Chapter 31

Khushi had somehow known not to ask Garima anything about the clippings & the names on them. Maybe it was the fact that, the secrecy with which the box was hidden in the cupboard or the neat way the clippings were arranged inside the box indicated a female touch to it, or the simple precedence that, between her two parents, Garima was usually the hysterical one. But Khushi had known instinctively not to ask Garima anything about it. So when Garima ended up being the first person to hysterically react to her question with another question of her own, Khushi wasn't so much surprised as she was anxious.

Khushi held up her hand hesitantly, which was still clutching on to the clipping so desperately that the paper was crumpled to the point of tearing. Then she said in a voice shaking with unknown emotions, "Amma, it was' It was in your cupboard. I was looking for something else, but'" & before Khushi could finish her stammering explanation, there was an animal like roar from Garima, "Khussi!! Let go of that! Right now!! Drop it! I don't want you even touching any of that vile stuff! I don't want any of that darkness to drop its shadow on your life!"

& when Khushi just stood there dumbstruck, too shocked to do anything but just stare at her mother, Garima seemed compelled into movement, as she started coming towards Khushi with the apparent intention of snatching the clipping from her hand. But before she could take even a step further, she was stopped by her husband's hands on her shoulders, detaining her to her spot, as he spoke in a strained voice, "Garima, don't! She is not a child anymore that you can snatch it from her hand & lock it up away from her eyes, praying that she would forget all about it again. She is not a baby anymore, Garima." He pressed his wife's shoulder a bit as if to impart reassurance & strength.

But Garima turned her turbulent eyes on her husband as if to negate his calm words, "But, Chhutki is our baby. You promised you would always aid me in protecting her from all that'" Shashi quickly stole a glance at Khushi, who was observing the exchange between her parents with keen eyes, & said in a defeated tone, "Garima, Chhutki will always be our child. We will always be there to protect her. But she is not a baby anymore. We can't hide things from her anymore. Besides, we did decide na, that we would tell her everything once the weddings were done with? We decided right, that we couldn't marry her off with hiding it from her future in-laws, & thus we would have to tell her of it all first?"

Garima tried to free herself from her husband's grasp by shaking her shoulders, & cried out, "No, we didn't decide anything. You suggested we tell her everything, like you've been doing for long & I disagreed like every other time! I don't-" But before she could finish, this time she was interrupted by the very daughter she fighting to protect, as Khushi almost yelled in an exasperated voice, "Amma, you can't hide anything anymore! I already read it all, OK? All of it! Now I just want you to tell me the one thing I know only you can confirm! I already connected the dots in my head Amma! I just need you to say that I have got it all wrong. That I am not who I think I am, Amma!" She finished in a desperate plea.

This time when Garima started to answer her in a flustered note, both she & Khushi were forced to remain in a calm state when the most respected person in both their lives said in a tranquil voice, "I keep telling you Garima, our Bitiya is more mature & responsible than you give her credit for." & then Shashi turned towards his Bitiya in question & held his left hand out for Khushi to take it, while his other hand stayed around his wife's shoulder, as he said in a grave voice, "& I keep telling you Bitiya, you're more perceptive & intelligent than you give yourself credit for."

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As Khushi sat on the seat which her mother had been occupying not 20 minutes ago, she couldn't help but feel a bit lost all of a sudden. Shashi was sitting right beside her, but he was no longer holding her hand. Garima was sitting at the other sofa, her face studiously averted from looking at Khushi's direction, while Madhumati tried to console her in vain. Payal was standing in the middle of the two sofas, a glass full of water held in her hand, & she couldn't even remember for whom she had brought the water for. But by the varying degrees of stress on everyone's faces, she figured, all of them could use it.

