Chapter 19

**Chapter 19: Doubt and Fear**

Nikhil had heard almost all of Raghav and Baba’s conversation, and when he walked in the shop after Raghav left to give Baba his lunch, he decided if his sister could make such a big sacrifice for him, he wasn’t any less willing.

“Baba, your stubbornness is getting you no where.”

“Nikhil, I don’t want to talk about this, I’ve made my decision.”

“Great, well just like I can be melodramatic with my ultimatums as well, if you don’t bring Pallavi back to the shop and forgive her, you won’t have just lost a daughter, you’ll lose another son too. Pallavi Di sold the gold embroidery from her own wedding saree, the one her parents left her, to pay for Mansi’s wedding jewelry. She worked every odd job she could find over the past two years to make sure no one at home was ever worried about money. Baba, she didn’t make a mistake lying to you about the accounts, she knew everyone at home had enough worries. What aren’t you understanding? And now, you know that Pallavi only married that Rao in order to get me out of jail, and here you are, complaining about her to Raghav Rao as if she’s a stranger. Who knows what she’s going through in that house—“ Nikhil shook his head and then stood resolute, “I’m giving you twenty four hours too Baba, if you don’t make the right choice, I’ll find another place to live.” Nikhil left the store and Baba sat down, his head throbbing. He knew he should forgive Pallavi, he knew that she must be suffering in that marriage.

Pallavi arrived at the restaurant Vikram had told her to come to early, she thought it best to let Raghav know why she was here. Though she hated him, she didn’t want to give the impression that she was messing with his work. She didn’t like interfering with anyone’s work, it was disrespectful, even if Raghav deserved it. She was about to ask the hostess for a table, when she heard Vikram call her over, “Pallavi, you’re early!”

Pallavi walked over to the table, “Ah, I’m sorry to be early, I just wanted to let Raghav know—“

“Don’t worry about that, what husband minds when his wife joins him for lunch?” Vikram smiled. “So shall we get down to brass tacks?”

Pallavi listened carefully as Vikram took out his tablet and went over how his boutique was going to be organized, the other designers he was bringing on, and what kinds of designs he was interested in. She was still a little wary of him, but she could tell that this opportunity wasn’t one to pass up. Forget working for Baba, if he refused to forgive her after all this, she might as well stop trying. The two of them talked for around twenty minutes before Pallavi heard a voice behind her.

“Saree ka Dukaan, what the hell are you doing here?” Raghav was unable to mask his anger.

“Saree ka Dukaan?” Vikram laughed, “That’s an interesting nickname for your wife, Raghav. Not that creative though, if you ask me.”

“Raghav, I was going to message you, but I forgot—um Vikram invited me to…” Pallavi tried to stammer an answer to Raghav as he strode forcefully to the table. She didn’t know why, and she hated it, but sometimes she was still a little taken aback by his glare. It usually took her preparation to hide her worry and fear when she had to talk to him.

Vikram noticed Pallavi’s discomfort and what he realizes was a hint of fear, “Raghav, it’s my fault, I had to meet with Pallavi about my boutique to give her the full pitch. She’s a hard one to convince, and I thought I might as well kill two birds with one stone.”

Raghav’s brows were still furrowed, but he softened when he noticed Pallavi’s scared expression. He felt a little bad about his anger now, after all, her so called ‘father’ had just disowned her for the third time in a matter of days.

Raghav took a seat at the table, next to Pallavi, “so, you’re still interested in hiring Saree ka— I’m sorry, you don’t like my nickname for *my* wife, Pallavi for your boutique?”

Pallavi gathered herself, and shifted her chair a little farther away from Raghav, “I’ve already said yes, Vikram will let me know when to send him the designs and when to start meeting with the vendors and the other—“ she trailed off, looking at Raghav’s face. Her fear creeping back up her throat.

“I’m so glad, Pallavi, this is going to be great. Well, now that you’re here Raghav, I looked over the proposal Farhad had sent over and thought about what we talked about yesterday, and I’m ready to move forward. I’ll get the papers sent to your office ASAP, and then we’ll move forward with the shoots and the like. Sound good?” Vikram was looking curiously at the couple sitting across from him, what was their relationship actually like?

Raghav nodded, “Great, in that case, I think Pallavi and I should go—“

“What’s the rush, we’re all now colleagues, I think we deserve a lunch to celebrate?” Vikram said.

Raghav looked at Vikram closely, there was something off about the way he was looking at Saree ka Dukaan, and he didn’t like it one bit.

“Pallavi already said she didn’t have any plans today, and I’m assuming you’re free for a bit too, right Raghav?” Vikram asked, raising an eyebrow.

Pallavi was getting more uncomfortable sitting next to Raghav by the minute, and this discomfort was plainly obvious to Raghav.

“You two eat, I have some work actually.” Raghav stood up and left. As he opened the restaurant door, he looked back at Pallavi and Vikram. He saw Vikram laughing and smiling, and then Pallavi’s smile back. His knuckles turned white clutching the door handle, and he slammed it behind him.

Later that night, Raghav walked into his house.

