his head, he wouldn't forgive himself if Payal blamed herself for his actions. He believed in justice. In equality. 

"Payal, over the past few days I've only accused you for hiding the truth. But Khushi tried to tell me something and you stopped her. What was it?" Payal looked away, a bout of regret stemming at the way she had snapped at Khushi back then. But she did it to protect a part of her family's respect. She knew they had an audience who would lash on Garima and Madhumati and think they hid the truth only to get her married to Akash. 

But wasn't that the truth? And Akash deserved every bit of it.

"Shyam threatened the family over the consequence of telling the truth." Akash's lips thinned. Of course Shyam would've utilized the impending marriage to prevent the Guptas from telling the truth, "Khushi and Buaji were firm in telling the truth regardless," Payal continued, "But Amma was afraid. Don't blame her Akash, this is something I got to know after marriage that Babuji got his first attack in Lucknow right after we left. People refused to buy sweets or hire him to make sweets because of my broken marriage and Khushi's scandal. Amma knew there's no way you would believe Khushi to be innocent nor would my marriage survive the truth. And worse, another broken marriage would might as well kill her and Babuji." Payal concluded. Akash was solemn. For once, he couldn't find himself vehemently denying the fact that the family would misunderstood Khushi.

He had seen what Arnav had done due to a misunderstanding. The chances of them being non complicit appeared next to none. 

After a moment he asked, "You told me what everyone thought Payal. But what did you think? What was your decision?" 

"I..." Payal hesitated, her confident declaration still clear in her memory, "I told them to go ahead and tell everyone the truth. Even if it breaks my marriage." Akash let out a deep breath.

"Why?" 

"Because nothing good can come from a lie and I hoped," Payal looked into his eyes,"I hoped you would love me regardless."

"I would," Akash engulfed her into a hug, relief coursing through his veins. Just the admittance that she hoped against hope, thought of the truth first, put all his worries to rest. Payal closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It was the first time since months she felt she truly held him in her arms. 

And now, in his arms, she had the strength to fight against anything. The battle for showing Di the truth and managing this house had only begun. 

– – – 

Arnav sat on the edge of the hospital bed, holding Khushi’s pale hand in his. Her cheeks were finally suffused with color. There was a small bump on her forehead and a bandaid on her arm from when she fell. With a trembling hand he pushed a strand of hair behind her ears. He had misused her fear. Only for his sake. 

Arnav looked away, unable to accept the truth that he was responsible for her state. He loved her, beyond any logical reasoning. But the fact that he led her to this hospital looked very little like love. 

No sorry was enough. No ‘I didn’t mean it’ was enough. Nothing was enough. 

Tears overwhelmed him, along with the realization that if Khushi got to know the truth and wanted to leave - he  had nothing to convince her otherwise. In a span of forty eight hours he had hurt her twice. Both times to a point of no recovery. 

He pressed a warm kiss on her knuckles, hoping against hope that it would say everything he couldn’t. 

Khushi stirred from her sleep and jerked up, Arnav rushed to hold her head but she pushed him away. She blinked hard and looked at him.

It is Arnav. 

Her shoulders sagged in relief and she extended her arms for a hug. Armav, too selfish to not give into a hug, wrapped his arms around her as she closed her eyes and rested her head against his chest. 

“Thank God it’s you.” She whispered, coughing as her parched throat protested. Arnav handed her a glass of water. Khushi frowned at his wordless actions. It was unlike him to be so quiet with her. 

“Arnav-ji, I’m fine. You don’t have to be so worried.” She smiled. What was she made of? Arnav looked away, lest she see his tears, and waited for her to be done with her glass of water. His hands were still trembling. She held his hands and kept it on her lap. 

“I’m genuinely fine. I… I’ve been through this before. But this time it was something else.” Khushi grew serious. Arnav panicked, waiting for answers. 

“Arnav-ji… I think Shyam is back.” Arnav froze and stared at her. 

“He has done this before.” Khushi trembled, gripping his hand until her knuckles turned white. 

“Did what?” Where was Shyam? How did he not see him! 

Khushi nodded and let go of his hands, brushing her thumb on the little nail impressions on his skin. Arnav cupped her cheek and insisted, “What did he do?”

Khushi had tried sleeping with her small lamp on. The memories of Arnav, the hut and the barely said words fresh in her mind. She twisted and turned in her bed, racking her brains to draw up a plan to rescue him. Suddenly, the lights went out. Khushi jerked up, alert and afraid. For a small moment she remembered how he had brought fireflies to ease her fears. And somehow he always dispelled her fears. 