But before Payal could offer the glass to anyone, breaking the ominous silence that had started to settle over the room, it was broken by Shashi Gupta himself, as he started saying in a monotonous drone addressing Khushi, "Bitiya, you know right how your Nanaji was in the police commission? He was a DIG of police in Lucknow before he retired. Your Amma & I' Well, he never approved of our alliance much. But when the talks of our alliance started, your Naniji took a liking to me & my character. She considered me as her own son for the whole of the short time that she was alive after our marriage. But your Nanaji didn't think so highly of the Halwai that didn't deserve his daughter." There was a hint of sarcastic laughter in Shashi's voice, that made Khushi look over to her Amma, & she saw that Garima was shaking her hear rapidly, looking considerably contrite for her father's open disapproval of her husband.

But it seems that Shashi wasn't too bitter about that, as he continued in a much more serious tone than Khushi had ever heard him speak in, "That's why, bitiya, when it came to the marriage of his other daughter, he chose himself. Surya Shankar Yadav was a junior inspector that he met in the headquarters. He was born & brought up in Luknow too, like all of us. He was a bright officer rising up the ladder very quickly due to his dedication & intelligence. He was the perfect match for his Chhutki, Pratima." Saying thus far, he paused to take a breath & looked up at Khushi, who for some reason was looking at Garima & looked as of she was trying to gauge Garima's reactions to all this. As if she was trying to draw some clues from Garima's emotional outbursts.

But suddenly she felt Shashi tugging at her hand in his hold, as if trying to draw her attention towards him, & as Khushi looked at him with large, questioning eyes in her pale, distraught face, "Bitiya, Surya...  He... Your Nanaji always blamed himself for how everything turned out to be, but in truth, he had no way of knowing it would turn out like it did. None of us did." He squeezed Khushi's hand & then charged on in a determined tone, "He was angry, constantly & violently. & while that made him a fierce asset in the police department, the same thing made him a terrible family man... At first, everyone who saw it overlooked it. So what if a newly-wed husband is over-protective of his lovely young bride? But later, it got worse, much much worse after-" He stopped abruptly as if unable to go on.

But this time Khushi was too absorbed in his narrative to wait for him to continue, "Bauji, what after? After what?!" Shashi looked at her with helpless eyes, as if wishing to be anywhere else in the world, but here, sitting in front of her, & then cupping her hand in both of his hands, he said in a voice with starting notes of defeat, "Pratima & Surya had a daughter... &... It was just all in his perverse brain. But... he started hurling accusations that... Why would such a big man marry his daughter off to a simple police office like him, lest she had fallen from her character before marriage? That Pratima had been unfaithful to him, that she flirted with other officers in the colony behind his back, that the child wasn't hi-" & he was stopped in his stilted account by the manic scream of his wife once again, "LIES!! All lies! Our Chhutki- Chhi! That vile monster!"

Garima started shaking so much with barely suppressed anger that it became difficult for Madhumati to calm her down. Khushi stood up from her sitting position & Payal too took a step towards her mother, but neither of them had the nerve to go near Garima, as they had never seen their mother in such a state. Khushi felt rather than saw her Bauji get up slowly, then untangling his hands from hers, he went towards his wife & started murmuring soothing words to her, patting her shoulders in a purely platonic way. But such was the power of their relationship that, within minutes Garima calmed down taking big gulps of breaths.

As if sensing the rising by the minute distress in the atmosphere, Shashi decided to pull the bandage off with a quick rip, "Sit down, Bitiya." & then not even waiting for Khushi to comply, he went on, "Of course. He was lying. Or he was just gravely mistaken. There is no way to tell either which way today... But he became increasingly resentful of the baby. Your Nana-Nani, Garima & I would go to see the angel with Rohan & Payal, but God forbid if he caught whiff of that!... I guess that's when the beatings started..." & Garima started weeping hysterically as if on cue. Shashi kept stroking her shoulder & said in a defeated voice, "But she never told any of us. Not even her Amma-Bauji or her only sister. He would beat Pratima & would yell at her to disclose to him the name of the baby's real father, so that he could kill the man & his baby off for once & for all. & we got to know all these from their neighbors only after-" This time when Shashi stopped, even he looked traumatized enough to not being able to continue at all.