“Raghav, beta, you’re back, Keerthi and I have already eaten, Pallavi said she wasn’t hungry but I told her to eat something too, she’s doing some work in the dining room. Keerthi and I are heading to sleep okay? I think—“ Amma hesitated, “I think you really need to apologize to Pallavi for what you said at the table last night.”

“Amma, Raghav Rao, does not. Apologize. For anything.” Raghav’s anger had bubbled up again as soon as Amma mentioned Pallavi’s name.

“Raghav, you may be ‘Raghav Rao,’ but god damn it, I am your mother, and if I tell you to apologize, you will apologize!”

“Why should I apologize, I already talked to that stupid Rambo Baba of hers, I told him to give Pallavi her job back or—“ Raghav looked at his mother, she was smiling. “What’s so funny Amma, I didn’t do it as an apology. Stop laughing. I did it just because if that Saree ka Dukaan spends all her time in her own stupid saree ka dukaan, then she won’t bother me.”

Amma smiled knowingly at Raghav, “Fine, if you insist on not apologizing, I can’t force you to apologize from the heart, you’ll have to learn to ask for forgiveness on your own. But you should tell Pallavi what you did for her.”

“I didn’t do it for her,” Raghav yelled at Amma as she walked up the stairs, smiling, “I did it so she would leave me alone, and so other people might leave her alone too.”

Raghav Rao, her son? Jealous! Amma could hardly contain her excitement as she went to bed that night. 

Raghav walked into the dining room, and was about to call Reddy to give him some food when he saw Pallavi, sitting at the table, with that stupid sketchbook from yesterday.

“Did you enjoy your lunch date, Saree ka Dukaan?” Raghav asked, trying his best to keep the dragon in his chest quiet.

Pallavi looked up from her work, “What? It wasn’t a date, Raghav, what is wrong with you? He invited me to lunch to talk business, with *you* there as well. I just—“

Raghav took three steps and pulled Pallavi off her chair by her arm, bringing them face to face, “I know exactly how women like you think, Pallavi. You figure, you’ll stay married to me for a while and then use these big innocent eyes of yours trap another man to help you escape. First, you know very well that this wedding and marriage is important to Amma. Second, we made a deal, so even if you’re not a woman of your word, at least think about your own self-interest, or the interest of your family. So next time a strange man invites you anywhere think twice before using your sob story and looks to—“

Pallavi had no idea what came over her, but before Raghav could say another word, she slapped him, hard.

“Raghav Rao. I have told you this many times before, but it seems you have trouble getting the point. Do not dare say a single word about my character, you might have found a way to steal my life, my family, my job, my everything from me, but my self-respect is not something I will let you steal…or buy.”

Before Raghav could stop her, Pallavi turned and ran upstairs. She held back her tears until she was in the bedroom, in the dark, away from Raghav’s horrible anger and disgusting ideas. How dare he? How dare he accuse her of trying to seduce or build a relationship with, or whatever, with some random man she just met a couple days ago? She wiped away her tears and took a few deep breaths, she needed to stop crying. Nothing would be achieved if she cried. She would send her designs to Vikram, she would do good work, and after she achieved something, she would be able to show Baba and her whole family, that she could stand on her own feet. That she didn’t need Raghav Rao to bail her out, nor was she some ‘kept’ woman. After she changed she looked at the bed in front of her, then the armchair on the far side of the room. She took a pillow from the bed, and went to the armchair, she might not be able to sleep outside this room, but at the very least she didn’t have to sleep next to Raghav.

Downstairs, Raghav was still reeling from the slap. At first, he was furious. How dare she? This woman, who was nothing, how dare she slap him? Then as he sat down at the table to pour himself a drink, he noticed the sketchbook. This Saree ka Dukaan’s designs are probably worthless, she doesn’t even realize that this Vikram probably has no intentions to actually hire her. When he opened the notebook, he was impressed, her designs were elegant, they varied from saris for what looked like to be for young woman, to more mature options. He tossed the sketchbook back on the table and ran his fingers through his hair, downing his drink. Perhaps he had said too much, of course not so much that he had to apologize, but— he should at least go up and tell her that she didn’t need to take this job with Vikram, that he had talked to her Saanki Baba and he was sure she would be allowed back there. When he opened the bedroom door he initially panicked at the sight of the empty bed, then he saw, under the moonlight shining in from the balcony, Pallavi sleeping on the armchair. As Raghav walked closer to her, he saw the familiar sight of her tear stricken face, and then he felt something he hadn’t felt in a while: guilt. He bent over Pallavi and put one arm under her shoulders, and another under her knees and walked her to the bed. The smell of jasmine from her perfume was intoxicating. Raghav noticed the glint of the gold from her mangal sutra, and then the delicateness of her collarbone, peeking out from behind her kurtha. When he set her on the bed, and a lock of her hair fell across her face, against his better judgement, Raghav bent down to brush it away, his stomach seemingly deciding to do backflips when his fingers grazed against her cheek. He tried but failed to stop himself for smiling. Pallavi’s speech and slap came back into his mind. Say what you will about this Saree ka Dukaan, he thought, she refused to back down from a fight.