And right then she heard footsteps and saw a shadow. Had Arnav freed himself? Is he secretly coming home? No! That sounded ludicrous - why wouldn’t they escape together if that was the case. 

To her horror, Shyam stood in front of her with a candle - trying to cajole her fears. He walked closer, attempting a hug and touched her hand. 

“If Nanhe-ji hadn’t arrived in time,” Khushi shivered in disgust. Arnav shook with rage and stood up, itching to throw something against the wall and shatter it to pieces. All this while he had never thought what were the consequences of bringing Khushi in the same house as Shyam.

“F-ck!” He slammed his hand against the wall. 

“Arnav-ji!” Khushi shrieked. Arnav turned around, his anger diminishing at the worry in her eyes. He walked to her in two steps and held her face. 

“I swear I won’t leave you again Khushi. It’s all my fault. I should’ve listened to you-”

“Hey,” Khushi cupped his face, brushing her thumb against his stubble, “You’re here with me. You believe me. He can’t do anything to me. Despite him being there today he couldn’t even come in front of me only because you were there.” Arnav hung his head and clenched his fists. 

He sat on the bed and asked softly, “How are you sure he was there today?”

“Arnav-ji, I am pretty sure he has kept tabs on all of us. It is not coincidence that all the lights went out on a thunderous night where no one was at home. He knows my fear. I wouldn’t keep it above him to use it. And I saw a shadow of a man. Just like that night. Only one man can do such a disgusting thing. But thanks to Devi Maiyya you came here at the right time,” Khushi gave his hands a reassuring squeeze. 

Arnav couldn’t speak. His throat tightened as Khushi looked at him with her eyes full of hope and sincerity. Khushi frowned as she noted the guilt on his face. Oh, when will he stop feeling responsible for everything? 

“Arnav-ji, the mistake is mine. Easily we would’ve been touring the Taj Mahal and bickering about whether or not you’re my pati, but I had to be a wonder woman at home.” Khushi teased him. Arnav covered his face with his hands, unable to take her reassurances. Khushi shifted towards him and removed his hands. She held his cheek and turned him to look at her. 

“Arnav-ji. Nothing happened. And you can’t feel guilty for an incident where you weren’t even there. And you should be happy. I did end up in your arms right? Which means that I have to accept that you’re my husband.” Khushi dramatically sighed and waited for him to smile. Except he let out a shuddering breath and whispered sorry. 

“Arnav-ji, why are you apologizing? Is it about before? Then it’s ok… I know you didn’t mean it.” Khushi said. However Arnav couldn’t bear to look at her. She moved forward to hold his other cheek. 

“Arnav-ji, you’re behaving like you’re the one who switched off the lights,” Khushi chided. Arnav froze and looked at her, wide eyed. Khushi’s smile dropped, her hands leaving his face. In the few months of a difficult marriage with Arnav, Khushi had been forced to learn every single expression and body language. 

For a man who did things very differently than what he promised, it was his silence that gave her answers. When he had looked away right after Holi, declaring he didn’t remember anything, she realized he remembered everything. When he had looked away, telling her their marriage was still a contract, she realized he was telling anything but the truth.

She had assumed he wasn’t meeting her eyes because he felt guilty for not being there when Shyam was harassing her. For all the previous accusations. For being unaware what being married in this house meant. 

But Arnav was rarely a person to ruminate on the past. No matter how terrible his deeds were, he never shied from looking straight into someone’s eyes if there was a grain of truth. And the only time he met her eyes, frightened, was when she joked that he had switched off the lights. 

Khushi’s chest tightened. A rock lodged itself in her heart. Her hands still hovered across the face as she searched his tormented face for answers. No, this couldn’t be her Arnav. 

“You… you did it?” She agonized, her hands falling to her sides. Arnav immediately grabbed her hands, “Khushi I didn’t know all of this would happen-”

“Why Arnav-ji?” Khushi snatched her hands away and buried her face in her palms. 

“Khushi, I’m sorry. I really didn’t know-”

“You didn’t know?” She snapped, “What did you not know? I told you what happened when I was eight. I literally fainted and developed a fever in Nainital because I was in a dark room. It happened in front of you! You know what happens Mr. Raizada.” Veins stood on her neck as she yelled at him. 

“Khushi I did not mean to hurt you-”

“Then what did you mean to do? What in the world did I do to deserve this? Who have I hurt in your family again? How have I hurt you?” Khushi demanded, angry tears threatening to spill. Arnav looked away and refilled her glass of water. 

“Look at me Mr. Raizada. You hate it when others look away while talking right, well that’s applicable to you too. Why did you do this?” Khushi stood up, wavering on her two feet. 