But then he looked up at the youngest person in the room, looking all overwhelmed & far younger than her age, & Shashi Gupta seemed to draw on his entire reserve of resolve. He looked straight into Khushi's eyes & continued with a note of finality, "We got to know this later from the small boy who helped Partima around the house, but he had made several attempts to kill the baby during the first one & a half years after her birth. So Pratima grew into the habit of watching over her daughter like a hawk, & this only angered him further. One day he got so angry over something that, he tried to snatch the baby from Pratima's arms to... to drop her off inside the well placed inside the compound of their quarter. & Pratima placed the baby on the bed in her room & stood covering the door, not letting Surya passed her. & he finally lost it... He-" Shashi stopped with a choking sound this time, unable to go on further.

But it didn't matter, because Khushi knew the rest. The paper cuttings were full of these gory details that her Bauji couldn't bring himself to utter. Surya Shankar Yadav had stabbed his wife with the razor sharp blade of a grass shear. Then Pratima had somehow locked herself inside the room, maybe taking advantage of her husband's shock at seeing all that blood, & no amount of screaming or threatening from her husband, not even his offer of taking her to the hospital had made her open the door. & after hours of screaming like a mad man, Surya had cut his own veins too. It was only after he had fallen unconscious that the little house help had come out his hiding place, & then he had run to the neighbors, who were trying to ignore all the screaming thinking it was the routine work, to get them for help.

When the neighbors had come & bypassing Surya nearly lifeless body, they had broken the bedroom door open, they had seen Pratima's lifeless body sprawled over the bed, one lifeless arm of her still circling around the now crying baby, sitting drenched in her mother's blood. Khushi had read all the details in the news clippings that were rather tame in comparison to today's new reporting, but still, the picture they painted were so grotesque. The only English clipping that she found had the heading screaming as 'Baby Found in Bloodbath in Lucknow'. So, with a curious feeling of detachment, Khushi just sat there, staring at Shashi with dispassionate eyes.

Shashi scrutinized Khushi for reactions for a long moment, & then getting none, he continued with a sigh, "The baby was handed to her Nanaji, as her father's family refused to take her in... You know, in the aftermath of the subsequent scandal & police case. They sided with their dead son, accusing Pratima & the baby cowardly. & Garima's Bauji became so guilt ridden over the fact that he had entrusted his daughter over to such a deranged & abusive man, that he just couldn't go on living like that longer." & as Shashi spoke, Garima started whimpering as fresh tears cascaded down her cheeks. Shashi patted her shoulders as he kept going on, "For three months he continuously knocked on every door & worked every influence he had... He just wanted to clear his deceased daughter's name. That became his driving force in life. He made sure Surya was not given any post-mortem respect by the police academy as was the ritual, & he even made sure Surya was discredited of his ranks in view of his mortal crime. & that was the last thing he did. One day, while on his daily walk, he had a stroke, not very far from the police compound where Pratima lived. He died on the spot. & after that, legally & officially, the baby was handed over to Garima as her only living relative willing to take her in." & as Shashi said that, abruptly Garima looked up at Khushi, & Khushi found herself wavering under the pleading & apprehensive gaze of the persons she considered her parents, up until that moment.

Garima suddenly pleaded in a tear-stricken voice, "Don't be angry that I have kept it hidden from you? How could I'? You are still a baby. How do I say all these to a baby? You have such a tender heart' How could I bruise it with all these? & it doesn't matter anymore, you are our baby!" & Shashi spoke up as if despite himself, "Of course you are. You were a blessing for all of us. You completed our family. You are our life, our joy, our khushi. Bitiya, I have three children, & if anyone comes & tells me today, that I am not your father, then... Then Bitiya, I'll have to say, I am not a father at all. Because' because, I haven't been more of a father to anyone, than I have been to you."

& at that moment, the tear in her Bauji's broken voice, the helplessness in her Amma's eyes, Payal's silent sobs, & Buaji's reddened moist eyes, broke Khushi's heart like it had never been broken before. It all suddenly seemed so unfair to her. These lovely, generous, kind souls shouldn't have to plead before her to prove their love for her like this. The way they have raised her, the way they have nurtured her, the way they have pampered her, they deserved nothing less than the full right & authority of her parent's over her. & to see them so unsure of their due right, it just broke something inside Khushi, & she knew right at that moment that these faces would come back to haunt her for the rest of life.

With a long drawn breath to steady her shaky composure, Khushi asked in a little voice, "& did you leave your ancestral home & your family business in Lucknow for me too?" Shashi immediately shook his head, "Na, Bitiya. We left Lucnow for people! People can be so cruel sometimes! They would come in groups & bunches to see you like... like you were something on an exhibition. & when you started taking initially, they crossed all sense of their decencies. They would try to interrogate you whenever they would find you alone, about' what did you see & how much you remembered. Everytime I would take you to the shop would me, they would crowd over you... 'Isn't it that baby?' 'Isn't she this, or didn't her father say that?' Lucknow no longer remained a place for peaceful existence, Bitiya, that's why we left it & came to live here. After coming here, we requested the neighbors here to not take the matter further & they were atleast better than the Lucknow peoples. They talked, but never infront us."

& as Khushi heard her father's voice, she felt like laughing at the inaccuracy of his conception. They didn't talk infront of whom? Khushi??!!

"Oh, is that the youngest Gupta girl? Isn't she-?"

"Oh, Mrs. Bhimji, don't worry about Khushi. So what if your Aryan had taken a liking towards her? Even my Prakash is smitten with her. I guess, every one of them is' But she isn't marriage material for our Chanakyapuri boys! Don't you know?"

"-Khushi? Isn't she-?" "Shh' Don't. Her family's around. They don't like it."

Khushi almost laughed out loud, feeling extremely bitter inside. Yes, she had heard & dismissed it all. Who cared about gossip mongers when you had such a caring family as hers? But... Suddenly she looked up as she remembered something, "Bauji, I saw Nikunja's deeds? Why is the house under Amma & my name?" & she was surprised at the lack of interest from her parents at this question as Shashi calmly answered, "It went to your Amma after your Nanaji's death. But even your Amma, I mean, Pratima had an equal right to it. So after we came to Delhi, your Amma & I drafted the ownership deed that way." He said very simply.

& Khushi again felt like laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation that, the question she had been fretting about for weeks, had the easiest & most uncomplicated answers of all that she had this evening. & as she suddenly had an alarming urge to just throw her head back & laugh roaringly, Khushi suddenly understood, that all that she had heard, was finally catching up to her.

She abruptly got up to her feet, & said to some very alarmed looking people, "I am feeling so tired, I think I'll just go & doze off for a while." With that she spun on her heels & ran up to her rooms, but not before she heard the sounds of atleast two pairs of footsteps behind running her. As she reached for the doorknob, she frowned, what did they think? She would try something stupid?

Khushi slowly removed her hand from the knob, & leaving the door ajar, she dropped her head on her pillow, & sprawled on the bed in a very undignified manner. & surprisingly enough, she immediately dozed off. Just like that. Which just went on to prove that, sometimes, just hearing to some bitter truths can tire one out, like nothing else in the world would.

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 Murder. Suicide. Orphaned. The words kept playing around in his head like a looping melody. f**k! Arnav squeezed his eyes shut, it was all too much for her. She was but a child at heart. She was baby Gupta. & when he himself was having a hard time wrapping it all around his head, how the hell would she? & suddenly Arnav felt an all consuming rage bubbling up inside his chest, as he remembered Mami's words at this very room all those weeks ago, 'As if her history wasn't enough to ensure that, any decent household won't want her to be their bahu!' Is this what she had been talking about?

Arnav felt like breaking something from the unbelievable rage he felt. Just because of this, since the time he had come to India, he had been hearing these ridiculous & outrageous gossips about her? Were people f**king stupid? What was her involvement in all this, except that she had the misfortune of being the child of a murderous father? No, Arnav set his jaw as he resolved silently, he would talk to Rohan & tell him about how people gossiped about Khushi behind her back. She would have to be protected from it all. He had barely survived the lash of people's tongue, & some would even say that had left him scarred for life! No, & no, she didn't need any of it on top of the pains that he had put her through. She would be so hurt! No, she shouldn't know about it all. Never-

Part 30