Arnav rushed to her and held her before she fell. Khushi struggled in his grip but he didn’t relent. 

“You’ll fall Khushi.” He warned. 

“I don't care. I just feel like an idiot for running straight into your arms-” Khushi stopped, her eyes widening in disbelief. 

You’ll come back to me. You’ll accept me as your husband. In fact you’ll run straight into my arms. 

“You did this for a challenge?” Khushi shuddered and swayed. Arnav put her back on the bed and she remained quiet. Arnav waited for her outpour. For her to hold him responsible and yell at him for being insensitive. He could only apologize after she punished him. 

Except Khushi sat quietly, tears streaming down her cheeks until they ran dry. 

“Say something,” He requested. 

“What should I say? I can’t say I hate you because I don’t. I can’t say I want to leave you because I know what the consequences of that are. I can’t say I’m heartbroken because you’ve heard that a thousand times and there’s been no difference. It’s just disappointing that you’re been cruel on things that needed no cruelty.” Khushi lamented, fidgeting with the band aid on her arm. Their wedding, her accepting him as husband or a hug - all he ever needed to do was ask. Yet they’ve all been painted with brutality. 

Perhaps it is her fate, she couldn’t fault him entirely when destiny itself was written against her. 

“Khushi, how can I fix this?” Arnav asked. He was met by her mirthless chuckle.

“You cannot Arnav-ji. To hurt me once is an incident, twice is a mistake but the third time's a pattern.” Khushi rued, her face as pale as before, her eyes hollow. She had finally given up on this relationship because there was never a day where he wouldn’t hurt her. That fact alone broke her poor heart to pieces because there is no other man she could love as much.

Nor another man who could love her in return. In whatever bits and pieces she had received his love, it was filled with such intimacy and belonging that she had never had before. His love for his family was unparalleled. She just had the childish wish of being his family too. 

Arnav’s heart sank at her calm disposition. He saw hope and love diminish in her eyes. Even though he was sitting right next to her, the distance hadn’t been greater. He couldn’t breathe. 

When your loved one walks away from you, you will stop breathing. 

Clarity dawned on him and he grabbed her pale hands and Khushi balked. These were the eyes of a man determined and no good had resulted from it. 

“Khushi, I am very sorry for everything I’ve done and I am going to fix this.” He vowed. 

“Arnav-ji, please. The day I reciprocate you’re going to do something worse. And this time I won’t be able to survive it.” Khushi pleaded. 

“That won’t happen Khushi. I won’t promise anything, but I swear I’m not going to hurt you like this - ever.” Arnav stressed. Khushi looked away, there was no way she was going to look into his beautiful eyes when he said everything she had wanted to hear. 

“I know you won’t believe me. And that’s understandable given how I've been. But this time-” 

“This time what Arnav-ji? You’re not going to let me go? You’re going to make me accept that you’re my husband? You’ll tell my parents about our relationship?” Khushi cut in. How dare he make promises after violating her fears? How dare he treat her hurt as nothing? How dare he look at her like he loves her? 

Because love shouldn’t hurt so much. 

“This time I’ll prove that I’m a good husband.” Arnav solemnly vowed.

“What?”

“I realize there’s a fundamental logic lacking in the whole argument of me wanting you to accept me as husband.” Arnav perked up as if a light bulb had just flickered in his head.  Either Arnav was suddenly drunk or he was possessed. By his soft smile the latter half seemed likely. 

“Are you ok? Do I put a bed for you here?” Khushi touched his forehead, genuinely worried for his health. 

 “It’s that I’m not husband material," Arnav continued, unaffected by her, "I've not fixed anything. So of course, this marriage is heading down a disastrous path.”

"You want to fix things? If that's so then I literally have a list-" Khushi argued.

"Perfect. Email it to me. I'll fix it." Arnav said. Khushi blinked at him, unable to process his words. Tears stung her eyes. Was he even listening to himself?

"What will you fix Arnav-ji? A memory that two nights ago you called me the biggest mistake of your life - which I agree - and threatened my sister's marriage. Or that because your footage in Lucknow Babuji lost his shop? Or my heart. You can't fix any of this because memory, respect and love cannot be bought nor traded." Khushi grit through her tears, her wounds fresh from every pain he had ever inflicted. 

Arnav sat by her side, his face grim. For long he had avoided a confrontation with his mistakes. Attempting to fix them without hearing them out seemed outright absurd. But for a man without hopes, he had counted on Khushi never listing out his mistakes. The first time she did, he was left in silence with a resignation letter that burned through his skin. And now her words were branded on his heart.

He was no longer going to go into a argument of whether or not he had one. One could provide ample evidence that Arnav Singh Raizada had anything but a heart. Hurting the one woman who meant the most, utilizing her fear against her, utilizing her sister's marriage against her, making her stand in the rain for hours, etc. 

However, he knew with just as much conviction that he had a heart. Because avoiding that notion hurt the one woman who cared for it the most. Also, it seemed to live in her hands more than in his chest.

And he could no longer afford to hurt Khushi for the greater good of a union that he could never plan right. He held Khushi's chin, watched her lips wobble with a suppressed sob and let his eyes meet hers. 

"Payal's marriage will never be under any threat," He vowed, never leaving her eyes, "I'll buy back uncle's shop-" Khushi protested but he shushed her, "as I legally should. What I spread was fake news. That has ramifications. So giving him back the store is the least that I can do."

Khushi sniffled, waiting for him to address the most important accusation in her list. Her poor heart - one which he had no idea of where it was. And it was this treacherous heart that couldn't see the exhaustion in his eyes, or fatigue in his bones. 

"Before I can do anything with your heart I need to know one thing." Khushi stiffened. Was he going to ask her to confess? She couldn't! Or worse, was he going to ask for a list of her mistakes? There was no way she could rectify the consequences of not letting Anjali know the truth - she could swear that she always hoped that Shyam would turn right and Anjali's happiness would be preserved. But did that even make sense in the current situation? 

Khushi panicked, her own list of mistakes falling heavy before her. Would he ask why she helped Shyam get his signatures on his will? Again, it was unintentional and she never knew it was his will in the first place, she had traded whatever Shyam wanted with the hope that he'd tell the truth to Arnav.

Considering her decisions, Khushi decided to never become a businesswoman. Her intuitions were poor and intentions even poorer. 

"Can I ask you a thing before I do anything with your heart?" Arnav repeated his question, bringing her back from her frenzied thoughts. Khushi took a deep breath and nodded, she will face the consequences-

"Doyouwantme?" Arnav bit out in a breath, so fast that Khushi blinked at him like an owl. Did she hear right? 

"What?" She frowned. 

"I already said it once, I'm going to say no more." Arnav jutted. He had mustered every inch of courage. If she didn't hear it, good for him. If she did - then she might as well give an answer.

"Did you ask if I want you or not?" Khushi clenched her jaw, wondering how could a man be intelligent and an idiot at once. But yet again Arnav Singh Raizada was known for being many things at once. Destroyer and savior. Frustrater and soother. Enemy and guardian. Rakshas and Rajkumar. 

Arnav stiffly nodded, patience ticking thin at her response. This was where everything lay. At the end of the day if her feelings saw a change because of the circumstances then there was no point in trying to salvage what was left. Maybe she was looking for a loophole in his question.  It was something he would do.

"I will protect Payal's marriage and buy back uncle's shop regardless of what you say," He added as an afterthought. Perhaps she needed the reassurance that a negative answer wouldn't impact her family. 

"After everything you still question if I want you or not?" Khushi fumed, "do you not understand why you have the capacity to break my heart? Why I run behind you at the airport like a mad woman? Or find you in the darkness? Do you really not know what - or rather who - I want Mr. Arnav Singh Raizada." His name was enunciated in a pot of sarcasm. The tone identical to the point where he'd made a declaration of how great he is - by uttering his name. Clearly, she mocked him. And Arnav couldn't be happier.

He cracked a smile at her anger. Standing up, he startled Khushi by bending to her level and pressing the softest kiss on her forehead. Her eyes shut against her will, savoring his lips on her skin. She didn't realise when her hands ghosted around his face, one hand gripping his shirt in a tight fist.

"If that's the case then be prepared." He whispered, untangling her fingers from his collar. 

"Be prepared?" She questioned, eyes crossed as he was a breath away from her.

"To have your heart fixed." His nose brushed against hers. Before he could lean into temptation he stood up straight and headed towards the door.

"One minute Arnav-ji" Arnav stopped and turned to look at her. Her cheeks had colored greatly. 

"How are you so sure that you can fix it?" She asked.

"Because you don't have your heart Mrs. Raizada," He quipped.

"Excuse me, I do! I'm not the heartless one here." Khushi huffed.

"I didn't say you don't have a heart." Arnav raised an eyebrow.

"Then?"

"I know where it is." He gave her a rare, dimpled smile and walked out the door - missing her 'haw' face.  

And like the fool in love she was, Khushi Kumari Gupta found herself giving him the last chance knowing he finally got one thing right about her.